Episode 214 Brian Muka Bomb Tech Mindset Transcript

This transcript is from episode 214 with guest Brian Muka.

[00:00:00] Scott DeLuzio: Thanks for tuning in to the Drive On Podcast where we are focused on giving hope and strength to the entire military community, whether you’re a veteran active duty guard reserve, or a family member, this podcast will share inspirational stories and resources that are useful to you. I’m your host Scott DeLuzio and now let’s get on with the show.

[00:00:21] Scott DeLuzio: Hey everyone welcome back to the Drive On Podcast. Today, my guest is Brian Muka. Brian served in the Navy as a bomb tech and after transitioning out has become a wealth and tax mitigation specialist. He’s also the author of Your Secret Superpower, Tame Fear to Thrive, and we’re going to discuss how he helps other veterans and veteran own businesses in their transition.

[00:00:49] Scott DeLuzio: Getting out of the military into the civilian world and doing that successfully. So without further ado, welcome to the show. Brian, I’m glad to have you on.

[00:00:58] Brian Muka: I’m happy to be here, Scott. [00:01:00]

[00:01:00] Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. So, for the listeners who don’t know who you are maybe they haven’t heard of you before. Why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself and your back?

[00:01:08] Brian Muka: Sure. So, where do I start? I guess, man, when I was a kid, I wanted to be a steely eyed missile man, so bad. I wanted to fly in spaceships and I like read everything I possibly could on that. I watched top gun a whole bunch and they got me good. And the new movie’s great too, by the way.

[00:01:24] Brian Muka: And you know, I thought I was gonna be Tom cruise and flying fighter jets. And I had all of that. I wanted to go to the United States Naval academy and I had that dream until about my freshman year of high school. And then I was like, I don’t know if I wanna do the military forever, you know? Right. So, junior year of high school, I went to boy state and they put on a mock government for us at the college of New Jersey.

[00:01:48] Brian Muka: And we didn’t pay for anything. You know, we were hand selected or out of my class and yeah, we got to learn how government worked. And one day there was this this veteran, old guy, like maybe in his eighties. [00:02:00] And I watched him with this Walker hobble over, he bent down, what’s he doing? He was picking up a gum wrap or somebody just carelessly threw away.

[00:02:08] Brian Muka: Right. Gets back up. Like, this is all real time. Since the time I started the story to now, that’s about how long it took for him to bend over and pick up the piece of paper and he threw it in the trash and I saw it and I have chills man from head to toe. I’m like, I owe it to that guy to stay on the watch when he can’t, you know, Barry’s buddies in combat that wasn’t enough.

[00:02:31] Brian Muka: Let me come back and be a good citizen. That wasn’t enough. Let me train the next generation. How to be good citizens. Okay. What am I gonna do? Well, I thought I was gonna do run hot rocks. The nuclear power plants on submarines on water. And I was one of a handful of mid shipment to get selected, to do that.

[00:02:49] Brian Muka: It flew out to Guam and then cyan, I think I spent seven, 12 days on the beach, which was awesome. It was like the best vacation until I got onto the submarine. And [00:03:00] then I was quickly cured of living inside of a watch, avoid of sunlight. And I came back and our class advisor, Sean, he Naval academy guy.

[00:03:09] Brian Muka: Drove ships for the Navy, hated it wanted to be a Navy seal was the seal class leader belted out and he Tapp me on stroller. He was like, you need to start joining our explosive ordinance disposal. Morning routines, like what business do I have? And one of the things that I got to work through was self doubt.

[00:03:28] Brian Muka: So we’ll get more to that. That’s how I manifest the early end of my career. We’ll get to that best worst day of my life. And I was hooked. I started training at debt, Earl, New Jersey, and then as fate would have it, my dad at Lockheed was training in his lean six Sigma, the Lieutenant commander that put together summer trainings for the Naval.

[00:03:48] Brian Muka: And they got to talking and you’re like, what is your son wanna do? He goes, my son’s crazy. He wants to be a bomb technician. He goes, I actually am coordinating that summer training. Does your son wanna join? Because in the past ROTC, mid [00:04:00] shipment couldn’t do that. They, it wasn’t open. It was only Naval academy.

[00:04:03] Brian Muka: So I told my command, I’m like, Hey, I wanna do this thing. I’m like, no way. I’m like, well, what if I pay for it? That was the best $428. I. Spent two weeks. And I just felt it in my heart, Scott, like, this is what I want to do in the Navy. And I wanted one of those rigor belts, kind of like people want a black belt, like, but I wanted to earn it.

[00:04:23] Brian Muka: And I would I got back from that trip. I let every single candle in church. I said, God, if it’s possible, I wanna be a bomb technician. I’ll never forget the day where I got the call from my class leader. Andrew, Brian, you got. I’m sorry, sir, what did you say, Brian? You got it. I kept hearing you didn’t get it.

[00:04:41] Brian Muka: Like I didn’t believe. Right. And he’s like what part of your you’ve got it? You know, you’re going to be a special operations officer. You’re not getting. And the whole time I was in the community, I thought I was an imposter. Like I cheated, man. I had good PT scores. I had an engineering [00:05:00] degree at a great university and you know, I was a lot better than I.

[00:05:05] Brian Muka: you know, but I cheated what I really did, and this is one of my superpower. I found a third way in, you know, I knew the guys at that Earl, I was the first Navy ROTC, mid shipment to, to go in this, like I’m resourceful. And we’ll get into that, like how I got into medical sales after my Navy, but that’s a little snapshot of who I was.

[00:05:27] Brian Muka: Blew up my life like completely. And man, that was a tough journey. And I worked with an incredible mental health, professional therapist Talia Geren. I forever. Grateful for my adopted Jewish auntie and my three Moskin journals. And I got to start the process of putting myself back together.

[00:05:48] Brian Muka: And I remember the day in her office and I was working through something really painful emotionally. And she said, where did you get that from? Like, this is how I’m metabolizing and working my way through [00:06:00] was pain. Cause I’d read Victor Frankel’s man search for meaning. And I learned that there’s a space between Sims and response and it’s not only in that space, do we have the opportunity to choose?

