Episode 411 Nick Padlo Overcoming Addiction and Mental Health Transcript

This transcript is from episode 411 with guest Nick Padlo.

Scott DeLuzio: [00:00:00] Thanks for tuning in to the Drive On Podcast where we are focused on giving hope and strength to the entire military community. Whether you’re a veteran, active duty, guard, reserve, or a family member, this podcast will share inspirational stories and resources that are useful to you. I’m your host, Scott DeLuzio, and now let’s get on with the show.

Hey everyone. Welcome back to Drive On. I’m your host, Scott DeLuzio. And today my guest is Nick Padlow. Nick is an army veteran and currently serves as the CEO of Sophros Recovery, a wellness center based in Tampa, dedicated to the recovery and wellbeing of veterans and their families. Uh, today we’ll be discussing Nick’s journey, the benefit of wellness programs and how Sophros Recovery is specifically helping those in the military community.

So, uh, before we get into that, Nick, uh, welcome to the show. Glad to have you here.

Nick Padlo: Thanks, Scott. Appreciate it.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, [00:01:00] absolutely. So, uh, tell us a little bit about yourself, your experience in the military and, and how it kind of helped guide you to what you’re doing now.

Nick Padlo: Yeah. So, so I grew up in Jacksonville, Florida. Um, actually live in Jacksonville now. We’ve got a location here in Tampa. Uh, grew up here, uh, went to West Point when I was 18. Um, and, uh, you know, was in the army from 2003 to 2008. Um, so I was in for five years, uh, stationed in Hawaii with 25th Infantry Division.

Um, and we spent most of our time downrange. Uh, about 27 months, uh, between Afghanistan and Iraq, um, you know, I look back on that time and I’m, you know, super thankful for, um, you know, the friends I made, the experiences I had, the leadership lessons and, um, you know, got out of the army in 2008, um, went to business school.

And, you know, when I think about kind of, you know, some of the challenges that I’ve had since, and we can get more into those, but I think, you know, some of them were around kind of just trying to figure out who I was. You know, outside the army, because [00:02:00] for me and for a lot of people, I think those are such transformative years, um, you know, in your life that you start to really identify with that.

And, um, you know, I kind of had a struggle redefining who I was, but, but the experience overall was great.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And I, I definitely agree with that from all the people I’ve talked to on this show, a lot of times, uh, kind of just rediscovering who you are because you’re Identity gets so intertwined with the military, you know, no matter what branch you served in, um, you, you get known as I’m a soldier. That’s that, that’s what it is, you know, and, and your, um, your whole identities kind of revolves around that until that gets kind of taken away.

And I don’t care if it’s, uh, if someone who just served for a few years or they did 20 plus years in, in the service, um, I don’t know, they do a great job at brainwashing us, I guess, you know, to [00:03:00] get that instilled in us. Um, so no matter how long you served, it kind of becomes a part of your identity. Um, And then, like you were saying, then, then all of a sudden it’s not.

So who are you after that? Right. Um, so tell us about Sophros recovery, um, and kind of where that came from. Um, and the approaches that you guys use towards, uh, recovery and wellness and all that, and, and how. How we got started.

Nick Padlo: And so, so after I went to business school, um, I, I started a company out of Dallas and, you know, the company was, um, was doing great. It was, it was a rocket ship. Unfortunately, I was going just as fast in the opposite direction personally. And so, you know, I found myself dealing with depression, with anxiety, with alcohol, with drugs, you know, really just, um, trying to cope with these kind of feelings and, you know, sense of being lost and all the things that we’re talking about earlier too.

And, um, so I [00:04:00] went to treatment in 2018. Um, I went twice. I like to say I liked it so much, I went back, but that’s not exactly how it worked out. Um, so I went to treatment a couple of times. Um, and after the second time I picked up, I moved to Cambodia for three months. Uh, just lived at a temple there practicing mindfulness and yoga and, you know, really wanted to come back to be able to start a business, you know, as an entrepreneur who’s gone through this experience, it’s like, okay, how do I now, how do I now find opportunity in that to, to build a business and help other people?

And so SoftRose was really started out of my own experience, um, you know, as a way to kind of help people who were struggling with some of the same stuff that I had been struggling with. And that was really. That was really where we got started. And we got started in Jacksonville about three years ago.

Um, you know, fortunately we’ve had, you know, a lot of great clients and our team’s been wonderful. And so now we’re, we’re open in Tampa as well.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. Excellent. And you know, it’s great to see businesses, especially like yours growing and expanding and, uh, [00:05:00] not, not because it’s great that there’s a need for it. Right. Obviously we, I’d love to see you go out of business, you know, and not, not in a

Nick Padlo: too. I’ll find something else to do. If everybody gets well, I’ll find something else to do. No problem.

Scott DeLuzio: Um, but you know, there is obviously a need out there for, you know, recovery and, and, um, you know, helping people get through this difficult time that they may be going through.

So, um, you know, you’re, you’re expanding and obviously doing things right because, uh, otherwise people wouldn’t be coming in the door. Right. So, um, Tell us a little bit about the approach that you take. It seems like just by looking at the website, kind of more of a, uh, holistic approach to recovery, uh, talk to us about kind of what you guys do and how it works.

Nick Padlo: Yeah. You know, I wish, I wish I could say that if you were struggling with mental health or addiction, that there was one thing that you could do. They would help you, right? I wish there was like one tool we could have. It’s like, Oh, if I got better at this, then I’d be healed. Right? And [00:06:00] unfortunately, it’s not like that.

