Episode 404 Jennie Potter Overcoming Emotional Triggers Transcript
This transcript is from episode 404 with guest Jennie Potter.
Scott DeLuzio: [00:00:00] Thanks for tuning in to the Drive On Podcast where we are focused on giving hope and strength to the entire military community. Whether you’re a veteran, active duty, guard, reserve, or a family member, this podcast will share inspirational stories and resources that are useful to you. I’m your host, Scott DeLuzio, and now let’s get on with the show.
Hey everyone, welcome back to Drive On. I’m your host, Scott DeLuzio, and today my guest is Jenny Potter. Jenny is the author of Self Sabotage No More and the creator of the Alarm Method, a five step process designed to help people remove triggering emotions that lead to poor decisions around love, family, money, and health.
And today we’ll explore how her method can be especially beneficial for veterans dealing with emotional triggers and how they can apply these steps in their daily lives. So before we get into it, uh, welcome to the show, Jenny. I’m really glad to have you here.
Jennie Potter: Thank you so much, [00:01:00] Scott. I’m so excited to be here.
Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, you bet. Um, so let’s, I guess, dive right into it. I mentioned the alarm method, uh, it kind of in the intro. Can you start by maybe explaining, uh, what that is? background of this alarm method and what it is and kind of how it helps people to overcome these emotional triggers.
Jennie Potter: Yeah. So, uh, I kind of created the alarm method because, uh, I was coaching a lot of people, working with a lot of people around finances, health, um, specific goals. And, um, what we were noticing was that there was this kind of common theme. I want to say with everybody, but specifically with my clients, where they would be sabotaging so they would know what to do, but they wouldn’t be doing the thing that they knew to do.
So I always give the simple example of, you know, that when you go for a walk, you feel better. And yet you don’t put on your shoes and go for a walk. Why? Right? If you know you’re [00:02:00] going to feel good, if you know you feel better in general, if you know your day is better, why wouldn’t you? Or you know if you hit the snooze button, the day’s going to start a little rougher, but you still hit the snooze button.
So I got a little bit of like passionate slash obsessed with Why do people do what they do? Like, why do people do things that are bad for them that they know don’t make them feel good? And then why do people do not do the things that they know make them feel good? So that sort of started the journey and I discovered a few variables.
Scott, But one of the variables was, uh, unprocessed emotion. So what that means is emotion from, uh, trauma from something that occurred, um, whether it was like on duty or like, you know, whether it was as a child, um, something that occurred maybe in an accident. It doesn’t have to be a major trauma either.
It could be like Your brother broke the lamp and blamed you and your parents [00:03:00] believed your brother Okay, and you experienced this disbelief and this hurt and this, you know no one ever believes me and then you’ll hold on to that for the rest of your life and so So anyways, I started to explore that this concept of trapped emotions or unprocessed emotions And, um, what I discovered was that when we can identify the old emotion or the old memory, um, and it doesn’t have to be traumatic or emotional or, um, uncomfortable, but when we can identify it.
We can then release it. And so there’s several methods to do that. Uh, but the most simple one, I wanted one that I could just teach anyone on the fly, um, that we could talk about and, you know, share with your audience, um, that I could share in my book that basically anyone could learn quickly and use immediately.
To identify maybe some of the unprocessed emotions that are affecting you in your day [00:04:00] to day, whether it’s because you’re procrastinating, or maybe you’re always short with your mom, or maybe you feel guilty all the time, but you don’t know why. So, yeah, it applies to all emotion, but, and it impacts our health, our finances, and our careers, and our goals, our choices.
Yeah.
Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And I think it, based on what you’re describing, it sounds like stuff that can affect, you know, all aspects of our lives. And, you know, you talked about career and finances, but like relationships, not just, uh, you know, maybe intimate relationships, but also interpersonal relationships. Personal like friendships and neighbors and, uh, coworkers and, and all these other types of relationships as well.
And, and how you treat people at the grocery store or, you know, things like that, like just in general, like seems like it would probably kind of fit in that way with, with all aspects of your life, right?
Jennie Potter: Yes, absolutely. It does touch every area of our life.
Scott DeLuzio: And a lot of times that we, you know, I know we, on this show, [00:05:00] we typically focus on veterans, but this, this, like you said, this could apply to just about anyone, but as far as veterans go, we, we do have struggles with intense emotions and PTSD related things where, um, there were these intense traumas. Um, and, and so, um, You know, what you’re talking about is something as a way to kind of help manage these, these triggers that, that come up from time to time, um, or in some cases they happen all the time, as it may seem like, but, um, you know, how do you see that, that.
You know, this method kind of, uh, can, can it tackle those intense emotions as well, or is this something kind of more on a, like an everyday thing? Uh,
Jennie Potter: Yeah. So the scale, I mean, ideally, um, you’re, you are aware, and if you’re listening right now, you’re aware of a, of a behavior or habit or thing that you do or [00:06:00] response that you have that, um, may be. feels a little bit out of place or doesn’t serve you. Um, and I, I give my poor daughter, she has, uh, she has tattoos and, um, it was kind of a thing.