[00:06:12] Brian Muka: So I would become a breath instructor. I would use language. I would write my journal became like another therapist. She goes, this is. Like, I’ve never seen this before. I’ve been in therapy for 30 years. Keep going kid. You got something. And in that moment, fear Sherpa was born like, oh, what if I create a guidebook to help other people who blow up their life in life’s avalanches?

[00:06:34] Brian Muka: To then thrive again. So my uncle, as I share that with him, EEO D also stands for everyone’s divorce. So I did that too. And as I was sharing I was newly living on my own. We just sold the river house. You know, it was like all the things they promised would be great. You know, all the money we lived on the James river and Richmond rooftop deck, whole deal.

[00:06:59] Brian Muka: I [00:07:00] wasn’t happy it didn’t fit. And I was telling this and he goes, well, it’s pretty amazing. You wrote a book on that and you’re like a chef, and now you get to eat your meal. So I got another opportunity to go again, like do a second rep and what I realized it wasn’t fear. It was self doubt. So I’m writing a second book now calls from doubtful to dangerous.

[00:07:24] Brian Muka: And if you find yourself in the doubtful phase, I wanna talk to you because I’m making a best fit line for your story. I’ve learned a lot and what I do now, professionally, in addition to connecting resources and ideas and people like Scott and I are doing right now, we had a great conversation before this, a lot of sharing.

[00:07:42] Brian Muka: And if you’re in a veteran community, we need you, right. If you wanna travel fast, go alone, you know, And if you want to go far travel together, how can we share? Right. And exactly the American dream is counting on you to fight for it again. And the antidote is community, right? Yeah, [00:08:00] absolutely. So, so yeah, the book is called from doubtful to dangerous, and I realize that people struggle the most with fear.

[00:08:07] Brian Muka: They struggle the most with money and our net worth never can exceed our self. The third, most valuable measure of true wealth is money. Number two is time. They love the way you spend your time. They have enough of it. You get to spend it with the people that you love. Doesn’t matter how much money you have.

[00:08:24] Brian Muka: You don’t have time. And then the most important thing and sky your own video with me here. When I look at these beautiful brown eyes in the mirror, if I don’t like what I see, there is no amount of money you can pour into that chasm to fill. Can’t do it. Yeah. Annual sabotage. Anytime you briefly, anytime I briefly go above that, it Yeah, I look at lottery winners.

[00:08:46] Brian Muka: So that’s who I am. That’s what I’m doing. And here we are.

[00:08:51] Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. So let’s take it back a bit and talk about your time in the Navy. I’ve always been fascinated with the guys who are out there, who will willingly go and [00:09:00] screw around with bombs. I guess it takes a special breed to do that ki kind of work.

[00:09:04] Scott DeLuzio: But as a bomb tech, you probably had an interesting way. Dealing with fear dealing with that self doubt and and things like that. How does, how has that helped you through your career as a bomb tech and also later on in life, in, in what you’re doing now?

[00:09:21] Brian Muka: So being a bomb tech is all about risk mitigation.

[00:09:24] Brian Muka: What’s the safest, what’s the safest way to solve this problem with respect to also time. So the less time I have less safe, I can be the more time I have, the more I can. Remote do things right? The other thing. So for example, if you’re going to enter a house and everybody steps in the welcome mat, that would be a good place for a trigger.

[00:09:53] Brian Muka: Sure. I fell in love with my saws, all which means, you [00:10:00] know, we can create what we need in entry, exit that type of stuff. . And so every time I’m at the movies, like the velvet rope doesn’t apply to me, cuz I can just apply the sawsall idea to the rope. Also it applies almost everywhere. How can we cut through the crap?

[00:10:20] Brian Muka: That doesn’t matter. What’s a safer way. How can we change the environment to suit our needs? Like that’s huge. The other thing is it matters. Scott, this show matters. Like you need me to be present fully present in this conversation with you. And what I learned is if I’m forward to track of where I currently am, I’m talking about nowness and we’re talking about consciousness a little bit, but I’m here now.

[00:10:45] Brian Muka: I have everything I need. So if you listen to this show and you worried like crazy, you’re in the future, if I’m worried about running outta money, I am. So in the eye of the hurricane and that it’s traveling forward, I’m at the leading edge. [00:11:00] That sucks. Right. Just be blasted with 150 mile an hour plus winds.

[00:11:03] Brian Muka: And so, okay. So don’t be in the future be here now, actually, if you’re listening to this, let’s do that. Let’s take a deep breath in and let it go. Smiling is the next part of that breeze. Smile. The smile changes the whole story. So if it feels hard, good. The third step is gratitude. So I’m Christian, you know, I I believe in co-creation that and Lord make my will yours and your will mine.

[00:11:36] Brian Muka: And if I’m in that safe pocket, anytime it’s hard, I know that it’s forging me in the man of my dreams. So it feels hard. It’s tough up like, oh, and by the way I created this, I created every adversary in my life to bring out my best. Like that’s if that’s not true, fine. Right. But man, that is a [00:12:00] great perspective to have it’s really so much better and being a Ugh, a victim.

[00:12:06] Brian Muka: Ugh. It happened to be. I’ve had years of that shit, right? It doesn’t that doesn’t end well, so B no, it doesn’t. So breathe, smile, gratitude. I learned jumping outta airplanes at night. That was terrifying to leap into the Milky blackness. The nothing. We’re called to do that every day, actually. Right? I mean, that’s the ego death that’s who did I think I was I’m gonna leave these bad habits behind.

[00:12:36] Brian Muka: I’m gonna stop procrastinating will stop using porn or alcohol or whatever. The thing is the thing that’s holding me back. Got me here. And then I gotta kill it off. Jump into the black Inness, start a podcast. Get on stage. They’re all little deaths, right? Practice dying. So we couldn’t live right. Ah, so yeah, so those are some of the things that I got to enjoy in training.[00:13:00]

[00:13:01] Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And that like so many, like good perspectives there too, that you mentioned. And even just the visual of that jumping out of an airplane into that nothingness, that blackness, that just. I mean, there’s so much trust that goes into something like that. Trusting your equipment, that your equipment’s going to.

