Episode 433 Garret Biss Healing Unspoken Veteran Trauma Transcript

This transcript is from episode 433 with guest Garret Biss.

Scott DeLuzio: [00:00:00] Thanks for tuning in to the Drive On Podcast where we are focused on giving hope and strength to the entire military community. Whether you’re a veteran, active duty, guard, reserve, or a family member, this podcast will share inspirational stories and resources that are useful to you. I’m your host, Scott DeLuzio, and now let’s get on with the show.

Hey everyone. Welcome back to Drive On. I’m your host, Scott DeLuzio. And today my guest is Garret Biss. Garret is an, uh, Marine Corps, a veteran, a TEDx speaker, and he’s dedicated to personal growth, happiness, and service, and these values have Let him to devote his life to inspiring and guiding others on their journeys.

And we’ll be discussing his experiences during service, struggles he’s faced and how we turn challenges into growth opportunities, providing a roadmap that, uh, hopefully you guys, the listeners can, uh, apply to your own lives. But before we get into all that, uh, welcome to the [00:01:00] show, Garret. I’m glad to have you here.

Garret Biss: Scott, thank you so much, man. I’m excited about this. As I just mentioned, I was looking back at my notes when we first started to converse about today. It was back on July 2nd. So many, many weeks ago. So I’m excited. The time’s finally come.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, absolutely. It’s great, great to, you know, see it all come together and, and finally get to, uh, you know, chat with you about this. Um, I, I mentioned, mentioned in the intro that you are a TEDx speaker. Um, tell us about your TEDx talk, the unspoken trauma all veterans Face is the, the title of it. And, uh, what are some of the messages that you, you try to get across in that message?

Garret Biss: Yeah, certainly. So the TEDx talk, so it was, uh, April this year, I had an opportunity to deliver a TEDx and it was a beautiful experience to kind of boil down some things that I’ve learned and, and really, uh, have been impressed upon me over the last seven or eight years. Uh, it really took me that time to understand what I had gone through and what a lot of other veterans go through.

Especially around that transition and, uh, from military [00:02:00] service. And what I learned, uh, both through my own experience and from working with a lot of other veterans, what I’ve really come to appreciate is that that transition from military service itself can be traumatic. You know, it’s that, that loss of some fundamental human needs that we have or the way that we meet some fundamental human needs, especially the needs for connection, the needs for authenticity or positive self identity.

And the needs for meaning. I know I, myself wasn’t prepared for that loss in that transition. I had no idea that there of, that there were going to be some mental and emotional and even spiritual challenges that came just from that transition. And it really caught me off guard and led me to a pretty dark place.

Honestly, uh, where I knew that something was missing. I knew that something wasn’t going right. I knew that, you know, something felt like it was off about me. And what scared me the most was not really understanding, being able to put a face or a name to the cause of that, that challenge or that trauma.

And, uh, you know, and that, that really, I think, dissolved some sense of hope that I had that anything was going to change or get better. [00:03:00] Uh, I started to internalize it as though maybe I was so messed up or maybe I was so defective that this was just what my life was going to look and feel like now. And fortunately for me, I, I kind of, I had a journey that helped me better understand that and move out of the darkness.

And that’s really what the TEDx talk was all about is just sharing my understanding that I know that a lot of veterans, they experience things in the service that can be traumatic, that that can lead to post-traumatic stress or, or even in my case, suicidal ideations. But what I really got in touch with was that every veteran goes through a transition from that veteran service, that military service, to a, to a life as a veteran.

And that regardless of what they experience while they’re in the military, that transition itself can lead and does lead a lot of veterans to a really dark place.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, and you, you mentioned it and I like the way you phrased it, it, it that it’s a loss. that we experience, uh, similar to other types of losses that we might be grieving. Um, you know, maybe not to the same [00:04:00] extent of the death of a loved one or something like that, but it, it still is a loss that we, we end up grieving that loss, but we, I think sometimes we don’t recognize it as a loss, um, you know, it’s a loss of identity or purpose or, uh, the camaraderie and the, the mission that we had in the service, we, we lose that piece of us, and we have to figure out how, how to grieve it and work through it appropriately, um, not necessarily in the same way that you would grieve the loss of a loved one or, um, you know, a divorce or, or something along those lines, but, um, you, there, there, There are still things that we have to recognize that, yeah, okay, we’re no longer that, um, but that’s not our whole identity.

That might be a piece of who we were, and it’s an important piece, for sure, but, um, it’s not everything, right?

Garret Biss: our perspective that, that, you know, that identity that we have, it might, it’s all wrapped up in that role that we play in the military. [00:05:00] Um, and I think one of the challenge, yeah, certainly there is a grieving, I believe that takes place there. And I think one of the things that complicates that the most is the fact that we’re not prepared for that.

If you lose a loved one, you know, that there’s going to be an emotional grieving process. You know, that there’s going to be pain that to expect, uh, if you separate, you know, if you have a, go through a divorce or, or, um, you know, And a romantic relationship or an intimate relationship, you know, that there’s going to be a sense of loss and it almost makes a little bit more sense.

Just like if you or I were to go for a really hard workout or a long run, and we would know, okay, probably for the next couple of days, I might be a little bit sore. It’s not going to catch us off guard, but when you go through and you experience that loss and you experience that grieving, that sense of grieving and that emotional pain and you’re caught off guard, I think that’s what, that’s what the biggest challenge is.

And that’s what, It really kind of shook me the most because it wasn’t something I was expecting. You know, there was no slide in my TRS or my TAP class saying like, Hey, these are the emotional and mental health challenges that you’re going to face. And most importantly, this is why and not [00:06:00] knowing why, um, is, yeah, it’s something that’s very, uh, you know, can, can take away that sense of hope that things can get better.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, that’s a good point, um, because, yeah, if you don’t know why, um, why do I feel this way, and, um, you know, you kinda feel lost, and you’re, You’re stranded, you’re almost, you’re alone at that point, right? You, you went through your whole military career where you had battle buddies who were with you, who, you worked through problems together, and, um, you know, maybe not necessarily, uh, mental and emotional type problems, um, although some of those, those things could have been what you did, but you had a team that you relied on, and, and you, you were there with those people, but then you get out.