And so, you know, I look at it as, you know, how do we start to assemble what I call a recovery toolkit? Right? And it’s this, you can kind of imagine, you know, in life you encounter these different things, right? And some need one tool to fix and others need another tool, right? You know, you may need a hammer one day, you may need a wrench another day, you may need something else, right?

And so, you know, the, the things that we focus on, we do a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy, which is basically just a fancy way to say, Hey, how do I recognize when my brain is lying to me and try to adjust it? Right. Um, the other thing that we do is dialectical behavior therapy. And so I look at that as when I’m a nine out of 10, my emotions, my cravings, when I’m just really upset, I need a set of tools.

that I can employ to put the fire out. I need a fire extinguisher today, right? Um, and then mindfulness is a big part of what we do as well, which is how do we start to exist in the present moment without feeling like we need to escape? And for me, that’s my daily practice, right? [00:07:00] If I’m not doing that, I get in trouble.

And so what am I doing to do that maintenance on myself to keep myself up? Uh, we talked a lot about relationships and communication. Um, you know, how do we, how do we strengthen those relationships that are important in our lives? How do we have healthy relationships? You know, I’m thankful, like my, my significant other is in recovery too.

Right. And so, you know, we support each other and it’s super symbiotic and healthy. Right. I, I encounter clients and friends who have an incredibly unhealthy life at home. Right. Well, this is hard enough. When everything else is supportive, right? It’s like almost impossible when everybody else has got my back.

Well, when somebody doesn’t have your back, then it becomes even harder, right? And so we also cover things like trauma and, you know, the individual experience as well. And so, you know, it’s not about, Hey, here’s the solution, but it’s, let me start to build this toolkit. Let me give you different tools. Let me practice those tools, keep them sharp, whatever over analogy you want to use.

And But how do we keep all these things ready so that when we need them, when life [00:08:00] gets lifey, that we’ve got a tool that we can pull out of our bag and be like, Oh, this is the right tool for this. Let me use that. Rather than going back to my old behaviors,

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, I like that. And because, um, I I’ve actually used this same analogy that like a toolbox, uh, with various things that you learn throughout your life. I mean, there’s. A whole host of skills. I mean, everything from, you know, way back when you learned how to tie your shoes and how to read and how to do basic math and, and things like that.

And then move it on to the military. When you learned how to, you know, shoot your weapons and, uh, you know, do anything else that the military taught you, those are all tools that you have. Right. Um, you. You learned how to, you know, keep your head on a swivel, looking for threats constantly, and you’re looking, you’re, you’re, you’re overseas and you’re looking for IEDs and, uh, you know, other, other things like that, that, that could jump out and get you.

Um, those are all tools. Um, Some tools you need to [00:09:00] use on a daily basis. You need to learn how to do the reading and, uh, you know, maybe math. You need to keep those tools with you on a daily basis. Um, you know, as I’m driving to the grocery store, I really don’t think I need to be scanning for IDs. That’s not a tool I need to be

Nick Padlo: Oh man. You know, and it’s, it’s funny you mentioned that, like, you know, I always use the example of, you know, You always know the veterans in a restaurant because we’re always sitting with our back to the wall. We know where all the exits are. We know what everybody’s wearing. But like, the reality is I’m at Applebee’s and there’s probably not a guy trying to kill me today.

And that uses so much brain power and energy and anxiety and hypervigilance. And like, we’ve got to let our brains reset, right? We’ve got to figure out how to, how to go back to normal where, you know, a trip to the grocery store, like you said, there’s no IED on the way to the grocery store, most likely.

Scott DeLuzio: So kind of continuing that analogy. So I think of it like, uh, like a contractor or someone who’s, [00:10:00] uh, you know, building a house or something like that, where they bring the. The typical tools that they’re going to use on a regular basis, their hammers, their drills, their, their screwdrivers, things like that, that they’re going to use frequently, they, they keep them on them in their tool belt.

And so they walk around with that, but they got a whole crap load of other tools that are out in the truck, in the, in the box, in the truck. Right. And they’re there if they need them, but they may only need them. Once in a while, every once in a while, they may not need them for a year. They still have them just in case they, they need to go out and get it.

Um, you know, and so I think of these, a lot of these tools, like, like you’re just talking about, like the, the veteran who’s sitting in Applebee’s, who’s got his head on a swivel, his back to the wall, he knows where all the exits are, I’m not saying any of that’s a bad thing, you know, obviously being aware of your surroundings, it’s generally a good thing.

You don’t want to just be sitting there. Oblivious to the fact that the [00:11:00] place is getting robbed or something, you know, like when that happens to you, but, but you can turn that back on just like the contractor. They can go back out to their truck and grab that tool. You can turn that back on when you need it, but you don’t need to be.

Constantly searching for threats every single second of the day, all over the place. You know, 4th of July is coming up. I know this episode’s coming up, um, uh, you know, a month later or so, uh, after 4th of July, but as we’re recording, we’re, we’re just about at 4th of July. Fireworks are going to be going off.