[00:13:20] Scott DeLuzio: Not only is the parachute going to open when it’s supposed to open when you pull the cord and it opens. But that, you know, how high off the ground you are with the altitude and everything. You kinda need to know these things and if the equipment’s not working and you’re not able to see these things and do what you need to do then.

[00:13:41] Scott DeLuzio: You’re literally just taking a blind leap and just hoping things work out. But you know, you have a little bit of faith knowing that you do have good equipment, you do have the skills and the resources you’ve been trained, you know how to do this stuff. And so, any of that doubt. You gotta leave that in the plane before you, you jump otherwise [00:14:00] you’re probably not gonna be able to jump like it, it would be very difficult to just be like, oh, well screw it.

[00:14:04] Scott DeLuzio: I’m just gonna go, you know? Yeah. It’s

[00:14:07] Brian Muka: yeah. Otherwise that’s a death wish, right? Exactly. Will, will. Smith has the single greatest video I’ve ever seen on fear and he talking about Scott. I, and he’s like, man, when you’re on the ground, sleeping in your bed, you’re the most afraid that’s when you’re the safest.

[00:14:21] Brian Muka: And when you’re, when you. Falling to the earth. You’re that’s exhilarated when you’re the most dangerous that’s when you have the most exhilaration. Yeah. So the size of our exhilaration is proportional the size of the fear that we can dance with. It’s really powerful.

[00:14:38] Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, it is. Yeah. And that’s a good way to think about it too.

[00:14:41] Scott DeLuzio: And kind of encourage people to. Take those leaps not just necessarily out of an airplane, but you know, those leaps in life that where you’re entering into a scary situation you know, something that’s maybe new, it’s daunting. It’s a big big thing that you got going on, but you know, being able to take that leap and actually.[00:15:00]

[00:15:00] Scott DeLuzio: Do something like that it will enable you to achieve things. Whereas if you just sit in your bed and nice and comfy thinking about those things and not actually taking that leap and doing anything, you’re not really going to accomplish anything other than, you know, maybe a good night’s sleep, but outside of that, you’re not gonna really accomplish anything else.

[00:15:19] Scott DeLuzio: So. Right. So yeah, definitely.

[00:15:20] Brian Muka: So, so let me add one more parts to the hurricane analogy, right? So I got Florida track, which is worry. Stress run outta money. Those things, future stuff. It is very possible to be both future and past at the same time, which is another kind of hell the past is shame and guilt.

[00:15:39] Brian Muka: Yeah. And so the question Scott, I have for you in your audience, so you listening to play along, what’s more true, your imagination or your past.

[00:15:50] Scott DeLuzio: Well, I would say the past is definitely true because it’s something that’s happened and you have experienced that thing. It’s true. However, your imagination, I [00:16:00] can also see how it can shape the future and your perspective on what you’re thinking about. If you’re like you were saying before, if you’re worried about money, if you’re worried about Big project, or if you’re worried about something going on in the future not going your way, not going right ill that you may actually create it.

[00:16:19] Scott DeLuzio: So that, that happens. So, I guess it depends on your perspective on that, but I suppose both could be true. They

[00:16:26] Brian Muka: are, both of those are true. And so it’s the analogy of which Wolf do we feed, right? So if you’re going through something tough, most people in my experience get locked into the past. And they keep running the same.

[00:16:40] Brian Muka: I did for a long time. I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve. Look, I do deserve it. Right. We’re gonna leave that, just hanging out there. Right. And so, you know, if you look to your left, first thing you see to your left, there’s a banner from my CrossFit gym, a balcony fitness.

[00:16:59] Brian Muka: And I [00:17:00] imagine that, and now it is on a canvas, right. And now exists in this world. Right. What did you see, Scott, when you looked to your left, what was the first thing you saw?

[00:17:09] Scott DeLuzio: It’s a painting

[00:17:10] Brian Muka: over there. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody envisioned that and then they painted it and they painted it and they painted again.

[00:17:15] Brian Muka: And like finally, like, oh, what I imagine now came up to, or my belief and my skillset came up to what was in my imagination. That’s more true than the past, because I forget who said this. If you wanna predict the, if you wanna predict the future, create it. Yeah. We have that opportunity only every now that we have.

[00:17:40] Scott DeLuzio: That’s true. Yeah, because I think like, what I was saying is if you are imagining the future, No matter what you’re thinking of. If you’re thinking of it as doom and gloom all hope is lost. You may create that just through that level of [00:18:00] thinking. But if you are on the other hand, if you’re thinking of it, like I have.

[00:18:06] Scott DeLuzio: Unlimited potential here. And I could achieve just about anything that I put my mind to. And you know, you have that sort of attitude. Well, then that also may be true too. So you may be able to create way more than you’re giving yourself credit for or do more things or experience whatever, just through the simple act of just believing that you could do it.

[00:18:29] Brian Muka: The most critical thing in that is the identity, right? For a long time, my identity, I am the ripped warrior CEO. What would he do? Another great cheater. One is if I love myself, what would I do? You know, people are like a hundred percent and this is pretty CLO. It can’t be a hundred percent high nineties compliant with giving medication to their pets.

[00:18:52] Brian Muka: They almost always do that. Why cuz they know that their dog or their cat deserves. I think it’s like 17% and I’m making [00:19:00] up that number. I don’t remember what it is, but it’s, you know, less than an eighth of people will do it for themselves. Cause they don’t think they deserve it. So who would I be if I deserved it?

[00:19:12] Brian Muka: Right? Like that. If I do the identity first, then I do the act the B do have makes it a lot easier to achieve what we’re imagining. Right? Sure. Now the other thought the other part here is I had to get really good at mind control, thought control this isn’t sin, sinister dastardly. Maybe it is depending how you talk to, I wanna be a good curator of my own thoughts.

[00:19:37] Brian Muka: And so right now I’m having a struggle when people acknowledge what I’ve shared is brilliant, or that sounds really cocky. Right? That’s how my inner monologue takes it. Even as I say it. Right. So I’m really, I’m like actively working through this and I’m doing this real time with you guys. Right?

