Episode 438 Laura Reid Secrets to Impactful Public Speaking Transcript

This transcript is from episode 438 with guest Laura Reid.

Scott DeLuzio: [00:00:00] Thanks for tuning in to the Drive On Podcast where we are focused on giving hope and strength to the entire military community. Whether you’re a veteran, active duty, guard, reserve, or a family member, this podcast will share inspirational stories and resources that are useful to you. I’m your host, Scott DeLuzio, and now let’s get on with the show.

Hey everyone, welcome back to Drive On. I’m your host, Scott DeLuzio, and today my guest is Laura Reed. Laura is an international speaker, a public speaking coach, and best selling author. Laura has jumped over numerous hurdles, including her own fear of public speaking, and has since been inspiring others to use their voices effectively.

And today, Laura’s going to share tips from her business, Speech Slayer, that help leaders and professionals deliver powerful speeches, and how we can use that to get veterans to get their stories out there. Um, before we get into all that though, Laura, I wanted to welcome you to the show. I’m glad [00:01:00] to have you here.

Laura Reid: Thank you so much, Scott. It’s such an honor to be here today. I

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Um, you know, and I, you know, we were talking a little bit before we started recording here and, you know, for, for me, one of the big things is trying to help other veterans who, uh, have a story to tell, uh, get their stories out there and use it in a way that, uh, maybe can help other people because sometimes, uh, you know, just telling your story for the sake of telling your story may not.

Have the appeal that they, they want, uh, to, to drive them to go out and out of their way that to tell their story. But on occasion, you might have a story that helps somebody else in whatever their, their journey is in their life and, and you might be able to help them. Um, And so, uh, you know, that, that’s kind of the, the goal here is to help, you know, get some more folks, uh, out there telling their stories and in one form or another, we’ve talked to folks who, who help people get their, their stories out there [00:02:00] in a written form, in a book or, or something like that, but this, you, you are more, uh, you know, along the lines of public speaking and, and that type of thing, which is, you know, another medium.

Uh, some people maybe, more comfortable doing something like that. It may take some practice and you might have to discover that about yourself. But, um, you know, that, that’s kind of the goal here. So, um, let’s take it back a bit. Can you share a bit about your, your personal experience, uh, from someone who, uh, battled with a fear of public speaking?

Kind of like what I was just alluding to, um, to then becoming someone who’s confident and, uh, inspiring, uh, you know, other folks.

Laura Reid: Absolutely. You mentioned kind of writing our stories versus speaking our stories. And for me growing up, definitely writing was more my comfort zone. I’ve always loved doing that. And the main reason was, you know, there was a time in my life where Speaking, even the simplest form of speaking, someone asking me what my name is, would be [00:03:00] enough to incite a panic attack.

I grew up with a severe stutter and it was actually my name. I dreaded that question so much. I, for whatever reason, I had the hardest time just. saying my name. And it’s actually very common with people who stutter. If there’s someone asks you a question, and there’s only one way to answer it, right, it’s very difficult because and you have these blocks come up.

Usually, if I have a little leeway in the words that I use, I could hide my stutter from people, which I still do to this day, even though I’m almost like 99 percent totally fluid. Every once in a while, you know, someone will ask me a question, and I’ll feel that. And I feel that block come up and it just feels like this old you know, like a monster that used to live in my throat.

That’s how I felt when I was a child, that it just lurked there on my throat. And when I tried to speak, it would just wake up and eat my words. And, you know, even though I went through years of speech therapy to be able to [00:04:00] speak, you know, quite a Fluidly, the shame, the humiliation, the fear was just like baked into my nervous system it felt like.

So even into my adult years, it still lingered there. And it wasn’t until about 15 years ago now, I was in a staff training for a job I had at the time teaching. And we’re just going around the room, you know. Introducing ourselves. That word introductions, if I saw that on an agenda, even 15 years ago, it still incited that that panic in me.

And as I got closer and closer to my turn to speak, and everyone else just seemed it was no brainer, so easy introducing themselves. I started just having these symptoms like nausea, the room got dizzy, I thought I was gonna be sick, and I got up and I left the room, went to the bathroom, and I was having a full blown panic attack.

And I ended up going home sick that day, sick, but really ashamed. And I knew that day [00:05:00] something had to change because the thing is when we live in some type of fear, it’s exhausting. You know, and if it’s a daily fear and you’re just waking up with that, it takes such a toll on you physically and mentally.