And you’re on your own. I mean, you, you figure out your job or school or, you know, whatever the next steps are for you, that’s on you. You got to figure all that stuff out. You know, no, nobody’s going to tell you when to wake up, what uniform to wear, what, uh, you know, when, when chow [00:07:00] is, they’re not, They’re not telling you any of that, you figure it out.

And that’s a lot for someone who maybe 18 years old just started their adult life in the military. And then all of a sudden now they’re on their own. Um, yeah, trying

Garret Biss: that from a, from a maturing perspective or just kind of our personal, our individual growth perspective. Yes, if you’re 17, 18, 19, even 22 years old as males, our prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed until we’re 25, 26 years old. Women, I think is a little bit sooner, but still your entire understanding, your entire identity, your entire understanding, your values, your beliefs, everything that you understand about the world and about your place in it is all developed in the context of.

Me being in this uniform, me being a service member of that mission that I have. And then we look at the foundation for our, really our mental wellbeing, our ability to thrive that comes from our sense of connection to other people. It comes from that brotherhood or that sisterhood, those bonds that we develop.

You know, we’re really hardwired for [00:08:00] connection and it’s through our connection to others that it helps us not only process and deal with negative emotions, you know, when we connect with somebody, it releases that oxytocin that helps us deal with some of the stresses. And helps us feel okay, even in a stressful or challenging environment.

And with that uniform also brings a very strong sense of meaning. And what I’ve come to understand is that our sense of meaning, not only does it provide joy and direction and some fulfillment in our life, but meaning is our ability or our capacity to endure hard and challenging times. So if you have a strong sense of meaning, you’re able to lean into that suffering or lean into that sacrifice because, you know, it matters so much because there’s such a strong sense of meaning to it.

You take away that connection. You take away that sense of meaning. You’ve lost that foundation that you’ve developed the ways that you’ve learned and adapted to meet your basic human needs. You lose that in an instance. And it leaves a lot of veterans, unfortunately, kind of floundering, trying to replace that void, replace that, um, you know, whatever they lost.

Some leaning into a new career, maybe that’s really not ideal for them. [00:09:00] Maybe, you know, it’s just chasing a paycheck so they can fill a, you know, deal with some financial concerns. Um, for others, unfortunately, they go into, you know, some addictive substances or addictive behaviors as their coping mechanism to deal with that void or deal with that pain that they’re now experiencing.

Scott DeLuzio: So those are a lot of, uh, let’s just call them unhealthy ways to deal with some of this stuff. Um, what are some of the, the. more positive ways, healthier ways to deal with this transition, and maybe some of the other traumas. I don’t know if there’s anything else that, um, that we didn’t mention here that you talk about that, um, that you could talk about, but as far as I always like to get down to the, what do we do about it?

You know, I, I think maybe typical guy kind of thing. I want to, I want to fix these problems. I want to, I want to make sure that we don’t have to keep dealing with them. So how do we, how do we get through those?

Garret Biss: I think first and foremost, and this is why I was so appreciative and excited about the [00:10:00] TEDx talk, first and foremost is just an understanding, just putting a face to some challenges that we might experience. And so the mission with the TEDx, which is unspokentrauma. vet, for anybody that’s interested, they want to watch the TEDx, you can just go to unspokentrauma.

vet. And watch that. But that’s my intention with that was to help prepare individuals either before that transition or after that transition to put a face on the name to the challenges that they’re experiencing. I was doing a presentation a couple of weeks ago and there was a Vietnam veteran in the audience and he says, man, I’ve been suffering with something that I couldn’t really identify or put a, put a real explanation or a face to it since I left Vietnam.

And there’s been this void inside that I just didn’t really get. It wasn’t until hearing this message about that loss of connection, authenticity, and meaning that he really began to understand and, um, and, and contextualize or be able to appreciate. What the catalyst was for that hard and that challenging time.

So the solution to that, I think, and through a lot of the work that I do, you know, personally, my journey and a lot of [00:11:00] the work I do now with veterans. one understanding what the word, what the challenge is, just like I said, if we were to go for a hard workout, we understand like, okay, now our body and our muscles are rebuilding and there’s going to be some soreness as our body repairs.

So having an understanding of what the catalyst is, it was the hard workout. It was the hard run. For the emotional and mental health challenges, that transition, that loss of fundamental human needs, or the way that we’ve been meeting those fundamental human needs, that’s the thing that’s creating the pain or the challenging time. Focusing on and getting reconnected. So that loss of connection, that loss of authenticity, which is the third thing, um, that, that I mentioned in the TEDx talk, but that loss of connection and authenticity. So any things that we can do to get reconnected with ourself, to get reconnected with the good parts of us.

As we’re floundering, trying to find our way now as a veteran, trying Find our new tribe in the civilian world. It comes with a lot of challenges. For one, if we lost a positive, a sense of positive identity, because we’ve taken off that uniform, maybe we don’t understand or fully appreciate the value that we [00:12:00] have either to our, you know, to the, the, the community at large or to our workplace, to the, the, those people that are now part of our tribe.

Maybe we don’t really fully appreciate or understand that value. And as we try to adapt to this new environment, I mean, you and I both know, and any veteran will attest to the fact that veterans military service members were cut from a little bit different cloth than most, and especially through those experiences.

So we can’t, you know, when we come out and we try to, you know, integrate with or try to connect with some civilians. There’s a lot of challenges there. You know, for one, they don’t love our sense of humor most of the time, or it makes them really off, but, or just that level of intensity that’s really been ingrained in us that, that seeing everything is a, as you know, potentially through the lens of life or death or that, that, uh, the problem solving orientation of everything that we face, like, okay, here’s an issue.

How do we fix it? How do we get on with the mission? Um, so a lot of that kind of can, can challenge our ability to make new connections. And unfortunately, a result of that often is we [00:13:00] begin to understand or find how we should show up, not showing up as ourself, not showing up authentically as we are, but how should I show up?

What’s this version of myself that I should present so that I’m good enough for and acceptable and validated by those people that I’m around? And again, that could be with our new friends. That could be with our our coworkers. That could be, you know, organizations that we’re part of in the community. And that’s really what starts to accelerate that downward spiral, I believe, because if we, anytime we’re showing up inauthentically as a version of ourself, or we’re hiding a part of ourselves behind a mask, we’re also not, we’re also delivering a message to us that there’s something wrong with me.

