Episode 232 Kalliope Barlis Creating Freedom in Our Minds Transcript

This transcript is from episode 232 with guest Kalliope Barlis.

[00:00:00] Scott DeLuzio: Thanks for tuning in to the Drive On Podcast where we are focused on giving hope and strength to the entire military community. Whether you’re a veteran, active duty, guard, reserve, or a family member, this podcast will share inspirational stories and resources that are useful to you. I’m your host Scott DeLuzio and now let’s get on with the show.

[00:00:21] Scott DeLuzio: Hi everybody. Welcome back to the Drive On Podcast today. My guest is Kalliope Barlis. She is a master trainer of Neurolinguistic programming, and she works to give people the tools to overcome their fears and bad memories. And we’re gonna be talking today about how we can free ourselves from these fears and bad memories that we might otherwise have.

[00:00:46] Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, keep holding us back. So welcome to the show. Why don’t you tell us a little bit more about yourself and your back.

[00:00:53] Kalliope Barlis: Well, thank you so much for having me on your show, Scott. I really appreciate it and thank you always for your [00:01:00] service and thank you for the service of all of your fans. For sure.

[00:01:02] Kalliope Barlis: It’s something that I think so many of us hold dear to our heart there, that there are people like you serving for our country and protecting our freedom and in, in a similar way. To do a a similar thing in creating freedom in people’s minds from what it is that holds ’em back. And specifically about bad memories or fears or obstacles that they face, challenges that they have that they just can’t find solutions.

[00:01:31] Kalliope Barlis: So I basically give people the tools to ask the right questions so that they find their own answers, which is the. Beautiful thing they can do for themselves, right? It’s not someone telling ’em what to do, which I don’t think anyone likes to be told what to do, except for when you’re a soldier, you have to be told what to do, right?

[00:01:52] Kalliope Barlis: But and that’s a good thing. I. But my, my, my personal history, I had a calling [00:02:00] one day, like so many of you and just had to do what I had to do, which was become a pro golfer. And that’s where I learned all of these skills.

[00:02:08] Scott DeLuzio: That, that’s interesting. It is a probably a much different place to learn.

[00:02:14] Scott DeLuzio: Some of these skills that you’ve learned and that you’re applying today then a lot of maybe your peers I can’t imagine too many of them started off as a golfer and then wounded up finding themselves. How did you find yourself getting into this from. From that

[00:02:28] Kalliope Barlis: path, it was kind of a wild story, you know, cuz I didn’t grow up with golf.

[00:02:33] Kalliope Barlis: I grew up in New York City and there aren’t many golf courses around. And my family was not inclined to play. So, I had a calling one day I had to do it cuz it was the only ball. I couldn’t move from a stationary spot. , right? I was like really good at baseball, really good at volleyball, but I could not play this game of golf.

[00:02:52] Kalliope Barlis: I scored like 80 on the first hole, my very first time and just [00:03:00] had something in me. I woke up one morning and said, I have to do this, and. I started reading books and taught myself, but there’s this one guy who wrote a book that everything I applied and did, it actually worked. I was getting better, and so at the end of his book, It said, If you wanna get even better at your game, call me.

[00:03:20] Kalliope Barlis: So that’s what I did. And within five days I went from, you know, scoring 150 and around of golf to being a bogie player. And it’s all because he taught me how to think successfully.

[00:03:35] Scott DeLuzio: That’s interesting. And so now you’re taking some of these lessons that you’ve learned along the way and Having such a dramatic improvement in your golf game I’m sure you can apply some of those lessons to other things in people’s lives and how to think successfully and how to overcome some of the things that are holding them back.

[00:03:53] Scott DeLuzio: And so, I’d love to hear more about that and. And how you got into what you’re doing now.

[00:03:59] Kalliope Barlis: That’s [00:04:00] right, Scott. So basically what, you know, one of the things that Chuck taught me that was my golf teacher trainer he said to me, There’s no such thing as failure. There’s only feedback for what you need to do next.

[00:04:12] Kalliope Barlis: And so whatever shot I took, it didn’t matter so long as I learned from it. And with that attitude, it opened up a whole new world when he said, , you think smart and so does everyone else. You can think very quickly, very intelligently, provided you know what to do next. And so when you have the kind of attitude, no one is stupid, right?