[00:19:51] Brian Muka: So I was just on a show and someone shared a couple really nice things about me. I don’t even give it any time or. [00:20:00] It doesn’t get any space immediately. My emergency procedure. And I learned this in skydiving, right? I graciously received before I even have a chance to think you’re not good enough. You don’t deserve that.

[00:20:10] Brian Muka: Oh, that right. You guys know how to mitigate compliments and not take and just deflect them. I graciously receive because anything I say is 60 to 70 times, more powerful than anything I think. And 90 plus percent of our thoughts are habit. So think of that awful thing that you share mine is I’m not good enough.

[00:20:30] Brian Muka: Right? We all have it. We learned it somewhere. It’s not even our thought. You learn it at school, your parents, the Navy, you know, somewhere your ex-wife my ex-wife right. It’s not even my thought. So when the repetitive thought comes up, what can I put in its place? It’s like giving up alcohol, what are you gonna replace it with?

[00:20:52] Brian Muka: I like kava. I like CRA you know, it’s it’s my sub. What’s substitute thought. And if it’s, I’m not good enough, what’s the shadow [00:21:00] belief. That means I’m precious. If I think that I’m not good enough, the opposite is also true. When does hot become cold, same continuum. When does poor become rich? When does not good enough become precious.

[00:21:15] Brian Muka: It’s all story. And we can write those stories. It’s amazing. Yeah.

[00:21:20] Scott DeLuzio: And so. A lot of people do this to themselves though where they basically sabotage themselves through that inner monologue, that, that goes on where they’re telling themselves that they’re not good enough or that they’re not strong enough or they’re not capable or they’re whatever that, that negative thought is.

[00:21:41] Scott DeLuzio: They keep. Hammering that away. Like you said, it, it becomes routine. It becomes habitual where they are saying the same thing over and over to themselves. And it get to the point where they. Really believe that to be true, whether it is or not, doesn’t matter they start to believe it. And when you [00:22:00] believe these things to be true, you’re, it’s going to affect your actions and how you behave.

[00:22:06] Scott DeLuzio: And that really could be sabotaging any chance of success or happiness or fulfillment that they may have in their lives. So, What can we do about that? How do we work around that to tell ourselves a different story?

[00:22:21] Brian Muka: Yeah, that’s a great, that’s such a great question. And that might be the question, especially right now, right?

[00:22:26] Brian Muka: Take command of your own mind and the thoughts and the voice. And first question, who’s speaking right now. right. Have I ever chosen a negative thought ever like, oh, I wanna think I’m not good enough. No, I never would’ve chosen that thought. So where did I get it? Between zero and eight years old. I’m in a state of self hypnosis.

[00:22:45] Brian Muka: I’m being encoded. So a lot of the repetitive thoughts that you have, aren’t even yours. And so if I were to trace my thoughts back. I learned from my dad, not by anything. He said super supportive, great dad. I watched his actions and I [00:23:00] modeled his behavior. He showed up in that way. What a gift.

[00:23:03] Brian Muka: Okay. That’s step one, step two. Everything in my life that has gone off the skids. I created, right? So the second I can may a Coupa my fault, my responsibility. That means I get to create what’s next. That’s why I asked you about what’s more true the past or the future, cuz literally everything I look at was in somebody’s mind, imagination.

[00:23:23] Brian Muka: And now it’s here. Yeah. What if we did that with our lives? And also what if that negative thought was your adversary daring you to your greatness? It doesn’t happen when we lay on the couch, right? Doesn’t happen when we’re safe and comfortable. We’re growing. And so, wow. I have a sparring partner that I created.

[00:23:43] Brian Muka: Right. I created it to help me remember who I actually am. Right. That’s what I think this life is. It’s a really elaborate game of hiding. Go seek Scott. We just met. But like, you know, it’s like this artifact along a trail and like stub my to, and like turns out it’s a genie lamp. [00:24:00] Okay. What artifact that I found, it’d be really different.

[00:24:04] Brian Muka: We came to earth and we’re like, oh, we get to co-create and everything’s perfect. Well, that’s kind of like winning the lottery of the blackjack table every single time. Like you’re in a bored of it. So this process of self discovery and climbing the mall, like you’re on the most incredible journey that there is the journey back to loving yourself.

[00:24:21] Brian Muka: Right. Right. How do you do this? Well, plant medicine’s a helpful tool therapy, coaching, journaling, breath, work, turning everything, just going inside, maybe looking at the stars we’re floating in the ocean, like in stillness. There’s a lot to unpack and we don’t really have time in that, but.

[00:24:42] Brian Muka: Start it’ll come to you if and when. Right? So like I wrote this down earlier, what I love, I get more of what I hate. I get more of, and I think the hate is more powerful than love in the beginning. Hey, I don’t wanna feel like this anymore. That’s an [00:25:00] important kind of rage part of this. Well, why do I feel like this?

[00:25:04] Brian Muka: What do I wanna feel? I wanna feel peace. Okay. Well, how can I feel more peaceful right now? How can I affect the feeling first? And then the thought doesn’t control the feeling. It’s the opposite? Right? So if I notice right now I feel anxiety and I get this often and some of it’s story, some of it is practice, but it feels late at.

[00:25:25] Brian Muka: Two o’clock in the morning. It seems to be a popular time for this feels like a diamond press on my chest. Anybody worried about running outta money or maybe you’re going through a divorce, like, you know, the avalanches come. Right? Right. So is your breakthrough, right? It’s the breakdown of break. Like those are married to each other.

[00:25:43] Brian Muka: And so I feel it and I breathe into it. I don’t try to run from it. Right. If I run from a, it gets bigger. So what am I here to learn? What does it feel like? What’s the color. Does it have a sensation? I’m gonna breathe right into it and I’m gonna breathe out. [00:26:00] All right. I’ll see you. I’m with you.

[00:26:03] Brian Muka: I’m safe. I’m safe to feel this four minutes later. It’s fine. Gone. I don’t wanna know anything about it. I don’t wanna go into the story. I don’t wanna go on the victim of it. Like I want a hundred percent feel it weep. If I have to like to the point of like, feeling like I’m purging and then it’s gone.