And I happened to be shortly after that walking, walking downtown, and I saw this flyer. You know, we always look, I look for signs in my life. Sometimes it’s a literal sign that I need to make a change. It was a flyer for a storytelling competition. And it’s like every cell in my body was like, you are entering that competition.

And I found this really unlikely place of refuge by, for the first time in my life, running towards my fear instead of hiding it, running away from it. And I found myself on the stage. telling my story. And instead of being terrified, I was exhilarated. And more than that, I realized afterwards that my story, like you mentioned, like could help others.

So other [00:06:00] people were then inspired to get on the stage, share their story. And eventually I realized, you know, I’ve spent most of my life like researching how to overcome self doubt. Speaking fear and I’ve lived these strategies that some of them I’ve just come up with on my own. And I felt this obligation then to eventually start my own business helping others.

And myself, you know, I became a speaker as well because of that. That feeling like there’s nothing like it. Yes, we can write and that can be really powerful too, but being on a stage, like sharing your story, knowing that your message can help other people and change their lives. To me, there’s, there’s nothing more empowering than that.

And I never want to stop doing that.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And that’s great because like you said, there’s so many people out there who have a story that can be impactful on somebody else’s life. And sharing that knowledge and, and information that you’ve accumulated throughout [00:07:00] the trials and tribulations maybe of, of your life, um, that is a great way to help, uh, bring other people on board.

If out of that struggle area, you know, where, where they’re, they’re trying to just barely keep their head above water and. You’ve already figured out how to get into the boat and you’re not worried about keeping your head above water anymore. And, um, if you’re already there, why wouldn’t you want to help bring some people on board?

Right. So, you know, we were talking earlier as well about Veterans who have experienced significant events in their lives, largely through their military service. Um, but a lot of times they find it difficult to articulate those stories, to put them out there. Uh, and maybe they don’t necessarily know how that story or how that event that they Uh, experienced [00:08:00] can help somebody else or whether or not they even care to get out there and share their story.

Um, what advice do you have for them? And how does your, your company Speech Slayer, uh, help these people overcome fears kind of like what you were describing? Um, and, and I actually want to, this is kind of a side, side note. How did you overcome the, the stutter and the, that, that type of fear? Um, you know, And help folks overcome these things and eventually be able to communicate these experiences.

Laura Reid: Yeah, absolutely. Well, first off, what I would say is sometimes our stories, you know, it’s like we’ve hidden them away if they’re a dark story that was, that caused us some trauma or some pain or some fear in our lives. And I’m sure veterans can relate to that. And we don’t want to go there. You know, we, you know, we, we don’t think it’s going to help anyone, especially ourselves.

We had a, a, A writing instructor told me once when [00:09:00] there was a story I’d wanted to share, but it was really dark and I wanted to write about it. And I said, you know, I just, I don’t really want to go there. And he said, I’ll never forget it. I have this written down for the longest time. There is exactly where you need to go, you know, because sometimes those darker stories that we’ve tucked away are the ones that really might most help someone else, right?

And we see our vulnerability with those stories as maybe a weakness, but really it’s so much our strength to, you know, get to, to empower those stories. And the thing that can happen with us personally is it can be very healing and very cathartic because we tend to be focused more on ourselves with our stories.

And we think, you know, no one really wants to hear my story. I don’t want to, I don’t want to relive this story. I’m just going to keep it kind of hidden. And we’re thinking about ourselves, but really when we, we bring those stories up and illuminate [00:10:00] them, you know, they, they cast light over not just ourselves, but others that are listening.

And it’s that light that can also be healing to others in that same way that it is to ourselves. So, you know, one thing with speaking to overcome your fear is to think about the audience, you know, think about The message that your story holds that could change someone else’s life. And I think when we take that spotlight off of ourselves and shine it on, on others, that ideal audience for us, you know, whether it’s just in a very small group or you want to be up on a stage, you know, we’re all public speakers in one way or another, we can’t really avoid it.

Trust me, I tried for a long time. But, you know, but there are, you know, we’re going to be asked to speak in some way. And, you know, making that rewarding for other people is just a game changer. As far as me overcoming my own stutter, again, it was, you know, many years of suffering. speech therapy, I learned a lot [00:11:00] of strategies, just listening to my voice back, you know, recording it, speaking like I’m kind of singing with a slow onset.

And some of those strategies actually do help me today, as far as just slowing down, knowing that I can have a pause. In fact, pausing is a very important underused speaking technique that can really add a lot of good drama to our stories. You know, sometimes when I would have an overly dramatic pause, because I was just forgetting what I was going to say, or I would have a bit of a speaking block, I would be horrified.