She got them before she was allowed and then it became this kind of thing with us. And I remember when I was first doing this work and I was releasing these emotions, I was identifying them and releasing them. And, and again, we’ll walk through that process for everyone to be able to do, but I was releasing stuff and my daughter came in.
And she had a new tattoo and it was on her neck and it was like right across her neck. Right. And it said blessed, which, you know, it could have been worse. Could have been like a barking dog or something or whatever. But you know, she’s like young and, and, um, making decisions that we felt like, ah, you might change your mind in a year or a day or two months or whatever.
Right. So when she got this tattoo and normally I’m just going to say like be vulnerable here. [00:07:00] As a parent, that would have really upset me. Like really, I would have been zero to ten, mad. Um, how could you do that? You know, what if you don’t want that on your neck next year or whatever? Like, I don’t mind tattoos.
I love tattoos and she is gorgeous and rocks all of her tattoos. But it was more at the time, this sort of thing that we had going on and she was younger. And so, um, I had just been releasing my emotions and stuff around my parents and how I was parented and what I was allowed to do and not allowed to do.
And, um, she came in and I just said, Oh my gosh, you got a new tattoo. And she said, yeah, do you like it? And I was like, well, I don’t love the location, but you know, it’s your body, your life. And she was shocked But I was way more shocked, like I was really, um, so, and I just give this example because sometimes we react to [00:08:00] people, things that they do, something someone says to us at the grocery store, or someone bumps into us, or a friend says something and we think about it for a long time.
There’s a reason why, and oftentimes the underlying cause of that response or reaction, um, is is a, is a unprocessed emotion. So it can, you know, we can address, uh, that type of thing. And then of course, there is like PTSD where people are responding to a certain sound or noise, um, because of a past event.
And either way, obviously I can’t, uh, guarantee, but either way, this is a very simple way and a safe way to identify and kind of clear. Um, those old, the old stuff that’s stuck. Right.
Scott DeLuzio: example there with your, your daughter and your reaction to what, You know, she did. And I know as a parent myself, I mean, my kids are younger, so I’m not at that [00:09:00] that age where I’m, I’m worried about, uh, you know, tattoos or anything like that, like that’s not on the radar quite yet, but, um, you know, I know other things that they’ve, they’ve done throughout the years and, and, and.
I’ve, I’ve had that zero to a hundred kind of, uh, reaction and, and that wasn’t the best reaction looking back. Uh, I’ve, you know, I’ve, I’ve kind of realized I’ve toned things down a little bit and I’ve, I’ve tried to figure it out. Like, you know, provide, you know, go zero to a hundred when they’re about to get hit by a truck.
Sure. I got that. But when they, you know, break the lamp or they do something like that, like that doesn’t need a zero to a hundred response. That’s, that’s, uh, something, you know, a little bit lower that, that, that, that needs to be toned down a bit. And I, I recognize that. And so I, I worked on that and I’ve, you know, throughout the years I’ve gotten better at, at that type of thing.
But, um, You know, for there’s other people who, who do struggle with that, right? Um, you did mention, you know, this is a kind of a multi step approach. Can you walk us through each step of this method, the alarm method, [00:10:00] um, and kind of talk about how, uh, how people might be able to use these things as a, uh, uh, way to handle a triggering situation.
Jennie Potter: Yeah. So usually I’ll use like procrastination or a behavior that someone doesn’t like that they know that they do. Um, so it’s, I don’t want to say it’s advanced, but like, Trying to stop yourself from going zero to a hundred when, you know, you could think about, so the example I gave with my daughter, so you could think about an example where you got upset out with your child and you wish you hadn’t, like, Looking back, you were like, Oh my gosh, you know, I lost my temper so quickly.
Or maybe when you’re driving, you experience, um, what people call road rage or, you know, that you get upset quickly. Um, and so, um, just, If, um, if you’re listening, just grab onto some type of example of behavior that you [00:11:00] don’t want to do anymore or you don’t like to do. And again, you can use something more gentle like hitting the snooze button, uh, or I’m not going for that walk or maybe every day you’re like, I’m going to eat healthy and then you don’t.
So kind of notice what it feels like, um, notice what it feels like when you make the decision to eat healthy or when you think about losing your temper. Um, so the first thing is awareness. So, uh, the ALARM method is an acronym, so A is for awareness. So the first thing is just being aware. Around, um, your behavior, like how you’re showing up.
So I use procrastination. So if there’s something you really need to do like your taxes or, um, you know, like fill out some paperwork or, you know, make a phone call. If there’s something that you really need to do, but you’re not doing it, become aware. Like, okay, I’m not doing this thing. What am I feeling?
So, um, the very first step is just literally being aware, like, is it [00:12:00] anger? Is it shame? Is it fear? Is it anxiety? What’s the emotion that you’re experiencing? The next step, uh, is to locate the, like, locate where in your body you’re feeling that. So some people get that right away, like, oh, in my stomach.