[00:04:34] Kalliope Barlis: Because I didn’t do well in school. I mean, I certainly had a lot more fun than I did studying while I was at school . So, when he guided me to make big pictures of the target, Because there’s this thing about the brain, if it does something too often, too much, the same thing, it gets bored. And so basically one hole after another will [00:05:00] just look like a, you know, four inch diameter hole.

[00:05:02] Kalliope Barlis: After a hole. And so in order to make it intriguing so that your body responds to the target to get the ball, you gotta put something. It embrace your mind to lead you there. It’s like the brain works like a gps, right? You plug it in an address and it tells you where to go, and sometimes it even gives you different roots, right?

[00:05:23] Kalliope Barlis: Cuz there’s not just one way of getting there, right? So the brain works the same way. Once you build a big target of what it is that you want to do in your life, somehow unconsciously, your brain will start. There, and a lot of times people are surprised that it actually happens, but that’s the whole delay the whole delight of it, the whole feeling of greatness so that you feel better, more the time.

[00:05:49] Scott DeLuzio: So if I’m hearing you correctly it seems like you’re almost tricking your brain into doing the things that you want it to do. That sounds weird to say it that way [00:06:00] because your brain is the thing that wants to do the thing because that’s who part of you and your thought process and everything’s coming from your brain, but you almost have to trick it into doing the things that you wanted to do.

[00:06:10] Scott DeLuzio: Is that kind of along the lines, what you’re saying?

[00:06:12] Kalliope Barlis: It’s, You can say, you can put it that way for sure. . Yeah. It is kind of tricking it because you start building in pictures. It’s like really creating your own movie inside your head of how it is that you want your life to be. And granted things are gonna happen that take you, that may prevent you from getting there as quick as you want.

[00:06:33] Kalliope Barlis: , because you know, everybody wants everything now, right? Yeah. But the truth. It takes time and it takes work to actually do it and get it done. And so once we build something inside of our mind, a picture, even a moving picture of what it is that we want to accomplish. And it could be something as simple as cooking the right dish for yourself at night or alternatively a three year plan and how it is that you want your future to be.[00:07:00]

[00:07:01] Scott DeLuzio: So you work with people who. Are trying to overcome you know, fears and bad memories and things like that. A lot of times, and a lot of people who are listening to this the veterans and the service members who maybe have served in a combat zone, they. Are dealing with things like bad memories they’re dealing with fears of large crowds or dealing with fears of loud noises and various other things.

[00:07:30] Scott DeLuzio: And a lot of times these fears are irrational. Sometimes they, sometimes you can be like, Okay, yeah, they make sense, but other times they, they may be like, Okay where did this even come from? At a first glance? , Where does some of these things develop over, over time? Like how do people develop some of these things?

[00:07:48] Scott DeLuzio: These, I don’t know if it’s a phobia or just a fear in general that people might have. Where do these things kind of come from?

[00:07:54] Kalliope Barlis: Well, a lot of times it’s exposure to something. So for instance, [00:08:00] if a child has a dog running towards it with a, the big mouth of the dog, Running in towards it.

[00:08:10] Kalliope Barlis: All they see is a big teeth and it running towards it becoming closer and closer. Well, if something was coming in close to me like that, I’d be afraid too. Right. The thing is that the child grows up to be an adult, but that picture remains as big as it was when it was a child and as an adult.

[00:08:30] Kalliope Barlis: And so what I have people do is actually shrink it down to the size of, let’s say a small. And when they do that, it changes what it is that they go through. Viscerally sort of changes how they feel about it now, you know, for a lot of soldiers who come home, you know, it’s absolutely wonderful that they serve the country and we’re a soldier for the country to protect us.

[00:08:54] Kalliope Barlis: But it doesn’t mean that when they come back that they can’t be the highest rank general of [00:09:00] their own mind, Okay? So that they can start saying, Okay, well that’s a loud. But it’s the honking of horn, right? I know that. Right? So like, stop for a second and even lower the volume of the honking inside their minds.

[00:09:17] Kalliope Barlis: Because every thought that we have has structure. It’s big or small, clear or vague, unfocused or gray or color bright. You know, every thought that we have has a structure to it. And so if there’s a bad memory that comes to. If we shrink it, but then build in a better response, Well, okay, I’m safe right now.

