Episode 453 Ryan Doerrfeld (Th30ry) Overcoming Challenges with Hip Hop Transcript

This transcript is from episode 453 with guest Ryan Doerrfeld (Th30ry).

Scott DeLuzio: [00:00:00] Hey everyone. Welcome back to Drive On. I’m your host, Scott DeLuzio. And today my guest is Ryan Dorfeld. He’s also known as Th30ry. Uh, Ryan is a, uh, Marine Corps veteran, a devoted family man, and a hip hop Artist with Big Homies Records and currently a full time student studying audio engineering and music production.

Today we’re going to discuss how he strikes a balance among all these hats that he wears and how his military experience has influenced his music. Um, but before we get into that first, uh, Ryan, welcome to the show. Really glad to have you here.

Ryan Doerrfeld: Yeah, thanks a lot for having me, man. It’s a, it’s a pleasure. So I’m glad you reached out.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, absolutely. And, um, you know, I, I love hearing people’s stories and the, the, their, their backgrounds and how they, uh, you know, got out of the military and got into whatever it is that they found themselves doing. Cause I, I know that’s one thing that a lot of folks as they’re getting out of the military, it’s like, okay, well, what’s [00:01:00] next?

You know, what’s next? You know, uh, their identity gets so tied up in the, the, you know, You know, whether they’re a Marine or a soldier or a sailor, airman, you know, whatever it is that they are, um, they, they get so tied up in that identity and they, now, what am I, after, after getting, what do I do, right?

Ryan Doerrfeld: real thing.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, absolutely.

So can you maybe walk us through your journey from, you know, Marine Corps, you know, like how you got into the Marine Corps? What, what kind of got you there? Then, uh, you know, afterwards, uh, getting into music and, and what you do now,

Ryan Doerrfeld: Uh, so when I was, uh, 20, well, when I technically, when I was 19, uh, I started working full time at a student loan servicing company for my aunt. Um, she was the senior vice president, so she got me the job and, um, I kept it for a year and then I got fired because I was just. Irresponsible and stupid. [00:02:00] Um, and after that, I just didn’t really have any desire to go back to school.

I didn’t have, I felt like I didn’t have any discipline if I’m just being honest with myself, you know, I didn’t have any drive. I didn’t have any. Motivation to do anything. Um, kind of wanted to just go out, have fun, hang out with my friends. A lot of the times we were doing dumb stuff, you know, just getting drunk every night and getting stoned and, you know, it was just kind of a revolving nightmare.

Uh, I love all my friends. to death, you know, uh, back in Chicago, you know, that’s where I’m from. Excuse me. I was born and raised. Um, but when I was 21, um, after shortly after I had gotten fired, um, I told myself that I was going to do something different because I needed to get out. And I felt like the only time for me to re or the only way for me to really experience life was for me to enlist in the [00:03:00] military.

And so I had originally thought about the Air Force. Um, And they told me that, you know, they were going to have to do a credit check, and I was like, what? Really? And, and he was like, yeah, you know, it’s, it’s necessary, blah, blah, blah, and I was just like, alright, well, see ya. You know, I, not that I had bad credit or anything, but I, it was the principle, you know, if I, if I tell you I’m willing to possibly lay my life down for my country if I have to.

You know, you’re telling me I can’t do it in your branch of service because I may or may not have bad credit or debt or whatever it is. And I think it’s a, uh, an issue with, you know, they want to make sure that you’re not going to take bribes or, you know, give up sensitive information for money, get out of debt, whatever the case may be.

Um, whatever the reasoning was, uh, And so I just got up and walked out of dude’s office and, uh, I walked past the army recruiting because it was all, they had all four branches in one building. [00:04:00] And I walked past the army and saw the guy sitting there, he was some overweight dude could barely fit in his camis and I was like, no.

And I walked past the navy and I was like, no, I don’t really, I don’t like water. Much, uh, weird that I joined the Marines, but, um, and then I walked past the Marine Corps recruiting office and they were playing Xbox and doing pull ups and immediately out for whatever reason, I was drawn to that. And uh, my mom’s like, no, and I was like, why not?

She’s like, I don’t want you on the front lines. And I was like, it’s not really your choice. I’m 20 years old. I’m 21 years old. And she was like, well, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t do that. And I was like, all right, whatever. So we go back to my mom’s car and then I lied to her, which is the best lie that I’ve told in my life because it got me to where I’m at.

But I told her I forgot my ID in the Air Force recruiter’s office or my driver’s license and I was like, I’ll be right back. I went. I didn’t forget my license. I just wanted to go into the Marine Corps recruiting office. And I [00:05:00] walked in and Staff Sergeant Curtis, my recruiter, he looks at me, points at me.

Doesn’t ask me my name, doesn’t ask me my age, doesn’t ask me anything. He just asked me, how many pull ups can you do? was like, I don’t know. Like, I don’t even remember the last time I did a pull up. Probably my senior year in high school. Like, I don’t know. And he was like, get on the bar. And I was like, alright.

So I did, I did like 10. And then he was like, Well, you only need to do 3 to graduate boot camp. You want to join the Marine Corps? And I’m just like got to be more complicated than that, you know, and he was like, well, we’ll, you know, we do PT here. Why don’t you come to a PT session and see how we work out and whatnot. And I was like, all right. So he gave me a pamphlet. I tucked it in my waistband and I went back to my mom’s car and, uh, she was like, your ID was in my wallet.

And I was like, [00:06:00] and she looked at me and she’s like, you went into the Marine Marine Corps recruiting office, didn’t you? And I was like, yep. And I pulled out the pamphlet and she’s like, Ryan, I told you not to do that. And I was like, look. I’m just gonna go to the PT session that they have here at the recruiting center.

I’m just gonna see how they work out. You know, it might be something I like. I’m just gonna entertain the idea. I’m not saying I’m gonna sign the dotted line tomorrow. She was like, alright, fine. So she came with me. Uh, it was like the next week or something. They did it like twice a week or whatever. And we went to that next week PT session and they worked me so hard that I vomited all over the parking lot. And because we were doing like, we, we had done like a mile and a half run. Right after that, we were doing like all sorts of different stuff. Uh, jumping jacks and push ups and pull ups in the, in the, the office and then we were doing like frog leaps across the entire length of the parking lot, running, sprinting back and we did that for like 30 minutes, just non stop and I was so dead.

Like I had not been worked out physically that hard in [00:07:00] a very, very long time, if ever. And so I puked all over the freaking parking lot and I was like, where do I sign? And my mom’s, like, got a, you know, facepalm, and, um, she was actually very supportive over time. I took my ASVAB, I got a 73 on my ASVAB, which is a good score.

Um, I chose to do, uh, aviation, so I would kind of stay out of the line of fire, uh, even though that’s not what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a grunt, uh, and I wanted to blow shit up. But, um, You know, just to appease my, my family, because it was, it was more than my mom, really wasn’t as supportive at first, um, for the fear of me being on the front lines, you know, Marines first and last out kind of thing, so, um, I, I left to boot camp in November of 2022, I’m, I’m sorry, not 2022, 2010, I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, um, November 15th of 2010, uh, [00:08:00] and I, it was the first time that I was ever away from home.

All the way in California for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s, and that sucked. Um, instead of being with my family on those days and having a good time, and opening presents, and, you know, just enjoying all the family activities that we do, cause Christmas is a huge, huge thing in my family, and instead of being there, I was getting screamed at by a, you know, 6 foot 5, 240 pound, you know, smoky bear hat wearing dude, and uh, So it was like, whatever, you know, I graduated boot camp in February of 2011, and I got stationed in Pensacola, Florida for my A school for, for avionics.

And, uh, I was there for six months, and it was the best six months of my life. I loved it. Um, I had so much fun. And then after that, I went to Cherry Point, North Carolina in Havelock, North Carolina. And, [00:09:00] uh, I did my actual C school, which is like your, your actual, you learn your specific job. Um, and mine was electronic countermeasures.

So I worked on missile detections, radar systems, night vision goggles, heads up displays, things like that. Um, 6483 for people who are Marines in here that know MOS numbers. And, um, so I, I did that, uh, in school and then I got orders and I had two other guys in my class and I wanted West Coast orders. I wanted to go back to Cali so bad.

And, uh, it just wasn’t in the cards for me, so I hated North Carolina with a passion, because I was in Cherry Point, I think it was only for, like, I think like six weeks or something like that, but it was like the worst time. I hated it so much. And, uh, my, my instructor comes and, you know, me and my two other classmates were sitting there and were waiting for us to get our orders.

They had wanted East Coast orders. They got West Coast orders. I wanted West Coast orders. I [00:10:00] got East Coast orders. Cause he, I was the last person in the row. So he looks at my roommate. He’s like, you’re going to Miramar. You’re going to Camp Pendleton. And I’m like, Oh, they both got West Coast orders. I’m about to go to fucking Cali.