But afterwards, people would say, Oh, I didn’t even notice. Oh, you know, that pause that added a lot of drama, that can be really good. You

Scott DeLuzio: Right. And you know, I, I’ve done hundreds of these episodes, interviews with folks like you and I, and every once in a while, I, I just have this thought that it’s like, I wanted to bring up this, this topic. And then the guest is continuing to [00:12:00] talk about whatever it is that they were talking about. And then.

You know, a minute or two goes by and then I’m like, okay, now it’s my time to bring up this topic that is. Blah. I don’t know. I forgot all about it. And so now, then I’m, I’m, I’m pausing and I’m thinking, um, what is that thing that I wanted to say? I’m feeling like such an idiot. And then I go back and I listened to it.

I was like, oh, that was, that was like two seconds of me pausing. To me, in, in the moment, it felt like an eternity, but it was really just like two seconds to, To think about it. And nobody listening to the episodes can be like, Oh my gosh, I can’t believe he forgot what he was going to say. You know, like it was just me being hard on myself in that, that moment.

Right. Um, and so it, to your point, it’s not that big of a deal. And it’s probably in some cases, it’s a good thing to have a little pause, to add a little drama to the, the. What it is that you’re saying and, um, you know, it could be helpful, uh, to some extent.

Laura Reid: And you brought up something else that we can be so highly critical of [00:13:00] ourselves, right? And we’re focused after we do some kind of speaking thing or podcast, whatever it is, we’re like, Oh, I messed that thing up that one thing out of this whole thing. And we’re not focused on everything that went really right.

And the thing is, when we do make mistakes, like we are human. And I think if you come off too polished, like too memorized, you know, uh, memorizing every word, it’s not going to be as authentic. And a lot of times it’s better to even have, you know, a couple mistakes in there, acknowledge it, laugh it off, whatever it is, that can be, that can be totally fine too.

And yeah, our mistakes are never noticed as much as, you know, from others as much as we notice them.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. We, we can be our own worst critic, uh, at, at times, you know, um, for the. The veterans who are out there and I’ll extend this to the entire military community, the military families, the, uh, you [00:14:00] know, currently serving, uh, service members who want to get a story out there. Uh, we were talking before we started recording about a special operations person who you’ve had, uh, you know, the pleasure of working with who had many stories and. Figuring out how to zero in on one or two particular stories, uh, that resonate with whoever that audience is that they’re looking to speak with, uh, is, is a challenge sometimes because sometimes the, the folks who have gone on many deployments and, and countless missions and all these things that they’ve learned lessons from along the way, uh, How do I pick just one?

It’s like drinking from a fire hose. It’s just too much information coming at you. Uh, what advice do you have for folks who maybe have many topics that they can talk about, um, but just don’t know where to start?

Laura Reid: Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, that’s not a [00:15:00] bad problem to have having too many good stories to tell. But at the same time, I think it’s it’s looking at the audience again, you know, looking at that specific audience that you’ve been asked to speak to, or that you ideally want to speak to think about, you know, what are their villains, you know, I put it in storytelling terms here, you know, what are their their challenges, their dragons they want to slay, you know, whatever it is their hardships and then thinking about a story that Can relate to that, you know, specifically because having our stories be relatable to whatever the audience is we’re speaking to is so crucial for them to be engaged with it and be connected and get those true takeaways from it.

Sometimes if you, you’re asked to speak at a conference, there’s a theme, you know, or, or, or you know, something going on in the world or you know, something that is going to be. Like an overarching, um, kind of topic that you can, you can hone in then on a story that really relates to that. And that can, that can work really well too.

[00:16:00] But again, you know, speaking, sticking to maybe one story that relates to a theme and then coming up with what is my main message now that this audience is going to really relate to. And that also is, you know, overlaps with my story a bit. And then you can kind of repeat that message, kind of weave it through.

You know, we’re so familiar with what we want to say, but I think keeping in mind that audience often isn’t, and that it’s okay to kind of repeat a message and maybe have some anecdotes in there to share as well. So they get that one main message. take away from it, right? And, you know, a lot of times we just want to pack in our whole time.

We’re given 45 minutes to speak. We’re going to pack in every second and rush through it because we just have so much we want to share. And that really can be counterproductive, right? Building in those pauses, having some audience internet interaction. One of my main tips that I love to share is that when you are asked to speak, don’t think about it as a [00:17:00] presentation.

Think about it as a conversation. Right? And what do we do to make an engaging conversation? We ask questions. We have pauses. We share stories. We tell jokes. You know, those are ways to really, um, level up, level up your presentation.