[00:26:21] Brian Muka: And the tears they dry and it’s like, I was ready. My conscious mind was ready to let that trauma go. I don’t know anything about it. I don’t wanna be. And the other thing I know too is when I feel the diamond press, I rewrote that story. So when I was in high school, I was on stage a lot. It was Tony west side story.

[00:26:41] Brian Muka: First, first chair, trumpet. You know, I performance guy, right. It used to get terrible stays. Like make me nauseous kind of stage. Right. And by the way, if that’s you good, because there’s a lot of keynote speakers, they get on stage and they’re like, I this fucking [00:27:00] matters. I gotta show up today. I gotta be now.

[00:27:03] Brian Muka: Right. Feel nauseous cuz it matters. So I rewrote the story though. I’ve found a more fun way to do that. What if this is the feeling I get before I do something awesome. That’s just what it feels like. Right. It’s a sensation. I wrote a story and now that’s the outcome. I like living in that world.

[00:27:21] Brian Muka: Right. It’s much more fun game to play the diamond press for me. When I feel that I’m like, oh, I’m gonna rip the cover off the baseball tomorrow, because I feel like this now the pendulum swings the other way. So if it feels like that right now, you are breaking through. It’s a little Eagle ripping out of its old shell.

[00:27:41] Brian Muka: And I really like calling it malting. I malting can’t be a comfortable process for the animal going through that. And then they step into their new skin. Right.

[00:27:52] Scott DeLuzio: I like that. That analogy that you just gave where you just sort of change. [00:28:00] The meaning behind that feeling, that emotion, that you’re getting that, that sick to your stomach feeling before.

[00:28:06] Scott DeLuzio: You’re about to get on a stage, like, okay. That, that feeling is now associated with I’m about to go do something great. I’m gonna go, I’m gonna go hit it outta the park. I’m gonna, I’m gonna do the. Greatest speech that I’ve ever given, or I’m gonna go perform the best I’ve ever performed or whatever it is, what those negative feelings that you, you have just kind of in your mind, just associate it with something else.

[00:28:34] Scott DeLuzio: And I know that’s easier said than done, but I think that’s a great way to think about it, to. People who are dealing with maybe some sort of anxiety like performance or stage fright or whatever, to help them reframe their mind so that they’re not in that state constantly. And then. Just worried about the past or worried about the future [00:29:00] or just not able to grow and continue to move forward and do those great things.

[00:29:05] Scott DeLuzio: Sometimes it’s just that mindset shift to get yourself thinking about things in a different way. You know, even like pain, for example if you stub your toe or you hit. Thumb with a hammer or something like that, that, that pain tells you something, okay, something is wrong. You did something wrong or something was done wrong to you.

[00:29:25] Scott DeLuzio: This hurts where your brain is telling you, boom, there’s something wrong. But once when you recognize the fact that something is wrong, that pain doesn’t matter anymore. It’s done its purpose. It’s told you. There’s something wrong. Okay. Well, I, if I stop doing that, then it doesn’t matter anymore.

[00:29:42] Scott DeLuzio: I don’t need to worry about that pain anymore. So it, in a way it’s sort of the same idea with just talk about going up on stage. Cause I know a lot of people have that sort of, sort of thing talking in front of large groups where. If you’re feeling tho those butterflies or that sick to your stomach feeling, it’s like, okay, well, this is [00:30:00] just telling me something.

[00:30:00] Scott DeLuzio: It’s just telling me, okay, I’m about to go do something. Great, good luck. Get out there, do your best. And that’s all we can really ask of you and then like, forget about it for forget about the rest of that pain or that, that uncomfortable feeling, because it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s doing nothing but holding you back.

[00:30:18] Scott DeLuzio: If you just focus on.

[00:30:20] Brian Muka: Right. So the psychology of this and the hormones that get released in this, the story that we write to explain the events that we are experiencing, the five senses, basically humans are story generators and we fit story to fill in missing pieces. We don’t know how that’s gonna go.

[00:30:36] Brian Muka: Or at least that’s the story. Like, unless we visualize the visualization is just as true as if I did it. Right. So if I imagine what I want to have happen enough times, it’s like actually shooting the basketball or skiing, the super giant. That’s why professional athletes and the Olympians. They do visualization.

[00:30:53] Brian Muka: What if, instead of visualizing your failure, What if instead I visualize my failure. [00:31:00] I visualize exactly what I want to have happen. And I spend 51% of the time there. I would have the life of my dreams. It would, right. I gotta be on, I gotta feed the good Wolf, 51% of the time. And it all unfolds because it seeing is in believing, like not Downing Thomas, these miraculous cancer cases.

[00:31:22] Brian Muka: That’s not how it works. I gotta believe it first cause otherwise I’m gonna self sabotage, right? Yep. And Walt Disney, I love this. And this came to me a couple years ago he was teaching kids how to build their dreams and he embedded it in song, which is fascinating to me cuz if we lose our minds Alzheimer’s or dementia or whatever, we’re gonna remember two things smells and song.

[00:31:46] Brian Muka: So he embedded this knowledge in his song and he said, Well, I’ll give you the song in a second, but I gotta tell the story first. So Walter Disney died, as we all know. Yep. And he died right before the park opened. And so Roy was being interviewed and [00:32:00] the interviewer asked him, isn’t a shame. That’s your, brother’s not gonna get to see his park finished.

[00:32:05] Brian Muka: And Roy just smiles cuz he knew. And he said, oh no, it is us that finally get to see it. My brother saw it the whole time.

[00:32:15] Scott DeLuzio: Yeah,

[00:32:16] Brian Muka: absolutely. That makes sense. When you wish upon a star makes no difference who you are when your heart is in your dream. There’s no request that’s too extreme.

[00:32:28] Brian Muka: That’s it? That’s the recipe for creation. GoCreate it. And so I think that the imagination is more true than the past, cuz I’m not that guy anymore. He died. I killed him off at least twice.

[00:32:41] Scott DeLuzio: And you keep recreating and revising who you are and creating that new version every single time.