[00:09:38] Kalliope Barlis: I’m home. I’m like a block away from home. I’m 10 minutes away from home. All I have to do is call my partner or call my friend or call a coworker and say, Hey, how you doing? Just change the thought pattern. Right. And it could be anything. You can even think of a watermelon .

[00:09:57] Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And something, you know, simple and silly like that you [00:10:00] can change, you know, what you’re thinking.

[00:10:02] Scott DeLuzio: And how you think about it. Because I know there are people you know, myself included, who have dealt with things that were traumatic. They’ve and they hang onto that trauma that they’re continuing to deal with. And so when you come home and you are maybe driving by a construction site and there’s a loud noise cuz you know, Something fell, or, you know, there’s hammering or a jackhammer, some loud noises that are going on.

[00:10:29] Scott DeLuzio: You gotta be able to tell yourself that it’s okay. You’re safe. Like that jackhammer is not coming after you. That even though it may have loud noise, loud repetition, kind of noises it’s not gonna get you it, it’s over there. It’s behind the wall. It’s o you know, you’re in a safe place.

[00:10:43] Scott DeLuzio: And so, You do have to change that narrative in inside of you. So, so how do you work with people to get them to change that focus from that fear based thing where you’re hearing those loud noises or whatever the fear may be. It could be anything. It could be heights, it could be you know, loud noises.

[00:10:59] Scott DeLuzio: It could be a [00:11:00] dog running after you, like you were saying before, really anything. Yeah. How do you get people that change that that narrative that they have inside of them? It isn’t such a huge.

[00:11:10] Kalliope Barlis: Okay, so for, I’m gonna, I’m gonna say one thing about how it is that the brain works, it works patterns, right?

[00:11:16] Kalliope Barlis: It’s like all these highways inside the mind with every thought, everything that you see, everything that you do. The brain doesn’t know the difference between a memory, what it sees or what it does. Okay? So it’s all a pathway. And so when ha someone has a trigger that, like that loud noise, it’ll, it may start that pathway, right?

[00:11:37] Kalliope Barlis: But the good news. Is that if the pathway starts, you can always reverse it. When you reverse it, it loses its meaning. So let’s say for instance, if you were to watch a movie and you would tap on the remote, so it goes in reverse times two times three, times four, the movie would make no sense, right? [00:12:00] Right, right.

[00:12:01] Kalliope Barlis: So the brain works in this oddly beautiful way. That when you reverse a memory from its very end, from its very end and reverse it, the pathway loses its power electrically, meaning the electrical impulses. They’re called neuro synaptic pathways because the brain is electric, it’s built of these little spots along a pathway that are sending electricity along that pathway.

[00:12:31] Kalliope Barlis: And when you reverse that pathway, it, it totally reverses the charge. So let’s say you’re somewhere and you hear a loud noise. Well, well just for what If you, just for a moment or saw something, if you, for a moment, just stop what you’re doing, everything so that you can even close your eyes or just keep ’em open.

[00:12:54] Kalliope Barlis: But delib. , and this is what, you know, people often ask me, What’s the opposite of fear? [00:13:00] I don’t think it could be love. A lot of people say that, but what I think it is thinking deliberately to change the fear, to reverse it. Okay? Because when you reverse it, you’ll lose the fear.

[00:13:15] Scott DeLuzio: So, So how do you do that?

[00:13:17] Scott DeLuzio: So let’s say you hear a loud noise. How are we reversing that in, in our minds? How? Play that backwards or, you know, hit the rewind button on the remote, if you will on, in our minds.

[00:13:27] Kalliope Barlis: Okay. So like, the most beautiful thing about the mind is that it has an imagination, right? And you can create anything that you want.

[00:13:35] Kalliope Barlis: People do it all the time inside their minds. Oh, I can see that. Okay, so let’s say for instance you’re looking at a TV screen on your phone, right? You watch you stuff on social media all the time, and what if in you, imagine yourself looking. At the screen, but you go at the very [00:14:00] end of the memory that bothers you.

[00:14:02] Kalliope Barlis: Right? Whatever trauma that occurred, go to the very end of it and then tap on the rewind button as if you can see that movie going in reverse and then black it out and then white it out.

[00:14:15] Scott DeLuzio: Okay? So, so really you’re using your imagination to create kind of a new memory based on that. That doesn’t make a whole lot of.