And we know this, we know that fireworks, the 4th of July equals fireworks. It’s just going to happen. So you should probably be prepared for that and just know, Hey, when I hear a big round boom in the, in the sky, chances are it’s a firework. It’s not somebody, you know, sending mortars to my house or, you know, anything like that, you know, it’s,

Nick Padlo: Yeah, and if I am, if I am affected by it, what tools am I going to use to get through that night, right? [00:12:00] If I do have a reaction, say, you know, my PTSD kicks in, like, what am I going to do? Who do I have to call? Do I have a friend I can call? Do I have, you know, a relative? Do I have some breathing techniques?

What am I going to do? Or am I just going into it with no plan and no tools? And I’m going to freak out all night, right? And I’m going to go drink or whatever, right? We don’t want to do that, so we got to have a plan.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And, and, and to that point, that, that, that plan is, uh, another tool that we’ve learned. We’ve learned how to make plans and, and kind of prep for certain circumstances like that. And you can’t prep for every, uh, contingency, every circumstance, right. But, um, the mindfulness, the meditation, the things that you talked about earlier, uh, kind of helps kind of Keep you in that present moment.

So you can be like, Oh yeah, that’s just a firework. Or, you know, you can have some other unexpected thing and you can react to it. Um, and be like, Oh, it’s not that big a deal. It was just, you know, the garbage truck out front that made that loud noise or [00:13:00] whatever. Okay, we’re good. I don’t need to low crawl to the door to figure it out, you know?

Nick Padlo: Exactly.

Scott DeLuzio: So, um, so you guys do. A lot of things that are kind of tailored probably more towards the, the unique needs of the individuals, um, that, that are coming in. You got, you know, physical wellness, mental health, uh, type support. Uh, how do these programs work together and, and how do they help individuals, uh, kind of the way in, in the way that you do it.

Nick Padlo: Yeah, so, so I look at it, you know, we talked about kind of the different therapeutic modalities, right? And that’s kind of all under our clinical side. So within the clinical side we’ve got group therapy, which is really important for veterans specifically, I think. So group therapy, the whole premise there is that you’re not alone, right?

You think you’re the only one that’s ever experienced this. You think you’re a terrible, you know, SOB, whatever you think about yourself, you start to see other people who are struggling with the same stuff. And you’re like, wow, he’s not that [00:14:00] bad. And he’s, he’s dealing with the same stuff, right? So you start to relate.

You start to have those interactions where you’re like, okay, I’m not alone. And I can see other people in the group who are getting through it. I can start to see people with like long term sobriety and recovery and all that stuff that I want. And so, so I’m starting to like get that. You also have the individual therapy, which is a little more tailored toward the needs of the individual.

And that might be working through trauma or PTSD. It might be working on relationships, might be sobriety, whatever that is that’s for this person. And then there’s another leg that’s our medical side. So we’ve got a medical director who’s a doctor, we’ve got nurses. And the thought process there is. You know, if you have a table that has, you know, four legs, right.

And one side of it is your, you know, mental health or whatever. Another side of it is going to be your, your physical health. Right? If you’re dealing with crippling depression that you can’t fix, you may need something, and at least in the short term, you may need something, you know, to medicate that so that you can focus on developing these tools and skills.

So we have our medical team there to support, um, that side. And [00:15:00] then, of course, we’ve also got, um, Uh, case management, which is, you know, another leg of the stool is, do I have a job? Do I have a house? Do I have transportation? Do I have these basic needs? Like, what can we do to start filling in that gaps?

And we’re not a, you know, we don’t run seven nonprofits that have You know, all these different resources, but we know how to get you set up with them, right? We know how to point you in the right direction to help you do the things that you need to do to be successful, right? Learn how to fish, so to speak.

And then the final one is really the alumni program, which is just, you know, for that next year providing ongoing support.

Scott DeLuzio: that’s good that too, that you provide that ongoing support. So it’s not like. Oh, you’re done. And we’re wiping our hands of you and good luck and see how things go from there. Um, it, you keep up with the person and make sure, you know, if, I don’t know, things start to go sideways, they, they have that support network

Nick Padlo: Yep. Come on back. You know, I, I mean, when you [00:16:00] graduate our program, there’s two things I hope. One is I hope I never see you in the program again. And two, I hope that if you need it, I do see you again. And that’s fine. There’s no shame in that, right? I mean, I’ve been to rehab more than once. Like, sometimes we don’t get it the first time.

And so, you know, we need that, that open door that we know is going to be welcoming if things go sideways. Um, we never want to plan on it. But we don’t need to fall into that shame spiral of, you know, well, I’ve, I’ve screwed up now, so screw it. I might as well go all in. Well, you might not come back.

Scott DeLuzio: right, right. And. And knowing that there, that door is still open, that it’s, it’s not being shut on you. Um, again, like you were saying before, there are people who, um, are, are going through this, you know, that you have that support, uh, you know, that you have other people there, um, who have, uh, The path that you’ve walked and, and they know what you’re going through.

And so like, that’s a door that you’re, you’re going to [00:17:00] be more likely to want to go back through. Um, you know, that there, those people are understanding of what it is that you have going on. So, so that’s great. Yeah.

Nick Padlo: I look at, I look at, you know, addiction and mental health, especially addiction is, you know, I look at it as a chronic disease, right? This is not an acute thing where we go in, we clean the wound, we do surgery, we stitch you up and you’re healed. Right. It is something that can go into remission, right?

Like cancer, you know, it can go into remission. We can get treated. It goes into remission. Um, but it can come back. And thankfully there are things that we can do, you know, as people who struggle with drugs, alcohol, mental health, you know, there are things that we can do to keep that in remission, right? We do our maintenance, we do our work, we go to AA meetings, we go to SMART recovery meetings, we go to alumni events, we stay engaged.