So whether we’re consciously thinking about it or not, if I have to show up as a version of myself in order to be accepted. Then the message that we’re feeling or receiving from that is that I’m somehow defective, I’m somehow not good enough as I am, and therefore I need to, yeah, there’s something about me that’s not okay.

And that’s not a good [00:14:00] place to feel. That’s not something that lifts up our sense of self worth and our sense of confidence. The other challenge with that is anytime we show up hidden behind a mask in order to receive a sense of connection or in order to be acknowledged and validated by somebody. When we get that connection, when we get that validation, they’re not connecting with us, they’re connecting with that mask that we wear.

So instead of getting a sense of connection, instead of having that, the, uh, the, the nurturing aspects of, and the, the healthy mental health and, you know, emotional aspects of, or benefits from connection, we don’t get that. We might get connection but it’s connection, you know, with an asterisk would be one way to think of its connection.

But if they find out what I really think or who I really am, then maybe they’re going to think something differently about me. And that’s true for veterans that are, that’s true for anybody who’s finding themselves in a new environment or a new place and feels like they have to show up as a version of themselves.

A lot of the individuals I work with, they might have had a traumatic experience during the military, or maybe they had childhood trauma. Something that happened that created this situation, or that’s [00:15:00] created this reality, where they feel like they have to hide something. They’re too embarrassed, they don’t want to share something that they experienced, something they’ve been through, some actions that they themselves have taken in the past.

They don’t want to share a part of that, so they feel they need to hide it. And when we feel we need to hide a part of ourselves, then it alleviates, or it really detracts from that sense of connection. Uh, that we can benefit from,

Scott DeLuzio: you know, you mentioned a lot of stuff there and there’s a lot to unpack. And it’s all, I think, all great information. But, um, one of the things, one of the earlier things that you said in that reply, that the response there is reconnecting with ourselves and That was something that I, I don’t know that I ever thought of it that way, um, but it’s a great way to think of it, uh, because before, before anyone gets into the military, we, we were all civilians at one point, we, we had, you know, we went to high school, we went, we had [00:16:00] a, you know, maybe played sports, we might have had a job, we might have done all these different things that, um, you know, nor, quote unquote normal people do.

Right? And then we went off and did something crazy, like joining the military. And, um, you know, we kind of molded into this new form of ours, ourselves, but there’s still a piece of Old me still in there somewhere. Um, there’s still those things that I, I used to do. Um, the, the stuff that I enjoyed, the stuff that, uh, maybe I, I couldn’t do necessarily cause I didn’t have the time while I was, while I was serving or, or whatever.

And, and some of those things I might want to get back into and, and just kind of reconnect with who I am. And, and maybe some of that stuff may have changed and that’s fine because we, as people, we evolve and we change over time, but reconnecting and trying to figure out who am I now, um, with, with all those new experiences, I, I’m a different person for sure, but, um, you know, who am [00:17:00] I now and, and what takeaways, uh, from that, how do I, how do I figure out what do I do with that information, right?

Um, Um, but then you also mentioned dealing with civilians, um, not being a, not feeling like you can’t connect with those people, um, but I think partially, and, and correct me if I’m wrong here, but if we are able to reconnect with ourselves and re identify, like, what makes me, me, that type of thing, um, we might be able to find those civilians and, you know, out there in the world that.

Maybe do connect with who you are, right? And you don’t have to go and hide who you are and you know, try to have a different persona around a different group of people. Like, the amount of mental energy that would be required to do that with the varying groups of people that you might be around. Maybe, maybe you’re going back to school to get a [00:18:00] degree or something like that and you have your school friends and then, but you’re also working a job and then you have your work friends and then you have Uh, you know, people in your neighborhood or whatever, and they have those people, and you have different personas for all those people trying to fit in with those different groups.

The amount of mental energy required for that would be enormous, and, uh, quite frankly, I wouldn’t want any part of that. You know, but being yourself, going back to reconnecting with ourselves and figuring out who we are. Look, some people aren’t, uh, you’re not going to be for everybody. Right? You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay.

Just deal with it. Um, you know, if they don’t like you, they don’t like you. And, and, okay, well, go find the people who do like you and, and work with those people. Right? And I, I think that’s kind of where you’re getting to with, with all that. And I, I like, I like the, uh, the, the thoughts there with, with what you’re saying.

Garret Biss: Yeah, certainly. And I think what, what leads to that is when we lose that sense of connection, I mean connection, you know, we can’t, we can’t overstate how [00:19:00] important a sense of connection is. Um, I was reading in the Journal of Lifestyle Medicine that a lack of proper social connection has the same adverse effects on our health as smoking 15 cigarettes or drinking more than six alcoholic beverages a day.

So it’s not like a nice to have. It’s not something that makes our life a little bit better. It’s a real fundamental human need. We need that connection to emotionally regulate, to be able to deal with the challenges that come up in life. So what I find is when we lose that sense of connection, especially when we’re not prepared for it, you know, we lose a feeling inside of it.

It’s a visceral feeling inside of it, that loss. So no matter what we’re thinking about or how we’re processing it mentally, we feel it in our body. It creates a void inside. And I think that puts a lot of people to this Survival place. Now we’re trying to fight or fight, trying to find, you know, okay. I have a basic need that’s not being met.

How do I find that need? And that can make us floundering and going out, trying to regain that sense of connection. If, if we even recognize that it’s a loss of connection, that’s creating that internal void, we’ll go out and we’ll flounder and we’ll just do anything we can to try to [00:20:00] fit in. And we’ll, you know, we’ll, we’ll search everywhere.

Do I fit in here? Do I fit in here? How do people want me to show up? Okay. I’m going to show up as a version of myself. The whole time, maybe finding new friends, maybe making new contacts, but not filling that void inside. So I think with a little bit of awareness and we can be empowered to better understand that, make healthier decisions, not do it from a, uh, a fight or flight state or a triggered state, but do it from a more empowered state so that we can lean into it and foster those connections in a, in a certain way.

And I love your point. You know, we we’ve been a civilian before and now we’re in the civilian world. However, once we’ve, once we’ve experienced that military service, we’ll never be a civilian again. And I love this. A friend reminded me of this. That’s why the whole term veteran exists. And that’s why we were veterans because we’re not civilians.