[00:32:48] Scott DeLuzio: Right. Scott,

[00:32:49] Brian Muka: you’re getting on, well, like one of my favorite topics. So English, as you study, as we study other languages, English is regarded sort of as a slave language. And the reason is, and I [00:33:00] didn’t know that I knew that fact, but I didn’t know why now. We like using noon to describe things. Okay.

[00:33:07] Brian Muka: You’re a Navy or you’re a combat veteran, right? I’m a Navy guy, right? Or I’m an executive coach or I’m a wealth advisor O okay, great. I was at a breathwork thing couple weeks in a like massive upgrade from what I learned at whim H and it is some next level stuff that I can’t talk about, but it’s awesome.

[00:33:26] Brian Muka: It results in a lot of peace and for PTSD, TBI, those it’s an incredible. And the woman shared with me that a native American word, and basically what it meant was baying. Like you are as expansive as the bay, she described me with a verb. And so instead of thinking of myself as a stationary now, what if I regarded myself as in transition, I’m a verb I’m progressing.

[00:33:51] Brian Muka: I’m living I’m human and human is like, I gotta get it wrong to figure out. I don’t like the way that tastes. Oh, [00:34:00] I’m not gonna burn my heart again, cuz that really was fucking horrible. I’m not gonna settle for crumbs anymore. I deserve much more. I had to settle for crumbs first to know that like, oh, the feast is way better.

[00:34:15] Brian Muka: Yeah. Fascinating. Right.

[00:34:17] Scott DeLuzio: And again, all of that is just changing the way you think about things, changing that mindset. And so I think, you know, the biggest takeaway so far for me from the this episode is that we can affect our outcomes in a positive way and in a negative way, just. The way we think of things.

[00:34:40] Scott DeLuzio: And if we allow ourself to continue that self sabotage the, that negative self talk, the, all that negativity that we very often have floating around in our heads it’s, I think probably pretty natural that people do this to themselves. But if we don’t change that, [00:35:00] then we can’t really expect any better outcome.

[00:35:02] Scott DeLuzio: So it’s really just a matter. Making a conscious effort to say where, like you said, where is this negativity coming from? Where is this originating from? Cause it’s not me saying. I’m not good enough or I’m not smart enough or I’m not fast enough or whatever. It’s not me saying any of that stuff.

[00:35:21] Scott DeLuzio: It came from somewhere. It came from some other experience in my life. Maybe someone else told me that or some other experience that I had. And it’s really just a matter of saying, Hey, screw that. Who cares about that other stuff. And just changing that mindset, right? And making yourself a look at things in a more positive way.

[00:35:41] Brian Muka: So I’ll have it for you. Even the mistakes, we can’t get it wrong. You only get it right. It’s like when you make a wrong term, when you’re driving, you still arrive at your destination. Right. All roads take you there. And you said something interesting. You said, do this to themselves. That could not be more accurate, like in every single possible way.

[00:35:57] Brian Muka: Right. Themselves. Yeah. I had a [00:36:00] whole thing that I forgot. I just had a point all right here. So this is great guys. You’re on stage. And if, forget what you’re gonna say, I’m glad this is happening. Cause I rehearsed this years ago and here’s what I do and I’m stressed and I can’t remember. I take a deep breath in,

[00:36:20] Brian Muka: ah, I got it back. And so too much stress and excitement. And so what I was saying and do this to themselves in the coaching world and the personal development world, a major idea is that no, one’s coming to save you. Scott did ever hear that before? Yeah. Why?

[00:36:37] Scott DeLuzio: Cause they’re all trying to save themselves. I think

[00:36:40] Brian Muka: that’s great.

[00:36:40] Brian Muka: Yep. Yeah. So, That’s very true. And I think what I’m really fascinated by is what am I saving myself from? So within, so without if I believe it, I created it. If I love it, I created it. If I hate it, I created it. The reason no one’s coming to save me [00:37:00] is cuz I made all of the boogeyman. The only thing that can hurt me is what I’m afraid of.

[00:37:05] Brian Muka: You can’t save me cuz I created it. I’ll just create another boogeyman when you’re done saving.

[00:37:13] Brian Muka: It all changes. Once we realize I created the scenario, whatever scenario you find yourself in the scenario that I find myself in, I created it to teach me something there’s a benefit to it. . And now I get to come to this podcast and share with you, like been in the desert for three years, staring into the chasm.

[00:37:30] Brian Muka: Like some gnarly thoughts and ideas and like, what do I, what thoughts are mine running outta money? Getting divorced, losing what I thought my dream job was it’s worth it. Yeah. Whatever you’re going through right now, it’s getting you ready. And you called it in for your best self for my best self. And there is no, I it’s.

[00:37:50] Brian Muka: We’re doing this. Together. Like if you’re listening to the show, you called it in and I’m doing this podcast, cuz I needed it. I needed to share what I found and end this [00:38:00] conversation that maybe you’re having and who knows what will happen from here.

[00:38:05] Scott DeLuzio: Exactly. And when you share your story and the other guests that I’ve had on this podcast, they share their story.

[00:38:11] Scott DeLuzio: There’s people out there who are listening to the, these episodes and. that story that gets told could just be the spark that helps that other person find their path the better way through their life. Right.

[00:38:28] Brian Muka: I agree. And I just thought of something else. If you feel stuck, if I feel stuck, I’m gonna go read something or I’m gonna go listen to a podcast cuz the downloads that I’m seeking, it doesn’t have anywhere to land yet.

[00:38:39] Brian Muka: Like do you ever try to remember somebody’s name from like another country that you’ve never heard of before? For me it’s like almost impossible. I gotta like write it down. I gotta see it. They’re like write it on the forehead and I imagine it’s really hard. right. And so when I’m waiting for inspiration and I don’t have the basis for that, I’m missing a piece.

[00:38:56] Brian Muka: Like I need to read something. I need to have a conversation like with you. [00:39:00] Like I’m learning as I’m speaking. Right. I’m putting things together that I’ve never put together before. So as I add knowledge now, more downloads, more inspiration, more creativity can come. Cuz now I have a seed crystal to build on.