And that’s why we provide that, you know, so that. So that people have that resource. Um, but you know, to think that this is a quick fix and you go off to some sunny rehab in California and then you’re [00:18:00] healed, like it just doesn’t work that way. Um, and you know, frankly, I’m glad it doesn’t because. You know, the work that I have to do on myself to stay sober also makes me a better person.

Right? It, it does. And so, um, when I’m not doing it, I’m at risk. And when I am doing it, not only am I not at risk, but I’m actually like, you know, better, better human.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And because you’re kind of taking a, uh, approach where you’re looking at the overall big picture, uh, of, of you and your, your life and what you need. And, uh, you know, you mentioned earlier the mindfulness and the meditation and, uh, you know, that kind of helps keep you more focused on the present moment, which helps not only you in, in terms of your, uh, recovery and your, your, um, you know, any issues that you might be going through, but also helps you with, uh, You know, your personal relationships and business relationships and other, other things like that, because you’re, you’re here, you’re present.

You’re not, your mind isn’t, you know, two weeks away [00:19:00] where you’re worrying about that, that deadline or that thing that you need to do, or, you know, whatever you’re, you’re here and you, you can be focused on what’s going on with your life. The people who are around you right now. Right.

Nick Padlo: Well, and you know, you think back to that, I, I don’t know, I don’t know. It was Abraham Lincoln or somebody, you know, the, the internet attributes it to, it’s like if you’re cutting down a tree, I spend the first two thirds of the time sharpening the ax. Right. You know, we think about our lives. You know, alcoholics and addicts do that all the time because we’re going to meetings and we’re working on ourselves, but most people, they don’t spend an hour or two hours a day sharpening the ax, right?

Working on themselves, they go to work, they do the thing, they come back, they hang out with family, they do, you know, they might have a hobby, but they’re not investing in themselves. And so, you know, I look at it as, um, you know, it was a hard road to get to the blessing, but it’s a blessing that I’m kind of forced to do that because without, without being forced, I probably wouldn’t do it.

Nobody does. Um, but, but I’m, I’m forced to work on myself, um, you know, with, otherwise I have disastrous consequences. So [00:20:00] I, you know, it’s good for me.

Scott DeLuzio: So there might be some folks out there who are maybe a little bit hesitant, uh, to go through a program like the one that you, you have to offer. Um, what are some of the, um, The things that might hold somebody back, like, like keep them from wanting to, to get in there. And then like, what, what do you say to these people to, to kind of help them overcome that, to, to actually get through and go through these programs?

Yeah.

Nick Padlo: uh, objection that people have, especially military folks, and I assume most of your listeners are associated with the military. And so, um, you know, the biggest objection I think I hear from, well, I don’t hear it cause these people don’t talk to us, but the biggest objection I think we have as a group is this cultural tough it out mentality.

Right? I mean, I remember being on runs, like battalion runs, company runs or whatever, or even just the APFT or whatever. And you’re on this run and you’re doing this thing and you have, like, a lingering sprained ankle or whatever. And the answer is you just tough it out. [00:21:00] You just run on it. You don’t fall out of formation.

You go. Right? Which, you know, there’s benefits to that in a PT run in the army. And if I’m 24 years old and I hurt my ankle a little more, it’ll heal fast, right? Unfortunately, that same mentality when transferred to mental health doesn’t work. Um, we can’t tough it out, you know, and there’s a, there’s a stigma that, you know, if we, if, if you get shot in combat and you’re hurt, nobody calls you weak, right?

Nobody calls you weak for getting shot, right? But for whatever reason, if my mental health is hurt, or if I’m struggling with drugs or alcohol, I feel like I’m weak if I say something, if I admit it. I feel like I’m, I feel like I should be stronger. Well, like, look, the reality is you’re here, you know, and, and I always say to folks, you know, if you, if you, would you ever run away from an enemy in combat?

No, I’d never, you know, it’s okay. Well, right now your enemy is me. It’s your depression, your anxiety, your drugs, and your alcohol. And, like, why are you running away now? [00:22:00] And so, we’ve got to face it. We’ve got to do it. And the courageous thing is not to run from it. It’s not to hide it, right? Hiding and running, those don’t sound like courageous terms for military folks, right?

And so, the courageous thing is to say, Hey, look, I’ve got an issue. I’m going to like charge through the objective. I’m going to go do whatever I have to do to fix it because that’s who I am, right? I’m a guy who, who takes care of my family and myself. And like, I’m going to go do that. Um, you know, and the other thing I’d say to people is that, you know, as you try to tough this out, like, as soon as you start asking yourself, if you have a problem, or as soon as someone else thinks you might, you probably do, you’re probably, you’re probably pretty far ahead.

Um, and so. The earlier you get it fixed, the easier it’s going to be to get out of it, right? The earlier you start to address it and go to a program or start going to AA or whatever, the easier it’s going to be to get out of it. Um, you know, because this is a progressive disease, you know, if, if left to its own, it doesn’t, it doesn’t get better.

And the, the bad part is it doesn’t stay [00:23:00] the same either. It gets worse, right? It’s progressive. And so, you know, our body, it’s the way our, you know, we get into the neuro, we don’t need to get into the neuroscience, but like, that’s the way our brains are wired with this disease. And so the longer we let it go, the deeper we’re going to be in and the harder it’s going to be to get out.