[00:14:23] Scott DeLuzio: Well look, because it’s backwards, right?

[00:14:26] Kalliope Barlis: That’s it’s, And that’s actually the next step. Once you wide it out, after you’ve reversed it, you build in maybe laughing about it, it’s like, Oh my goodness, what was I thinking? You know, because it happened in the past and the best thing about the past is it. It’s over.

[00:14:44] Scott DeLuzio: Right? Right. And I think that’s something. People do struggle with is letting go of that past and re recognizing that it is over it, It’s not going to harm you. That loud noise that took place no matter what it is, if it [00:15:00] hasn’t hurt you already, it’s not gonna hurt you. Yeah. You know it, You know, if that loud noise happened to be something falling on you, then yeah, okay.

[00:15:08] Scott DeLuzio: That, that hurts you. But but that would’ve. A different situation, right? We’re talking about, you know, maybe a loud noise at a, like, let’s just use that construction site example. Something falls fr on the construction site makes a loud banging noise. It’s not gonna hurt you. It’s done. It’s over.

[00:15:25] Scott DeLuzio: It’s in the past. That’s right. And you can almost even laugh about it because maybe it was a funny situation that took place. Right. Maybe you know, someone slipped on, you know. A wet floor and knocked something over and, you know, not that they got hurt. That’s not funny. But it’s almost comical the way you would see it in a cartoon, and you could think of it that way, maybe, right?

[00:15:44] Kalliope Barlis: That’s right. Absolutely. Anything to bring humor to it somehow. Right, Because it’s just a memory. In fact, all a memory is something in your imagination. It’s not actually happening. Right. Right. And so, I mean, [00:16:00] yeah.

[00:16:01] Scott DeLuzio: And it’s funny how our brains hold onto certain memories and not to others, but they hang onto these memories.

[00:16:08] Scott DeLuzio: And those things sometimes are the things that are holding us back. Those memories are keeping us from doing certain things. Like, for example I have a fear of heights. You know, I’m not gonna go rock climbing because I don’t. Heights. Like that’s just keeping me back. And well maybe it’s not a hundred percent a fear of heights.

[00:16:27] Scott DeLuzio: It’s more like a fear of falling. So regardless, I’m not gonna go, you know, go do rock climbing because that’s just something that, in, in me, it’s something that I wouldn’t enjoy. It would be more terrifying than anything. And

[00:16:39] Kalliope Barlis: I don’t know that’s such a bad thing either. Right. , you know what I mean?

[00:16:43] Kalliope Barlis: No. And

[00:16:44] Scott DeLuzio: yeah, and I’ve actually talked about this too with other people. You know, I think about it like a fear of heights is actually sort of a healthy thing because if you’re, you know, walking right up to the edge of a cliff on, you know, a mountain or something like that, well there is a [00:17:00] possibility that cliff, you know, gives out and you fall down the cliff and you die.

[00:17:03] Scott DeLuzio: Right? Like that is a bad thing. So this is

[00:17:05] Kalliope Barlis: kind of a preservation thing, right? That is correct. And many fears need to be kept in order to maintain our safety, right? Like I live in New York City. I would not stand by the edge of a platform waiting for the subway. I just would sense would not do that , right?

[00:17:23] Kalliope Barlis: Yeah. And nor would I stand on the rooftop of somewhere that does not have, you know, a barrier to make sure that, you know, not something weird’s gonna happen. Right. So, Right. So the idea is to maintain fears that keep us safe. , but get rid of the fears that really prevent us from doing the things that we want to be doing that are safe.

[00:17:47] Kalliope Barlis: Right. Okay. So like for instance, let’s say with a fear of heights, most people it’s, it is actually a fear of falling because instead of seeing themselves enjoying the view from the top, they see [00:18:00] themselves falling off the edge. Right? Right, right. So, but there, there is, Some need for that because you do need to stand away from the edge, maybe a couple of feet, right?

[00:18:12] Kalliope Barlis: , or two, three feet, whatever it means to you to maintain your safety in order to enjoy that view from the top, you know?

[00:18:21] Scott DeLuzio: Right, exactly. it’s a strange thing too because, you know, I could be in an airplane and look out the window and I have absolutely no problem whatsoever with that like that.