Yes, yes, yes. You’re going to Jacksonville. And I was like, Florida? And he was like, no, North Carolina. It’s like 45 minutes away. And I’m just like, oh my god. No, it was the worst news. Um, and, and Jacksonville, North Carolina, it was exactly what I thought it was going to be. It was a hole in the wall, POS duty station.

There was nothing to do except a strip club and a few bars. Well, a few strip clubs and a few bars. Um, it was a total culture shock for me because I grew up in the city my whole life and now I was And it just sucked. I hated it. Um. But I was on New River Air Station. I did my job. I worked on the electronic countermeasures for a little while and then I got fapped out, which is basically just you switch your [00:11:00] responsibility within your MOS and I went to production control and I did that.

I was in charge of our whole avionics division. Uh, with a select group of people that work PC with me also, and, uh, I got to develop really awesome relationships with a lot of the higher ups like the captain and the warrant officer and, uh, Master Gunnery Sergeant, you know, Master Sergeant, and, uh, it was just a really cool experience.

Uh, looked great on a resume. So I was like, you know, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll be okay with this. So in 2015, I got out. Um, I wasn’t supposed to get out until November 2015. I actually, uh, I, I met my now wife back in 2013, um, and a year and a half after, uh, we were dating, right before I got out, we found out that she was pregnant. And that’s with my daughter, my now daughter, Sadie. And, uh, I was like, there’s no fucking way. Like, I, I’m about to [00:12:00] transition. To civilian life. Like I, I’m not gonna have a guaranteed paycheck. I’m not gonna have guaranteed healthcare for my, myself and my my be, uh, you know, dependents. I’m not gonna have the comfortability of this job security unless I reenlist and I didn’t wanna reenlist because I.

Wanted to put my family first. I didn’t want to deal with when I get deployed, you know I’m gonna be gone for six seven eight months, you know on the other side of the world Possibly come back with you know, missing limbs or post traumatic stress disorder. That’s real bad I mean, you know, God forbid not come home at all And then my daughter grows up without a father.

She grows up with a fucked up head You know a father with a fucked up head and so I was like, you know, I’m just gonna get out so I actually I was scheduled to go on a deployment to Afghanistan and that was in July. My daughter’s, uh, oh no, June of 2015. And I was going to be back. I was going to have to do an extension for like a month or two, uh, because I wasn’t supposed to be back until like January, I think.

And I was supposed to get out in [00:13:00] November. So, um. I was going to do an extension, but then I was like, you know what, after we found out she was pregnant, I just decided to get out and, uh, I did what’s called a Voluntary Enlisted Early Release Program, a VERP, uh, V E E R P for, for those of you who know what it is, and I requested that I could get out 180 days early, so I actually was approved for that, so I didn’t have to go on the deployment, and I wouldn’t miss my daughter’s birth,

Scott DeLuzio: Oh, okay.

Ryan Doerrfeld: because I wasn’t going to miss that, you know, and, and my, my mentality behind that was like, Even if I were to have another child later on down the line, I’m never, for my entire life, going to be able to recreate my very firstborn.

Child being born.

Scott DeLuzio: When you become a father, right?

Ryan Doerrfeld: I’m never gonna be able to recreate that ever. So that’s way too important to me. Family’s always been a number one thing for me. So, um, I got out technically April 10th of 2015. [00:14:00] I officially EAS’d in June, June 1st 2015. My daughter was born in August and I basically, from the day I got my DD 214, I started working at a vape shop.

and I worked at a vape shop for years. Um, my, uh, my family back home in Chicago wanted me to come back. I had a good job opportunity, so in December of 2016, I had left. My wife and I, we weren’t married at the time, um, my now wife and I, uh, and our daughter Sadie moved to Chicago and she was not a fan of the city, but she was willing to try.

Uh, and it just didn’t work out. We stayed there for a year, and she was like, I can’t do it anymore. And I was like, alright. So we moved back to Jacksonville, uh, North Carolina. That’s where she’s from. And, um, as much as I hated it, it would make her feel more comfortable, so I was like, you know what, happy girl, happy world, [00:15:00] right?

So, like, um, and then November, or I’m sorry, no, it was September of 2018, Hurricane Florence hit the Carolinas. And it was a Category 5 when it hit landfall. And Anzalo County, which is the county that we lived in, now mind you, Jacksonville is right on the coast, we’re 10 15 miles away from the beach, from the ocean, so, uh, Anzalo County was under a mandatory evacuation, and I was like, well, Category 5 hurricane is like Hurricane Katrina, we’re not staying, like, we’re leaving, and it’s a good thing we did, because the place that we were renting, that whole neighborhood was like car window deep in water.

And they were, like, going around on, like, boats, like, helping people, uh, which was crazy. So, uh, the place got all ruined. We had came to Louisville, Kentucky, where I’m at now. We, we drove out here to wait out the storm. We were gonna go back, you know, we got, like, five, six days at a hotel. [00:16:00] And then we found out that our place got ruined and we had nowhere to go back to.

So, and even if we did have a place to go back to, I 40 East, going back down into North Carolina was completely flooded. So it was shut down for like, for like, three different states across. So, we were like, what are we gonna do? So we stayed in a Red Cross shelter. And then I was like, well, we don’t have a place to go back to.

We both hate Jacksonville. My wife, believe it or not, she can’t stand that place. And she was born and raised there and she hates it. She, she doesn’t really get along with her family very much. So, uh, it wasn’t really anything crazy for us to stay in Louisville, but we, I, while we were staying at the Red Cross shelter, I was like, I’m just going to get a job and we’re just going to start over here.

So that’s what we did. We stayed at the Red Cross shelter, and they were open for six days, and then they had to go east to go help the actual hurricane victims, so they shut down the Red Cross Center, and they gave us a debit card with 985 on it and said good luck. And so we got a [00:17:00] hotel, which was 980, and we got it for the two weeks, and within that two weeks, Uh, we found a program called Volunteers of America and they have a displaced veteran department where if you’re displaced and you stayed in a Red Cross shelter and you’re a veteran who was honorably discharged, then they’ll help you get your first apartment or house or whatever it is.

And once we found a place, after I found out I qualified for it, they paid for our security deposit, our first three months of rent. Our first three months of our water and our electric bill, uh, they got us beds, bed sheets, bed frames, pillows, blankets, cleaning supplies, cooking ware, silverware. They spent easily 10 to 15 grand on us.

Scott DeLuzio: Wow.

Ryan Doerrfeld: And, uh, it was the best thing in the world. It was like a godsend. Uh, because if we hadn’t had them, I don’t even know if we would still be in Louisville. We might have [00:18:00] had to eventually suck it up and go struggle in Jacksonville with my wife’s family and that would have sucked.

Scott DeLuzio: Mm

Ryan Doerrfeld: Um, so I was, you know, really kind of devastated, but at the same time, I’m only five and a half hours from Chicago.

So now I’m only five and a half hours from home. We can go on a weekend if we want to go visit, uh, and, It’s a nice middle area and we love Louisville. So we’ve been in Louisville since September of 2018. Um, but two months, and I know I’m telling a long story. I’m so sorry.

Scott DeLuzio: No, you’re good. You’re good.

Ryan Doerrfeld: but two months after, uh, we moved into our apartment, my car got repossessed because since I lost my job, I couldn’t keep up with the car payments.

So my car got repossessed and I was screwed because I couldn’t get to and from work anymore. I had to Uber to work and from work, which was expensive, especially when I’m only making like 350 a week. Um, so I had to Uber to and from work, I had to Uber to and from the grocery store, um, [00:19:00] and everything was just so expensive and we were, we were drowning, and I had a massive anxiety attack, and it put me in the hospital.

Like I legit felt like I was dying, um, my, my fingers got tingly, my toes got tingly, I couldn’t breathe, um, it felt like a 600 pound person was just sitting on my chest, I couldn’t breathe. My head hurt. I was seeing stars, I was pale white, and I, I, my heart was beating out of my chest, and the doctor said it was stress.

And he was like, well, has anything stressful happened to you recently? And I was like, do you want me to fucking start, dude? Like, let me list off just the Cliff Notes version for you, and I told him a very shortened version of what I’ve told you. And, uh, he was like, well, you need to figure out a way to manage that stress, because if you don’t, the next time you might not be so lucky.

This was a panic attack, but this, these kind of things can cause heart attacks. And I was just like, shit. So I was talking to my buddy and he was like, you [00:20:00] know, I don’t know what you’re gonna do, but, you know, I know you always talked about doing music. Why don’t you try that? Might help you, you know, curb your stress a little bit.