So I just tell people, look, if you feel like you have a problem, at least come and get it, you know, let’s take care of business and then let’s move forward. Right. And you’re going to have a hard time moving forward without that.

Scott DeLuzio: And, you know, to your point, there are, A whole host of professionals that we go to see on a daily basis, almost, uh, where we, we go to a mechanic to get our car fixed. And it’s not like we’re, you know, weak or incompetent or anything. Uh, we, we go and do that, or we go. To get our hair cut at a barbershop because we don’t want our hair to look stupid by cutting ourselves.

You know, we, we go and we, we find other professionals to do things. We have a, you know, accountants to do our taxes. We have, uh, you know, [00:24:00] I can go on and on with all these different professions that are out there that help us in ways that we are lacking. You know, uh, not everyone’s going to be an accountant.

Not everyone’s going to be able to understand the tax code and do all those things. You’re not an idiot because you can’t do that. Like you just have other things you need to occupy your time with. And, and so you’re not supposed to be an expert in that. That’s why there are experts. Otherwise they’d just be regular people who, you know, just know things that everyone else knows.

So if you’re having a problem with mental health or addiction or, you know, anything like that, there are experts out there who can help you deal with that. Um, It’s, it’s really no different if you think about it that way, you know, you go to a doctor, bring it back to medical terms. You break your, your leg and you go to the doctor, get it healed.

Like you’re not weak because you went to the doctor. Like it was broken. You get it fixed. Otherwise.

Nick Padlo: Exactly. And it’s the same thing. I mean, you know, and [00:25:00] I know not everybody sees it that way, but it doesn’t really matter how everybody sees it. Right. And I think people are, you know, as a whole starting to understand more and more, you know, coming out of COVID, I think there were a lot of people that struggled with depression that had never done it before.

And there were a lot of people that were struggling with drinking too much that had never done it before. And so a large portion of the society at least is starting to understand a little bit like, Oh, I see how that can get somebody. Because it had never gotten me before. Now, now I, Experience a little bit of it.

And like, I understand. So like the stigma is becoming less and less. I think the biggest stigma is the one we put on ourselves. You know, we would never judge a friend for doing that. Like if one of our buddies was, was that, it was like, Hey, you know what? I felt like I was drinking a little too much. It wasn’t really good for me.

I went and got it squared away. And now I’m like, You know, live in my best life and I’m healthier. My relationship’s better. We wouldn’t be like, Oh man, you were so weak.

Scott DeLuzio: you’re right.

Nick Padlo: be like, Oh, that’s great. Good for you. You know, you know, if you still drink with him, you might be like, Oh man, I lost my drinking buddy.

But at the same time, you’d be like, wow, I’m proud of this guy for taking care of business.

Scott DeLuzio: And, and that’s, that’s also like, [00:26:00] I try to instill this type of attitude in my kids when I talk to them, um, not talking about drinking buddies, obviously, but, but, um, if you have a friend and the friend has a problem and what do you do? Do you help them with the problem? Do you make fun of them because of the problem?

Do you ignore them because of the problem? You know, how do you react to this type of person? And. So I tell my, my kids, like, if. You’re in a situation and you have a problem. Something’s something’s wrong. And your, your friends, quote unquote, friends just abandon you. Are they really friends? You know, are they really those people that you want to have around you, uh, in your life, because life will get hard.

I mean, I know you’re, they’re just kids right now. And, and, you know, toughest thing that they probably have to deal with is maybe a flat tire on their bike, but you know, still, if, if their friends abandoned them for that, [00:27:00] like what happens if stuff gets really tough? Like they’re going to be with nobody, you know, and so, you know, pay attention to those little cues of, you know, how, what is the character of, of, of these people and, and how can they help, um, you know, in, in support you in these types of things.

Um, and you were talking about, oh, good.

Nick Padlo: I think taking that one step further, you know, it’s how do we treat our friends when they’re going through a problem and then how do we treat ourselves when we’re going through a problem too, right? What are the things that I say to myself? Because, you know, if I wouldn’t say this to a friend who was struggling with it, I shouldn’t be saying it to myself.

Scott DeLuzio: Absolutely. Um, Now on the topic of friends and even family, uh, you, you mentioned before, sometimes people are coming from terrible family situation or home situation, whatever their, their situation is, uh, going into, uh, uh, a treatment center like yours. Um, [00:28:00] How can family members and friends, uh, support someone who is in the midst of, uh, recovery and trying to figure this all out?

How, what can they do? Or, or maybe, uh, a different way to ask the same question is what shouldn’t they do? What, what are things that they should avoid too? You know, maybe, maybe both sides, you

Nick Padlo: sure. Yeah, I was gonna, I was gonna go into that anyway. Um, so, you know, we hear this term enabling a lot. Right. And so, you know, what is enabling? Um, you know, I look at enabling as protecting someone from the natural consequences of their, uh, unhealthy behavior. So if somebody is, you know, getting drunk all the time and we’re like cleaning up their messes, literally or figuratively, that’s enabling, right?

If we’re giving them money because they’re blowing their money on drugs and alcohol, that’s enabling, right? The opposite of it, not an opposite, but another term that’s kind of a different thing is supporting, [00:29:00] right? So supporting someone in the action of their healthy behavior, right? It’s, it’s, it’s a reinforcing mechanism, right?