Scott DeLuzio: know, I’m, I’m thinking about. You mentioned presentation and immediately my mind went to Death by PowerPoint and the,

Laura Reid: that’s one of my chapters, I think, Death by PowerPoint in my book.

Scott DeLuzio: I do want to talk about the book in just

Laura Reid: No.

Scott DeLuzio: but, um, uh, the, that was the first thing that came to my mind was just Death by PowerPoint and I, I remember all the, the briefings that we would be in when I was in the army and we would just be sitting there and it would be slide after slide after slide filled with text as if it was a Word document and It’s like you’re sitting there and you’re reading it and it’s like the person who’s presenting is just [00:18:00] turning into Charlie Brown’s mother with a wah, wah, wah kind of, kind of voice and you’re not even paying attention to the person anymore.

So I like how you’re saying, keep it conversational, uh, ask the questions, have the, the pauses and engage with the audience a bit because that’s how they’ll, they’ll remember you more. As opposed to the boring slides that you have on, on the screen, right? This, the, the slides should almost like, if you even have them, uh, they should, they should sort of just augment the, the speech that you have kind of, uh, you know, one or two words, you know, maybe on a slide and, uh, you know, maybe, maybe some graphics that.

Highlight what it is that you’re talking about, but it doesn’t have to be the focal point. You know, maybe if, if you think about it this way, if the power went out and you had a strong enough voice, could you still give the presentation? Would you still be able to do this and, uh, do it effectively? And I think that’s maybe where you want to be [00:19:00] with the, uh, the type of. speech that you’re, you’re deciding to give. Um, and, and when you, when you make it relatable, when you have these stories that you tell, instead of just wrote, like, this is the, this is how you’re supposed to do things and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, but you say, hey, this is, this is why. You’re supposed to do things maybe this way.

And, um, this is what I’m trying to teach you. And here’s the lesson that I learned when I did things the other way. And, you know, whatever. Uh, and, and you kind of make it more relatable to people. Uh, I think that’s a great way to go about it. Um, you know, kind of like what you were just talking about.

Laura Reid: Absolutely. I mean, we’ve all been there, the death by PowerPoint, it’s just excruciating. And you know, for clients I’ve worked with that have come to me with a presentation, and it’s like that, I see the slides, I’m like, Oh, no, you know, and it’s lots of text and, and not a lot of graphics or anything. It’s basically their whole speech, it’s everything they’re [00:20:00] going to say on a slide.

The reason that I think most people do that is it’s, it’s a crutch, you know, it helps them, right? Because they know what’s coming next, they can read, you know, but as far as the audience goes, I don’t know about you, but what usually I’m thinking when I see a presentation like that is, I can read these slides faster than you can speak them and this could have been an email.

Like, why are you even presenting? So I think it’s acknowledging, you know, every time we have the opportunity, that’s really what it is, like the opportunity to be asked to speak and present in front of people. You know, it’s, It’s such a great, um, a great opportunity to be able to share our voice, to engage, to make people laugh, maybe make them cry, you know, teach them something really valuable and meaningful to them.

And you know, the, these PowerPoint slides can really take away from that. And so you just have to get a little uncomfortable with it, I think, and know that you [00:21:00] really don’t have to rely on them. They should just be enhancing what you’re saying if needed at all. Uh, and you know, Give yourself a little credit for how well you actually could probably work off an outline, you know, and, and, and instead of memorizing word for word or having that crutch, you know, really trust in your own voice and your story and your message.

It doesn’t have to go exactly as planned. No one, again, no one’s gonna know. I’ve had plenty of times where I’ve kind of blanked out and I’ve had to circle back around and it was probably even better than what I planned, you know, so you got to kind of let your. self off the hook and please for those listening like ditch most of those PowerPoint slides just you know make them engaging you can make them funny you know there’s it’s a tool right that is supposed to make our presentations better right not worse.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. There was a conference I went to years ago and one of the speakers, I, unfortunately, I forget the topic that he was talking about now, but that’s not [00:22:00] important. Um, during the, the conference, so his slides, uh, he was an artist as well as he worked in technology and his, his. Topic was about technology.

His slides were basically just him doing a, uh, like a line art, like one line that made an entire picture. And each slide as it progressed was just a little more added to it, uh, throughout the thing. And. It had to do with the topic that he was talking about. And at the very end, it kind of revealed that the complete picture of what it was that he was talking about.

And so it was just a different way. There’s no words on the slides other than like the, the title slide. And, you know, at the end he had his contact information, but there was no words throughout the whole presentation. It was really just building up to the end. And so it kind of augmented it and it was kind of a neat way to, to have that.