[00:18:28] Scott DeLuzio: I don’t have a fear of anything like that. Cause I, I’m not gonna fall out of the. That’s not an issue. Now, if I was, you know, going skydiving or something, they open up the side door and then like, yeah, I’d probably freak out. But you know, on a regular commercial airplane that’s not a problem to me.

[00:18:41] Scott DeLuzio: But you know, I’ve hiked up mountains. I’ve stood on, you know, the edge of a cliff and I’ve had a completely different experience, even though I’m 30,000. Feet above the ground in one situation and you know, maybe a couple hundred feet off the ground in another situation. Sure. You know, it just two totally different things, but it’s because I like, like you said I can visualize myself [00:19:00] falling down off that cliff and that’s a big problem to me.

[00:19:03] Scott DeLuzio: And so, so that’s what keeps me away from doing those types of things. But like you said, some of those things help to keep us safe and so there’s a, you know, some healthy fear, you know. You don’t want to, you know, be doing something stupid, like purposely dodging bullets for the sake of doing. Like, that’s just not something you should be doing.

[00:19:23] Scott DeLuzio: That, that’s not safe. And it’s not adding any value to anything like that. That’s just a ridiculous thing. So, you know, I like that you recognize that there are some, you know, healthy fears out there. But when you get to that point, when you have certain things, are safe to do, like someone who maybe has a fear of water.

[00:19:43] Scott DeLuzio: They won’t even go in a swimming pool to, you know, go swimming or anything like that. Like swimming is generally pretty safe. Like you, yes, people have drowned while they were swimming, but generally if you go to a swimming pool, it’s, you know, four or five feet of water, it’s pretty safe bet. Safe [00:20:00] bet that you’re not gonna drown just being in the water, right?

[00:20:03] Scott DeLuzio: So if you have that fear of. It’s like you, you need to work on that memory to overcome whatever it is that’s keeping you from from getting in to the water

[00:20:14] Kalliope Barlis: in the first place. Right? That’s right. That’s right. And so, you know, someone comes to me with a fear of water, let’s say, you know, I’m like, Okay, so you can’t even wash the dishes, you know, or, you know, wash your dog.

[00:20:28] Kalliope Barlis: And they’re like, that’s, It’s not that bad. And I’m like, Okay, so you’re not afraid of water all the time. Right? Which sort of shrinks down the fear inside their mind somehow it like narrows it down. Well, okay, let’s get to the specific point where you do have a fear. So it’s actually swimming. And a lot of the time they do see themselves not having a good time, but something else bad happening.

[00:20:52] Kalliope Barlis: Right. Right. I have them reverse that memory of whatever it is that they’re thinking and shrinking it and then [00:21:00] building in a better response. But I do it under the right circumstance. They have to be relaxed, they have to be stress free and happy. Okay.

[00:21:09] Scott DeLuzio: For it to work well. Yeah. And that’s I think interesting too because, you know, we’re talking about a lot of this stuff and I know there’s probably some people who might be listening to this who want to.

[00:21:20] Scott DeLuzio: to attempt to do some of this stuff maybe in their own life or with somebody that they know who might be dealing with some sort of fears or other negative thoughts that they might have in the back of their mind. But it’s important to know that this probably isn’t the best thing to do if you’re in like a high stress situation or whatever.

[00:21:37] Scott DeLuzio: Like you, you might want to you know, take a step back. And kind of calm yourself down to, to get to that point where are able to receive this in a positive

[00:21:47] Kalliope Barlis: way, right? That’s right. And some of the time, an instant way to calm yourself down is to do deep breathing. Because too often anxiety is developed because people keep breathing in, they keep in taking in breaths, but [00:22:00] they never breathe out.

[00:22:01] Kalliope Barlis: And so when they start breathing rhythmically, it actually, I mean, it, you can go to a cardiologist and if he puts a blood pressure cuff on your arm, You can see visibly how the heart pressure, the blood pressure decreases with deep breathing, right? And another way to do it instantly this works for a lot of people, but not all is just simply closing your eyes because it kicks in the parasympathetic the relaxation state of the body so that you don’t even have to think.

[00:22:30] Kalliope Barlis: Just close your eyes and deep breathe. Okay?