So if someone says, if someone’s kind of lost in this cycle of mental health and drugs and alcohol, and they can’t keep a job down and we’re paying their rent every month, that’s enabling, right? If someone says, Hey, I want to get clean and sober, I’m trying to go to treatment. Will you help me with that cost?

To me, that’s supporting, right? Because I’m not enabling, I’m not supporting the bad behavior. What I’m doing is I’m encouraging the new behavior. And I’m not saying that you have to pay for it, right? But what I’m saying is you start to encourage that. Someone needs a ride to treatment, you take them to treatment, right?

You’re not taking them to the bar, but you’re taking them to treatment. Um, you know, it’s, you know, and then the other piece of that is once someone starts to go down the right path, it’s our work as family and friends [00:30:00] to do our best. To start to let go of some of the resentment because addiction is a family disease.

And for a lot of years, we’ve been, you know, our family members, I should say my family members are the ones that took the brunt of it. Right. They’re the ones that are not. And so, so there’s a lot of years and now I’m, you know, now you go to treatment and you’re starting to get well and what you want is a pat on the back and like an attaboy, right?

Well, they’ve just had 10 years of pain. So like, they’re not about to give me an attaboy, right? On the other hand, I need it. And so it’s this fine line of like, yes, you don’t have to forget what happened. Also, let’s try to do our best to support the moves in the positive direction because we want them to continue, right?

If someone starts down the right path and I start beating them up. It’s likely they’re not going to keep going down the right path, which is what I ideally want as a family or friend, right? And so, so it’s very tough and it requires kind of doing our own work, right? There are meetings like Al Anon, um, which is, you know, people [00:31:00] that support people in, you know, in AA or in, in active addiction or recovery, um, smart recovery friends and family, doing your own therapy.

Right. Starting to come to terms with some of that stuff. And it doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid. It doesn’t mean the anger is not valid, but what actions are we going to take now that they’re moving in the right direction? Well, like we want to be as supportive as we can, you know, it’s not zero defect.

It never will be, but that’s, that’s really what I say is like focus on supporting and then doing our best to try to. Not let those past resentments tear the person down once they start doing well,

Scott DeLuzio: Right. And I, I think of it like what is going to be helpful now, you know, if, if I’m holding onto this resentment and I’m angry and bitter and everything, I’m not going to give them the pat on the back when they have gone through and they’ve, they’ve completed recovery or anything like that. I’m not going to be supportive of them.

I’m going to be, you know, knocking them down or I’m going to be, you know, [00:32:00] my anger and frustration out on them. Um, how is that helpful? Uh, who, who is that? And is it even, is it even helping you as a person, uh, to express things that way? Uh, maybe you feel the anger and the resentment and the, you know, whatever, but is it helpful, uh, to put it that way?

I, you know, so you kind of have to do a little. Self work on, you know, some work on yourself and, and figure out like, how do I, how do I make the best of the situation? Like what happened happened. I can’t change that. Do I make the best of this going forward? Um, and there may not be a great answer to that, uh, to that question, right?

If, if the person’s going into recovery, but. You know, that they’re still going to the bar too. And they’re, they’re still, they’re not really, [00:33:00] um, you know, they say they’re doing one thing, but they’re not really doing it, you know, that type of thing, um, there may not be a great answer to how do you, how do you solve this?

You, you might have to

Nick Padlo: And, and I’ll say, I will say that having, having boundaries around those things, um, is a hundred percent valid and encouraged, right? Like, you know, it’s fine to say to someone like, you know, I appreciate the path you’re on. I see the progress. Um, I want you to know that if you go back to that lifestyle, I can no longer support this. can no longer be in this. That’s okay. Like nothing wrong with that. Right. Um, and there’s nothing wrong with walking away. Um, if that’s what you need to do. Um, but, but like staying in it and then also being super destructive, that’s not good for you and it’s not good for them.

Scott DeLuzio: Exactly. Yeah. So when, when you recognize that you have to kind of just make, make those decisions based on, and everyone is going to [00:34:00] be, Different in their, uh, kind of decision making process. But, um, but yeah, if it’s destroying your life too, then you’re going to have to find a, you know, a way around that somehow.

And like you said, sometimes that is walking away. Um, you know, but, um, it, it’s, it’s tough. I think no matter, there’s no easy answers here. I, and like

Nick Padlo: Like addiction wasn’t easy and the recovery process isn’t easy either. Right. On you, on the family member. And, and that’s something for the people who are, You know, going into recovery to know as well, you know, so it’s not just an understanding by a family member, but it’s also an understanding by, you know, the person who’s in recovery, the addict or alcoholic that’s, that’s coming, you know, you also have to understand.

So this is what we talk about when we do family sessions is, you know, on one hand, here’s what the family, you know, here’s their education. On the other hand, to the, to the person who’s, who’s in recovery, it’s like, look, don’t expect the light switch to be turned on overnight. You’ve done a lot of damage, brother, [00:35:00] sister, like you’ve done a lot, you know, and that’s not, it’s trauma, and it’s hurt them, and they’re going to hold some of that, they’re going to hold a lot of that, and they’re going to try to do their best to drop those resentments, at the same time, you also have to understand that they’re going to be there a little bit, and so you have to be understanding, and you have to know that just because you’re on the right path now for 60 days, doesn’t negate that you’ve done a lot of damage for five years, so you have to be understanding that this, you know, as we say in AA, time takes time.