Like when I’m nervous, it’s in my stomach or when I’m mad, it’s in my head. So, um, just notice where in your physical body you’re feeling that. That’s actually kind of an important step. Um, the reason why we know that we’re emotional is because our body tells us. And so, um, we don’t really think about it.
We just, we’re angry, we’re happy, we’re sad, we’re all the things, but we don’t really think about how do I know I’m happy? How do I know I’m sad? And, um, just to, uh, go a little bit further down that rabbit hole, uh, what an emotion is, is a vibration. So when you feel fear, like you said, zero to a hundred to because there’s a fast truck [00:13:00] coming, um, what happens is your kidneys pulse fear and you react.
So your body knows that vibration as fear, act fast, move now, and you grab your child and, you know, pull them onto the sidewalk. Well, that, that, um, that pulse, that vibration, It lets us know fear, anger, sadness, happiness. Um, so every motion has a different vibration. And so on each of our organs are in charge of different emotions and it’s all kind of cool.
But the reason why is that when your body pulses that fear, it also then releases neurotransmitters and chemicals and serotonin and you know, whatever, um, whatever that emotion, um, uh, whatever reaction your body responds in a certain way with chemicals and stuff. And when you get that chemical reaction, that’s when you feel it.
So you feel it in your stomach, you feel it in your chest, you [00:14:00] feel it in your head. And not everybody feels emotion in the same place. So it’s unique for you, and that vibration.
Scott DeLuzio: Okay,
Jennie Potter: So, A is awareness, L is location, and the next question, once you have that location, is asking the question. So A stands for ask, the second A stands for ask, and it’s asking the question, When have I felt this before?
And so, um, now I just always tell people, don’t do this exercise while you’re driving or operating heavy machinery because you won’t probably will not have a major emotional response. Nine times out of 10, you won’t. But sometimes when you ask that question, you will have a memory or something that pops up that evokes an emotional response.
So just, I always just say, cause I did do it once when I was driving and I had a big emotional response. And after that, I was like, Oh, that was a good thing. Now I can warn people not to do the same [00:15:00] because I was blubbering and like, you know, shouldn’t have been driving. So just always, you know, take a moment, take a time out, sit down if you can, if you’re able and just, uh, have the awareness, locate, and then ask the question, when have I felt this before?
Now your brain will actually find So it might be, um, it might be when you were little, it might be in high school. It might’ve been something three years ago that happened at work. It might have been something a colleague said to you, um, you know, someone, uh, made fun of something or, um, but you have this memory.
Don’t dismiss it when you have like a random thought of someone saying something weird to you or making a comment on Facebook or something. Just notice whatever that, um, memory is. Because usually the original or, or it’s stacked, sometimes there’s more than one memory, but usually it’s connected to that [00:16:00] memory.
The emotion you’re experiencing now is connected to that memory.
Scott DeLuzio: quick question on that. So, so when you’re thinking of this, this memory, um, is it, um, is it thinking back to the, maybe perhaps the original, uh, you know, memory of the first time this happened or another time that may be something similar like this event. So just using, for example, like, um, you know, going that zero to a hundred, right, um, where.
A normal reaction. That would be a normal reaction if your kid’s about to get hit by a car or, or something like that. But if, if your kid instead, uh, you know, drew on the wall or something and that was your reaction, but then like, if that’s what you’re going back to think about, is that what you’re looking for?
Are you looking back to an actual emergency where this would have been the appropriate reaction? I’m not,
Jennie Potter: So yeah, so [00:17:00] just to be clear, let’s say your kid drew on the wall and you had a zero to a hundred response. Okay, so you’re, you’re in right now, you’re like, Oh, I remember that time I got super upset. It felt out of character, like didn’t really feel like who I am. It almost felt like someone took me over and got mad, you know, like it’s kind of weird when that stuff happens.
Well, it’s weird because it’s usually something that has been unprocessed and living with you a long time. So when you think, when have I felt this before? around being upset around the drawing on the wall. When have I felt this upset before? You might go right all the way back to when you broke a toy and you were a kid and you were spanked and you know, or whatever.
Like I know not everyone was spanked. I was spanked, but um, but you know, when you were a kid and you were punished, uh, or You might have a memory of, um, something else that, you [00:18:00] know, we’re talking about drawing on the wall. So you might have a memory of, um, going to a job interview and not getting the job and being like, well, that’s interesting, but you really felt like you were supposed to get the job or you might have a memory.
So it could be very random and not seem related, but the goal is to identify when we have a strong reaction to something. 9 times out of 10, unless it’s like you need to grab your child off the sidewalk, right, to pull them to safety. If you’re having a response that doesn’t feel normal, or it doesn’t feel, like it feels a little out of place or intense, um, that’s where there’s usually an old occurrence, big or small.
That has impacted us and we haven’t dealt with it. And so that’s rising up again.
Scott DeLuzio: Yep. That makes sense. Okay.