[00:22:35] Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. So those two things. Great tools to have in your toolbox to, to help you calm yourself down immediately in that, that that moment of high stress and anxiety where you are feeling a little bit maybe out of control and you want to kind of calm yourself down a little bit.

[00:22:52] Scott DeLuzio: Both those two, I think are good tools that you can use and you know, there’s resources out there for people who maybe aren’t familiar. You know, deep breathing[00:23:00] and the various techniques that, that go along with that. But you know, even something just as simple as closing your eyes could be you know, good enough for some people that it will help to reduce it in the short term.

[00:23:12] Kalliope Barlis: And make sure you’re in a place where you can do safe flavor. You’re not driving , right? Yeah,

[00:23:18] Scott DeLuzio: sure. Yes, absolutely. That, that, that is a good point. I felt like, maybe that went up without saying, but that is a very good point to, to say because you don’t wanna be driving down the highway and closing your eyes or,

[00:23:29] Kalliope Barlis: or anywhere really.

[00:23:30] Kalliope Barlis: I, I recently heard that a major car company has on the battery Don’t drink this. As if you wouldn’t , you would actually think to drink battery, but you know, they have to put that sort of thing on there.

[00:23:44] Scott DeLuzio: You know, they don’t put those warning labels like any warning label that you see on things like on, a hair dryer.

[00:23:49] Scott DeLuzio: Like don’t use this near water or whatever. It wasn’t just some lawyer who was bored and decided to come up with these layer. Right. That’s right. It usually came from [00:24:00] something. That happened. Someone actually did this stuff before and now they put a label on kind of in a reactionary standpoint. So, so yeah, it’s a, I think in this.

[00:24:10] Scott DeLuzio: Hopefully no one has done that yet. And we can safely say that we’ve we’ve been proactive and it’s said don’t close your eyes while you’re driving. But

[00:24:18] Kalliope Barlis: And it’s a matter of common sense, right? It’s like, you know, some of the most and some people are not gonna like me for this but some of the most educated people I know don’t make the right decisions.

[00:24:28] Kalliope Barlis: Right? Right. But, you know, I’ve met people who have, you know, less than grade school education, but their decisions in life have been. In order to be successful and vice versa, you know? , I think intelligence really is the smart person is who makes the right decision. So if something does trigger to create something that makes you feel bad, to actually make a decision that, that says, Wait a minute, I gotta stop here because I’m safe right now.

[00:24:58] Kalliope Barlis: Yeah. And just breathe. Close [00:25:00] my eyes. And get it together and, you know, shrink down what it is that’s bothering me to the size of a cell phone screen. Now, would you

[00:25:08] Scott DeLuzio: say that if there is a specific thing, let’s say it’s heights or loud noises or whatever the issue is would you say that it’s better to expose a person to this type of thing on you know, not like torturing the person and be like, let’s dangle him over a cliff or something like that.

[00:25:25] Scott DeLuzio: But you know, You know, exposing someone, you know, gradually to the thing that causes them the stress you know, over time, would that help them to practice these techniques to help them calm themselves down and reverse that memory? Or is this something that, that you can do, you know, just a couple of times and it has results relatively quickly?

[00:25:47] Kalliope Barlis: So my, my, my record is within minutes, Okay. Because I would never expose someone to something that they fear without giving them the tools to overcome it. Right. [00:26:00] And so recently I produced a television series where there was just one take because it happens that quickly, right? I was like telling the film crew, Okay, you have to be on here because there’s no retake.

[00:26:11] Kalliope Barlis: I do this once and that’s it. And so one of the ladies, she had a fear of heights and guided her through the process. It took about 22 minutes and I went step by step. In other words, first I put her on a ladder, and then we went onto a porch that was about two stories high, and then I took her onto an ledge overlooking a valley.

[00:26:35] Kalliope Barlis: That was about eight stories. , Right? And she did it. It’s a place that she always wanted to go have a look at with her husband and she did it, and we got it all on film. So it’s only after I give them the tools to overcome their fear that I will expose them to it. Because if I expose them to it beforehand, then that whole stress response happens and it’s real difficult to [00:27:00] cut through that in order to make change.

[00:27:05] Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And what about people who maybe don’t necessarily have fears per se, but maybe they have just bad memories? So, for example, like a lot of veterans have bad memories, especially if they served in combat, people get seriously injured or killed. They may have witnessed some of those things.