And he was, he was a good speaker as well. He didn’t need

Laura Reid: a lot you remember that in such detail right you [00:23:00] remember that. So yeah,

Scott DeLuzio: it was a simple, it was black and white. Um, you know, he used like a, uh, you know, just a pen on a white piece of paper and that’s how he made this one line drawing kind of thing. Uh, it was, it was really neat. So, um, You mentioned a little bit about your book earlier.

Um, and, and your book, I can, I can see it in the background for the folks who are watching the video. It’s in the background there. The public speaking horror show seven secrets to kill it as a speaker. Um, tell us about the book, um, and, and how the audience can benefit from the insights inside.

Laura Reid: absolutely. I feel like I’ve been writing this book in some ways my whole life. You know, something a lot of people don’t know about me is I love horror movies. And I grew up in what I believe was a haunted house in upstate New York. And I’ve always was fascinated with ghosts and ghost stories and, you know, storytelling in general.

And my first story I ever wrote, my mom typed it up on her typewriter and I was [00:24:00] five and it felt like it had been published. It was called The Ghost Day. It was this ghost story. So in some ways, you know, the book is like kind of this love letter to my past, like weaving in some of that. the motif of fear, which we use so much with speaking and, you know, saying we’d rather die and we have stage fright, all those things, weaving that through with with stories as well.

And I also love humor, you know, I occasionally do stand up comedy. And so I believe that this topic as fearful as it can be to us can also be really amusing. Yeah, so I’ve tried to weave in a lot of humor in the book as well. But also, it’s a workbook, I have activities in there that you can just Just write, write in the book with your sharpie, whatever you want, um, and really get in touch with, you know, what really are my fears when it comes to speaking.

And then I have a lot of practical, you know, actionable steps that you can take that I’ve taken myself. Many you’re not going to see anywhere else. Again, I just live these and so they’re kind of invented [00:25:00] by me, um, that have really helped, helped a lot of people, which makes me so happy.

Scott DeLuzio: That’s great. And, um, uh, just, I wanted to kind of circle back about. Having the, the, um, slides and the PowerPoint and that type of thing as a crutch, uh, one thing that I recognized, uh, when I was doing public speaking, this was years ago, I was doing, uh, various conferences. I was, I was going to, uh, doing a lot of, a lot of speeches.

You never knew what you’re going to get as far as the technology until like the day of. Uh, you didn’t know where the, the speaker notes going to be available, uh, to you on a screen in front of you. Um, or was it just going to be the slides showing up behind you? And, you know, were you going to have a podium to be able to put?

Notes or like a paper or anything like that on you. You really never knew it was a crapshoot every single time. Even if they said, Hey, we’re going to have this available. You show up [00:26:00] and Oh, oops, we don’t have it. You know, and so every once in a while, uh, these things happen. And you’re not prepared, like you said, like focusing on the outline, uh, versus the.

Uh, reading verbatim off of a slide or whatever, uh, then, then you come off more unprepared. And, and so it’s like better to prepare for having nothing and no technology, no podium that you can put notes on or anything like that. Store it all up. Uh, one of my coworkers used to call it, store it up in the B drive, uh, up in the brain and, and then.

You know, unless you get hit in the head, you’re not going to be able to forget all this stuff. Right. Um, so I think that, that to me seems like a much better approach to this.

Laura Reid: Yeah, and then you’re going to be so much more comfortable going into it, too, knowing that you got this no matter what. And some of the best presentations and speeches I’ve ever seen were completely unplugged. You know, it reminds me of like American Idol when, you know, there’s always a big [00:27:00] band sometimes in the back supporting the singer, but every once in a while, there’d be someone that would come out and just do totally unplugged.

acoustic version of some song. And to me, those were always the most powerful. And the same can be for speaking, you know, you can come out and just if everyone else has all these slides, you come out and do something different, or just have a couple of photos. And it’s just like this, you know, this really kind of interactive storytelling with your message, and you’re comfortable.

However, we show up that energy we’re showing up with, the is, you know, reflected with the audience, you know, and infused into how they’re feeling too. So if we’re thrown off suddenly, and it’s evident that we are like really shooken up because the tech isn’t working, or we don’t get the podium, or we lost our notes, or whatever it is, you know, the audience is kind of, you know, uncomfortable too.