And I was like, yeah, you know what, I’ll give it a shot. So I looked up some YouTube beats, Mac Miller type beats, cause I’m a Mac Miller fan, huge Mac Miller fan. And, uh, I just started writing poetry. I’ve always been really good with poetry, you know, rhyming words, telling stories. So I just started writing my feelings down and wrote it to that beat and I recited it for a friend of mine after I was done writing it and he was just like Yo, like, this is good.

Like, I would listen to this if you recorded it. And I was just like, are you serious? Like, you’re not just fucking with me. And he’s like, no, I’m serious. You got a talent, dude. That’s like really powerful stuff that you’re saying. And I was like, oh shit, okay. So I got into a studio and I just fell in love with it, man.

I fell in love with making music. I fell in love more so with writing the music and challenging myself. It, it kept me It took that negative [00:21:00] energy from whenever I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed and anxious, and it took that negative energy and, and, and flipped it into something positive and productive for myself and for my family.

And it gave me an outlet.

Scott DeLuzio: it seems like you’re able to take that negativity, the negative things maybe that were happening, you know, losing your home and having to relocate and all that, taking negativity, uh, and basically turning it into something good, right? And, and And something, uh, something in a, in a creative aspect where, uh, you’re just bottling all that stuff up inside and now you’re able to get it out, even if it’s just writing it down, you know, like you said, poetry, you know, you’re, you’re writing something down, you’re getting it out and you’re creating something, uh, meaningful. Even if it’s only meaningful to you, it’s still, you’re doing something that’s meaningful, but then, uh, you know, putting it to music, that’s another element. Um, [00:22:00] and, and I know there’s a lot of people who find, uh, some, some benefit to creating music, um, in a therapeutic kind of way, where kind of as simple as what you were just saying, how it, how it just helps let them release, uh, whatever it is that they had, you know, kind of bottled up and they get that out now.

And, and that’s, uh, you know, it’s, it’s awesome. I mean, not awesome that all these things happened to you and it kind of progressed in that way. Right. But all these things happened and it got you to where you are now and, you know, in a way looking back, it’s like sort of a blessing, you know,

Ryan Doerrfeld: absolutely. And, and the funny thing is, you know, and you could say the same thing really about any type of art, right? It’s a form of expression. So it’s like, you know, whether you’re painting, whether you’re singing, whether you’re songwriting, whether you’re, you know, it doesn’t matter what it is that you’re doing.

You’re creating some kind of art, you know, and, and It’s, it’s a form of self expression and, [00:23:00] um, that, that was the thing that, you know, even journaling, man, like, I’ve, I’ve done it a couple times, not very many, uh, as far as journaling, journaling, but I’ve, I’ve done it a few times where, you know, I’ve just wrote down random scratch.

Doesn’t rhyme, doesn’t, there’s no song concept or anything behind it. It’s just me writing down my feelings and, and being able to write it on, on paper is it, and then looking back at that feeling and reading it. As I’m writing it or after I write it, it puts it into a different perspective up in my head.

And, and, and, and I’m able to see if I, if, like, because sometimes I’ll just write stuff without even thinking about it. I just write it down and, but it’s got to be how I’m feeling. And I’ll look at it after I write it and I’ll be like, do I really feel this right now? Like one time I wrote suicidal and, um, Um, that was a really difficult thing for me to kind of accept because for a little while there was [00:24:00] a point in time where I did have a gun in my mouth and a phone call from somebody special in my life actually stopped that.

So with, you know, veteran suicide and suicide in general, um, but you know, obviously being a veteran, you know, it’s, it’s something that resonates very strongly with me. And, and music really helps curb that anxiety and that depression and, and it gave me an opportunity to be able to focus and concentrate, you know, instead of thinking about how shitty I think my life is right now or how much problems or how much is on my plate, I’m able to sit there for a couple hours, two, three hours, whatever, and figure out what word can rhyme with this word and how can I switch up my flow pattern with this and it takes my mind completely off of it and I get lost in it.

Um, and, and, and it’s just, and then I, and then I’ll look back and I’ll be [00:25:00] like, I don’t, I don’t feel that way anymore, you know, and it took a lot of, a lot of time to really get there, um, because for, you know, a little bit, it’s, it’s really hard to kind of see the light at the end of the tunnel. Um, but once you, once you start to even see just that tiny little spot right of light, it’s like, all right, so I’m, I’m getting there.

And, and, and you just keep, just keep pushing forward and keep going. And that light slowly but surely gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And, you know, after a while, you know, you’re able to shed light on a lot of those demons and, and that darkness that you have in you and, and music really brought that stuff to light for me, and, and it literally saved my life in the most literal sense possible.

So. You know, I’m very thankful for it.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And, and one of the things that you were talking about, how like writing it down, writing down those thoughts and everything, and that you may not necessarily be thinking about it, but you just started, start writing down and whatever it is that you have going [00:26:00] on, you’re, you’re, you’re, uh, jotting it down.

Um, one of the things that I found through different therapy, uh, things that I’ve gone through is when you write things down. You, you can’t write as fast as you talk, and so when you, when you write, your brain has to kind of slow down, and then it allows your brain time to process. Like right now, I could tell you a story about something traumatic that might, might have happened, right?

And, and I can tell it to you, and I could be done in, in a, you know, a minute or two, in, in just like, you know, general detail. But if I’m writing it down, I’m gonna slow down, and I, it’s gonna take me, probably, you I don’t even know how long it’s gonna take me, but I’m gonna slow down. I’m gonna start thinking more details, and I’m gonna start processing more things that happened.

And, uh, a a as you’re writing it down, now, some people that might sound scary. It’s like, I don’t wanna think of more details. I don’t wanna think of this at all. Um, but as you do that, it, it allows you to process some of the, the [00:27:00] things that you’re, you’re, that’s going on up in your head, right? So. And then, then you take it and then you, you do something creative with it, like the music aspect of it, and that’s something that you enjoy doing, and so that, not only did you get a chance to process those thoughts, but also you got a chance to do something, uh, creative that you enjoy, and it’s, it’s maybe fun, and, uh, you know, something that you, you like doing, and that creates it.

A, like a positive interaction with that thought. And so now, now it’s not going to be dragging you down like an anchor. It, it’s going to be something that, Oh, you know what? This might be able to lift me up to that where that light is. Right. Exactly. You know, um, you know, I, I,

Ryan Doerrfeld: say that because, you know, uh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cut you off. Um,

Scott DeLuzio: no, you’re good.

Ryan Doerrfeld: but it’s funny that you say that because like something I, I always thought about. Uh, you know, when, [00:28:00] when you mentioned, you know, about people are kind of scared to write down those feelings sometimes because it’s like, you know, well, I don’t want to think about that.

It’s the whole, the whole point of me going through this is so I don’t have to think about that. And that’s, that’s why I feel the way I feel because when I think about it, I feel like shit. Well, something I learned, um, and it, it didn’t happen overnight. It didn’t happen in the course of a year. It happened over time and over a good long while.

Um, But confronting those, those thoughts and confronting those demons and facing it head on, the only, one of my buddies, uh, he’s a good friend, he, he told me, the only way to face your fears, or the only way to get over your fears is to face your fears. So it’s like, you know, I’m not a pussy by any means, so I’ll be damned, you know, if I’m not scared of somebody shooting at me or I’m not scared of somebody, you know, trying to [00:29:00] harm me in any way.

You know, uh, why am I gonna be scared of, uh, a thought? Why am I gonna be scared of me? You know, I, I know who I am. I know what kind of person I am. I’m a, you know, I like to think I’m a good person. I’m very kind. I, I have a big heart. And, and, I, I know what I’m capable of. So it’s like, I have no reason to be scared of myself or my thoughts because I control my thoughts.

Right, so it, if something traumatic happens, or did happen, and I think about it, it doesn’t have power over me unless I give it power, right? So I had to learn over that time to not give those words and those thoughts power. And, and it’s something that, you know, people have to practice, legitimately practice, um, and, you know, whether it be through meditation, whether it be through therapy, you know, whatever, you know, you, you, coping [00:30:00] mechanism that the individual decides to use, I use all of it, you know, I, I didn’t do as much meditation, I did it a little bit, but, um, I, I mean, even right now, Currently, I have another, my next therapy appointment, I’m in mental health therapy right now for my stress and anxiety, um, I’ve been in therapy for a little while, so, you know, but it, it, it helps and, you know, I’m not ashamed about it, you know, it’s something that is helping me grow as a person and grow mentally and, you know, start to really Get down to the nitty gritty of why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling, you know, and like I said, you know, it doesn’t happen overnight, you know, I’ve been doing music for six years almost, in February it’ll be six years, and I’m still learning about how I can do that kind of stuff, I mean, after that anxiety attack that got me started writing music, um, you know, I was a huge pothead before that, and uh, you know, [00:31:00] I was always stoned.