[00:27:22] Scott DeLuzio: And those memories can. Absolutely haunt them for a really long time. And so, so is a similar process for dealing with these bad memories o over time o or is there something different that you do for the memories?

[00:27:37] Kalliope Barlis: So very similarly. Okay. And really the only experience I had it was right after September 11th, I volunteered for two weeks after at ground zero the first two weeks, and saw things that I thought I’d never see myself.

[00:27:50] Kalliope Barlis: Right. Especially in New York City. And for couple years after that, and even more time after that I would get [00:28:00] visions of what it is that I saw. And so it, it was a daily practice for me to shrink this stuff, okay? Because I wasn’t as good as it added then than I am now in terms of guiding people and able to do it on, It’s like anything else in life, the more you do it, the better you get at it, right?

[00:28:21] Kalliope Barlis: Sure. And so with bad memories, when we shrink ’em down literally to like the size of a cell phone screen or a small coin, and start blinking them black and white until they go totally white, the memory changes it’s structure inside the brain. Now you may think about it again, but it’s like no big deal.

[00:28:45] Kalliope Barlis: Okay. You know, and that’s the point where I want people to get to because some bad memories have actually taught us something Right. That we need to remember in order for them not to happen again. Right. Right. And so, you know, it [00:29:00] can very easily happen so that, you know, you go to the very end of, let’s say, an experience you had in the past or anybody had in the past, and go to the very end of it.

[00:29:13] Kalliope Barlis: And reverse it so that you see all the, like scrape from the airplane going through the sky back to the airport that it came from to the factory where it’s disassembled because it was once assembled there, it’s disassembled and then all the material that made that plane goes back into the ground where it came from.

[00:29:37] Scott DeLuzio: Okay, so So you’re reversing the whole literally

[00:29:40] Kalliope Barlis: memory.

[00:29:41] Scott DeLuzio: Exactly. Everything from start or from end to the beginning. That’s right.

[00:29:46] Kalliope Barlis: And so, you know, I mean, I have to say there are times when I see images of the twin towers I won’t look at it. I, because I don’t wanna keep going through shrinking it and reversing it.

[00:29:59] Kalliope Barlis: It’s [00:30:00] like sometimes it is better to just avoid it. Right? Sure. Sometimes. Okay. Not all the time and you can’t help it. Sometimes it’s gonna happen. That’s life. We are getting images from all over the place. Right. So, that being said, any bad memory can change so that you can at least remember it, but not have that intense feeling associated with it.

[00:30:23] Kalliope Barlis: Yeah,

[00:30:24] Scott DeLuzio: and I think that’s an important point there is that. You’ll still remember the memory. This is not reversing it to the point where it’s erasing your memory altogether. It’s getting it to the point where it’s not having a control over your life that’s preventing you from doing certain things that you may want to do.

[00:30:45] Scott DeLuzio: You know, for example, like with you and the Twin Towers you may not want. Be remembering the towers for whatever reason. And everyone has their own unique situations that they, they are dealing with. Right. But there may be [00:31:00] no value added to having that memory. Right. It’s they’re, they’ve collapsed or gone remembering them.

[00:31:07] Scott DeLuzio: Yes. You know, remember, you know, what happened that day. But you know, seeing that vision isn’t necessarily helpful. So it’s okay if you avoid that, maybe that’s right. But if there’s other things, you know, you know, seeing a friend get killed or something like that. So you don’t wanna forget that person together.

[00:31:25] Scott DeLuzio: So that’s not what you’re saying there, you’re not reversing that memory all the way back to the point where that person was born and now all of a sudden they’re gone and, you know, That’s right. It’s a different I think situation in, in some of these circumstances,

[00:31:38] Kalliope Barlis: right?

[00:31:38] Kalliope Barlis: It certainly is. Yes. And so j just to, to plan what you just said, you know, I still remember my dad talking about the buildings being built every day that he would come back from work. Cuz he, he worked as a waiter in that area and, you know, he was so proud. Of the enormity of them and the people working and how [00:32:00] organized it was and that it actually became the Twin Towers, you know?

[00:32:04] Kalliope Barlis: . So I will always maintain that memory of the progress that this country represents. Right. You know, and so no one can take that away from me.