Jennie Potter: So it’s, uh, awareness, location, ask the question. Now, [00:19:00] some of you might not have a memory and that’s okay. You don’t have to force it. You don’t have to try, spend a couple minutes with it. Like, when have I felt this way before?
Usually something will pop up. A lot of times people want to dismiss what pops up like, Oh, it couldn’t be that. Oh, I dealt with that. Oh, that’s weird. Why would I think about? You know, high school or whatever, but usually it’s, it is that event. And then when you do remember the event, just note it like just, okay, interesting.
That time when I broke that toy. And then we go to the next step, which is, uh, release and the release, um, that’s R, uh, the R in alarm and the release is really just, we want to be present to how we’re feeling and then relax that area of the body. So, uh, if you’re feeling that in your tummy, if you’re feeling that in your chest, you’re actually physically going to relax that area of your body.
And then you can breathe in through [00:20:00] your nose, out through your mouth, five to ten times, just very relaxed manner. Um, and, uh, as you do that, if you like, um, and this is the step that some people might call woo woo, but this is like, there’s so many reasons why this works. Part of it is, um, it’s the word, uh, almost like a habit.
Once you start, once you get into the habit of doing it, your body knows, Oh, this is how we release emotions. And so, um, you can literally go shoulder to wrist, shoulder to wrist, shoulder to wrist, I call it unpacking. And you can clear out with intention, whatever that feeling was. So if we go back to the child drawing on the wall example, You lose your cool.
You’re like, ah, I’m so mad. And then you take a, you take a time out and you think, okay, I’m really mad. When have I felt this way? Where am I feeling it in my body? I’m feeling it in my stomach. When have I felt this way before? Oh, when I broke that [00:21:00] toy when I was a kid, that’s so weird. Okay, I’m going to breathe into that area.
I’m going to relax my stomach. I’m going to allow this emotion and then I’m going to clear it and I’m just going to unpack it. I’m going to unpack anger, unpack anger, unpack anger. And I’m going to let it go. So that’s kind of your process. So even though we’ve been talking about it for a long, like, you know, we’ve been taking lots of time to talk about it, the actual process can be quite quick and simple.
Um, if you’re at a dinner table and someone says something that triggers you, like, you could do the, um, shoulder to wrist, shoulder to wrist, shoulder to wrist, and probably no one would notice, or they might think you’re a little cold or something. Um, but you can do it quietly. Um, And that will help move out in essence, the vibration.
So I was explaining when emotion is earlier, it’s almost like that vibration, the vibration is supposed to rise up and out. Like we’re supposed to [00:22:00] welcome it, notice it, accept it. Like okay, danger, anger, happiness, peace. And, um, with good, with positive emotions, we don’t resist them. We experience them and we allow them, but with negative emotions, we do resist them.
We don’t want to feel sad. We don’t want to feel angry. We want, don’t want to feel guilty. We don’t want to feel whatever the feeling is, anxious. And so we push it down. And most of us are taught as children to resist or push down emotion or not express, especially men. Um, women as well, but men in particular are, you know, encouraged to not, um, to repress those tears, to hold back, uh, their hurt, uh, to not share their vulnerabilities, uh, in the emotion department.
So what happens is it all builds up. And so this is a safe, comfortable way for you to release your emotions. Um, and, um. [00:23:00] And, and move forward and you can do that in the moment emotions or thinking about past emotions as well. The last letter in alarm is M and that’s your mantra and your mantra is, uh, really what do you want to feel?
You know, we go back to the child drawing on the wall example. How do you want to feel? Well, I want to feel forgiving. You know, I want to feel peaceful and maybe what I want is for my child to say sorry and then for us to like fix the problem together, like clean the wall together or whatever. Um, might be just an example, but the mantra is I’m at peace, I’m at peace, I’m at peace and or whatever you want to speak out and you can actually do the same unpacking movement, but I call it packing and you’re packing in.
So the intention is you’re bringing in peace. And so you’re bringing in peace, bringing in peace, bringing in peace. And so again, the, that physical [00:24:00] movement, there’s a few reasons why it works. Um, but, uh, for, for the sake of this show, we’ll just say it works.
Scott DeLuzio: Sure. No, and that’s, that’s, that’s good because I think, um, you know, through this show and other veterans that I’ve talked to other, other just people in general that I’ve talked to who’ve experienced some sort of trauma at one point or another, they, they recognize that their reactions to a situation are not.
appropriate for whatever this new situation is. And, and a lot of times it’s because, because of, like you said, um, this trauma that they haven’t dealt with, um, these unresolved emotions and in the experiences that they’ve, they’ve gone through, they just haven’t quite. Resolved yet, and they, they recognize and then oftentimes feel guilty about their, their reactions to something like, you know, going zero to a [00:25:00] hundred when the kid is drawing on the wall.
That’s not a zero to a hundred moment. Zero to a hundred kept them safe at one point in time where, uh, you know, talking about maybe a service member who was deployed overseas and everything’s high intensity because everything tend to be a life and death situation. Experience. And if things didn’t go right, people made mistakes.