And we never want that. So what I say is don’t memorize But internalize what the story is. If you’re visual, you can make kind of a storyboard of [00:28:00] your presentation and so you know in your mind what is coming next, right? And you don’t have to know every word because also when you kind of over prepare to a point where it’s just memorized word for word, if you do happen to forget that one next word, it might throw off your entire thing.

You’re going to forget everything. Everything after that, right? I’ve definitely had that happen to me. It’s not fun. But if you just know the stories, what’s coming next and the messages coming next topic that I’m going to talk on next, you’re not going to have that. Yeah.

Scott DeLuzio: of that is when you have a telemarketer call you and you interrupt them. Mid speech or mid script or whatever. And they have to say something else. And then the, then the, Oh, where was I? I don’t know. I don’t know what to say next. Oh my gosh. And it, I don’t know. I don’t like getting those calls anyway.

So I kind of find it humorous when I kind of throw them off a little bit. Um, but when, so when I was in college, just Kind of quick story about what you’re just talking about. Uh, you know, when I was in college, I, there’s a class I had to do [00:29:00] a presentation on a particular accounting software. Uh, I had an accounting degree and we had to present like how to use this, uh, accounting software and we could pick from any accounting software that we wanted to.

And I had a business, uh, kind of on the side at the time that I used a particular accounting software, so I already knew how to use it. And I used it. Almost daily, and I was pretty well versed in how to use it. And so, Someone could just ask me a question about anything. And I’d be like, okay, this is how, this is just how you do it.

And I could answer it rather quickly the same way I’m having a conversation with anybody else. So I was, I don’t want to say I was an expert at it. I’m sure there’s some nuances, but I, I knew how to use the day to day stuff on it. And so the presentation. That I gave, I had no notes. I had no script. I had no outline or anything like that.

It was all in my head. And I just, I, you know, I’d look at the screen as kind of a prompt as, what is it that I was talking about next? Okay. Oh yeah, that’s right. This next [00:30:00] part of it, um, other people were getting up in front of the class and it was like, they were just so nervous and everything. And it’s like, it was such an easy thing for me because I It was just like I was talking about the thing that I do every day.

And so to your point, when you internalize it and it’s just something that is, it kind of flows a little bit more naturally, um, then I think it’s going to just be a much better, better speech at that point. Right.

Laura Reid: Absolutely, just making it conversational. And that’s why storytelling is so great too, to use, because no matter what our topic is, we know our stories, right? We have that already internalized, kind of etched into our hearts, right? We have it. And so knowing that is part of whatever you’re presenting on is going to give you a certain comfort level through it.

Right. And I mean, speaking of comfort, you know, most people say we need to break out of our comfort zones to do things like speaking. If we’re scared of that, right? You see it all the time, [00:31:00] but I disagree. I say, get in touch with how you feel. when you’re in your comfort zone. Because usually it’s pretty awesome.

Like, you feel, you know, so relaxed, at ease, peaceful, like your authentic self. You could recite anything, right? So why do you want to get out of that? So what I say instead is just expand that feeling out, right? To encompass the scary things you’re doing. So for example, with my own experience, this is one of those things I kind of just came up with on my own.

A lot of people would disagree that, you know, we should always break out of our comfort zone. But when I stopped telling myself, you know, I have to, I have to do this, I’m doing this really scary thing. I’m going to be so confident. I’m going to fake it till I make it. All of that. And instead was just, you know what?

I’m just going to be myself. I’m going to just infuse this with how I feel when I’m in my comfort zone. Instead of being, Confident, I’m going to be calm and conversational, just myself. It was such a game changer. And then the science I [00:32:00] discovered behind it was so cool because when we tell ourselves we’re doing a scary thing, our brains go into this nervous brain mode, right?

And guess what? We forget our words when we’re in that mode. All the symptoms come up, our dry mouths, our nervousness, everything we don’t want when we’re speaking, right? That’s why we forget. And then when our brains are in that relaxed mode that we’re in when we’re just like, Just on our couch, speaking to a friend, we can remember anything and we’re not thinking about what we’re going to say, right?

We’re just saying it and we’re naturally at ease. So that’s one of my biggest tips is, is get in touch with that comfort zone and stay there while you’re speaking. Yeah.

Scott DeLuzio: So as you’re bringing that up, it makes me think of the combat veterans who have trained hours and hours and hours on how to participate in different combat missions and do the different things that they do to be successful out in combat, which [00:33:00] I don’t, you know, that that’s gotta be one of the scariest things that any person could do going into a place where, you know, people are going to start shooting at you and like that.