You know, we might live and breathe and survive and work in the civilian world, but there’s something that’s different about us and there’s something different about who we are now than who we are before we entered the military.

Scott DeLuzio: Right. Um, yeah, and I think my point about, um, you know, the fact that we all [00:21:00] were civilians at, at one point is that, uh, We know, we know how civilians are, like, we know, like, what it’s like to be a civilian. Um, it’s not like, um, you’re leaving the military and all of a sudden I’m, I’m throwing you into an operating room and now all of a sudden, hey, you’re a surgeon, go figure it out.

You know, it’s not something you’d ever done before, so that, that wouldn’t be a rational thing to throw you into the deep end and, and make you try to figure that type of thing out. You, you had been a civilian and. Now, you’re, you’re not technically, you know, you’re a veteran, right? You’re living in the civilian world.

You’re doing civilian things. You’re getting a civilian job, but you know, potentially in, in doing, you know, normal civilian world type stuff. You know, just with that label of, of a veteran, too. So, um, You know,

Garret Biss: I think that.

Scott DeLuzio: some of that,

Garret Biss: Caught me off guard a little bit as well, because to me, I was thinking like, exactly to your point, I’ve been a civilian before, [00:22:00] now I’m, you know, I’ll be a civilian again, or living in the civilian world again. And it kind of caught me off guard a little bit, because it, the transition wasn’t as smooth as what I would have thought if I’m just going back to, you know, doing something I’ve done before. And, and that was the other challenge. I mean, I lived outside the military base. I was living in a civilian community, shopping at the civilian grocery stores, going to civilian restaurants. However, when I took off that uniform and I, and I lost that identity of the service, it didn’t feel as normal or as comfortable just being a part of that civilian world.

So that kind of caught me off guard. And to your, you know, to your analogy, if you were to throw me into an operating room, I would very quickly recognize that I’d never been there before it’d be obvious to me. So maybe, you know, and I think that’s a little bit of what compounded the challenge for me was.

It wasn’t so obvious to me that it was going to be challenging to kind of reintegrate. Cause to your point, I mean, in my mind, I was like, you know, what do you do? Like I’m still living in the same house. I’m still driving the same car. I’m still going to the same stores, but, but now that felt different, felt a lot different.

Scott DeLuzio: It does. Um, and, and it’s [00:23:00] hard when, when you don’t recognize that it’s, it’s going to be an issue, right? And so I think for the listeners, if you are still in the military, Just know it, recognize, hey, it’s probably going to be tough, um, you know, to do that. And, and that way, similar to the example that you gave earlier, where you’re talking about, you know, the loss of a loved one.

Well, you know, that’s going to be hard and that’s understandable. And so you can act appropriately in those situations. Of course, you’re going to be sad. You’re going to grieve and, and all of that type of stuff in that situation. Um, now just recognize, hey, leaving the military, you’re It’s going to be difficult, even if you’re ecstatic about getting out because you hate it and you don’t want to be in the military anymore.

And you’re, you’re one of those guys who just, I’m, I’m looking forward to that, to that date that I get my DD2 14 and I’m out of here and, you know, forget you losers and I’m out. Um, you know, that type of thing. It’s still going to be, there’s still going to be a change. There’s something different that’s going to happen [00:24:00] there.

Um, and so just, you know, be aware of it,

Garret Biss: Yeah. I think just, yeah, be mindful of it and having a better, a little bit better of an understanding, you know, for me and, and a lot of veterans I talked to, like I didn’t, I lost the connection to the active duties people I was serving with rightfully so. I mean, they got a mission they got to continue to work towards.

And I was very hesitant to. Get connected with the veteran community because in my mind, as a young service member, I was like, oh, veterans, they’re the, you know, they’re the 60, 70 year olds that just sit around the VFW and drink and talk about the, you know, their times in war. And I was like, I’m not there yet.

I don’t want to do that. And unfortunately, I didn’t recognize, there’s a lot of other post 9 11 veterans, there’s a lot of other younger veterans that are out there doing things. And I think, fortunately, through social media, I think that’s becoming broadcast a little bit more. And there’s a lot of younger veterans that are doing things, still staying active.

I wish I’d have got connected with the veteran community a little bit sooner, uh, than what I did. I think that would have helped. At least just give me an opportunity to have some conversations that my civilian counterparts or friends wouldn’t understand. To the same degree, you know, you can say a [00:25:00] lot to a veteran without saying anything at all and, and still feel seen and heard and understood.

Um, so that’s a beautiful thing. And, and certainly something I encourage, you know, the, when you get that DD 214, all right, give yourself a week or two, but then go find some other veterans who recently got out and at least just maintain some kind of connection or social contact with them.

Scott DeLuzio: And the cool thing is that I don’t care what branch of service somebody was in, you know, you’re in the Marine Corps, I was in the Army, you know, other people I’ve talked to from different branches, one thing that I’ve noticed is that we, we can find that common bond rather quickly. I mean, I do this quite often.

This is the 400 and something episode that I did, um, you know, on this show. So I’ve talked to hundreds of veterans and sometimes the very first time I talk to these veterans is just like we’re talking right now is, is on, uh, the interview and by the end of the interview, we’re talking like we’ve known each other forever, you know?

And so it, [00:26:00] maybe that initial. Icebreaker moment might be a little awkward, once you start to get into it, you’re gonna, you’re gonna find that you can have those conversations the same way you did with some of your buddies that you served with. Um, you know, and yeah, sure, you’re, you’re gonna have to take a little time to gain some trust and all that kind of stuff, but you’re gonna start to recognize some of the same vernacular and some of the same things, uh, you know, the way they carry themselves and stuff like that.

And you’re going to just. Become more comfortable. Um, you know, I’m, I’m pretty introverted like in my, my day to day life, but yet I host a podcast where I’m talking to people, uh, all the time. And I can do that because I can, I can easily relate with the people that I’m, I’m talking to. And, and, uh, you know, I, I think that’s, uh, you know, just a little bit of encouragement for people who are like, I don’t want to.

I don’t want to be that guy at the VFW like the 67 year old guy drinking beer and talking about their old war stories. Um, well, you don’t have [00:27:00] to be that guy. You don’t have to, you know, be a 67 year old guy. You can be, you know, 20, 30, 40 year old guy and still go to these places and still have connections with the older guys and some of the younger folks too.

