Episode 439 Brian Fleming Finding Purpose After Trauma Transcript

This transcript is from episode 439 with guest Brian Fleming.

Scott DeLuzio: [00:00:00] Thanks for tuning in to the Drive On Podcast where we are focused on giving hope and strength to the entire military community. Whether you’re a veteran, active duty, guard, reserve, or a family member, this podcast will share inspirational stories and resources that are useful to you. I’m your host, Scott DeLuzio, and now let’s get on with the show.

Hey everyone, welcome back to Drive On. I’m your host, Scott DeLuzio, and today my guest is Brian Fleming. Brian is a combat wounded military veteran, army veteran, a motivational speaker and author who has dedicated over 16 years to helping trauma survivors heal by sharing their stories. He has spoken to over half a million people worldwide and developed the Use Your Story program to guide others in transforming their lives.

Today, we’re going to discuss how sharing your story can heal trauma and transform lives and hopefully help some folks out along the way. So before we get into that, uh, Brian, I want to [00:01:00] welcome you to the show. I’m really glad to have you here.

Brian Fleming: Hey, thanks for having me fellow 11 Bravo.

Scott DeLuzio: Yes.

Brian Fleming: When you told me you were infantry, I’m like, Oh, this is going to be good.

Scott DeLuzio: This is, I know when, when, when, when we, once, when you get another infantryman, I mean, it could go one of two ways. It can go really good or it can go downhill real quick and hopefully

Brian Fleming: that can be good if you have other 11 bravos listening.

Scott DeLuzio: That’s true. So stay tuned. We’ll see. Um, tell us a little bit about your, your time in the military. Um, you said you were deployed to Afghanistan before we started talking here, um, and your experiences there and kind of how it led you to what you do now.

Brian Fleming: Yeah, I joined the army straight out of high school in Miami, Florida back in 2003. Joined his army infantry. Army said, hey, well, we’ll even give you 5, 000 bucks to Shoot some big guns and blow some stuff up. If you sign here and I’m like, I’m 18, five grand, dude. I’m about to buy my mom a house, you know, retire. [00:02:00] Oh, that didn’t happen. But, uh, yeah, it was just after 9 11 and so big war effort was going on. Afghanistan was heating up and a lot to be done. And, you know, at that time, you know, 9 11 was still so fresh in everyone’s minds that, you know, you can’t just sit back and do nothing when something like that happens.

So it always cracks me up when I hear people say, Oh, we never should have been there. It’s like, were you fucking alive in 2001? Like, like, do you remember, like, you don’t just sit back and like do nothing, especially you’re America, like we’re always looking for a fight. And so anyways. I joined the Army’s infantry, went through basic training and all that.

Infantry training at Fort Benning in August to December of 03. And, uh, yeah, nice and hot. I didn’t think, I didn’t think any place North of Florida could be hotter than Miami. I think Fort Benning was in August. It, it was pretty intense, but,

Scott DeLuzio: I think, I think they import heat there and humidity and all the creatures that can kill you, they, [00:03:00] they import those and, and they just drop them in the woods. So when you’re, you’re sleeping out, uh, in the middle of the woods at night, uh, this thing that’s crawling across your face, it’s probably going to kill you.

Brian Fleming: Yeah. It got your little shelter half, you know, that they make you think you’re going to use from World War II that nobody uses anymore. Yep. The little, there’s a whole Neo zone shining right down in Fort Benning. But, uh, yeah, it went through that, you know, San Hill Alpha 150. And, um, let’s see, I went to South Korea for my first unit, um, one year, 2nd Infantry Division.

They gave me a SAW, if you don’t know, or you do, but for those who don’t know, it’s a M249 Squad Automatic Weapon. It’s a lightweight machine gun. And I grew up watching Rambo and You know, Arnold Schwarzenegger and things like that and Commando and Predator. So when I got, when I got assigned that saw in Korea, I remember the first thing, first time with the range, like 18 and stupid, I thought, this is my Rambo moment.

You know, like, do you, do you remember that scene, [00:04:00] like from Predator with the 50 cal and he just mows down the jungle for like a minute straight? Like unlimited Hollywood ammo. I was like, that’s what I’m going to do on this range. And so I just, I just held down the trigger on that saw and I got kicked in the head cause I’m in the prone.

Right. And I got kicked in the head and it’s the first sergeant and he goes, I can’t hardly hear anything at this point. I look up at him and he’s like, private, the fuck are you doing? And I’m like, Oh my God, that’s a first sergeant. That’s like an E8, man. Like he’s basically God. I’m like, didn’t know what to say.

So I was like, Roger, first sergeant. And he goes, no, what the hell are you doing? I was like, Roger, first sergeant. He goes, what? I, and I was like, Roger, first sergeant. He’s like, whatever, quit that. Three round burst. I don’t know what he was doing out there. I mean, I don’t know, he’s supervising or something.

Obviously far more accurate three to five run bursts. Um, but I had to have my Rambo moment. It was worth getting [00:05:00] kicked in the helmet. Yeah. So yeah, other than that, South Korea was pretty, pretty good. Uh, super hot and probably the coldest I’ve ever been in my life. The, the, uh,

Scott DeLuzio: The extremes.

Brian Fleming: yeah, yeah. The summers are like Miami.