And I fully support marijuana. Don’t get me wrong. You’re like, right. It’s, it’s a wonderful thing. You know, it’s, it’s used medicinally. It, I, you know, you hear all these stories about how, how much good it does for people and that’s great and I’m all in support of it, it’s just not for me anymore because I know it wasn’t the weed that gave me that panic attack, but I had just hit my bong like 20 minutes before that panic attack happened.

And so my brain placebo affects it too. It was the weed, but I know it wasn’t the weed,

Scott DeLuzio: It has that negative association with it, right?

Ryan Doerrfeld: yeah, so I, I stopped smoking weed and I just started drinking again because I wasn’t really a big drinker. And I started drinking again. Everybody has a vice, right? I’ve never done hard drugs, I’ve never done, you know, cocaine or heroin or meth or anything.

I’ve never done any of that. I smoked weed and I drank beer. So it’s like, whatever. You know, so I started drinking again and actually, uh, on the first of this month, has been 11 months sober [00:32:00] from alcohol. Uh, I didn’t have a problem, but the problem that I did have was that I didn’t know when to stop when I

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Ryan Doerrfeld: So I wasn’t drinking like every day, I wasn’t drinking every other day. Uh, but when I did drink, I would drink very heavily and it would kind of take effect on me for the next, you know, the following day or two, you know, recovering from a massive hangover. I’m not, you know, I’m 36 now, you know, I, I’m not 22, 23 anymore.

I can’t drink like I used to when I was in the Corps. You know, I could put away a 30 pack of Budweiser’s and a fifth of Jack Daniel’s and I’d be ready to go and PT the next morning. Now I put away a 12 pack of Budweiser’s, I’m hungover for two days.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Ryan Doerrfeld: what I mean? So it’s like, I, it’s just one of those things, you know, and, and I just didn’t care.

So I was like, look, I, starting New Year’s of 2024 on New Year’s Day, like I, I had one. My New Year’s Eve was my last night [00:33:00] getting drunk. That’s the last time I took a sip of alcohol. Now I’ll, I’ll drink, I love, I love beer. Um, so I’ll drink the, uh, 0. 0 beers, like the alcohol free beers. Uh, not, not the ones that are like, you know, less than 0.

5%. Like it still has a little bit of alcohol in it. I won’t even drink those. Um, the Heineken 0. 0, uh, are the, the ones that are my favorites. Uh, the couple other ones that don’t have any alcohol, like Budweiser 0. Uh, Bush, N. A. Those are all just straight alcohol free. I’ll drink those because I like the taste of beer and I can still feel like I’m socialized and, and all that, but really I, I just felt like being, being drunk was fun and everything, but like, it took away a lot of my energy for the following days and I wouldn’t want to get in the studio, I wouldn’t want to do my schoolwork, I wouldn’t want to focus on writing, I’d just want to go to sleep and lay in bed and watch TV.

and recover. So I was like, I don’t want to do this anymore. And, and since I stopped drinking, I, you know, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do anything. Occasionally I might, you [00:34:00] know, tap a bowl or something, but that’s one of the, once in a very, very blue moon. Um, but I, I mean, you know, it’s, I’m sober as a judge and I love it.

And it’s been a very amazing choice that I’ve made. Uh, I feel great. Uh, and, and, you know, there’s just so many things that have changed in the last year. Um, with the therapy and with me being sober from alcohol and, um, you know, signing with the record label and, and doing all these things. And, you know, when I stopped drinking, it started to get real positive and I just wanted to keep that trend going, so.

Scott DeLuzio: it’s great too, to hear that side of your story too, with getting, getting sober and, you know, staying, staying sober and How it positively impacted you, um, you feel better, you’re, you know, think you’re able to, uh, focus more on the things that you need to [00:35:00] focus on your, your work, your school, your family, you know, those types of things.

Whereas, um, you know, I can imagine, um, you know, I’ve, I’ve been there too, where, you know, you, you. Wake up from a night of drinking and it’s like, I don’t want to do anything

Ryan Doerrfeld: Yeah.

Scott DeLuzio: You know, like I’m, I’m just, I’m out, check me out for the rest of the day. And, um, you know, that’s, that’s not really fair to those, those people around you who might be counting on you.

And so hearing, hearing your story, you know, um, from, from your perspective, I think that’s, that’s encouraging, you know, for, for anyone out there who might be listening. And it’s like, you know what, yeah, maybe, maybe I know a lot of times you get that, that. That little voice in the back of your head. It’s like, I know it’s time.

I got to make a change. I’m just not, I’m just, I just need that little push. And I, you know, I’m hopeful, hopeful that your story will be that little push for somebody who is, is like, you know, I need to do it, but,

Ryan Doerrfeld: on the brink.

Scott DeLuzio: everyone else around me is drinking, and you know, I may, uh, you know, I, I want to stick [00:36:00] around and hang out with people, but it’s like there are ways to do it.

There are those nonalcoholic drinks that are available, you know, and they have other like beer’s not your thing. They do have other nonalcoholic drinks as well. Um, you know, and, and it’s

Ryan Doerrfeld: and all my, a lot of my friends still drink, like my roommate Berserk, Joey, uh, he, you know, we do music together all the time, and uh, you know, he lives with me, and uh, he’s one of my best friends, he’s like my brother. Um, he actually introduced me at my very first show. That I ever did live, uh, and that’s how we met, but, and, regardless, that’s a different story, but, um, he, he drinks all the time, it doesn’t bother me, I, I, I’m not one of those sober people who, like, it’s not like the Jesus freak people where it’s like, do you have time to talk about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?

Like, I’m not gonna force it down your throat, like, I don’t care if you drink around me, I, it, I thought, honestly, I thought that I would have a lot harder of a time, uh, sticking to being sober. Because I want to [00:37:00] feel like I’m hanging out, like you said, you know, I want to stick around and hang out with these people and, and, and in order for me to have a good time with them, like, sometimes people feel like they need to drink or they need to smoke or they need to.

You know, do whatever their peers are doing so they can have fun and be part of the group. And it’s like, I thought that I would have a harder time, uh, with, with that, and I didn’t. Um, you know, so if people drink around me, I don’t care. I’m not gonna look at you like you’re some kind of degenerate. Like, I don’t care.

It’s your life. You want to have a fucking beer? Have a beer. You want to have a shot? Have a shot. You want to down a whole fifth at my house? Hang out. Give me your keys so you’re not going anywhere. But, you

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, right, right.

Ryan Doerrfeld: I don’t care. I’m not gonna judge you. And, and, you know, And, and it’s okay. And, uh, if, if, if anybody is listening for, for that reason specifically, like if you, if you come across this as you’re listening and you’re like, you know what, I need that push, right?

So, funny story, my push was I was hammer drunk on New Year’s Eve [00:38:00] and I left a note in my iPhone and I don’t remember leaving this note. And I still have the note in my iPhone buried somewhere in the hundreds of notes because that’s where I write my music. Um,

Scott DeLuzio: Okay.

Ryan Doerrfeld: uh, the note said, and I remember word for word, it said, You need to stop drinking.

This is not just a drunk thought. It’s been a long time coming. It’s all it said. And I woke up, the next day, on New Year’s Day, 2024, January 1st, woke up at like 3 o’clock in the afternoon, hungover as shit, and I went to my notes, cause I was gonna write to a beat like a couple hours later, I got some nasty, you know, greasy food in me, and I felt a little better, and uh, I was like, all right, I’m gonna start writing a little bit, and I just felt an itch to write, I felt creative.

I looked and it said that note, and I was like, what the fuck is this? I opened it, and I saw that, and I was like, [00:39:00] when drunk me is telling me that I need to stop drinking, and I don’t remember saying, it’s like, I don’t remember typing that note, when drunk me is saying you gotta stop, then I gotta stop. So, I told my wife, I was like, look, I’m not, I’m not drinking.

ever again. I don’t want to touch alcohol. I’m making this decision. She was like, you know, at first she was like, you know, there’s nothing wrong with, you’re 35 at the time, you know, and she’s like, you’re 35 years old. You don’t have to stop drinking completely. Like, you just have to learn how to discipline yourself.

You know, have two or three and then call it a night with, you know, drink water or drink Sprite or drink fucking whatever else. You know, milk, I don’t care, but you know, pace yourself. And I was just like, nah, I, I know how I get. And when I have my first beer, I’m going to be like, let me get another one. And then I’m going to start getting buzzed and I’m going to be like, I’m having a good time and I’m letting you get another one.