Um, and still be to, uh, make some connections that way. Um, now I know I know you also have, uh, I don’t know if I mentioned this earlier, but the Valiant Path program. Um, tell us about what that is and, and kind of how it helps, uh, veterans out.

Garret Biss: Yes, certainly. So, uh, and this kind of answers your question, Art. So what do we do about it? So the Valiant Path, it was really designed for your, for veterans that have struggled with addiction or any other kind of mental health challenges and they haven’t found the right tools or the right pathway to kind of get to a better place.

Uh, so the Valiant Path is designed, it’s really infused by applied positive psychology and it’s from a coaching perspective. So what that means to me or what I understand is Clinic, um, you know, there’s clinical and there’s non clinical support that we can get for our mental health or our personal, our personal health, [00:28:00] or our personal growth, rather, uh, and from what I understand, a clinician’s role is, and this, you know, this is a very broad brush, but, but in general, a clinician’s role is to help you identify what’s wrong with you or what’s going wrong with you, help you identify some of the symptoms of things, and then help you come up with plans or medications in some cases to help mitigate some of the negative effects of these defects or these problems with you.

The other end of the spectrum, the non clinical realm, or where I focus on with coaching, is helping you identify and tap into what’s right with you. So yes, we’ve all made mistakes, we all have problems, we all have defects, but we all also have some innate strengths and some innate, uh, you know, some good things going for us.

So how do we tap into those things? So we can get to a better place. I love the analogy of think of a hot air balloon, you know, have a hot air balloon. You have the hot air in the balloon trying to pull you up and you have the sandbags or the tether trying to pull you down. So from a clinical perspective, and this is through my personal experience, what I understand is that they’re helping me try to identify those sandbags and snip those [00:29:00] sandbags away so that I can get to a better place in my life.

From a coaching perspective, I’m helping you identify what’s filling up your balloon and how can we lean into that and help that balloon, uh, you know, fill up with more hot air, more uplifting, uh, power or pressure so that you can get to a better place in your life. In that they can work very well together.

You know, you can, you can attack the issues or the challenges or fill the voids from, from multiple fronts, but for anybody that’s, that’s experienced or, or had some clinical help, whether it’s therapists, counselors, psychologists, uh, what have you, and you haven’t, and you feel like there’s still something missing or it’s not getting there.

Or maybe you dealt with a major problem and now you’re, you know, now you’re. You’ve cut away some of the sandbags, but you’re still not progressing the way that you want or getting to that better, that better place that you want. And there’s some other tools and there’s some other processes out there. So applied positive psychology is really the science of human flourishing.

It looks at what helps humans flourish and how do we leverage those things to improve our life or to get to a place where we’re really thriving or flourishing. And that’s the, that’s the journey with the Valiant Path. We invite in and we [00:30:00] build a stronger foundation of all the good stuff in your life.

So you can get to a better place. One of the first things that we do, and I’ll, I’ll have, uh, people I’m working with do or recommend for anybody to do, honestly, is to start by making a list of wins and successes that you’ve had in your life. It seems like a very simple exercise, but when you try to put pen to paper, it can be very challenging.

And the reason for that is our minds, our body is hardwired. Our thoughts are hardwired, I believe. for self preservation. And self preservation means identifying mistakes and things that we’ve messed up in the past and trying not to repeat those mistakes. Because, uh, you know, if we’ve hurt somebody, if we’ve fallen, uh, fallen down, or if we’ve failed at something in the past, that could be a threat to our wellbeing in the future.

So in our mind’s attempt at self preservation, it can make those things very readily apparent and top of mind for us. You know, it’s a, it’s another tab open on our web browser. As we’re trying to go through and navigate life, the challenge with that is if all you’re thinking about is the weaknesses that you have or the things that you wish you were better at, for one, that doesn’t make you feel great about yourself.

And for two, just the mistakes or the things that, you know, the [00:31:00] defects that you have or the limitations that you have, those aren’t tools that you can use to navigate the next obstacle or challenge that your life’s going to present or to face. So, if we can list a hundred wins or successes that we’ve had in our life, you know, starting very small, going back as far as you need to, you learn how to crawl, you learn how to walk, you learn how to talk, you learn how to run, uh, you learn how to ride a bike, you pass first grade, you pass third grade, if we can start to build this list and identify at least a hundred things, that’s just a place to start, but it’s reminding us of all the wins that we’ve had in the past, a time in our life where we weren’t able to do something or where there was a challenge in front of us and we successively navigated that and got to the other side.

If we can be intentional about it and remind ourselves of it, then it begins to shift our mindset and give us some ammunition or give us something that we can use to make progress in our life. So this is also a part of connecting with the good parts of us, connecting with the things in us that do have value, that do bring, uh, that sense or that fuel that sense of confidence and help us, uh, Ruth, that reminder of our own value and our own worth helps us lean into the next challenge so that [00:32:00] we can overcome it and we can continue to grow or continue to make an impact.

So I think that’s a very good and very important place to start.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, honestly, as you were talking, you said, uh, you know, if we can come up with at least a hundred things, uh, that we can put on this list, and, and my mind just kind of froze right there. I was like, a hundred things that we got to come up with on, on this list. But then I thought back to what you were saying before that, just, just immediately before that is, is how our brain works towards self preservation and, uh, you know, highlighting the negatives and, and the things that, you know, You might’ve screwed up or things that didn’t go quite according to plan so that you don’t do those things again.

And you, you increase your chances of survival, right? But the good things that you do also increase your chances of survival. And so, yeah, we, we should. Definitely highlight those things, and I understand that, you know, just we’re hardwired to not focus on those things as much because, well, it went right, so why do we [00:33:00] have to worry about it?

But, but if you do focus on those things, then, you know, you start to think a little bit more highly of yourself, and you start to have a little better impression of what you’re capable of accomplishing, right? And so, I think that’s, it may be a difficult exercise for some people to do, um, I, I think it, for myself, it would probably be, uh, difficult to do as well, but probably a worthwhile exercise, uh, for sure, because it, It flexes that muscle a little bit and allows you to, um, celebrate some of the positive things that you might’ve accomplished.