People got hurt, people got killed. And, and so that type of reaction, um, kind of became like almost like muscle memory, where that’s just how you respond to things that are not. Going a hundred percent according to plan. And when your kid’s drawing on the wall, that’s not according to plan. And so you go zero to a hundred because that’s just what you did.
That’s the muscle memory that you develop. And so this, the way it sounds to me, the way you described it is, is you’re, you’re retraining that muscle memory. Um, and I know it’s not muscles. I’m just using that as a kind[00:26:00]
Jennie Potter: Oh, it’s
Scott DeLuzio: right?
Jennie Potter: a great analogy.
Scott DeLuzio: Right. Yeah, so, so I think that is, is what, what we need to focus on it is, is developing the new reactions, uh, to different circumstances.
They may be very similar circumstances to what maybe happened in, in combat in terms of maybe somebody who you were giving an instruction to didn’t follow your instructions as kind of a high level thing. You’d be instructing your, your child to. Clean up their room and they didn’t do it. Right. But it’s not a life and death situation.
If there’s toys on the floor, you know, that, or their clothes are not in the laundry basket or, you know, things along those lines that that’s not a life and death situation. So if you go zero to a hundred in that circumstance, that’s an inappropriate reaction. So you have to relearn and retrain your brain and your body to react in a way that is [00:27:00] appropriate.
And, and figuring out how to do that. And this, this framework that you have, the way you kind of broke it down, uh, makes sense because you’re, you’re really, you’re slowing down. You’re stopping, you’re thinking about what is happening, where you’re feeling it in your body, how, how it, your body is reacting.
And, and you’re, you’re thinking back to the past and you’re trying to get. Get the, get your brain back on track. So it’s now like kind of more in the present moment. So it can
Jennie Potter: Yes. Mm hmm.
Scott DeLuzio: is actually happening here. Right. Right.
Jennie Potter: Uh, that was such a good description and I would encourage people to practice with smaller stuff like procrastinating and like being, maybe being irritated when you’re making dinner like, or, um, you know, just practice like, what am I feeling right now? Where am I feeling it? When have I felt that before?[00:28:00]
Um, you know, just kind of that practice because then in the moments when you are zero to a hundred, you can stop and go, okay, whoa, like extreme response here, right? Extreme response. What am I feeling? Where am I feeling it? Okay. And the other thing that’s very helpful with emotion or extreme response is understanding that you are not your emotion.
Now, everybody knows that, but our language, is I am angry. I am sad. And, and a lot, and not all countries in many other languages, it’s, uh, I feel anger. I feel sad. And so we can say that, but we’ve been trained to say I am. And so what it means is we actually identify So, now we are the anger, right? And so, right?
[00:29:00] So, if you’re like super mad, you’re like, oh, I’m mad, well, now you’re declaring that you’re the anger, that you’re angry, you’re, you’re owning it. And so, one thing, uh, that I like to do that I feel like adds some separation and a little bit of humor for me, but I have a weird sense of humor, but, um, is saying body is angry.
Because as soon as you, as soon as you can say, cause sometimes, especially again with men, not all men and not, you know, like in some women, whatever, you know what I’m saying, but with a lot of men, they can’t, um, uh, it’s a very simple way to tell someone like body is angry. So like, you know, if you have a relationship with, if your wife, um, I mean, this really works for a female or male.
I use the example that. Uh, one day I had like 16 calls in a row, Scott. It was a really busy day and I just texted my husband and I was like, Hey [00:30:00] babe, um, do you think you could just figure out dinner? Normally I do, but do you think just this time you could just have some kind of food waiting for me when I get off these calls?
Cause I’m really hungry. And um, I get off my call, I come out the door, my husband comes in the door and right away. When he sees me, he remembers, Oh, I was supposed to be food. Right. And like, I’m like so hungry and, and now hangry. And he’s, and he says, uh, Are you angry with me? And I look at him and I say, body is angry.
And then we both started laughing and then we figured out food. But it like separated because I was mad, but I wasn’t really mad at him. I was just mad because I was hungry and I kind of knew that there wouldn’t be any food. And, and so if you can like separate by kind of using something as simple as that phrase, When you need that [00:31:00] extra moment to, um, figure out why you’re feeling what you’re feeling, that can be helpful as well.
Yeah.
Scott DeLuzio: way you said it too, like when you first said it, um, uh, what popped in my head is it kind of sounded almost like, like a caveman talk, kind of like, uh, like body angry, you know, like that type of thing, right? And it kind of made me chuckle a little bit when, when you said it, because, uh, it was a, to me, it was a funny way of, of saying it, but, um, In a way, I, and I, I don’t think that’s, that was your intention of saying it that way to, uh, you know, sound like a, like, like that type of type of response, but, and maybe it was, but in, in my thought process is if somebody came to me the way you did to your husband, if my, like my wife came to me and said, body’s angry, I, I would be like, yeah, Like, okay, well, this is funny.