The winters are literally like Alaska. So spent a year there, got assigned to the 10th Mountain Division after that, which was kind of weird because my orders from Korea said 10th Mountain Division, Fort Polk, Louisiana. Which is awkward because 10th Mountain is up in New York

Scott DeLuzio: Right.

Brian Fleming: Fort Drum and I took my orders back and the branch manager, I said, hey, these are wrong.

10th Mountain’s in New York. She goes, no private Fleming, you’re wrong. The 10th Mountain Division, by the way, which for anyone who doesn’t know, is a light infantry, light infantry mountain warfare brigade. And they, she said, they’re starting a new fourth brigade in Fort Polk, Louisiana. I said, so it’s a, it’s a, it’s a light mountain warfare, light infantry.

Unit and you’re putting it in a swamp. [00:06:00] Yeah. And then sending us to Afghanistan, which is mountainous. And that was when I first learned about the term military intelligence. It’s, it’s the biggest oxymoron in the world. So yeah, to make it short, I, I got assigned there. I was a team leader with the 10th mountain division in an infantry platoon and got deployed in 06 to Afghanistan.

Scott DeLuzio: And so how was that? How was that deployment for you in 06?

Brian Fleming: I had a blast a couple of times. Yeah. Uh,

Scott DeLuzio: Literally, right?

Brian Fleming: literally. Yeah. Yeah. But, uh, I got married three months before I deployed. And I’m happy to say that in December, we will be celebrating 19 years. So,

Scott DeLuzio: Congratulations.

Brian Fleming: very fortunate. I’m the, I’m that rare story, uh, that stayed married and that’s, you know, the divorce thing, that’s actually probably one post war issue battle I’ve not had to fight, like everything else, PTSD, traumatic brain injury, all that stuff.

Like, yeah, I’ve been there, done that, got all the t shirts because once you get in, once you get wounded in combat, I mean, play, you know, these [00:07:00] nonprofits it’s like. Wounded Warrior Project, man, they’ll send you all kinds of t shirts and stuff with their giant logos on them. I’m like, man, I’m not your billboard, but, uh, I did get quite a few t shirts, but, uh, yeah.

So, uh, about a month after arriving there, my, my up armored Humvee ran over a double stack of anti tank mines buried in the road. This was the first time my vehicle was blown up and, um, blew it up, set it on fire. About seven o’clock in the morning, we were in the Argendab valley and, um, yeah, didn’t really hear the explosion.

Dust kind of went everywhere. Time kind of stood still. Didn’t know what happened momentarily. Then I had the thought like, uh, I think we just got blown up. My gunner was laying next to me and he should have been standing up in the turret, but he got boosted out of the turret and then came crashing back down.

And I was in the back seat on the driver’s side. The, uh, The, the rear, the rear tire on the passenger side, uh, ran over the pressure, pressure plate. And so one of my guys who was sitting there, he was sort of half conscious. He was really kind of concussed by the blast. And I [00:08:00] was able to drag him out, um, and get him out.

Two of the guys were injured, but both returned to duty a month later, just minor injuries, thankfully. It wasn’t anything, uh, you know, deadly in that case. And so, yeah, that was about a month after arriving in country.

Scott DeLuzio: it’s a warm welcoming that you got there, um, you know, so after all of these events that you experienced, you know, being deployed and all that, um, you obviously came back home. You’re, you, you made it through that, that deployment,

Brian Fleming: well, I didn’t make it through that deployment because

Scott DeLuzio: oh, you didn’t make it all the way

Brian Fleming: no, there was a second

Scott DeLuzio: Okay, let’s, let’s continue on that.

Let’s continue down that road. Go ahead.

Brian Fleming: so, so, well, after getting blown up the first time, um, I had this crazy idea that I wanted to reclass my job from infantry to EOD and for those who don’t know, EOD is Explosive Ordnance Disposal, they’re the bomb squad.

So basically if you see that guy running, you better be in front of them, it’s that kind of [00:09:00] thing. If it blows up, it’s their business. And so I don’t know why I wanted to do that after getting even blasted that first time. But. I did. Well, I had this, I had this thing on my medical profile that said P3.

Basically, it meant I was physically unfit for duty, which is weird because I’ve been chasing and hunting Taliban up and down mountains for five months. I was in incredible shape. I was in the best shape of my life. And so I had to go to Kandahar cause I was at Fob Lagman a couple hours North of Kandahar, an old town called Kolat, and they didn’t have a doctor there who could reevaluate me.

So I had to go to Kandahar to get re evaluated, get that taken off of my medical records. Well, two miles from the main gate to Kandahar airfield, we’re driving down Highway 1, out of nowhere, this minivan gets right up next to my door, I’m the, I’m the TC, the truck commander and the lead vehicle of about a 15 vehicle convoy, gets right up next to my door, slams into it and explodes.

Blows the entire minivan into, you know, billions of pieces, including himself as a suicide bomber [00:10:00] inside this van. And, uh, I don’t remember anything happening until I woke up. I woke up, uh, laying face down, burned and bloody, laying in a ditch on the side of Highway 1 in Kandahar. And, uh, my first thought when I woke up was, uh, I don’t remember going to sleep here.

Cause I was laying down. Last thing I knew I was in the vehicle. Next thing I know, I blink my eyes and I’m like laying in a ditch. And, um, yeah, so I thought, well, maybe we’re in a gunfight. Like, why don’t I remember laying down here and then I can’t find my weapon, which, you know, as you know, that’s like, you know, you don’t go

Scott DeLuzio: You don’t do that.