Um, you know, graduating high school, graduating basic training, uh, you know, going, you know, you know, getting that promotion or, you know, whatever it is like those, those are things that happen. They’re good things. And, and why not? Highlight those things you you clearly deserved whatever it was whatever the the accolade was or or the promotion or [00:34:00] the Whatever that good thing that came along with it.

You deserved it. You earned it It wasn’t like it like it’s not like the the Marine Corps just hands out promotions to just anyone right like it’s it’s

Garret Biss: Sometimes it seems like it, but yes,

Scott DeLuzio: Sometimes it does seem like it, but there’s usually a process in there, right? There’s, um, you know, so,

Garret Biss: Absolutely.

Scott DeLuzio: for the most part, those, those are, are things that you can celebrate.

Garret Biss: right, because we’re all going to face future challenges and sometimes, you know, we’re looking at something and it’s like, man, how am I ever going to do that? Or maybe we start to doubt whether or not we can, we can achieve that. So if we go back and look like, Hey, there was a time where I couldn’t ride a bike and then I learned how to ride a bike.

There was a time I was a pilot in the Marine Corps. There was a time I couldn’t fly a plane. And then I was able to fly a plane. So it’s a reminder. Oh yeah, there was a challenge that I faced before and I overcame it and I grew and I gained the new skill. And sometimes that can just help us with our mindset and provide us that, you know, that emotional ammunition to lean into some of the challenges that we’re facing now.

And you know, your, your response to that is the same response I get pretty much from everybody. When [00:35:00] I say, all right, we’re going to sit down and make a list of a hundred wins. Their minds are like, you know, it’s like deer in the headlights. Like, what are you talking about? I’m only 30. I haven’t had, or 40.

I haven’t had a hundred wins in my life. It’s like, okay, well, that’s an indicator to me. That’s a litmus test of where your mind is. And so if you are struggling, if you do feel a dissolved sense of self worth, if you are struggling with negative self talk, okay, well, here’s an indicator maybe as to why. So with intention, we can come up with that list.

And. And once you get past, you know, 10 or 12 things and usually the creativity and the excitement kicks in and it’s, it’s quite easy to kind of come up with the list and then it’s not a one time thing. I also encourage people to go back and review that list. I have one sitting right next to me that I, you know, the one I’ve done recently and it’s a reminder for me so that I have something in my periphery that I can look at and glance at and remind myself it’s not a, you know, it’s not a, it’s not a means to kind of boast and to, you know, inflate my ego, but it’s a, it’s to help remind me that, Hey, there’s, Challenges I’ve overcome in the past, and, uh, you know, and I’ve learned things and I’ve grown and I’ve gained new skills.

So I, maybe I can do that again. And it really helps reframe that, [00:36:00] you know, that mindset as you’re trying to lean into new challenges that you face.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And that, that list isn’t necessarily like a diploma or, you know, a degree that you might hang on the wall. Uh, you know, sometimes you go in the doctor’s offices and they have all those, all their degrees hanging on the wall and stuff. And that’s, that’s the things that, well, I mean. Quite frankly, it was a lot of work.

Those are accomplishments I should be proud of. Put those things on the wall, you know. Um, but, you know, learning how to tie your shoes when you were, you know, however years old, like that, you know, maybe not putting that on the wall. But, um, it,

Garret Biss: Give yourself credit for it.

Scott DeLuzio: earlier, yeah, you, you give yourself credit. And to your point, um, After you get those first 10 or 12 or so items on that list, to me it feels like it would give you permission to, give yourself permission to start celebrating some of those things.

And it, it may feel awkward and uncomfortable at first, um, but, but I like, I like that idea. And,

Garret Biss: I say Go, go small. Go [00:37:00] granular. I mean, think about it, if you made a silly mistake, if you misspoke yesterday, if you said something that, you know, maybe you hurt somebody’s feelings or maybe you were misunderstood. Really small in the grand scheme of life, but you might, you’ll carry that with you.

I mean, you’ll think about that and you’ll ruminate on that. And, and if we’re going to give ourselves a hard time for something so small, then why can’t we celebrate something so small? So, you know, I got an A on a spelling test in second grade. Like, why can’t I recognize that and give myself the, the, the due credit for that, that winner, that accomplishment.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, and I think really the whole objective of this is just that mindset shift to allow you to start recognizing those positive things in life that, that occur, um, that you, you earn and that you, you put in the, the blood, sweat and tears to do that hard thing. You start a business, you, uh, you know, you do whatever it is, those, those big things in life.

Um, but you got to start somewhere. Right? And so starting small with those, those [00:38:00] little things, um, it just like if you were to not exercise at all for the next, 20 years and then all of a sudden you’re like, you know what? I’m out of shape and I need to I need to get back in shape and you start going to the gym Well, you’re not you’re not gonna start lifting weights like you’re 20, you know, like you if you’re 50 years old Not working out for you know, however long you’re not gonna be able to do that.

You’re gonna start Small and then work your way up and make you may never get back to that 20 year old self as far as working out in the gym, but You start small and and you work your way

Garret Biss: You build that muscle

Scott DeLuzio: the bigger and better things. Exactly. And so starting with those small wins like you said It’s easier to start with those small wins and then you you kind of give yourself permission to grow a little bit and get Bigger and better things involved in that, um, and it’s all about changing that mindset.

So you’re not focused so much on the negatives. I like it. I like it.

Garret Biss: And also again, bringing this [00:39:00] down to the granular, bringing this into our day to day. I mean, if we’re going to lay in bed at night and wish that we would have gotten up earlier or gotten two more tasks done before we left the office, or maybe we, we regret the fact that we had that dessert after dinner.

If we’re going to give ourselves a hard time, then why can’t we give ourselves credit for the good things that we’ve done? So, you know, all right, I slept in a little bit late, but I still made it to the gym or I still got a couple of things done, or, uh, you know, I still drank water, uh, you know, whatever those positive things are, those, those, those uplifting things, let’s give ourselves some recognition for that as well.

So we don’t, especially at nighttime, especially before we go to bed, all we’re thinking about is the negative things. I mean, that’s going to replay that tape the whole time that we’re asleep. So that’s another exercise that I really encourage. Something I don’t know if I mentioned this, but I want to offer it to all your listeners.