That’s pretty darn scary, right? And they’re able to go out and do it regardless of the fact that it’s scary. They just go out and do it because, well, that’s the mission and that’s their job and they have to, and that’s what is expected of them. And. You know, if people can wrap their head around that, you know, they, they’ve gotten the training, right?

We’re not asking anybody to just, here’s your rifle, uh, for the very first time you’ve ever seen it. And you’ve never handled it before. You’ve never done anything with any other teammates or anything like that. Uh, go assault that village and go, you know, capture the objective or, you know, whatever. We’re not asking people to just do it for the first time.

Right. It takes practice and you go through rehearsals and, um, you know, in the, the military, we call it the crawl, walk, [00:34:00] run, uh, phase where, where we, we start off in the crawling, you know, basically doing, doing things slow, having people there to kind of help you. And, uh, then walk, you kind of pick it up a little bit and then run.

You’re, you’re on your own and you’re, you’re able Take this concept, whatever it is, and you run with it. Um, I got imagined with public speaking of any sort. Um, you know, yeah, it, in the very beginning, if, if this is not something you’ve done before, it’s going to be. Pretty uncomfortable. Uh, but the more you do it, the better you get, the more you tell the story, the better you get at it.

And so, um, you know, one thing I did, um, uh, before going, I did some television interviews the night before I was in front of the mirror in my bathroom. Uh, just, you know, Rehearsing what it was that I wanted to say over and over and over and over. And the reason why I did it in the mirror was so I could see what I look like.

You know, if I’m, if I’m constantly doing this with my hands and it’s really [00:35:00] distracting to the, to the viewer, I would know, okay, well I probably shouldn’t do that because I could see it, you know. Um, but it just helped me get a lot more comfortable. And when I actually came to call it game day, you know, I, I, I was, I was super comfortable with it.

So, um, you know, I think the point is practice it and practice till, till it, that becomes your comfort zone, you know? And so, you know, maybe it’s not stepping outside of the comfort zone, um, because when you’re outside of that, you’re uncomfortable, get comfortable with the uncomfortable things, and then you’ll be, you’ll be in a better position.

I think that’s kind of along the lines of what you’re trying to say, right?

Laura Reid: Absolutely. And it’s so normal to be fearful of it. It’s one of our biggest human fears, right? And, you know, oftentimes it’s not like we can do really scary things in our life. I recently worked with someone who was a volunteer, uh, firefighter. And he ran into burning buildings, like not, no fear. And he [00:36:00] was scared to death of doing job interviews, to try to get hired full time with a fire department.

So he, you know, we work together, he actually just got hired a couple of months ago. And, you know, it’s a very, very competitive field to get into. But a lot of that was him getting comfortable practicing because it is a skill. Just like anything else. And the more that you practice it, the better you’re going to get.

And when you haven’t done anything, like the first time, let’s say you put on ice skates and someone pushes you out in the arena that way, it’s terrifying, right? Um, but it is, it’s a skill that can be built up. Absolutely. And you keep improving. I learn every time I do, you know, I do speaking. I’ve been doing it for a long time now.

I make mistakes every time I, I still beat myself up a little over something in the middle of the night. I’m like, Oh, yeah, that’s what I wanted to say. But watching yourself back recording yourself as uncomfortable as that can be, you can learn so much and just being a little easier on ourselves, you know, knowing that like, [00:37:00] we’re, we’re doing our best, we can do hard things, we can learn things.

And, you know, speaking to ourselves, even our inner critic, you know, being able to speak to ourselves with kinder words, like we would a loved one, you know, I hear a lot of my clients saying, like, I hate the sound of my voice. I sound so stupid. I can’t do this. I’m like, would you speak to your loved one that way or your child, you know, so starting to just be.

nicer to ourselves, lighten up a little bit. And like you mentioned, too, you know, when you’re getting out on stage, like no one’s gonna die, right? You’re just like, you’re just giving a speech. So sometimes I’ll tell myself that, like, settle down inner critic. I’m just gonna, I’m just doing this podcast. It’s gonna be okay.

Scott DeLuzio: right. To your point. Yeah, nobody’s gonna die. It’s nothing that you say getting up on that stage is going to be, uh, you know, detrimental to anybody in, in that, that kind of way. So, uh, you know, get up there, have fun with it. Um, you know, and, uh, prepare, obviously, you don’t want, you don’t want to have fun [00:38:00] the way you might go, you know, have fun with a pickup basketball game where it’s like, ah, who cares if I’m good or not.

It’s just, I’m going out to have fun. You know, Yes, you want to be prepared. You want to practice, rehearse and things like that. But knowing that you’re going out there, that I’m going out to have some fun and I’m going to have a conversation with those folks and, and uh, hopefully help some people out along the way.