Brian Fleming: It’s like, you’re missing your arms. Well, my weapon was still in the vehicle. I was not. And so. I did sort of a pushup, got to my feet, my face, my face and neck were full face and neck, second degree burns, which have healed now, uh, full thickness, third degree on both of my hands. And, um, yeah, just kind of walked around a little bit, kind of dazed.

There was car parts, [00:11:00] body parts everywhere. Um, I remember walking past like a severed leg that was blasted off at the femur. And I thought, holy crap, is like, is that mine? Like I thought it was mine for some reason, but I’m walking past it. You know, so I’m, I’m a little concussed at this point. So I looked, I looked at it and I looked at my legs and I’m like, well, it’s not mine and I looked around at other people.

Well, they all have their legs. And so I’m just like piecing this together in the moment. And, um, about 120, 130 degrees outside at this point. Um, the burns were getting really painful about 10, 15 minutes later because the adrenaline and my body started wearing off. And so we, uh, got medevaced and I went from Kandahar, uh, to Bagram, Bagram, to Landstuhl, Germany, and from there to San Antonio, Texas, where I spent a year and two months at Brooke Army Medical Center.

And so I went, I’ll say this. So I went from Kandahar to San Antonio in three days and the medical care I got from the military. Absolute [00:12:00] best in the world though. They took such good care of me and kept me alive. Uh, absolutely stellar. Like if I had a life threatening anything, I would say, you know, right now I’d say, get me those guys.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. I’ve heard that from other people who have had significant injuries like that. Um, that the care that they got, whether it was at Walter Reed or, you know, other places that they, they might’ve been at, um,

Brian Fleming: You want to hear something crazy? This was an 06, but. I went back in 2013 for four or five days. I got a chance to go back, speak to the troops, things like that. And I was at the same field hospital at Kandahar airfield that I got medevaced out of. I was talking to the PA there who runs. The hospital there, this is the guy, like he runs everything.

He said over the past, at that point, this was 2013. He said, according to their own numbers, cause they log it, they track their own stats and variables and factors and all that, he said, [00:13:00] He said our medical care is so good. He said 99 percent of people who come here injured, whether they’re burned, whether they’re missing one or three or four limbs, he said if they have a heartbeat, if they arrive in this hospital with a heartbeat, percent of the time we save their life.

Scott DeLuzio: Wow.

Brian Fleming: 99 percent and this is the guy who runs the place. Like, so I wouldn’t have believed that if somebody else had told me, but this is a guy, this, this is their own numbers. If you have a heartbeat, no matter your condition, 99 percent of the time they can save you.

Scott DeLuzio: That’s incredible. Uh, I, I, I wonder if there are hospitals that Stateside that, you know, can get both those kinds of numbers, you know, from, you know, gunshots and, you know, all those kinds of things. I, I, I

Brian Fleming: don’t know.

Scott DeLuzio: I’m just guessing. No, but that’s, that’s speculation. I

Brian Fleming: you know, you’ve been in the military as well. You, you know how [00:14:00] dedicated and like, I mean, we will spend hours on somebody if that’s what it takes. Like we won’t sleep, we won’t eat, we won’t breathe if we like until like something’s taken care of. Especially if it’s somebody’s life threaten.

Scott DeLuzio: exactly, um, that, that’s, that’s where that selfless service comes in. Um, you know, we will, we’ll move mountains to make sure that that person makes it through. Um, so. Okay. So you did not make it all the way through that deployment?

Brian Fleming: Five, five months. Five months outta nine.

Scott DeLuzio: Five out of nine. Hey, you know what? That’s not bad.

Brian Fleming: Five outta nine ain’t bad.

Scott DeLuzio: that ain’t

Brian Fleming: there’s a cold classic rock song

Scott DeLuzio: Uh, yeah, right. Um,

Brian Fleming: two out of three.

Scott DeLuzio: two out of three, whatever it is, you know, it, it’s still, you, you did what was asked of you, um, and, and that’s, that’s all that matters. That’s the important part. And I think for, for folks who have a situation like that, who come back home and they’re like, I didn’t do the whole deployment or whatever.

I didn’t finish my deployment either. Uh, and for [00:15:00] different reasons, but you know, not to get into that right now, but, um, but it’s like, you, you did what was asked of you and that’s. And you couldn’t have done more at that point. You know what I mean? Like you’re not, they’re not going to send you back burned and broken and everything.

You’re not, you weren’t doing the job if you, if you went back at that, in that stage of your, your healing. Right. So, um, so you went through the treatment, um, you know, got, I’m assuming you got medically discharged at that point or, or how did that go?

Brian Fleming: I got medically put out and I’ll tell you that the explosion wasn’t the worst part of the injury. The worst part was when I arrived at Brooke Army Medical Center, because I didn’t, I didn’t know what they have to do to you when you’re burned, like severely burned. Uh, the, the first night I arrived there, it was a, it was a Friday night and they wheeled me into the, uh, the shower room and I remember the head nurse looking at me.

And he said, Hey, Sergeant Fleming, we’re going to do this as [00:16:00] quickly as possible. So it’ll be as painless as possible. And I had no idea what he meant, but I thought in that moment, like that doesn’t sound good. And it was at that point, him and two or three other nurses all pulled out razor blades and they had to start shaving and ripping and tearing.