And then a six pack is going to turn into a 12 pack, which is going to turn into an 18 pack. And then I’m sleeping [00:40:00] until five o’clock in the afternoon, the next day, waking up feeling like shit. And it’s just a vicious circle, and so I’m just like, you know what, I’m just calling it. I’m stopping. And it’s been 11 months now, and it’s the best decision I could have ever made.

Scott DeLuzio: And, and hearing you saying that’s the best decision you could have made coming from, you know, where you were, where it’s like, that was just a part of your life and it was something that you did all the time. And, um, and then you’re like, this is like now on the other side, 11, almost a year later. And you’re like, this is.

The greatest decision I could have made. And so, um, you know, I, I think that’s, that, that’s certainly encouraging. Uh, hopefully, hopefully someone out there is listening to this and, and they get that message of, you know, Hey, it’s okay. You know, I’ve had people on the show before too, talking about, um, you know, the, I mentioned there’s different types of alcohols out there, not alcohols, different types of drinks that are non alcoholic things like [00:41:00] it could be like gin or something, but it has no alcohol in it.

It’s just. Gin flavored, you know, whatever it is. I don’t know how they do it or whatever, but they take all the alcohol out. And so it’s like, you can have a drink, but not have a drink.

Ryan Doerrfeld: Yeah, and that’s

Scott DeLuzio: know, you still get, if you really like that taste. Yeah,

Ryan Doerrfeld: it tastes just like a Heineken. And I loved Heineken when I was drinking. I loved it. Um, and, and, you know, I’ll sit and I’ll have 12 of those and I’ll feel nothing. And I wake up the next morning and I’m fine and I’m not hungover and all my, you know, if I have a, if I have a party at my house, because my house is like kind of like the get together spot, we always have people over, there’s always friends, just good friends that we know just walk into my house, like they don’t even knock or ring the bell or nothing, they just walk in and uh, you know, because they usually know our schedule, you know, when we go to sleep and we’re up late usually, we don’t go to sleep until like, you know, midnight, one in the morning and uh, [00:42:00] You know, we’re usually watching a movie or, you know, playing, you know, the Nintendo Switch or playing Call of Duty on PS5 or something like that.

And we’re all just kind of hanging out having a good time. And, uh, you know, Those people, you know, when, when they come over, it’s like, you know, yeah, they can stop by and they all, they all respect it though. And, you know, another reason why I thought it was gonna be a little harder was because I thought that I was gonna have that peer pressure from my friends, right?

You know, I, some of them were like, oh, you fucking pussy. I’m just like, look, man, like, you call me what you want. I don’t care. Like, I, I, I’m the one who feels great, cause if I have a party at my house, like I said, when my friends just come and they all get drunk and hammered, I wake up the next day and I’m good, I’m up at 9am making breakfast for myself, and they’re all like, Uh, I feel like shit, uh, I shouldn’t have drank so much, and I’m just like, yeah, fucking idiot, like, no, I’m not gonna be sober, but like, I still, I, I still [00:43:00] support it, like, I have a bottle, uh, of bourbon, right next to me, uh, on my, my, uh, Keyboard stand, one of my keyboard stands.

And, uh, I’ll actually bring it up here. So my mom and my stepdad, they got this for me for a birthday present, uh, in 2022, uh, right before, or no, it was in 2023, it was July, 2023. Um, I got married in July of 2022, July 30th of 2022. And, uh, you know, it was really great time. And then July, 2023, I had a, a show, a concert and my mom and my stepdad.

And my friend Patrick, his cousin Peter, and my friend Taylor had all drove from Chicago to come see my show because it was on the day of my birthday. And it was a big show. It was a big show. So I was like, let’s, let’s do it. So I opened up for Stevie Stone. I don’t know if you know who Stevie Stone is, [00:44:00] um, but he, he’s a hip hop artist.

He used to be on Strange Music, which is Tech N9ne’s label. And, uh, Stevie Stone’s a pretty big, pretty big deal. And, uh, I got to open up for him and meet him. It was my second time opening up for him and meeting him. He’s a super cool guy. Um, but they got me this bottle of bourbon. It’s a veteran’s bourbon.

It’s called Against All Odds.

Scott DeLuzio: Oh, okay.

Ryan Doerrfeld: And, uh, I actually keep it in my studio because I was going to save it. And, uh, I spiraled one night, uh, a few months back. I had a really bad night. And, uh, Couple, couple reasons that I had made me almost have a drink. And I came out here to the studio and I was so mad and I was just stressed and I was hurt and you know, it was nothing with my relationship or anything or my marriage.

Uh, it was just, it’s a [00:45:00] life situation and it just happens. Um, you know, we all have those bad days, but I, I remember I took a shot glass from my house and I brought it out here and I poured a shot and that’s why I keep it here. If there’s one shot missing. And I, I keep it next to my, my keyboard and I always look at it as a reminder of The strength that I had when I poured that shot and I sat there for like 30 fucking minutes, man, and I just stared at it. Legit. And, and I was like, if I have this shot right now, I’m throwing months of progress down the drain. And I was like, that, that little voice in the back of my head was like, Fuck it. Do it. You’re pissed off. This is gonna help. It’s gonna calm you down. One shot’s not gonna kill you. One shot. Come on, dude.

Don’t be a pussy. Just do it. And I was like, no, man. Like, I legit had the devil and angel kind of situation. And, uh,

Scott DeLuzio: thinking. As you were [00:46:00] saying,

Ryan Doerrfeld: Yeah, and it was, it was very real. I had two different voices in my head. I’m not crazy, I promise. But, uh, I had two different voices in my head and they were like, you know, do it. Don’t do it.

Do it. Don’t do it. You’ve come, you’ve come so far. Don’t ruin it. Ah, fuck that one. Shot’s not gonna hurt you. You know? It was so bad and I didn’t take it. Um, I, I, I, I poured it out and I, I threw it out into my, into my grass and um, I was like, you know what, I’m, I’m really glad that I didn’t do that. And, you know, ’cause who knows what would’ve happened?

You know, I might have spiraled and this entire fifth could have been gone, you know, or I could have taken the one shot and be like, uh, this is why I don’t drink no more, you know, warm bourbon. Like some people like that shit. I always liked mine on the rocks, but you know, two each his own. But yeah, I, a lot of things, little, little gentle reminders, man.

And, and, and I’m very proud of myself for doing it cold turkey the way I did. I just, you Like I said, the night before I [00:47:00] had a really heavy night of drinking and then I just woke up the next day and I’m like, never again. And it’s, it’s stuck and it takes a lot of discipline. So for anybody else who is listening and is teetering that, that ledge, um, you know, there’s nothing wrong with it.

There’s nothing shameful about it. There’s nothing lame about it. Um, it, it was the best decision I’ve made. It’s, it’s, it’s since then grown the positive outcomes in my life tenfold. I’m more alert, I’m more focused, I’m less stressed, to be honest with you, um, which is weird because a lot of people drink to, to, to relax and drink to forget, all that stuff.

I actually feel less stressed, um, and I, I’m just able to really kind of be thankful for what I do have, you know, instead of getting drunk and wallowing in my sorrows, I’m able to sit and really be thankful for what I do have and, and for the people that I [00:48:00] have, and it’s just opened my eyes up to a completely different perspective, so, you can do it.

You can do it.

Scott DeLuzio: Absolutely. And to that point, you said, you know, being thankful for the people that you have. And, um, you know, earlier you were talking about how, uh, you’re like, ah, gee, I don’t know what, what am I, what are my friends going to say about it? You know, they’re going to call me lame or, you know, whatever, you know, how are they going to feel about me doing this?

But if, If you have friends who, if you’re like, yeah, I’m doing this to better myself and, you know, become, you know, get better things going in my life and all that kind of stuff. And you got friends who are like, oh man, you’re a pussy, you know, you’re, you know, you’re being lame or, you know, whatever, maybe you don’t, maybe you don’t have the right friends, you know, they’re, they’re not looking out for, for your best interests.

And you’re, you’re sitting there saying, I want to do something. Something, uh, positive with, with my, my life. And I, I don’t want to be spending half my day hung over, uh, you know, or days, multiple days hung over. And, um, I want to do something positive [00:49:00] and it’s like, well, yeah, shit, go, go do that and, um, you know, do great things.

And it’s like,

Ryan Doerrfeld: Positive reinforcement.

Scott DeLuzio: start, yeah, maybe start questioning some of those people you’re hanging around if, if those people are actually pushing back on you saying like, no, that’s not, that’s not for you. You shouldn’t be doing that. You know?

Ryan Doerrfeld: I definitely did lose a couple friends. Um, I, there was a couple of friends that, you know, they, I noticed that after I stopped drinking, they stopped coming around a little bit. Um, and you know, no, no ill will, you know, I, whatever, you know, we’re, we’re still cordial. We’re still friends, but we’re more like acquaintances instead of, you know, friends.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. Yeah. As opposed to hanging out on a regular basis. It’s just, you know, on a, the random occasion might, might stop by or something.