I have, um, something that they can do. It’s called The Warrior Reset. And what this is, is it’s four exercises or daily practices that you can do. You can do all four of them in less than 15 minutes because it’s the most efficacious and most powerful things that I’ve found to help create a shift. So if anybody feels [00:40:00] stuck, if you feel like something’s missing, you’re not the best version of yourself.

You need a little bit of a refinement. Warrior reset can be a fantastic way to do that. One of the exercises in there is called a mirror exercise, and that’s exactly what it asks you to do. Just give yourself 30 seconds face to face in the mirror before you go to bed and just give yourself some recognition for the good things that you’ve done.

Excuse me. The good things that you’ve done. Because then you’re going to remind yourself of the value that you have. You’re going to remind yourself of the things that you followed through on, at least give yourself a 30 second reprieve from beating yourself up for the things that you wish you would have done differently so that you can go to, you can go to bed and that tape will replay in your mind for those hours that you’re asleep.

And then you’re going to, you know, a very short order period of time. I encourage everybody to do the warrior reset for at least 10 days. In a very short order of time, you’ll begin to see and feel your mindset start to shift a little bit. Your sense of confidence start to shift a little bit. Your feelings of self worth start to shift a little bit.

And it’s just those small, fine tuned adjustments that can make a huge impact in our life.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, absolutely. [00:41:00] In those 30 seconds, like you said, that is a small amount of time might feel silly at first, you know, especially if you haven’t done this type of thing before. But But as you’re doing that, like you said, that becomes the tape that replays in your mind as, as you’re sleeping for the next however many hours.

Um, and that’s a heck of a lot better thing to wake up to than the, oh man, I wish I did that, and I wish I said it differently, and I wish, I wish, All these different things were, were different. Um, you know, but you can’t go back and change those things. So why, why are we ruminating on those types of things?

Let’s focus on, okay, what, what were some of the small wins or even big wins? You know, whatever wins that you had, um, and focus on those and be like, okay, let’s do more of that. And the more of that that you do, the more better things will start to come for you. Right. Um,

Garret Biss: Yeah. As the confidence begins to grow, the self worth begins to grow. And [00:42:00] back to the mirror, just like creating a list of your wins and successes. That mirror exercise is a great litmus test too for where you are and how you’re feeling emotionally and mentally. If it’s very challenging for you to do that for 30 seconds, to look yourself in the mirror.

And give yourself some credit. If that’s very challenging for you, then that’s just an indicator of how much you need it. So the more difficult that it feels, I mean, I’ve done it at times where I was really challenged with some things or facing some things, and it brought me to tears as I’m trying to, you know, show myself love and give myself that, that love and that, that, um, That validation, it could bring me to tears.

I know other people, their whole body breaks out in a sweat or they have rashes. I mean, it’s, we’re, we, we need love and connection. We need that validation. First and foremost, we need it with ourself. And if we’ve been deprived of it or starved of it for so long, it’s going to be challenging, just like you said, like getting back to the gym after 20 years.

It’ll be challenging at first. It often is challenging at first to start give ourself, giving ourselves that credit. But if it’s very challenging, then that means, you know, I encourage you that much more to kind of stick through it. Very simple [00:43:00] thing, takes 30 seconds, a minute, maybe at most. Um, but it can be very, extremely efficacious and valuable to make some shifts and help you get reconnected with the true value and the, the worth that you have as an individual.

Scott DeLuzio: And we all do have, uh, value and worth, and I know sometimes there, there’s people who find it difficult to believe that they have that value or worth, but, but we do, and, um, you know, we are the, the sum of our experiences from all the way from birth all the way through to today, and some of those experiences good, some of them bad, but all of those experiences you can learn from.

Um, and. And so the more We, we learn from those things, even the bad things. You, you said the wrong thing, you did the wrong thing, whatever. Okay, fine. Well, what can we take away from this? What can we learn from that? So that we don’t do that again. And then we have a more positive outcome in the future. [00:44:00] Um, you know, look at it as an opportunity as opposed to a failure, right?

You have the opportunity to improve that small area of your life. Um, and, and then the next day when you. Go and implement that, and it’s like, hey, you know what? I learned something. I did, I did this well, and I, I, uh, I achieved that, and I feel like that is another one of those little wins that you can, you can talk about, and you can, you can say, in that 30 seconds in the mirror, you can say, you know, I, I accomplished this today, and that, that’s a good thing.

It should make you feel good, right?

Garret Biss: Absolutely. And that’s the thing too, is the, as that change begins to occur, I think a true sign that somebody has healed or somebody’s recovered or somebody’s moved beyond is when they can come to. Gratitude for the bad things that they’ve experienced in their life, whether it’s a trauma that they experienced, whether it’s a divorce that they went through, whether it was an addiction that they struggled with when they can be grateful for it.

And that’s [00:45:00] when I think the true healing and the growth has occurred because they’ve recognized not just the negative from it, but also, you know, the seeds that came from it, the seeds that were playing it for some positive gain or some positive benefit. I mean, I think sometimes we, I joke about, you know, what do we plant seeds in if we want the best harvest?

If we want the best crops, we plant seeds in manure, we cow shit. So, you know, sometimes when our life feels like manure and our circumstances and situations feels like manure, that’s the opportunity for us to, something to come out of that. Some new skills, some new awareness, some new compassion, some new ability.

It doesn’t come from the easy times. It doesn’t come from when everything’s going smoothly. It comes from those challenges. So sometimes we need to face some, a lot of pain in order to shift us or help us grow in a way that’s also commensurate with the amount of pain and suffering that we experienced.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, and there’s there’s a saying and I don’t have it in front of me So I’m gonna I know I’m gonna butcher it a little bit but like hard times create hard men Easy times great, you know soft men and that type of [00:46:00] thing You know, yeah going through hard struggles Helps improve you going through that shit It’s going to help improve you and if everything was just rainbows and unicorns all the time You you wouldn’t accomplish very much You would you wouldn’t have that struggle that Looking back you can be like, you know, I can be proud of that victory that little victory that I had I remember my son you mentioned earlier riding a bike as one of those little Little things that you can check off as an accomplishment.

Uh, but I remember my oldest son, when I was teaching him how to ride a bike and you know, he was the first few times he was wobbly, fell off and you know, that type of thing, as soon as he figured it out and he got it, you could have heard him all the way across the neighborhood. He was screaming his lungs.