The burn charred skin off my hands and face and neck, like a piece of burnt chicken, because I would have died of infection if they didn’t get it cleaned. And they have to do it. And they, they have to keep you awake through it. Because if they put you under anesthesia and they have to do it multiple times, they’re afraid you’ll slip into a coma.

Scott DeLuzio: Mm

Brian Fleming: so this took about a half hour, basically felt like getting Floyd alive. It was the worst fucking thing in the world. Um, I just wanted to die in the moment. If I could just go unconscious somehow, you know, um, but that didn’t happen. And I, I want, I wanted to resist him. I naturally instinct you want to fight him and like, whoa, what the, what the

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Brian Fleming: But I, I knew they were, they were doing what they had to. To keep me alive. So I [00:17:00] just laid there and took it. And I say this a lot too. I have a lot of respect for nurses and doctors and people who had to do that kind of stuff, especially in a burn ward of a hospital. Because you know, you and I, we can do infantry stuff.

We can kick in doors, shoot bad guys, go drag them out of there if we have to. Skinning somebody alive to save their life, would be so mentally tough for like, I would do it if it was like a combat situation, but in a hospital is my full time job. That takes a special person who’s not me.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. I don’t know what it is. I, I, as you’re talking about that, I think you and I are on the same page with that because as you’re, you’re talking about that in the moment, like I need to do this right now to, in order to save that person, I’m doing whatever it takes. I, it doesn’t matter. Um, but when you have time to sit there and think and plan and, and.

Figure out, [00:18:00] okay, well, I guess, I guess I’m going to go, uh, you know, walk down the hall and grab some of those razor blades and start picking away at this guy’s skin, um, Man, there’s some premeditation that goes on with that, that takes us

Brian Fleming: Can you imagine,

Scott DeLuzio: of person to

Brian Fleming: waking up in the morning and you’re like, well, I’m going to go to work. And, um, here’s what I’m probably going to have to do again today.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Brian Fleming: I mean, yeah.

Scott DeLuzio: mean, God bless

Brian Fleming: Yeah, absolutely.

Scott DeLuzio: Geez. Um, yeah, it, it takes, it takes a special kind of person. And, uh, yeah, that’s why, that’s why the infantry really, uh, has a fondness for the medics and, and doctors and nurses and all those kinds of people, because that’s, They’re the ones who keep them alive when,

Brian Fleming: Oh yeah. We, we talked the most shit to those medics, man. But when you get blown up or shot, man, that’s the first guy you’re calling for.

Scott DeLuzio: yeah. When you call them for doc.

Brian Fleming: Yeah, call for Doc, and the ones I’ve experienced, they did their jobs well, you[00:19:00]

Scott DeLuzio: Absolutely. So after all of this, um, you mentioned earlier, you, you dealt with a bunch of issues, um, you know, PTSD and, and all the, the issues that came from, uh, this deployment, um, eventually you started sharing your story. Uh, how did that help you heal from the trauma that you experienced?

Brian Fleming: Yeah, the first thing about that is I never meant to do it.

Scott DeLuzio: Okay.

Brian Fleming: I mean, you don’t usually come home from war and say, Hey, I’m going to go talk about this in front of audiences. And, you know, a lot of it, I mean, I don’t talk about it. A lot of things aren’t worth mentioning, but, you know, um, I, I met a guy who was a Vietnam vet.

His name’s Dave Reaver. He came, he was burned in Vietnam and he came to the hospital and gave a speech to me and like 30 other guys who’ve been blown up, shot up. All kinds of stuff, and he was, you know, he had half his face and body burned off by a phosphorus grenade that blew up in his hand. Sniper trying, aiming for his head, shot through his hand [00:20:00] by accident, blew the grenade.

And burned half his body off. He was on a riverboat and so he survived it. Well, he’d been an author and speaker for 30, 35 some years, probably at that point, maybe longer. And he couldn’t talk about the pain of his injury without making us all laugh hysterically. And I thought that was really cool because I mean, he’s like, Hey, I jumped in the water, you know, and you know, saw my skin floating beside me.

He was like, man, I was beside myself. He’s like, I had to pull myself together. And I’m like, Oh my God, this is great. Like. Yeah, this is like infantry funny. And

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. Right.

Brian Fleming: um, so we talked afterwards, we hit it off, we became great friends. And he, about a month later, this was, I met him on January 25th of 07. I was injured July 24th of 06.

So this was only six months after my injury, six, seven months. And this was very, very recent after my injury. And. [00:21:00] He invited me, I got a call from his office, to come to one of his patriotic rallies he was speaking at. Well, I didn’t know, but he pulled me up on stage, like, right in the middle of it. And I was still in burn bandages, and I mean, I was still in rehab, my face was still kind of pink from the second degree burns, healing.

And, uh, there were 3000 people at this event and people say, well, did you get butterflies? And like, no, there wasn’t time. It was like getting a baseball, you know, thrown in your face, fastball from five feet away. It’s like, you don’t catch it. You just react, you know? And so I say, basically, Hey, I’m Brian. I got blown up.

Um, I’m good. I’ll, I’ll be fine. And I guess I’m still here for a reason. Go for it. Whatever. I don’t know. Worst motivational speech ever probably, I had a lady, this is what really changed when I got off stage, it was like a one degree shift that changed my life. This lady came up to me, she was in her twenties and she said, she just didn’t even tell me her name.