Ryan Doerrfeld: Yeah, and and I mean, there’s like I said, there’s no ill will Towards those people, you know, everyone has you know, like I said earlier, you know, we all have our vice, right? and [00:50:00] You know, I this is mine just little nicotine vape It’s the worst thing you’re gonna see me drinking besides soda, which is probably just as bad as beer but um, I I’m I drink Sprite and and Pepsi and water and milk and orange juice and sweet tea and I vape.

And some people are like, Oh, you’re lame. Why don’t you just have one beer with me, man? It’s my birthday. Like, no, man, like, I don’t want to do that. I’m sorry. You know, I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m on a good path. I’m doing, you know, I’m doing good. And, and I would say about 90 percent of my friends have been Extremely supportive, you know, they’ve, they don’t try and pressure me.

They don’t try and, you know, you know, they’ll poke fun, you know, every once in a while, but it’s like, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s that fun, you know,

Scott DeLuzio: That good natured teasing that, that, that we do, you know, like in the military, well, like [00:51:00] I was in the army, you’re in the Marines, you know, we’re going to rag on each other’s branches or whatever. And, and, uh, you know, or,

Ryan Doerrfeld: but it’s one team one fight at the end of the day.

Scott DeLuzio: Exactly. We like, we all got each other’s backs

Ryan Doerrfeld: Yeah, for sure.

Scott DeLuzio: somebody else, like, you know, some, you know, some other countries, you know, military starts chiming in and starts talking smack about, about the Marines.

I’m going to be like, well, fuck you.

Ryan Doerrfeld: Yeah. Yeah,

Scott DeLuzio: If that, that ain’t going to fly,

Ryan Doerrfeld: Yeah No, I get it and it’s funny cuz like, you know, that good natured teasing is good cuz like I yeah as awful as this sounds I promise it’s not bad. But um, my buddy Aaron he he’s a good friend of mine We’ve known each other for a few years and he he got diagnosed last last year or the year before? was like a year, year and a half ago, something like that. Uh, he got diagnosed with testicular cancer and, uh, he, he’s [00:52:00] cancer free now, which is great. Um, but, uh, he, he went through the chemo and, you know, he lost one of his nuts and, um, while he was going through his cancer, uh, and he was doing his chemo treatments, we would make fun of him and say shit that would get us canceled immediately.

And he loved it. He was like, this keeps me in good spirits. Like, it’s, it’s great. And, you know, I remember he came to my house. Right after he had told me, he told our buddy Donnie that, you know, he had the, the testicular cancer before he told me and, uh, Donnie’s like, you know, me and Aaron are gonna come over.

Aaron’s got to talk to you about something. I was like, alright. So he comes over to the house and, uh, he’s, you know, Aaron tells me, you know, Hey, man, I, I got diagnosed with testicular cancer and I was just like, you’re fucking with me right now. And he’s like, no, I’m serious. He’s like, it’s true. [00:53:00] And I was like, oh my god, man, I’m so sorry.

And, uh, I’ve had family members of mine and, and a couple friends who have You know, I’ve had cancer and I’ve had family members die from cancer, you know, a lot of people have, it’s a deadly and it’s a, it’s a devastating disease. So, um, you know, I, I never once made fun of somebody for having cancer. Before Aaron, but it was like, it was, it was like, you know, I, I didn’t, I was just trying to be supportive and, you know, be nice.

And I was like, I’m so sorry, man, you know, and that was genuine still. Uh, but, but Aaron’s like, Hey man, can I use your restroom? And I was like, yeah, of course. And you know, as he’s walking to my, my bathroom, Donnie looks and he goes, yeah, wipe that cancer off the toilet seat. So you don’t give it to anybody else. And I’m just like, Dude, that’s so fucked up. Don’t say that. And he’s like, nah, man, Aaron loves it. And I was just like. You’re sick dude. Like that’s bad. Like you have problems. [00:54:00] And then Aaron’s like, nah, I actually prefer it. He’s like, it gives me something to laugh at through this whole, whole period. And I was like, all right, man.

So I started, we just started going ham on him over The year and some odd months that he had it and he’s finally cancer free. We still talk shit about his cancer, but you know, it was, it was that good fun. Like that teasing, keep your spirits up. We’re all still here for you. I actually, when he lost his hair, cause of the chemo, everybody shaved their heads with him and I’m balding already.

So I was like, I already buzzed my head. So I was like, I don’t know what you want me to do. I don’t have any fucking hair. And he was like, well, when’s the last time you shaved your beard? And I’m like, don’t do that. Don’t do that.

Scott DeLuzio: Don’t take this from me.

Ryan Doerrfeld: yeah, I was like, don’t do that. And he was just like, no, I’m serious.

When’s the last time you shaved your beard? And I’m like, to skin? Like smooth? Like baby bottom smooth? And he’s like, yeah. And I’m like, 2015? When I was in the Marines? And he was like, that’s what you’re shaving. [00:55:00] So he made me go on Facebook Live and stream myself shaving my beard with the electric clippers.

Cause it was a long little beard. This isn’t very long. This is only like a couple weeks. My facial hair grows so fast and I love it because I don’t grow hair up here very much and it’s like spotty like I have like the weird like it’s really thin up top but it kind of grows in a little thick on the side so it’s like the old man horseshoe so

Scott DeLuzio: The George Costanza from, uh, Seinfeld.

Ryan Doerrfeld: Yeah, so like I always buzz my head before it gets bad. I like every like other week I just buzz my head so it looks the same every every time you see me but like I’m on Facebook live and I take the electric clippers and I’m shaving away and I’m just like this is as short as it’s been in years. And, I, and, and then Aaron’s in the comments on the live video and he’s like, Nope, get the razor.

And I’m like, fuck you. So I took the razor and I’m [00:56:00] against the grain, like, baby bottom smooth. And I’m just like, bro, I, I have pictures of it. And my, my daughter cried. She cried

Scott DeLuzio: probably didn’t recognize you at that point,

Ryan Doerrfeld: Yeah, she, oh man, when she was born, I had a big, big burly beard. And, uh, used to always take her little newborn day old fingers and put them in, like, get to the webbing and then grip and pull.

And like, she was always about it. So she always knew me with a beard. Even now, if I even trim my beard, she gets mad. My wife gets mad. My stepdaughter gets mad. Like, everybody gets pissed at me. And I’m just like, look, man, it’s. Fuckin middle of summer, it’s 95 degrees outside, it’s hot, it’s itchy,

Scott DeLuzio: Right.

Ryan Doerrfeld: I wanna shave it.

Like, I don’t ever leave it, like, this is usually as short as I’ll get, and they just get pissed. So, like, when my daughter saw me with a clean shaven face, she freaked the fuck out. [00:57:00] And my wife came back from work that day, and I was sittin on, uh, the counter next to my stove, and I was just, I was on the phone with my mom.

And she looks at me, and she’s like, Who is this person just in my house right now? And where are, where’s my husband? What have you done with him? And I was just like, yeah, it’s for Aaron. Cause of his chemo, he just lost his hair and he had the doctor shave his hair today. So he made me shave my beard and she just, she was, but yeah. Good natured teasing.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. You know, and, and I think that’s, that’s when I think, you know, you have that, that good relationship, you know, obviously you were, you’re sensitive to the situation. It’s like, you’re not going to, you’re not going to just start ragging on him for, for the hell of it, you know, until you’re like, okay, well, that’s what he’s looking for.

And that’s going to lift his spirits. It’s like, okay, fine. We’ll, we’ll, we’ll

Ryan Doerrfeld: We’ll play along.

Scott DeLuzio: into that. Yeah, we’ll play along with that, but it’s not like you’re just gonna start jumping down the strokes like, Oh, you asshole, you [00:58:00] got, you know,

Ryan Doerrfeld: Yeah. Yeah.

Scott DeLuzio: like,

Ryan Doerrfeld: mean, we would say that we would

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, I know, but you know,

Ryan Doerrfeld: But like, he, he knew it was coming and he wanted it and like, you know, we, we, we were all just trying to, trying to keep him, keep him positive and, and, you know, we, we’re all, you know, you know how men are, especially in the military, but men in general, you know how we are, like, we talk shit to each other all the time, so it’s like, it’s just in our nature, so it’s like, you know, if Aaron were to tell me like, no, I don’t, I don’t like it, like, And then I heard somebody, you know, say like, oh, you fucking one ball bitch, you know, or something talking about his cancer.

They get a, they get punched in the face immediately. I’d be like, no, you don’t do that. And I’d do something about it. But. You know, if, if Aaron’s playing along with it, I mean, he’s making fun of himself more than we were. So it’s like, you know, read the room.