Um, and so, you know, to that point, um, you know, I, I, I know there are Stories that people have, um, military or not, doesn’t matter. People have stories that can impact some change on, uh, the audience, their, their families, their, their people in their social circles. Um, you know, what, what have you seen as far as other people getting out there, telling their, their stories and impacting some sort of change in, in the audience that they’ve, uh, spoken to?[00:39:00]

Laura Reid: Yeah, absolutely. You know, the thing is, and I have seen stories for heard stories for sure that, you know, just stayed with me. And Many times it’s because, you know, there was some kind of emotional connection with it. And again, it’s usually when I’m, I’m already in that venue, where I know, like, whoever the speaker is, they’re there, it’s going to hopefully be relatable to why I’m there.

So for example, at a Women’s Leadership Empowerment Conference, you know, there was a speaker there who, told a story mostly about self love, but about, you know, kind of finding herself overcoming what was going to be a fatal, um, diagnosis and that kind of setting her on this, this journey. Um, and it was, you know, everyone there, you, you know, when there’s that, those moments in certain people’s speeches, and that’s what I strive for, you know, to help my own clients.

Like, instead of, you know, just. [00:40:00] focusing on, you know, instead of just the whole, like, these are the topics, this is what I’m going to deliver. Like, create these moments where you can hear a pin drop and people just, there’s suspense. Like, they can’t wait to hear how you overcame this obstacle. You know, those are those moments I’ve heard in other people’s talks where it’s just gripping and, you know, It’s unforgettable.

And then guess what? Like everyone wants to talk to that person or buy their book or whatever it is, right? You know, leaving them wanting more sometimes can be really great too. Um, but, but telling that story in a way that creates a moment of connection, you know, um, Maya Angelou said, people will forget what you said.

They will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel. And that’s what those moments and stories can do.

Scott DeLuzio: Absolutely. Um, you know, I, I know there are some people out there who have stories. They, they definitely are out there and they’re, they’re [00:41:00] probably listening to this right now and they probably want to figure out the best way that they can get their story out there. Um, you know, how they can get on stage and how they can start doing these types of speeches.

Um, where can people go to get involved with, uh, yeah. With your company Speech Slayer and, um, find out, um, you know, the programs that, that you have to offer and the ways that you, you can help them, uh, get started on, on the, uh, journey of public speaking.

Laura Reid: Yeah. Thanks for asking that. I work mostly one on one with my clients and the best way is if you go to my website, which is TheSpeechSlayer. com, uh, I have, you can, you can sign right up for a free 20 minute like talk story consult with me and we can see if it’s aligned for me to help you, you know, reach your specific needs.

Speaking goals. So that’s an easy way. I also have a free mini course on my website, which is called The Seven Deadly Sins of Public Speaking. So if you want, it’s really short and, and [00:42:00] easy and you can find out the things you shouldn’t do because a lot of times we’re just focused on what we should do.

Although we did mention death by PowerPoint, which is probably one of those sins, I’m pretty sure. And then my book. I’m. In my book, which you can get on Amazon or barnesandnoble. com, uh, I do have some simple frameworks in there for making storytelling, just kind of demystifying it, making it really simple for you.

So that can also be a great place to start to just get some of, some of those basic tools that can keep helping you as well. Um, you can also just email me at laura at the speech slayer. com and I’d love to hear from you.

Scott DeLuzio: Excellent. Well, I will have links to your book, to your website and all that in the show notes so that folks can find out more information for themselves and they can maybe take that, uh, that quick, uh, you know, what not to do, uh, uh, test and, um, you know, hopefully they, uh, they can find the information resources that they are looking [00:43:00] for and, and get on stage and, or in front of an audience of some sort.

And be able to tell their story. Um, it, it may not be the easiest thing to do, but, uh, like you said, um, you know, it’s, it’s all about getting comfortable with that and, and trying to, um, you know, embrace that comfort and, and figure out how to make that as comfortable as possible. And I’m sure you can help out quite a few people.

So, uh, Laura, thank you very much for taking the time to come on. I really do appreciate it.

Laura Reid: Thank you so much. This has been really awesome. I really appreciate you having me on. Thank you.

Scott DeLuzio: Thanks for listening to the Drive On Podcast. If you want to support the show, please check out Scott’s book, Surviving Son on Amazon. All of the sales from that book go directly back into this podcast and work to help veterans in need. You can also follow the Drive On Podcast on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, and wherever you listen to [00:44:00] podcasts.