[00:22:00] She just walks up and goes, Hey, Brian. Um, I was raped and molested growing up. And then all throughout my childhood, all throughout my teen years. She said my boyfriend was abusive, we recently broke up, and two weeks ago I tried to kill myself. I was just like, wow, gosh, like, I’m so sorry, like, are you okay?

Like, is there anything I can do for you? Like She just, I mean, you don’t every day have someone just come up and tell you that. Um, which is really interesting given, you know, she didn’t know me. This was, you know, um, that’s not something you normally tell people. And she said, you know, she said, but if you can survive all that talking about Afghanistan, she said, I think I can get through this.

And that right there changed everything. And I didn’t know why I didn’t know why exactly something came out of me. I didn’t know was in me. And people always ask, like, what was like the big thing? What was the one thing that helped you [00:23:00] get back on your feet and move forward productively in life? Well, I don’t, it wasn’t any one thing, but I can tell you, I, it was, it was that instant.

That’s what it was. But for years, I couldn’t describe what happened inside me. Until I read a book by Dr. Viktor Frankl called Man’s Search for Meaning. He was a psychiatrist, an Austrian Jew, he was a Holocaust survivor from the Nazi prison camps, he survived it. And then talk about the psychology of concentration camps until he died.

I mean, incredible. And he said this, this is what, this is what actually happened in that moment. When I talked to this young lady, I didn’t know how to describe what happened in a thousand words, but Viktor Frankl, he said it in one sentence. And here’s what he said. He said, in some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering.

At the moment, it finds a meaning. In some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning. Well, I found a meaning in that moment because I realized, hey, [00:24:00] she’s probably not going to go home and put a pistol in her mouth and pull the trigger, or drink a bottle of pills. Maybe, you know, if for nothing else, maybe I was injured because I was supposed to be here today because she needed to see someone else who was surviving.

And that will get her through her next day and her next step. I, yeah, I don’t know. But when, when you’re meet, when you’re suffering has some sort of meaning with it attached to it, or it’s for something you believe in, or it matters. You’re not just suffering. It becomes something like an altered version of suffering.

It’s like, you’d rather suffer for a cause and suffer for nothing. In fact, Viktor Frankl, he even had his own definition of despair. Despair is basically known as, a textbook definition, a complete loss of hope. Viktor Frankl, his definition of despair is suffering without meaning. And I found a sense of meaning early on after my injury was through meeting her and speaking.

And so using my story was never about talking about myself and, Hey, look what happened to me. And we all have a story. It was [00:25:00] about saying, Hey, here’s what happened. Here’s what I learned through it. And here’s how it applies to your life so you can win some sort of battle you’re facing. That’s what using your story is all about.

Scott DeLuzio: That’s not too bad for the world’s worst motivational speech. I think, I think you did okay with that speech. You’re not giving yourself enough credit there. Um, you know, but you know, to your point there, there’s some suffering that. We all encounter, you know, no, no one gets through life unscathed, right? We, we all have some sort of suffering.

It may not be getting blown up by an IED or suicide bombers or, you know, things like that, but everybody has stuff

Brian Fleming: Everyone, everyone gets blown up. It’s just different.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. Whether it’s literally or figuratively, it’s, you know, there’s, there’s different kinds of things that happen to you. And, um, you know, you have those bombshell moments where it’s like, this, this is.

Changing the trajectory of my life and, and [00:26:00] now, you know, maybe it’s a divorce or a death of a loved one or it’s, uh, you know, combat related or in this woman’s case, uh, you know, a rape or something like that, or an abusive relationship, whatever. Um, But I tell people this a lot and, and part of the reason why I wanted to have you on the show is, is that sometimes your story or, or the lessons that you’ve learned from your story and your journey can be like that spark that helps that one person get on the path to recovery or help find their, their sense of purpose or meaning it, it helps get them out of that hole that they might be in.

And sometimes. That’s the meaning, right? That’s the meaning behind it, and, and you’re, you exist now to go out and help these people, um, you know, maybe not, that’s your full, uh, sense of meaning,

Brian Fleming: well, and part of the meaning was that [00:27:00] it also gave, gave me a new mission to pursue and go after, um, because I was within a year of getting out of the military at this point, like nine months. And one of the, one of the big things that, uh, I think a lot of military veterans don’t realize is that when you get out of the military, you need to already have.

Your next mission planned. Nobody’s handing out the missions anymore. You’re, you’re creating and carrying out, executing the missions. And if you don’t find your next mission before you get out, that can make for a really rough transition. And it’s not always communicated very well. For some reason, I can’t imagine why.

This is a problem, but you’re just not prepared in certain ways. And so my point is that like, I found my next mission before I got out. And I was very fortunate for that because I found it because I met this guy to no credit of my own, like we, our paths collided in

Scott DeLuzio: and sometimes you have to keep your eye, eyes and ears open for those fate [00:28:00] moments where, where you’re going to meet somebody who can Open those doors to that next move, that, that next career, that next thing that you’re going to do. Um, they, they are going to help you and use those people. And I don’t, I said use, but like, don’t use them.

Yeah. In a good way, you know, utilize the resource, I

Brian Fleming: Take full advantage of any opportunity they’re willing to give you.

Scott DeLuzio: Exactly.

Brian Fleming: Yeah,

Scott DeLuzio: Um, you know, I, I don’t mean it in a, you know, abusive, uh, you

Brian Fleming: no, of course not.