And I would start laughing, which would make her start [00:32:00] laughing. And now we kind of separated, uh, that emotion, that, that angry emotion. Now we’re laughing, now we’re happy. You know, now we have a, uh, you know, there’s still an unresolved issue. You still were hungry and you still wanted food, but, but we, we can laugh about it at this point.
And I think that kind of replaces that, that negativity where otherwise someone Scream and yell and say things that maybe hurt the other person, things that you might not be able to take back and that type of thing. And, and at least you can laugh about it and then figure it out together as opposed to, uh, spending time yelling and screaming and arguing about something that you could otherwise be figuring it out.
Jennie Potter: Yeah.
Scott DeLuzio: make sense? Is that kind of along the lines?
Jennie Potter: I like it cause it diffuses. Uh, it also, and it separates. Uh, so you become the observer of what’s happening instead of being in it and owning it. So it does a few things. Now I could have said to [00:33:00] him, Yes, I am angry. I asked you to blah, blah, blah. And I kind of knew you wouldn’t. I could have gone there or I could have said, um, yeah, I’m angry, but I’m not angry at you.
But the like body is angry kind of like just diffuses it. So I like it. It’s a cool tool to use, especially with couples. Um, and as, as a parent, right, because especially if it takes you a minute to process, like oftentimes that zero to a hundred spot is because like many of us, you know, had difficult childhoods or experienced stuff.
Um, you know, um, speaking to veterans, what they’ve gone through, um, and what people have gone through and, uh, teachers, bosses, you know, um, That kind of stuff. Um, we respond to zero to a hundred because we’ve had experience in the past of having to, like you spoke, [00:34:00] spoke to already. So if we can, if there’s anything we can do to give us buffer from the response we’re feeling to the actual reaction, you know, the thing that we do, that’s good.
Yeah.
Scott DeLuzio: So what are some of the challenges that people might face when they’re trying to implement this, this method into their, their lives? And, and, um, you know, I can see like at least initially, um, you know, before this becomes almost muscle memory type of thing, where it’s just. As natural as, you know, you know, doing anything that you, you do every day.
Um, I could see remembering to do this could be a challenge, but are there other challenges that people face when they’re, they’re trying to do this and how can they overcome those, those challenges?
Jennie Potter: Yeah, so remembering to do it definitely, uh, in the moment, that’s why, uh, I sort of suggested the practicing of [00:35:00] like other things that kind of like, Oh, you know, every time I decide I’m going to go on a diet, I go and eat sugar. Like, I wonder why, like, why do I eat that bucket of ice cream when I decided to lose weight or whatever?
And like picking smaller things that aren’t as big of a deal, um, to kind of play with. Or, um, if you have family coming over, family is often the source of triggers. Uh, so if you’ve got like a dinner coming up, you know, being prepared, like, okay, I’m going to practice my alarm method at the table because, you know, my sibling always says this, or my mom always does that or whatever.
So, um, yeah. Um, you kind of know the people and situations that trigger you. So having that little chat with yourself before, but also just, um, practicing. Another thing that comes up is people, some people struggle with the location piece, um, where they, they don’t know where they feel an emotion. And so again, practicing that [00:36:00] because we wouldn’t know we were feeling an emotion if we didn’t feel it somewhere.
So how do we know? that one as well. Um, those are the most common. Um,
Scott DeLuzio: based on like that location, when you, when you first mentioned it, when you were going through all the. Step by step kind of breakdown of this. Um, I know like probably a couple of years ago, I probably would have been like, how do you tell where you’re feeling an emotion or, you know, how do you sense that?
But, uh, since then I’ve done started doing some meditations where I would, uh, you know, basically it’s a kind of a guided meditation where it’s like, okay, we’ll feel. you know, the breath coming into your lungs. And it’s like, normally when you breathe, you don’t, you don’t think about feeling breath coming into your lungs.
But if you stop and you slow down and you think about that and block everything else out and focus on that, you’ll actually feel, you know, your, your chest rise, your lungs and, you know, inflating your, you know, all that. [00:37:00] And then you’ll feel the, the breath go, leave your body. You’ll start to feel that and you’ll start to become more aware of things around your body.
Um, and you can do that with other Parts of your body as well. You know, you can, you can feel your, your toes on the floor. You can feel, you know, things that you just don’t think about normally, cause it just are always there. You can start to think about it and you start to notice these things. And I think that might help, um, you know, just again, muscle memory, doing it over and over again, you start to, to get better at this.
The more you do something like this, the better, better off you’ll be. So, um, I, I think doing something like that might help to identify some of the, the location issue. And again, when you’re first starting doing this, that’s probably going to be a difficult step. I would, that’s one of the ones I would have imagined would, would have probably been, been tough before, uh, before you mentioned that.
Jennie Potter: So, um, I remember once I, so my background is in counseling and [00:38:00] when I was in counseling school, um, my, uh, we kind of identified that I had a lot of repressed anger. Now this is way before the motion work and stuff that I’m doing now. But, um, My counselor or teacher at the time said, just allow it. And I was like, but how, like, I don’t want to.