Scott DeLuzio: yeah, I think that goes back to that read the room [00:59:00] comment that we had earlier and, and, uh, you know, just knowing, you know, the, the situation and knowing who, who you’re talking to. Um, this might have been a conversation that we were having before we started recording. So, so the listeners might be like, what the fuck is he talking about?

Read the room. But, um, yeah, he didn’t say that shit before, but yeah, we did.

Ryan Doerrfeld: Yes, we did. You guys are going crazy, right?

Scott DeLuzio: you guys, you guys are crazy. I, we

Ryan Doerrfeld: are you really paying attention?

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, right. Go back and listen to it again. You know, start all over again. Start from the

Ryan Doerrfeld: Yeah, yeah, it

Scott DeLuzio: get more listens that way.

Ryan Doerrfeld: Exactly. There you go.

Scott DeLuzio: Um, but, but no, seriously, you know, reading the room, I think is important. Uh, you know, with that kind of thing, somebody is going through that. They’re going through a hard enough time as it is. They don’t need to be, uh, dealing with, uh, You know, all sorts of other shit, but if, if that’s what helps them and that’s what’s making them get through it, um, then, then by all means, like, I, I think that’s, that’s kind of cool that you have that kind of, kind of relationship and going back to what we were talking about with, you know, the drinking and everything like that, having the right set of friends and [01:00:00] everything I think is, is important too, right?

But, um, you know, I, I want to, I want to kind of switch gears a little bit and I know we talked a little bit about your music and kind of how you got into that. Um, yeah. I want to, I want to give you the chance to talk a little bit about the music that you’re doing now. Obviously you’re, you’re signed on to a record label and everything, and you know, where can people find your music and, and you know, what, what could they hope to experience by, by listening to some of the, some of the music that you, you put out there?

Ryan Doerrfeld: Uh, yes. Um, so you could find me on any streaming platform. I’m on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, YouTube, YouTube Music. Title, these are like a hundred different platforms, uh, so whatever music you, uh, or whatever, uh, streaming platform, however you listen to music, um, I I I’m on there, you just look up Th30ry, it’s T H 3 0 R Y, the number 30 is in my name, uh, and it’s not a letter O, a lot of people make that misconception, which is understandable, but, uh, you know, I can’t even tell you how many times [01:01:00] people have put in T H 3 O R Y and then they message me and they’re like, I can’t find you.

And I’ll tell them, like, did you put the number 30 or, oh, no, I didn’t. I thought it was an O. And, you know, then they find me and they’re like, okay, we’re good. But TH30RY on any streaming platform, any music platform, and you’ll find me. Not on Pandora yet. I don’t have my own Pandora radio station yet, but I do occasionally show up on Pandora in like a similar artist, like a big artist.

You know, like occasionally you’ll hear a Th30ry song if it’s like in the same kind of genre. But, um, yeah, big Homies records, I signed on with them. Um, they’ve been great. Provided me with a ton of really cool opportunities. I’ve been traveling outta state a lot, uh, doing shows in Vegas, doing shows in shows in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Um, doing a show, that’s where they’re, they’re at is Salt Lake City. Um, doing shows in Idaho Falls, uh, we’re gonna be going back to Vegas soon, uh, I’m gonna be in, at some point I’m gonna be doing my very first show back [01:02:00] home in Chicago, which is gonna be a big one, uh, a ton of people have, have asked me when I’m gonna finally perform at home, and, and I’m working on it right now.

So if anybody’s in Chicago that knows me, that’s listening, let me know. Soon, I promise. I’m working on it. Um, and then, uh, back in North Carolina, uh, I got a bunch of people that are fans of the music and friends of mine that are like, dude, do you need to perform here? So that’s coming. Um, but, you know, all over the, all over the country, man.

I’ve been, you know, a bunch of different states doing shows and it’s, it’s, it’s amazing. Uh, Just the different cultures and the different ways of life and the different areas and, uh, meeting new people and networking. It’s awesome. Um, so Big Homies Records, shout out to Chico Lemus. Uh, he’s the owner of Big Homies and he’s, uh, he’s awesome.

Um, and, uh, basically with the music that I make, the type of music, so I, I, I rap. For a majority of it, um, I’ve always been a hip hop head. Uh, I [01:03:00] love the culture, I love the expression, I love the fact that rap stands for rhythm and poetry, um, which is literally what saved me with my anxiety and my depression and all that, so.

Uh, it, it plays hand in hand and, uh, you know, growing up around rap music, my, my mom has three sisters and her youngest sister, Amy, my aunt Amy, uh, she’s kind of the one who got me started into hip hop music and, uh, you know, I grew up on, like, Bone Thugs in Harmony and Tupac and Biggie and N. W. A. and, uh, you know, Mos Def, Talib Kweli and DMX and, you know, early Jay Z and Nas and Eminem, obviously, you know, he’s a huge influence on me.

Um, but uh, a lot of that you’ll hear, you know, um, I, I get it a lot that I sound like Eminem when I rap because I kind of have that same flow ish in, in a lot of songs, um, almost the same voice, sometimes it does sound [01:04:00] kind of eerily similar. I try not to make it that way, but unfortunately just my voice and the tone of my voice, it changes.

Just kind of happens sometimes. Um, and I guess it’s a compliment too, right? Like people say like, Oh, you sound like Eminem. That’s great. Like, yeah, it’s a compliment, but after a while it kind of gets old cause I’m trying to be me. Um, you know, but, but I, I think I, I, I take a good chunk of, of different artists that I’ve looked up to and I put it into my own style and I kind of make it my own.

Um, so you’ll hear a lot of rap. Uh, a lot of deep stuff. It’s not like, I love lyricism and I love telling stories and I love conceptual music, so it’s like, uh, you know, I’m, I’m not one of those artists that raps about, you know, shooting guns and, you know, doing drills, you know, and, and, and like all, all this, you know, gangster rap stuff.

It’s not me. I, I was never in a gang. You know, I grew up in Chicago and I was around gangs, but I never was a part of that lifestyle. [01:05:00] So I’m not going to talk about stuff that I never lived through, that I never went through, that I never felt. Um, so a lot of it’s like, you know, the real positive kind of self expression, you know, uh, uh, you’ll get a, a look into my head, into my thoughts and my feelings.

Sometimes I’ll make a conceptual song, like one of the songs that I have is called Rain. Uh, and that actually was, it’s an older song, but it’s a, it’s a really good song. Uh, the concept of that, I wrote it from the perspective of a Marine who was killed in action. And I play the Marine in the song and I, I, I wake up and I’m looking over my body, kind of like an out of body experience, and I’m dead, and I’m looking down at my dead body, you know, in the middle of the desert.

on a deployment and, uh, there’s God and he’s next to me and he’s talking to me and, uh, the tears that I’m crying because, you know, obviously when I, I, I don’t know, you know, it’s not a proven thing that, you know, you get to [01:06:00] see yourself when you die or you don’t know, nobody knows what happens, uh, truly.

But, um, you know, I, I, I was raised Catholic and I like to think that there’s life after death in some way, shape, or form. So it’s like, you know, I kind of use that. And, um, as I’m looking down, you know, I’m, I’m, sad about not being able to watch my daughter grow up and my wife’s going to have to, you know, raise the kids without me.

And, you know, she just lost her partner and my mom just lost her only son. My stepdad lost his only son. And, um, you know, so the tears that I’m crying are the rain that falls.

Scott DeLuzio: Oh,

Ryan Doerrfeld: that’s, it’s, it’s, the song’s called Rain. It’s a very, very powerful song. Um, especially in the veteran community, um, you know, and then I’ll, I’ll have a complete flip where it’s like a party song, uh, where I kind of put myself back in my zone where when I was partying and drinking and smoking weed and doing all this and having fun and, but you know, it’s all about fun.

Like I don’t [01:07:00] talk about, you know, doing or selling drugs or anything like that. Like I’m, I’m not one of those artists. Um, lyrical hip hop. Uh, I like to flex my pen work a lot and show off my, my lyricism. Uh, I’ll, I’ll rap fast, I’ll rap slow, I’ll, I’ll do a little bit of singing more, more so in the last couple years, I’ve been getting a lot more into melodics in my music.

So putting melodics, harmonies, um, doing more singing. Um, and, and yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s a little bit of everything. But, uh, I like to think that I make good music. So, uh, yeah. You know, I hope if you do listen, uh, that you enjoy, uh, a lot of it’s on the more positive scale, uh, kind of like chase your dreams and don’t let anybody tell you that you can’t kind of thing, um, because, you know, at 30 years old when I start to chase a rap career, most people are like, dude, [01:08:00] you should probably just get a job and focus on raising your family.