So, like, yeah, it might take them a little bit to come around. So, like, it’s kind of a meet in the middle on both sides.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And that’s, I think a good way to look at it. Um, you know, trying to find some common ground and meet in the middle, um, is, uh, maybe sometimes the best you can, you can do. Right. Um, and, uh, just to understand, yeah, that. Those, those people are dealing with their own things. And I’ve talked to another guest on a different episode about, um, like [00:36:00] secondary PTSD.

So basically like, um, I’m not sure if that’s exactly the term that we were using, but, um, but basically like someone who has PTSD, they have their triggers and the things that, that affect them. And then that affects. Other people in their lives or their families and other people. And so that’s like a whole separate issue that now you have to deal with.

Well, the addiction is, is very similar, uh, where now that has affected other people and now they have their issues that they have to deal with because of that. And, and so now we have to kind of, kind of focus on. And the whole family as, as a unit or, or, you know, other people, uh, who are affected as well.

Um, but if I, uh, you know, focus on, on all those people and try to figure out how do we make this right and how do we move forward and how do we, uh, have a better future? Um, you know, like you said, time takes time and, and it, it might. Not be comfortable for a little while, but, um, you know, if you, if you guys are [00:37:00] both, both parties are working, um, towards a better future, then, then I think there’s, there’s some hope there.

Right.

Nick Padlo: For sure.

Scott DeLuzio: Um, yeah, I, I, I love hearing all this and I know you guys are in Florida and, and so for folks who might not be in, uh, your geographic area, um, Are there, there ways that they can get involved with what you guys are doing, or do you have other places around the country that you kind of work with that, that can help, um, you know, with those, those folks who may not be geographically close, um, you know, or, or are there things that they can look for in, in places, uh, you know, in their area?

Nick Padlo: Yeah, that’s for sure. So, so right now we’re in Florida. Um, we’re in Tampa and Jacksonville. We’ll probably open another location in the next year. Um, we’ll also be opening up a virtual program in Florida.

Scott DeLuzio: Oh, great. Um,

Nick Padlo: residents, but, um, you know, we’re looking to [00:38:00] expand. But, you know, I think when we’re ready.

Yeah. When people are looking for a place, you know, what I would say, the first place that I go to is, um, Google reviews, right? I mean, it’s, sure, you can have fake reviews and stuff, but, but the real reviews also get through there, right? And so start to read what other people’s experience is, um, at a treatment center.

You know, when someone writes a review for a treatment center, it’s a very vulnerable thing to do. You know, you can change your name on, you know, you can sign up for a new Gmail account or whatever, you know, to, to, to, so you don’t have to give your name. But even that’s a hard, it takes, it’s a high bar.

Right? You know, it’s hard enough to go do a review for a restaurant you like or whatever, but if you’re willing to like create another account or put your name out there, um, you know, it says something about the place and read about what their experience has been like. Um, you know, I think that’s really important.

Um, you know, one thing, and it’s super tactical, um, but I tell people to get like their insurance, their health insurance buttoned up. So if they have Tricare, that’s great. If they’ve [00:39:00] got the VA, you know, the VA can sometimes do referrals too. Um, but you know, if they, or if they, or if they don’t have either one or for whatever reason, you know, go out and get an insurance policy for a couple of months, you know, or a few months, like there’s brokers out there and, you know, if you don’t have any money, the, if you’re not making any money, then the exchange programs are cheap.

And what that does is now you have access to all of them. Right. And so your, your sample, your sample set from like what you can choose from goes from this. And now you have more options. So, so I think Google reviews is a great place to look. Um, go visit the place in person. So schedule an assessment and the assessment, you know, a good assessment shouldn’t be one way.

You know, they’re not just assessing you for your viability at their treatment center and trying to sell you to come there. Right? Some feel like that, right? If it feels like that, leave, right? But what it should be is it should be a mutual conversation of like, I’m trying to decide, you’re trying to decide if I’m fit for care here.

Okay. I’m trying to decide if this is the right place for me to get well, if this is a supportive environment, if this is, if this looks and feels [00:40:00] nice, if the clinicians seem like they have, you know, their, their stuff together. Um, yeah, I look at group size. I look at, um, you know, the credentials of the, of the clinicians, you know, are they master’s level or above?

Um, you know, there’s a, there’s a bunch of stuff to look for, but I think I’d start with Google reviews and follow up with an in person visit. And if it’s not, you know, a good treatment center, if they’re not right for you, they’ll find you somewhere else.

Scott DeLuzio: yeah, and, um, yeah, I’m, I’m sure there’s, there’s other options too. So if you, if you get to one, um, and I say this even with, um, so if you, if you get to one medical, uh, treatment or mental, uh, a provider, and doesn’t feel like it’s a good fit, go find another one because. You don’t want to stick in that bad relationship, if you will, um, and, and just stick with it, just because that was the first one that you went to. There are others [00:41:00] that you can, you can check out. Right. And, um, you know, we, we want to make sure that it’s the right fit so that it actually works for you.

Exactly.

Nick Padlo: Yeah. I mean, I tell, you know, if a client’s not happy with us, I’d be more than happy to find them or another, a better place that works for them. I, it’s no, you know, no loss to me. Um, you know, the other thing I would say to people to do is go to any AA meeting and like raise your hand to share and say, you know, Nick alcoholic, I’m struggling, I’m trying all the things.