Scott DeLuzio: anything like that. It’s just, but if the resource is available, it would be nuts not to, uh, you know, use that resource. Um, you know, it’s, it’s like we have highways all around us, but you know what?

I’m going to go trek through the desert instead. Uh, you know, like that’s stupid. You wouldn’t do that. You,

Brian Fleming: the interstate.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, exactly. So, um,

folks who were in a situation kind of similar to yours, endured some sort of [00:29:00] trauma, um, you know, whether, whether it was combat related or, or other, you know, trauma, just in general, um, a lot of times they get stuck and they continue suffering through this trauma. Um, what are some mistakes that keep them in that stuck area?

What are some things that they can do to, uh, help get themselves out of that?

Brian Fleming: Yeah. There were three things that were present in my life that year and, and my time, uh, immediately following getting out of the military, there were three things that years later I realized were present in my life and I did not know it. And I look back and it’s like, well, why was I able to move forward productively?

Now, everyone’s journey’s different, I mean, you can’t compare them, you know, cause nobody’s, not all variables and factors are equal. But for me, I realized the three things that, that I had in my life, that other friends of mine who were injured, [00:30:00] um, in Iraq and Afghanistan, they had in their lives, and even historically, people who had overcome just astronomical trauma, who bounced back and moved forward in life, like, what did all these people have in common, including me?

I was able to narrow it down to three things. It was a sense of meaning in your suffering. It was having a mentor in your life, someone to help lead you and guide you, and having a mission to live for that goes beyond just yourself or your own gain. So it was finding meaning in that suffering, which I did.

I talked about meeting that young lady. I had a mentor in my life, Dave. He, I mean, when I got out of the military, I worked for Dave’s company and then I traveled with him on weekends and he put me on his stages for two or three minutes at a time. He mentored me in that. And before I knew it, I was booking my own speaking events and it was awesome.

And so I had a sense of meaning that, and the mentor that helped me do that, And then I had that next mission. I wanted to keep [00:31:00] doing that because I would meet people everywhere all walks of life, all kinds of things they’ve been through. And somehow what I was saying was helping them. And what was really interesting, I didn’t realize this for years.

People say, wow, Brian, like you really helped a lot of people or that young lady. You know, but truth is, yes, I’m glad to hear that. But when it, like, when it comes to that young lady, for example, she actually helped me. She didn’t even know she helped me find a sense of meaning in my suffering. So now I, when I go out and speak, it’s like, I meet people from all walks of life who are fighting their own battles.

We all have energy and we all feed off of each other’s energy. And we share energy. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s bad. It just the simplest way I know to put it visually is like, we’re all energy and we’re all just sharing energy with each other. Sometimes I’m low, you’ll share it with me. Sometimes you’re low and I’m higher and I’ll share it with you.

And it, and it [00:32:00] raises us all up. It, and it’s just. We have to be open to that though, too, because one of the things I’ve always had on my side if I had any advantage over anyone, I wouldn’t call it an advantage because anyone can do it, but I’ve, I’ve always been optimistic. I’m, I’m always open to new things.

I’m always open to possibilities that I might not see. That’s why when I happened to meet Dave, I wasn’t even supposed to be at the hospital that day. And boy, if I wasn’t, we wouldn’t even be talking right now. My whole life would be different, I was, I was open enough to, like you said, uh, earlier, you know, situational awareness, you know, keep, you keep your head on a swivel, be looking out for things and just observing, not only for the bad, but for the good, for opportunities that could be around.

And sometimes you’re looking and you find nothing. And then when you’re not looking. It slaps you in the face and just, it collides with you. And so, but yeah, the meaning, the mentoring and the mission, those three things, [00:33:00] the world’s most resilient people all tend to have in common. There are more than just three, but those are the three foundational ones that I’ve found.

Scott DeLuzio: it’s interesting because you, you talked about how this woman, uh, approached you and told her, uh, you know, what happened to her and all that, but in a way. She used her story to help you. And now you’re, it’s kind of like a cyclical thing. Like she used her story. Now you’re using your story and, and, and you’re helping other people.

And then

Brian Fleming: Dave used his story. I thought this, I thought the same thing of him that she thought of me when I met him. Yeah.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. So I guess I’m putting that out there because there’s somebody out there who’s, the wheels are turning right now. Like they’re, they’re starting to go in their head and they’re like, I do have a story. I could use it. Um, how could I use it? How is this going to help anyone and that type of thing? Well it could.

I mean you’re [00:34:00] here, they’re hearing your story right now and how your story is helping other people and how that woman’s story helped you and and and Hey, man, there could be some other people out there who are listening right now who have that story, um, that can help other people, and I’m sure they want it to help other people, um, I’m sure they don’t want other people to go through the same thing that they went through and all that kind of stuff,

Brian Fleming: Oh yeah. Well, that’s usually the biggest motive. Like I can stop people from suffering as much as I did.

Scott DeLuzio: Exactly.

Brian Fleming: Either avoid it altogether or get through the aftermath faster.

Scott DeLuzio: And

Brian Fleming: yeah,

Scott DeLuzio: yeah, and you hear that from people who get into careers like psychology or, you know, counselors or, and things like that, therapists, um, where they may, and this is, I’m not making a general statement of everybody in that industry, but there are people who have experienced some sort of trauma in their past and they, are using that to [00:35:00] help other people, uh, because I don’t want people to suffer the way that I did.