I didn’t want to feel anger. I didn’t want to allow it. I didn’t know how to allow it. So she was like, well, welcome it. I, well, like I just, it was like, it seemed impossible or nebulous or like non tangible to me. And so what I like about the location piece of this exercise is that when you go to the.
Relaxing step, which really is releasing, relaxing, allowing, welcoming. It’s all the breath. It’s all the, you know, um, you can actually physically relax that [00:39:00] area of your body and allow. Um, so I mean, most of us, the reason why we have unprocessed emotions for the most part is that we didn’t want to feel them and we push them down or we didn’t have a safe space to express them.
So
Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And a lot of times, uh, thinking about the military veterans, especially combat, combat veterans who are, um, maybe dealing with something, um, some, some traumatic incident where maybe one of their buddies got, got injured or killed or, or something, and they were in the middle of, uh, They fight for their life at that time too.
So they didn’t have time to just stop and grieve and cry and, and, and be sad. And, and that, that emotion, they had to kind of stuff that down somewhere, somewhere deep down inside. And so they can continue doing what they need to do. They had to go fight and they had to keep their head clear so that nobody else got injured or killed or, or anything.
And so they had [00:40:00] to, uh, kind of stuff some of that stuff down, but at some point you got to. Go back and find that. Where would you pack that stuff and then bring it back out and deal with that? Right. Is that kind of what you.
Jennie Potter: that’s what I want to speak to because there’s a lot of fear around dealing with those, that old stuff, right? It can be scary and um, oftentimes when I work with people, they’re like, Oh, I just don’t know if I have the space to process everything. And it’s kind of a fallacy or like a common mistruth that that you have to experience, uh, the intensity or relive the moment to process an emotion.
So I just want to speak to that because this method, once in a while you’re going to have like waterworks or, um, you know, really notice like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like that was a big one. Like I let that go. I didn’t know. Um, but, uh, oftentimes it’s as simple as relaxing and allowing it to [00:41:00] just like steam from a pot.
It’s just like lifting a lid, steam from a pot, it’s gone. And once it’s gone, it’s gone. So, um, I’m glad that you brought that up because there is, uh, a lot of people don’t deal with their old trauma and emotion because they’re terrified to relive it. Like they just don’t want to, nobody wants to relive trauma, but I’m, I would, I’m here to tell you, you don’t have to relive it to process it.
There’s lots of different methods out there and some people. Um, do relive it to process it, but you don’t have to.
Scott DeLuzio: right. And I think another thing that might hold people back, uh, regarding this is, is if, uh, they, they might feel that if they do release and let go of this and, and allow this to, the steam to escape, you know, using your, your example there, uh, that it might feel like they’ve. They’re, they’re forgetting the, the person [00:42:00] who maybe was injured or the, uh, you know, the, the event that, that, that happened, that they’re going to allow themselves to forget about it.
And, and they don’t want to, they don’t want to do that to that other person. They don’t want to make them feel like they, their sacrifice was not, uh, uh, You know, remembered and honored and that type of stuff. So they, they, in a way, they kind of torture themselves to continue remembering this and it’s not helping them to move on.
Um, and I, and again, I understand how moving on might sound like something that they don’t want to do. I don’t want to move on from this, uh, this. traumatic experience because I want to honor this person and honor their, their memory and their life and all that. And so I don’t want to just move on because it sounds like you’re forgetting about it, but that’s not what you’re saying here.
Right.
Jennie Potter: I’m saying you can take the gold with you, you can take, uh, you can take the memories with you, but just [00:43:00] release the, uh, The pain associated with, so you can still carry those memories and that importance and those events with you. Um, but you don’t have to carry the charge and, um, because that charge is now impacting your current relationships and your current opportunities and your current endeavors.
And so you can still take it with you. Um, if there’s a special way to like honor that event, whatever it was, then. You know, uh, create your own special event to do that, but you, you’ll never forget. It’s just, um, that you can remember, uh, without the charge is the word that keeps coming to mind. Yeah,
Scott DeLuzio: And that’s a good word. I think for it too, because that charge, um, that, that trigger, you know, things along those lines, those are the things that, that. I feel like are [00:44:00] maybe holding you back, and, and that you need to, you need to do something to Allow yourself to continue while still honoring and remembering, uh, you know, kind of what, what took place.
Um, you know, if, if that’s the, the thing, like some people might be totally fine with, like, I want to forget that this ever happened. And, and if they can, they can figure out a way to do that, then, and, and if that’s what they, they’re looking for in their life and that’s what helps them move on, then, then, you know, more power to you.
But other people, I do know they, they don’t want to let go. And some of that. Again, to, uh, you know, even just looking behind you, the self sabotage, no more on the wall that you have right there. Right. And, and, and that’s, uh, you know, the, the name of the book to, um, That feels like a bit of self sabotage, like you’re holding yourself back for what?