[00:32:14] Scott DeLuzio: And that’s a positive memory that you have of this. And so, Could be the more the overwhelming emotion that you have about the vision of those towers.

[00:32:26] Scott DeLuzio: So if you see a picture or a video or something like that, and those towers are in there you can think about the progress and the, that’s right. Success and all that stuff, right? And now

[00:32:35] Kalliope Barlis: we have the Liberty Tower, right? That’s what we have now. We’ve replaced it the same way I’m suggesting people replace their bad memories with new and better stuff.

[00:32:46] Scott DeLuzio: And you know, I think that’s actually a really good example because there, there were these two towers that were, they were great. You. There was progress that was made. There was a lot of hard work and dedication and stuff that went [00:33:00] into making those towers. And they were a symbol of success in this country.

[00:33:04] Scott DeLuzio: And now they’ve been replaced with something else that has an even greater meaning. And so it. A good way to think about changing all of these memories, I

[00:33:15] Kalliope Barlis: think Absolutely. I, and I just got goosebumps the way you just said it but that’s about as profound as saying it as you can say it.

[00:33:23] Kalliope Barlis: That’s right. You know, as a country, as individuals, we always come back and that’s what we need to keep our mind in track of, you know, no matter what, that we can always move forward.

[00:33:37] Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And I, I think that, The biggest kind of takeaway here is that we need to have that same kind of mindset, like as a country.

[00:33:46] Scott DeLuzio: We had that mindset. We cleaned up the mess, the all the rubble, all that stuff. We cleaned that all out. We got rid of all of that, and we rebuilt something great. You know, we have all the memorials and the monuments and [00:34:00] everything else that is there. But we’ve rebuilt something and changed the narrative.

[00:34:04] Scott DeLuzio: It’s not a sad thing any anymore. I mean, it is sad, but it’s something that now has a positive connotation to it. Now we have all this growth and this new New stuff that has taken its place. And I think if we can use that same kind of mindset with ourselves, and I know a lot of times we are our own worst enemies with a lot of this stuff, but if we can take some of that ity, the negative, the bad memories, the, all that kind of stuff, and clean that all up.

[00:34:36] Scott DeLuzio: By replaying it, going backwards in our mind, and then rebuild with something positive. That is a, sounds to me like a great way to help flip the script on some of these things and change the narrative.

[00:34:51] Kalliope Barlis: That is exactly it. , it’s basically tearing down what’s there. Inside the mind and [00:35:00] reforming it into something better.

[00:35:03] Scott DeLuzio: Well, I think that is a great place to to leave this with that mental image for people to, as a takeaway. I think that is the thing that we need to focus on is it’s kind of clear clearing out the rubble and focus on rebuilding something bigger, better, stronger, happier in its place.

[00:35:23] Scott DeLuzio: Right. So that’s right. It’s been a pleasure speaking with you today and getting to know kind of a little bit about the process that you work through with the people that you work with. Where can people go to get in touch with you if they wanna find out more about what you do or to work with you on their own either fears or memories or whatever it is that they may have going on?

[00:35:43] Scott DeLuzio: Yeah,

[00:35:43] Kalliope Barlis: sure. Very easily go to my website, www.buildingyourbest.com.

[00:35:50] Scott DeLuzio: Excellent. And I will have. Links that link in the show notes are, is there anywhere else that people can go?

[00:35:56] Kalliope Barlis: Well, I was just gonna say if they want a phone number, but the phone number’s on the website, [00:36:00] so

[00:36:01] Scott DeLuzio: it’s all there. Okay, perfect.

[00:36:02] Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, I, And so I’ll send a link or have a link in the show notes for your website. So anyone who wants to get in touch please reach out, check out the website and learn more about, you know, what it is. That can change in your own mind as far as the different you know, techniques and processes that we talked about today.

[00:36:19] Scott DeLuzio: So, thank you again for your time and for coming out and sharing what it is that you do.

[00:36:23] Kalliope Barlis: Well, thank you Scott, and it’s been a privilege. Thank you so much for serving.

[00:36:28] Scott DeLuzio: Thanks for listening to the Drive On Podcast. If you want to support the show, please check out Scott’s book, Surviving Son on Amazon. All of the sales from that book. Go directly back into this podcast and work to help veterans in need. You can also follow the Drive On Podcast on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

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