It like, it was the greatest thing. At that moment, he was [00:47:00] so proud and he was so happy, like the, the smile on my face was like ear to ear and I’m not kidding, it was huge and I was so happy for him to see him screaming his head off with, with just pure joy and happiness and, and, uh, I, I actually mentioned it to him, uh, the other day, we were just talking about something and, and I said, do you remember when, when I taught you how to ride a bike?

He goes, Oh my God, that was great. That was amazing. And so even all these years later, you know, over 10 years later, he’s, he’s still. He remembers all of that as being such a great thing. And so, You know, look back, you know, at some point, he’s gonna be a, you know, 40, 50 year old guy, and

Garret Biss: You better be on this list. Learn how to ride a

Scott DeLuzio: better be on his damn list, for Christ’s sake, you know, like, like, put that on your list, because it, it made you so happy, and, uh, you know, but, but it was a struggle at first, right?

He fell off, and he, you know, You know, got a little bit scraped up, nothing too serious, but you know, he fell a couple times and um, [00:48:00] but that was a struggle. But if he didn’t have that struggle, if it was just easy and he just hopped on the bike and just took off, well, he wouldn’t have all that joy and excitement that went along with it, right?

Garret Biss: Yeah. So it’s hardest times that help us grow that, like, to your point, that can be the things that we’re most grateful for, most proud of, or give ourselves the greatest credit for, when there’s a reason that basic training is so difficult, you know, that it’s not supposed to be easy. It’s got to be challenging so that you can really grow from it.

Some of the challenging, uh, workups that we do before deployment, they’re not supposed to be easy. They’re not because we need to grow, we need to strengthen, we need to gain new skills. And that’s something I think, you know, it can be very hard and challenging when we’re going through a dark time in our life.

To re to kind of get connected with the reality that something great can come from it. It can be hard to do that in the moment, because we might be in a survival state. We might really be kind of overwhelmed with the negative emotions and the feelings, but if we can just hold space and just say, all right, I don’t know how it’s going to get better.

I can’t see it, but just appreciating that there’s the possibility that something great and [00:49:00] beautiful is going to come from it, sometimes that can alleviate some of that, that negative pressure that’s keeping us stuck or holding us in that place.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, absolutely. Um, before we wrap up, uh, the, the episode here, uh, I want to give you the, the chance to let people know where they can go to find out more information about, uh, Valiant Path, the Warrior Reset, and, uh, mention again your, your TEDx talk where, where they can go to check that out, um, you know, for the listeners to, to be able to, uh, get in touch and find out more information about all that.

Garret Biss: Certainly. So you can go to thewarriorreset. com if you want access to that, the free 10 day challenge and learn some very basic, very simple things that you can do to create a huge fundamental shift in the way that you feel or the way that you’re showing up. So thewarriorreset. com. If you want to check out the TEDx talk, it’s called the unspoken trauma that all veterans face.

It looks at how that loss of fundamental human needs for connection, authenticity, and meaning itself can be a traumatic chapter or traumatic experience in somebody’s life. If you want to check that out, you can go to unspokentrauma. vet. [00:50:00] And if you want to learn more about the Valiant Path, you can go to valiantpath.

vet and you can see a little bit more information, some of the benefits and what that what that kind of process or that program looks like. So if you’re feeling like you have a huge challenge that you’re facing, you need to overcome it. Maybe you struggle with addiction in your life. And you want to build a better foundation.

I understand. And this is something we didn’t get to talk about. I understand addiction to be manifest in any substance or behavior that a person craves, finds temporary relief or pleasure in, has a negative consequence because of, and yet has difficulty giving it up. And if anybody’s familiar with the work of Dr.

Gabor Mate, that’s the way he defines addiction. What I really appreciate about this is it tells me for one addiction is not something that manifests in just this short arbitrary list of substances or behaviors that we think of as addiction. Addiction can be any behavior in our life that’s creating a negative consequence, and yet we’re having a difficult time giving it up.

The other thing that I learned is that It’s the, the real question to ask if we want to understand why we’re [00:51:00] struggling or why somebody’s struggling with the behavior is not why that behavior or why that addiction, but why the pain. So if we can get to the root of that, and then we can really help inspire or spark somebody’s growth beyond that place.

So if you struggle with some behaviors in your past, and maybe you’ve removed that substance, your behavior from your life, but you still feel that there’s a tremendous void inside. Well, that’s what the Valiant Path is designed to do, is to help fill that void, build that stronger foundation so you can get to the next level in your life and, and move, move beyond the challenges or move beyond the reality that you’re experiencing now.

So you can get to the place that you. Want to be ultimately in your life. So value path. vet, uh, unspoken trauma. vet and thewarriorreset. com. And my last message for your listeners is that no matter how you feel right now, you are lovable and acceptable just as you are. You have worth, you have value, and you’re deserving, especially as a veteran, you’re deserving of living and experiencing the life that you want.

And if you’re not doing that, if you’re not experiencing the way that you want your life to be, There’s tools, there’s [00:52:00] resources, there’s friends, there’s mentors, there’s other veterans out there that can help. So certainly reach out, seek those tools, seek those resources, and get your place to that place that you want to be, that you deserve to be.

Scott DeLuzio: Absolutely. Great message and I think a great place to close on that. I do want to thank you again, Garret, for taking the time to come on the show, sharing your background and your, your information and your approach to dealing with some of these difficulties that, that pretty much all veterans will end up facing at one point or another.

And, you know, some, um, Some can kind of work through it on their own. Uh, some of them, you know, need that, that little bit of help to, to get through it. And I think this is exactly, uh, where your, your program comes in and, and will help people who, who kind of need that, um, that little, that little help to get through, um, these, these difficult times.

So thank you again for taking the time to join us, sharing your, your journey and your insights. I really do [00:53:00] appreciate it.

Garret Biss: Scott, thank you so much. I appreciate you.

Scott DeLuzio: Thanks for listening to the Drive On Podcast. If you want to support the show, please check out Scott’s book, Surviving Son on Amazon. All of the sales from that book go directly back into this podcast and work to help veterans in need. You can also follow the Drive On Podcast on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, and wherever you listen to podcasts.