I want them to get through this and be better off. And so they’re, they use that as their, that’s their, their why. Their why am I doing this? Because I don’t want other people to Deal with what I had to deal with and go through that. It’s, it’s very similar. I think, um, you know, it’s people, people who become police officers, they had a family member who was murdered or something, you know, when they were, they were young.

So I’m going to become a police officer. I’m going to get those people off the streets, you know, that type of thing. Um, you know, you, you kind of lean into it and you use it and it’s like, that’s, I’m going to use my, my trauma for good and I’m not going to get stuck in, you know, the stuck in the muck of whatever this is and not be able to move forward, you know, and that’s, you know, that’s what you’re doing.

That’s what a lot of these people do. And so I think that’s, that’s, uh, you know, it’s really a great thing that you’re doing. Um, great thing that a lot of these people are [00:36:00] doing. Um, But I know there’s sometimes there’s people who have, uh, a little resistance, a little hesitance. Like, I don’t want to, I don’t want to do that.

You know, do you have any advice for, for people who might be on the fence and might, might want to, you know, take the leap into this, but just aren’t, aren’t quite too sure about it.

Brian Fleming: Yeah. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it.

Scott DeLuzio: There you go. I like it.

Brian Fleming: yeah, like, yeah, it’s like, yeah, exactly. Like if this isn’t your thing, you’ll know it. But, but one, one, one thing you find is that, uh, it’s very healing to share your story. Um, now the way you make people want to hear your story, this is like marketing 101, um, but not in a cheesy or bad way.

Like, you have to, if you want to get booked to speak, you have to get people to care about it and be like, why should we care? Because I was, I mean, I was at Brooke Army Medical Center. Guys were burned way worse than me, missing arms, legs, I mean, physically [00:37:00] deformed permanently. And I thought, well, who’d want to hear my story?

I didn’t even think about using it. Like, why would I? Tell it to anyone who would care, who would want to hear it. And what I found was we would live in a world that gives attention to problems. If you marry your story to a problem that a group of people has, and you talk about how your story relates to that problem and the lessons you learned that helps overcome that problem that people are dealing with, people suddenly care, it’s not because, and I say this all the time, nobody who books me to speak cares about my story.

They care about what my story can do for them. And that sounds bad, but it’s the truth. When they have budgets and money on the line and all kinds of things, they’re looking to hire a speaker. They’re not just hiring me because I’m, well, I’m not a pretty face. I’m a man. And I don’t think any of us are pretty.

But, uh, they’re not doing it for that reason. They’re doing it because they [00:38:00] have this vision. Of where they want to go in something, a problem and enemies in the way on their battlefield. And somehow they see me as being a, uh, like a piece in that puzzle that can help them complete the puzzle the way they want to. so think about, think about like what problems you’ve overcome in your life. I mean, look at yourself. I mean, that’s, look at yourself three to five years ago. If, if you’ve gotten past something, um, you And even if you haven’t, if you’re not totally out of the woods yet, it was something I was, I was speaking on PTSD and what was working for me before I was really out of the woods.

But it’s like, Hey, here’s, here’s a sit rep situation report. Like here’s where I’m at now. And I found this is helping me at least maybe it won’t help you. Maybe it will. Um, you can’t disqualify yourself. And so yeah, find a problem in the world that you’ve overcome. Or that you can speak to. This, your story is just the hook.

Um, you know, but the lessons [00:39:00] that can help them, that’s the real meat of the lessons and you don’t have to have some crazy story like, you know, getting attacked by a suicide bomber or, you know, Bethany Hamilton getting her arm bit off by a shark or the guy who had to saw his arm off with a Swiss army knife in the desert.

Cause. You know, he was trapped under a boulder, like, my God, I can’t imagine. Uh, you don’t have to have that kind of story. Most of the highly successful, famous speakers you and I have ever heard speak, and we all know their names. Most of them do not have what I would consider to be some insanely extreme life story.

They have a story. And it matters, but it’s not one of these like, Oh, I can’t relate to that because, you know, I wasn’t injured by a suicide bomber who blew up three feet away from me. Like you don’t have to, because it’s not about the story itself. It’s about the lessons you learn that help other people win their battles.

You start thinking along those lines and people suddenly want to talk to you. They want you to come speak. They want you to share. They, [00:40:00] cause they see the value. In your experience.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And I think with, uh, taking your story and, and kind of crafting it in a way that, uh, not crafting, but, uh, you know, the, the coming up with a story that, um, that people are going to actually give a damn about, um, You’re right. Not a lot of people are going to relate to being blown up by a suicide bomber.

But the lessons that you learn from that, the takeaways from that, they understand that a suicide bomber blowing himself up is a thing that happens, right? They can take those lessons and it’s like, how are those lessons gonna help me? How can someone who had it Just like that, that woman said to you, if you had it that bad and you can overcome all that, I think I can do that too.

You know, um, how can they take those lessons and apply it to themselves or their, you know, their business or whatever it is and come out better [00:41:00] in the end. And I think that’s, that’s what you’re getting at, right?

Brian Fleming: yeah, that. And also realize that we all get hurt in different ways, but we all deal with a lot of the same, same issues. There’s only a finite number of issues that human beings deal with as a result of trauma. I can come home from Afghanistan injured by a suicide bomber, fighting Taliban, all that shit, and have post traumatic stress that I deal with.