And, and that, that’s the thing that you have to kind of, kind of look at it like, is [00:45:00] it, is it worth it to now live the rest of your life in a way that you’re, you’re shackled and you’re held down, uh, by this traumatic event so you can’t. Move on and go live a great life. The life that you deserve, the life that you, you should have.
Um, you know, which knowing, you know, of all the people I’ve talked to on this show, uh, military veterans, who’s ever lost anybody in combat or knows people who have, have, uh, you know, died in combat, every single one of them has always been like, they would want. us to go on and live a great and happy life.
So that their, their, um, their sacrifice is not in vain. Right? So do that. Stop self sabotaging yourself and, uh, you know, Work on, work on that, that stuff internally. First, I think, um, you had mentioned, um, uh, you know, work on some of those smaller [00:46:00] things, but work on those things that you know, you don’t have to wait for something else to happen to you, but you know that you do those things.
You hit the snooze button. You don’t go to the gym. You don’t go out for a walk. You don’t, you do those things, work on those things, uh, those little things. And that, that’s like a great way daily to practice this. So you start developing that muscle, if you will. And, and then. When those, those other things, those external things start happening, then you can, you can start applying that.
But, but if you don’t have that practice in place, it’s not going to be, you know, uh, you know, you’re in your nature to just. Do that. You’re going to, it’s going to take some time, uh, to, to figure that out, I think. Right. So, uh, going forward, um, you know, I know there’s probably gonna be some listeners out there who want to find out more mission, uh, more information about, um, your book, uh, self sabotage no more. Um, us a little bit about the book, um, what they can expect from it. If, uh, they grab [00:47:00] a copy of where they can get it.
Excellent.
Jennie Potter: uh, so if you go to JennyPotter. com, which is J E N N I E P O T T E R dot com, uh, there, I have free resources in there. There’s um, also the Alarm Method and, uh, and you can click on a link that’ll just take you to Amazon. Uh, Amazon is where my book lives. So, uh, if you want to hop to Amazon and get a copy, uh, the book is short and sweet.
I wrote it, uh, to, my goal was to impact as many people as possible, uh, with some really simple tools. Uh, I kind of start out and explain why we show up the way that we do and then move into how we can, um, shift that with some simple methods. Uh, not just emotions, but also like beliefs that we created along the way and, um, things like that.
So, uh, it’s really, um, the feedback I get is that it’s very easy to read, uh, and that there’s a very [00:48:00] tangible and simple tools in there that will help you, um, help you live, uh, a more clear life, a life where you’re, you feel more neutral. Uh, and can get more clear on your goals and your mission and what it is, how you want to feel in the world and what you want to create in the world too.
So that’s, um, yeah, that’s Self Sabotage No More. And it really was, uh, written for everybody.
Scott DeLuzio: Excellent. Excellent. And I will have a link to that in the show notes. So the website again, jennipotter. com, J E N N I E P O T T E R dot com. Uh, again, that link will be in the show notes so you don’t have to jot it down if you’re driving or anything like, don’t do that. Just click on the show notes when you get to.
And, uh, and, and you’ll be able to grab a copy of the book there, find out more about the alarm method and all of that. So, uh, before we wrap up the show, uh, just real quick, I usually like to end the show with a little bit of humor. [00:49:00] Um, either, uh, telling a joke, watching a funny video of people doing stupid things.
Some, some of the jokes I tell are pretty corny. Um, but. That’s fine. Uh, if it gets someone to laugh, even if it’s laughing at me, I’m willing to make a fool out of myself. So that’s, uh, kind of, kind of the, the goal here, just get everybody to laugh. So, um, so here’s the joke. Um, so there’s a tough old cowboy from Texas.
He, he’s counseling his granddaughter, uh, that, uh, Uh, if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal every morning. And the granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103 when she died. Um, and she left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great grandchildren, 25 great great grandchildren, and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
Jennie Potter: Oh my goodness.[00:50:00]
Scott DeLuzio: I don’t think, I don’t think, uh, the tough old cowboy was considering the fact that she might be cremated as opposed to buried, which, which would have been a whole lot safer for someone who has gunpowder in their bloodstream. So, um, anyways, uh, thanks again for taking the time to join us, uh, Jenny. And, uh, I really do appreciate you sharing the alarm method and your book, uh, self, self help.
Sabotage No More. Uh, hopefully some folks out there will, will go out and grab a copy of it and, uh, reach out to you to find out more information if they, they’re needing some help and some guidance to, uh, kind of help, uh, along their journey of healing and, and stopping that self sabotage. So thank you again.
Jennie Potter: Thanks so much, Scott. Thank you.
Scott DeLuzio: Thanks for listening to the Drive On Podcast. If you want to support the show, please check out Scott’s book, Surviving Son on Amazon. All of the sales from that book go directly back into this [00:51:00] podcast and work to help veterans in need. You can also follow the Drive On Podcast on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, and wherever you listen to podcasts.