[00:39:11] Brian Muka: So thank you for remind, reminding me of that. You feel stuck. Go read or talk or, you know, listen to something that’s uplifting and that you find inspirational. We don’t do any of this

[00:39:24] Scott DeLuzio: alone. Yeah, exactly. And this is something we, my, my wife and I tell our kids all the time is that we’re given two ears and one mouth, so we can listen twice as much as we speak because.

[00:39:40] Scott DeLuzio: We get more information from other people. We, whatever we say is stuff we already. It, we’re only regurgitating information that we already know when we speak. But when we sit there and we listen, or I suppose you could say the same thing with reading we’re taking in information that other people know, and we’re [00:40:00] allowing that information to come into us.

[00:40:01] Scott DeLuzio: And now we have that information and then we can use that to our own advantage. But if we are the types that are just sitting there. Talking all the time and not absorbing any of that information. So I like what you were saying there with, you know, go read something or listen to a podcast or whatever that helps us grow and become better versions of ourselves.

[00:40:20] Scott DeLuzio: Right. I

[00:40:21] Brian Muka: love that. And I love how exciting your eyes are as you say that, like, that’s an exciting exploration and I would offer an invitation to explore one more thing. It’s not just the ears, it’s also the heart. Right? So as I’m communicating, I’ve got the words. It’s only 7%. And if I sync up the breath to your breath, and if I imagine a tube between my heart and your heart, I have more information coming in and it’s spookily accurate, like send very complicated, complex feelings and ideas accurately through the heart chow.

[00:40:55] Brian Muka: And we can talk quantum mechanics and fee in those things. Quantum entanglement’s really cool, [00:41:00] especially as it pertains to communication. That means that we can communicate without respect time, nor distance. So like that could be your future self in 10 years giving you advice right now. Like, if I want that more than anything.

[00:41:12] Brian Muka: Oh, wait, I have it right. Imagining what, you know, how old would I be? A 49 year old Brian would share. Right. Or like with my grandparents or you and I, like, I’ve got the heart vibe and I don’t know where in the world you are, Scott, where in the world are you? You’re in surprise. Surprise

[00:41:30] Scott DeLuzio: Arizona. Yeah.

[00:41:31] Brian Muka: That’s a real place guys. I thought the first person to share that with me was like, just fucking with me. No, it’s real. You know, we’re 2000 miles away and it’s like, we’re having a conversation heart to heart, you know?

[00:41:41] Scott DeLuzio: So I also wanted to talk with you about the Tech For Troops. You mentioned that you’re involved with that.

[00:41:46] Scott DeLuzio: Can you tell us a little bit about that? What that’s all about and what they do for veterans and the troops.

[00:41:52] Brian Muka: Yeah. So I’m so grateful for Mark Casper and Tech For Troops. I was part of a a networking group called synapse. [00:42:00] So think like BNI, but for do gooders. It, each one of our meetings was centered around nonprofits.

[00:42:07] Brian Muka: So, I met Mark Casper, executive director for Tech For Troops, and I fell in love with the. I sold him on the idea of being part of a network and it was incredible for his business. I didn’t know that I needed to be part of tech for troop. Because I was still pretty bitter about the early end of my Navy career and still very much in the victim.

[00:42:28] Brian Muka: And what Tech For Troops does is they do computer training. So securities IT, job skills, that type of thing, via computers. They also issue computers to our veterans, really hard to apply for jobs with just a cell phone. So there’s a homelessness part of that. There’s. They’re meeting a huge need community employment, that type of stuff.

[00:42:50] Brian Muka: And Mark’s whole process is to hire veterans and then graduate them, you know, to other security jobs or it or that type of thing. Awesome. They’re [00:43:00] always taking donations, so pretty much everything except for printers and like old school tube type TV. And then they recycle that other precious metals and that’s a source of funding for them.

[00:43:13] Brian Muka: So really powerful mission they’re out of Richmond, Virginia, for sure. And I think they open Texas or Wisconsin. I forget the other, but they have two locations now probably means I need to reach out to Mark Casper. So Tech For Troops incredible nonprofit and really doing some great work for our veteran.

[00:43:30] Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, that’s great. And I like talking about all of these different nonprofits that are out there because again I think before we started recording, I started mentioning to you that you know, there’s so many organizations out there, whether they’re nonprofits or not doesn’t really matter to me it, but they’re out there doing things to help out veterans and.

[00:43:50] Scott DeLuzio: If the vets that are out there don’t know that these things exist, then. They can’t take advantage of the resources that are available. And so, you know, I at least wanted to [00:44:00] mention Tech For Troops and talk about what that does, but I’ll have a link to their website in the show notes. So, anyone who’s looking to get involved with that or donate, or you know, any, anything like that.

[00:44:11] Scott DeLuzio: Check out the show notes. There’ll be a link there for that as well. But again, just another resource that’s available to help out the veterans you know, getting involved with technology and things like that. So, Before we wrapped up in the intro, I mentioned that you’re the author of the book, Your Secret Superpower, Tame Fear to Thrive.

[00:44:30] Scott DeLuzio: Tell us what that book is all about and where people can go to get a copy of it.

[00:44:35] Brian Muka: Yeah. So man, this was a labor of love and that book was. Compilation of 10 years worth of going into the chasm or my trustee red mole skin piece of survival gear. And there are tears and wisdom and quotes. And it’s how I made sense in my life’s avalanche.

[00:44:56] Brian Muka: And it’s really meaningful when people read it because it helps me [00:45:00] remember that suffering is never in vain. I just haven’t seen the, so what of it yet? And that’s my story. It’s my story of how I let I called it long term fear. I didn’t know what doubt was apparently when I wrote this book, so I need to write a second one.

[00:45:15] Brian Muka: But how to be with fear and if a bomb technician named Brian if it’s okay for him to be afraid. It’s okay for you two, but it’s not okay to let fear run the show. And so, you know, it’s breath work. It’s journaling practices. It’s quotes. It’s guidebook. How to, if you’re in an avalanche. For you. And if you’re not it’s really important to learn how to be with people who are going through the avalanche.

[00:45:43] Brian Muka: You’re part of the rescue gear. And there’s no way I would be here without the support of my friends and family and my wife at the time.