You can also have someone who grew up in an abusive household, who equally deals with the same exact symptoms of post traumatic stress. The cause was different. It doesn’t matter where we really relate is on the effect of it that we deal with, or, you know, somebody says somebody who had a blunt force trauma, and, you know, I’ve had some of those, and they go, man, I get headaches every day, you know, five minutes after I’m done eating breakfast, I can’t remember what I ate, um, I can’t seem to stay organized, can’t sleep at night.

And I’m like, holy crap, dude, were you in the military too? Like, did we come from the same place? And they go, no, I was in a [00:42:00] car accident. And it’s like, oh, well, dude, I can totally relate to that. Cause I, this, or are you hypervigilant? You know, you’re just always looking out for things because you’re, you’re living in your survival brain because you had to, you know, I, I, you know, you can grow up in a turbulent, you know, hostile environment and have that same mindset of somebody like you or I, who comes home from a actual legit war zone. we relate. Not just on what we go through, but also even more so the, the, the effects of, that we all deal with as a result of what we go through, that’s where the empathy and connection really happens.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And when you, once when you get, um, that connection, um, and, and you’ve, you’ve connected on that on some sort of level, um, then. Then I think that’s where the real impact will, will come through and, and you’ll actually be able to get through to those people and, and help them with, you know, dealing with whatever it is that they, they, maybe they, they’ve been stuck for [00:43:00] years on whatever this thing is and just hearing just the way you phrase something and, and how you, you work through it, that could just be that thing that unlocks whatever the trauma is that they, they’ve been dealing with.

And so I, I feel like, um, yeah. You know, especially for those, those people who are struggling to find a sense of purpose or, or meaning or, um, new mission in life after getting out of the military. I mean, it, it might be, it might be that, that thing for you. Um, you know, and it, and it could help those other people as well.

So, um, I know, I know part of what you do is, uh, you’re, you’re out there helping other people use their story and, and get out and, uh, You know, get out there and do this type of, uh, you know, type of thing. Uh, tell us a little bit about what you do, uh, with, in that regards and, and how you help people use their story.

Sure.

Brian Fleming: after getting off the stage at my [00:44:00] events, I’ve had people come up to me and say, man, that was awesome. Um, I have a story too, uh, I would love to share it. How do I do what you do? Because they don’t teach what I do in college. This ain’t your college speech class. This is a business.

This is a professional speaking business, uh, booking and getting paid to speak and branding, marketing, having a message that matters and knowing how to craft that and say things right. Like how, how do you even get into doing this? All the questions I would have had in the beginning if I hadn’t found my mentor. so that’s what gave me the idea for Use Your Story, which, you know, go to useyourstory. com if you’re interested in learning how to share your story with the world and make a difference and help. If you go there, I have a free resource called the Free Share Your Story Roadmap. It’s a like a one page PDF.

With about a 14 minute video. And it literally shows you how to make your first 500 speaking in the next 30 days or [00:45:00] less. And doing that by making a difference, sharing your story. Now I put the 500 thing there because one, it’s so easily doable. It’s ridiculous. And once you do it, you realize, Oh my gosh, I have a certain power.

It’s like being able to communicate effectively is a superpower. Like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is a superpower. You can be like half my size and a woman and twice my age and kick my ass. It’s happened. I’ve been in jiu jitsu jibs where that, that, that happened once. And it was like the most humbling moment ever.

Well, speaking is the same way. Being able to being, being able to communicate value effectively and clearly. Well, that’s what I show you how to do, because if you want to make any difference with whatever you’re doing, you have to know how to be financially productive with it. You have to be able to get money out of it and put money into it because you won’t reach as many people if you don’t.

And so that’s, that’s why it’s important. I talk about how to, how to make money speaking. It’s not about the money. Uh, I didn’t know there was any money. It turns out [00:46:00] there’s tons of money in it and there’s tons of ways to make money with it. Yeah, go to use your story.com if you want to use your story. Uh, become a speaker, share your story with the world in some way.

And um, again, I’ll show you, I’ll show you how to make your first 500 bucks with it, and also how to make a difference with it, how to structure it in a way where it’s effective and people like it and they receive it well and they see the value in it. So that’s free. So just check it out. Use your story.com if you want.

Scott DeLuzio: Excellent. And so I’ll have a link to that in the show notes for folks to, uh, check it out and, and get those, those resources and hopefully book their first 500, uh, you know, booking in the next 30 days. That would be awesome. That’s a nice, nice way to. And the year, uh, with, with a, a booking like that, and then, uh, you know, hopefully gets their, their new year kicked off, uh, you know, in a, uh, in the right direction.

So, um, so Brian, uh, Really, it’s been a [00:47:00] pleasure speaking with you, hearing about your story, and how you’ve used it to help out other people, and how you’re helping other people now, uh, use their own stories to get out there and, and deliver that in front of other people. So it’s really incredible. I thank you for, uh, for everything that you’re doing, and thank you for taking the time to come on the show.

Brian Fleming: Yeah, absolutely. Thanks for having me.

Scott DeLuzio: Thanks for listening to the Drive On Podcast. If you want to support the show, please check out Scott’s book, Surviving Son on Amazon. All of the sales from that book go directly back into this podcast and work to help veterans in need. You can also follow the Drive On Podcast on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, and wherever you listen to podcasts.