And I’m like, you can fuck right off, because I’m gonna do this. And this is, you know, and I get from an outside perspective, you know, granted in your 30s you’re not old, by any means, but, um, when you hear, social media and the music industry itself does a really good job at painting it to where if you’re in your 30s you’re supposed to be established in the music industry already.

But some, some major artists didn’t blow up until they were in their late 30s or early 40s even. You know, not everybody blows up at 16, 17, 18 years old. You know, it doesn’t work that way every time and everybody’s path and everybody’s story is different. Um, and I like to think, my mom actually told me this.

She was like, you know, the fact that you were 30 when you started isn’t a bad thing because I think you needed to go through 30 years of experience with life and go through the terrible things that you went through. In order to have something to talk about in [01:09:00] your music, instead of it being you just rapping about doing drugs and selling drugs and stuff that you’re not doing, you know, you actually can create something of substance, uh, that, that can help resonate with people and, and I always told myself if I can make music for people and it helps them get through those dark times, like music did for me, whether or not they start doing it or if they just like listening to certain songs because it gives them a better mood or whatever the case may be, or maybe listening to one of my songs stops them from doing something stupid.

Um, that, that is more meaningful to me than, you know, any amount of money that I could make from, from doing this. Now obviously I do want to make money off of doing what I love for a living, that’s the whole point of me trying to grow as an artist. You know, I, I don’t, I don’t want to work a nine to five job.

I don’t want to have, you know, some asshole boss that I gotta answer to, you know, I want to be my own boss. I own my own companies as of right now, I own, uh, From the Bottom, LLC. Uh, and it is [01:10:00] trademarked and I, I’ve started it in 2019 for my music. So eventually I want to turn that into something. And so I’m going to school.

I like to open my own recording studio and have some passive income and, you know, my own personal music is obviously my plan A, but, uh, and it’s going to work, uh, it’s going to blow up. It’s just a matter of when. And, uh, you know, I, I’m getting a lot of really big traction now and I’m just really excited for everything.

So. Yeah, I like to just kind of spread a message of peace, love, and positivity in my music. I like to spread a message of being confident in what you do in life, whatever it is, whether you work at McDonald’s or you do music or you paint or you, you know, play guitar or you do graphic design or whatever it is that you’re passionate about.

Chase that passion. Don’t let anybody tell you that you can’t do it. And love yourself and be good to people around you.

Scott DeLuzio: 100%. I think that’s, uh, that’s awesome. Um, [01:11:00] for folks who want to check it out again, uh, well, I’ll, I’ll put some of the links in the show notes to, you know, Spotify, Apple music, all that kind of stuff just to, you know, kind of make it easy for folks to, to check it out. But chances are you’re already on one of those platforms anyways, if you’re listening to the show, you’re probably on.

Apple or, you know, uh, Spotify, whatever. So go check it out. Um, and, and you’ll be able to, uh, hear the music. Hopefully it’s something that you enjoy. Um, and if you do, uh, keep listening, cause I’m sure there’s more stuff coming out and like you said, you’re all over the place, all over the country doing, doing shows and things like that.

Go check out one of the shows if it’s in your area. Um, that way, um, you know, that, that blows up even bigger. Um, so, you know, We were talking before the show, one of the things I think about the veteran community, you know, we see a veteran out there doing something really cool. It’s like, hell, I want to go support that person.

I want, I want to, I want to see them continue to do that cool thing, because like you said, [01:12:00] um, you know, it’s not all about the money, but Let’s face it, you got to make money in order to continue doing it, right? If, if you’re not making money, you’re not going to be flying all over the place and, and doing tours and, and all that kind of stuff.

So, um, especially if you had a nine to five and, and you got a boss that you got to answer to, you got to take time to go do all that. It’s just, it’s not going to happen, right? So you see someone doing something cool, you want to support them, go, go check it out, listen to the music on, uh, wherever it is that you listen to it.

Um, you know, go to the shows if, if it’s in, in your, uh, neck of the woods, um, And, uh, yeah,

Ryan Doerrfeld: And if you follow me on social media, I’m all over social media platforms also. I’m on Facebook. I’m on Instagram. Just look up Th30ry on, on Facebook. Uh, it’s Th30ry underscore Official on Instagram. Um, TikTok, I’m Th30ry, and then the number two, and then the word Official. Um, I can give you those links also if you want to put those up.

Um,

Scott DeLuzio: yeah, I’ll

Ryan Doerrfeld: if you follow me on, sweet, uh, and if you follow me on social media, if you do [01:13:00] like the music or you just want to follow me for whatever reason, maybe I’m cute, um, but if, uh, if you do follow me on social media, I do post all the time about shows that are coming up, um,

so if you do end up following me on social media, uh, you’ll You know, show some love, you, don’t be afraid to message me, I’m not one of those artists that’s just gonna ignore people. Uh, I try to comment back on everybody’s comments, I try to message people who message me back as long as it’s A respectable message and you’re not saying like, Hey man, can I borrow a thousand dollars?

Because then I’m just not going to respond and I’m probably going to block you. Um,

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. Right.

Ryan Doerrfeld: but, uh, no, if you do follow me, I do, I do post new content all the time. I got a ton of music coming out. Uh, got some music videos that I’m in the works with. I got some big features with some bigger names that I’m working on right now.

I’m not going to disclose that information just yet, but, uh, it is very exciting stuff. Uh, and, uh, Uh, I did just drop, me and, me and Berserk did just drop our more recent EP, uh, on October 18th. It’s called [01:14:00] Don’t Play, uh, but please go play it. Uh, and it’s a little, little seven song EP, well it’s five songs, it’s two skits, but it’s, it’s some entertaining skits.

Uh, but we, we have some good music together. We have another collaboration album called Basket Case, and it’s a really good one. It’s got a whole storyline to it. Um. But yeah, the Don’t Play EP is the most recent thing that’s out. It’s very, very good. Uh, produced by Kato on the track, which is a huge producer, that was a really big blessing for us to be able to work with him.

He’s worked with a lot of really iconic artists. Um, so yeah, uh, I hope you enjoy the music.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And I, I hope, I hope folks find it and, and enjoy it as well. Um, but again, uh, I’ll have all the links, social media, uh, you know, the, uh, Apple and Spotify, all the links to, so you can find it, uh, hopefully make it a little easier for folks. Um, but yeah, check it out. Um, Ryan, uh, really want to thank you for taking [01:15:00] the time to come on the show.

I’ve enjoyed this conversation. Um, it’s been, uh, it’s been really enjoyable, you know, chatting with you, learning about your background and, you know, kind of how you got to where you are now and, and, and all that stuff. It’s really been, uh, been, been great. Uh, and, and inspiring to hearing, hearing. Hearing part of your story, especially, you know, the drinking journey and all that and, and how you got into the music.

I think, I think there’s a lot of inspiration to be taken from that. So, uh, thank you again. Yeah,

Ryan Doerrfeld: So, yeah, thank you for having me, man. It’s, it’s awesome. I, I, I love doing stuff like this. And, and, you know, especially with, you know, a fellow veteran, uh, you know, no matter what branch, uh, even though you’re Army. Questionable. No, I’m just kidding. Um, but no, you know, just in the veteran community, like I told you before we started recording, you know, when the music does blow up and I really start making some good money from the music, I do want to, uh, I told my wife too, I was the first thing I want to really Do and in a community that I [01:16:00] want to give back to as a veteran community, you know, whether that be donating to Wounded Warrior Project or doing something to help homeless vets or you know, hungry vets or whatever the case may be.

Struggling vets that are you know, just financially struggling. I’m not saying I’m gonna bless every veteran in the, you know, on United States soil or anything, but You know, I’m just doing something to, to really kind of give back to the veteran community because being a veteran is, is something that I’m very, very proud of, uh, and I think a lot of us share that also, all of us should. cause like I said, you know, we’re the one percenters, so, um, it takes a lot of courage to do what we do and to sign the dotted line and be sent on the other side of the world to kill or be killed, you know, or just to be away from family, you know, be away from your loved ones, whether you have kids or not, wife, doesn’t matter.

You know, it takes a lot of courage to do what we do as veterans and, um, you know, it’s something that we should all be very proud of. So I definitely want to do something with the veteran community. [01:17:00] So anytime you want to have me back on here just to talk BS, whatever, uh, you know, or if I got something new coming out and you want to get some information on it, we’ll definitely keep in touch and, uh, yeah, I’d love to, love to be able to be back on the show at some point.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, absolutely. It’s been, like I said, it’s been a great conversation. I really do enjoy it. And, um, I’m glad you were able to take the time, carve some time out of your day to, to chat about this. But, uh, thank you again, really do, do appreciate you.

Ryan Doerrfeld: Of course, man. Thanks again for having me.