[00:45:50] Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. You know, I like what you just said there. And. You know, if you’re not going through that yourself, you’re part of that rescue plan. But I think another important aspect of it is if [00:46:00] you’re not going through that avalanche right now doesn’t mean that you won’t be next year or five years from now or 10 years from now.

[00:46:06] Scott DeLuzio: So yeah, learning to learning, to deal with that avalanche before you’re actually in, it is a whole lot more beneficial than. Trying to keep your head up above the snow piling on top of you as it’s filing on top of you. So, so I think learning about that stuff early on is probably the key to survival,

[00:46:27] Brian Muka: right?

[00:46:27] Brian Muka: It is. It is. And I think of I got to listen to Steve alt talk a couple times he wrote a book called 177 mental toughness secrets. This book’s awesome. He has this weird relationship with a reporter and this reporter will call and he called one time. And I did this interview in his, one of his mansions.

[00:46:43] Brian Muka: And he is like making fun of his like vision board. He goes, did you like glue that together yourself? He’s like, no, I used scotch tape too. Like, which problem like, I don’t know. Why’d you waste time? Like cuz the billionaires I hang out with. and he called him another time and he was [00:47:00] like, Hey, why do companies pay you so much money to teach mental toughness?

[00:47:04] Brian Muka: He goes, that’s not what they teach me. That’s not what they pay me for. He goes, well, what do they pay you for? I can’t teach you mental toughness. You gotta do that yourself. I give you the blueprint. And so I heard this quote the other day, this too shall pass. I read that before. I’ve only heard that in, in the down swing part of life.

[00:47:24] Brian Muka: This too shall pass. If you’re high on a hog. This too shall pass, right? Life is seasonal and the hurricanes comment, and you can choose to fortify the house and put the sandbags up and know what to do when fear and shame and doubt show up. They’ll show up at the worst time. There’s not a convenient time for that to happen.

[00:47:46] Brian Muka: When would now be a good time to already have your emergency procedure in place? Much like I did when I lost my train of thought, like I already knew what I was gonna do to find my way back. You’re gonna find your way back. Right. So I don’t have the only way to do [00:48:00] this. I have a way I wrote it for me.

[00:48:01] Brian Muka: Basically. I had the intention of writing it for you. I really did. And I realized like I ran towards bombs and you probably didn’t do that. Right. So there’s a couple screws loose here. And hopefully it’ll inspire you to write your own procedure. This was mine, and it’s what worked for me. Write your own.

[00:48:22] Brian Muka: And Share you’re going through hell share it because fear, shame, and guilt. It exists kind of like a vampire in the darkness. And as soon as you share it on a podcast like this with people you care about that vampire burns up in the sunlight.

[00:48:40] Scott DeLuzio: Absolutely. I’ve had several people who have been on this podcast.

[00:48:44] Scott DeLuzio: It was first time they ever really shared their story their darkness and their lives in a public way, you know, outside of maybe a therapist’s office or something like that. But they said after they. Got it out there. They got everything off their chest. It’s pretty, it is [00:49:00] about as public as it’s gonna get.

[00:49:01] Scott DeLuzio: When it’s out there on a podcast, literally anyone in the world with a internet connection can listen to it. Right. And they felt so much better that they were able to just get that off their chest. And so, yeah, absolutely. Tell your story. Doesn’t have to be as public. As being on a podcast but tell your story and you never know who it’s going to help and what it might inspire other people to do with their own lives.

[00:49:26] Scott DeLuzio: And in your case, you know, you wrote this story for you your particular journey and how you navigated through all the things that you were dealing with. Even if someone reads it and they can’t take 100% of everything that, that you say and apply it to their lives, they may be able to pick out several things from that and be able to say, okay, well, this will work with my situation.

[00:49:48] Scott DeLuzio: And let me try this at least give it a try. Maybe it’s something they just hadn’t thought of before and, or a different way of thinking of the same thing that they were dealing with. And you know, it, it just will help [00:50:00] other people I heard this quote recently fail fast. You know, you try something, it doesn’t work.

[00:50:06] Scott DeLuzio: Okay, good. Check that box, move on and try something else. The quicker you try those things, the quicker you can move on to the thing that ultimately will work for you. So, you know, I think that is just a huge part of any journey that we’re going through is just trying things, figuring out what works, what doesn’t work, and then moving on from there.

[00:50:23] Scott DeLuzio: So, So, yeah I’m glad that you got that out there and told your story. So, so thank you for that. And thank you for joining me today on this show. It’s been a pleasure speaking with you today and hearing the different perspectives that, that you have, and you know, how people can kind of shift their mindset and work through that.

[00:50:44] Scott DeLuzio: Doubt that negative self-talk and all that kind of stuff that they have going on. I really do appreciate you coming on and joining us and sharing that with us.

[00:50:52] Brian Muka: My pleasure. And thank you for helping me find meaning for the pain that I went through to deliver this elixir. After my time in the desert.[00:51:00]

[00:51:01] Scott DeLuzio: absolutely.

[00:51:04] Brian Muka: Yeah. So get a copy of my book. Brian J Muca on Instagram shoot me a message. I’ve got links to what I’m about. And also LinkedIn spend a lot of time there too. So, you know, veteran business owners would love to learn how to serve you better. And if you know, folks in that position, that’s the force multiplier.

[00:51:20] Brian Muka: So the antidote is the community. So thanks for being part of that.

[00:51:25] Scott DeLuzio: Absolutely. All right. And we’ll have links to all of this in the show notes. So to your social media and everything like that, we’ll have that in the show notes. So, anyone who wants to get in touch with Brian please check out the show notes and we’ll get you in touch with him that way.

[00:51:37] Scott DeLuzio: So, thank you again, Brian, for taking the time to join me and sharing your story.

[00:51:43] Brian Muka: Thanks, Scott. What a pleasure.

[00:51:45] Scott DeLuzio: Thanks for listening to the Drive On Podcast. If you want to check out more episodes or learn more about the show, you can visit our website DriveOnPodcast.com. We’re also on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and YouTube at Drive On [00:52:00] Podcast.

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