I think I need treatment. If anybody knows of a really good place, I’d love to talk to you after the meeting. And you’ll have four people come up to you

Scott DeLuzio: Right. Um, and that’s, that’s another great way to is, is because you know, those, those reviews will be, uh, for sure, honest, uh, you know, uh, reviews of that because those, those people who are there, um, you know, they know what you’re going through and they want to help. Um, and, and so, um, that’s, that’s another great way to, to look at it.

Um, for folks who are interested in [00:42:00] the, you know, the Florida area, um, who want to get Involved with, uh, Sophros, uh, recovery. Um, how do they, how do they reach out? Where, where can they go to find out more information about what you are? It’s schedule an assessment, that type of thing.

Nick Padlo: Yeah. So just www. softroastrecovery. com. It’s S O P H R O S recovery. com. Um, our Tampa side is just Softroast Recovery Tampa, but you can go from one to the other. Um, and there’s a phone number on there. Just call and tell them you want to come in and see the place and get to know us and we’re happy to help.

So, and again, if you’re like, you know, say for example, so we don’t do detox, which is like medical detox or residential treatment, so if you need that So hey, look, here’s what I’m, I think I might need more. Um, I don’t, I don’t feel like I can stop drinking on my own even for a day. Okay, fine. We’ll find you a place.

Like, You know, happy to help,

Scott DeLuzio: Excellent. Excellent. Well, it’s, it’s great that there, that the resources are there and that, um, you know, even if this is not. The right fit for those people. [00:43:00] Um, they need more than you can offer or, you know, whatever the case may be. Uh, you, sometimes the hardest thing to do is just picking up that phone and making that first phone call.

Uh, I know for myself, uh, when I got back from Afghanistan, I, like you were saying before, I tried to muscle through it and, um, that didn’t work. And I had to pick up the phone and make a call to get some help. And. That was, that was like one of the scariest phone calls I’ve ever made.

Nick Padlo: hard, so hard.

Scott DeLuzio: So knowing that, you know, regardless of whether or not this is the right place, you’re going to help, uh, at least find, point them in the right direction and find, you know, the, the treatment that will be, uh, right for them.

And that right there just makes you feel like, okay, there’s somebody on my side. Somebody gives a crap about what happens to me, you know, and

Nick Padlo: only have to pick up that heavy phone one time, right? You don’t have to do it a lot. You pick it up once.

Scott DeLuzio: and then somebody else is there to help carry that load, I guess, if you want to put it that way. So, uh, before we wrap up [00:44:00] this episode, I always like to do a segment, uh, whenever I have another veteran on the show, I call it, is it service connected?

Um, and it’s where we get to take a quick look at a, uh, Funny video, kind of America’s funniest home video style of service members, um, doing kind of things that probably are going to get them, uh, service connected, uh, disability is somewhere down the line because they’re doing stupid stuff or whatever.

Um, and you know, it’s usually a fun time to, to watch a video. And so I’m going to share my screen with you real quick. And, um, and share this video for the audio only listeners. I’m going to try to describe what we’re looking at here right now. We’re looking at, it looks like it’s back of a plane, maybe helicopter, uh, looking down at the ground.

It’s kind of blurry. It’s not the best video right now, but I’m going to hit play here in just a second. We’re going to see, uh, kind of what happens here. So here we go. So, yep, definitely, uh, guys jumping out the [00:45:00] back parachute, uh, deploying. And this guy’s parachute did not deploy. Oh crap. And he

Nick Padlo: no.

Scott DeLuzio: heading down and he pulled the reserve.

There he is. He’s good to go. Um, but we’re looking at the faces of everybody else in the, uh, in the back of the plane, and they are scared shitless. Um, they do not want to, they do not want to jump out of this plane at all. Um, and so that. I think that is the kind of the funny part there is, is the reaction, uh, to everybody else who’s like, holy crap, what just happened?

Um, is that going to happen to me? Who packed my chute? Um,

Nick Padlo: Yeah, hopefully not the same guy as that one before him. I mean, I, I can imagine, I can imagine some NCO trying to get you to jump out of an airplane at that point. And I, I imagine, uh, you know, Specialist Johnson giving a real hard pass on that one.

Scott DeLuzio: yeah. Or either that, or he, he’s got some. You know, serious balls to [00:46:00] be able to jump out of that plane, you know, at that point. Uh, but it’s, yeah, that, that I always said, if I’m in a perfectly good airplane with a perfectly good parachute, I’m going to land in a perfectly good airplane with a perfectly good parachute.

You can, you can send airborne, you know, to go do that type of stuff. I am not joining them. That is, that is for, for the birds. Uh, I always hated heights anyway. So like looking out the back of an airplane, I would have just been frozen. They literally would have had to push me and, and get me out the door that way.

Like, there’s no other way I’m getting near the edge. So, um, anyways, uh, Nick, thank you so much for taking the time to join us, uh, sharing what you do, uh, with. Um, with the, the folks who are coming through to get the treatment, um, and, and being vulnerable and sharing your side of the story too, and sharing how, uh, how you went through a very similar process on your own.

So, uh, thank you again. And, and I’m glad that there’s [00:47:00] folks out there like you who are doing this type of work.

Nick Padlo: Thanks, Scott. Enjoyed it.

Scott DeLuzio: Thanks for listening to the Drive On Podcast. If you want to support the show, please check out Scott’s book, Surviving Son on Amazon. All of the sales from that book go directly back into this podcast and work to help veterans in need. You can also follow the Drive On Podcast on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, and wherever you listen to podcasts.