Episode 509 Adam Kasix How False Strength Keeps Men Stuck Transcript

This transcript is from episode 509 with guest Adam Kasix.

Scott DeLuzio: [00:00:00] You ever feel like the guy who’s just trying to keep it together, watching the game, knock on the back, a few grinding through work, but something deep down just feels off like you’re stuck in a loop of anger, exhaustion, and distance from your wife, from your kids, even yourself. What if the tough guy routine isn’t strength but a shield?

Adam Kasick knows that mask well, he wore it and it nearly cost him everything. His marriage, his kids, uh, but he didn’t stop there. Adam faced the beast inside, not just the PTSD, not just the fallout from war, but the version of him himself, he built to survive it. Today, he coaches men through that same transformation out of the warrior mode that no longer serves them and into the kind of man they actually want to be.

This episode is raw and real. You’ll hear about addiction, identity, fatherhood, and. How a false image of strength is holding too many [00:01:00] men back from actual healing. But before we dive into this episode, make sure you’re subscribed to the email [email protected] slash subscribe. You’ll get my five favorite episodes sent straight to your inbox.

No fluff, just the best insights to help you drive on. I also wanna take a moment to raise awareness for something deeply important to our community. The Global War On Terrorism Memorial Foundation. This organization is working to build a permanent national memorial in Washington DC to honor the service members, families, and civilians impacted by the global war on terrorism.

This memorial serves as both a tribute to those who served and a way to ensure their sacrifices are recognized and re remembered for generations to come. If you want to learn more or find out how you can support the mission, visit g watt memorial foundation.org. Now, let’s get into today’s episode.

[00:02:00]

Scott DeLuzio: Adam, welcome to the show. I’m really glad to have you here.

Adam Kasix: Scott, I am stoked to be here.

Scott DeLuzio: I, I could tell, you know, when we, we were talking before we started, uh, the recording, and I could tell already, uh, just from the energy that you’re giving off and everything, it’s gonna be a great conversation because sometimes you, you get, you get folks and it’s like, you know, I’m not, not really sure how this is gonna go, but, you know, right from the, the get go, it, it was, it was definitely high energy.

You know, Al always good to go. So, so looking forward to it, but let’s, uh, just for the, the listeners, maybe just for some context who you are, a little bit about your, your, uh, military background and kinda your transformation out of the military to who you are today.

Adam Kasix: That is so loaded. I’m gonna, I’m gonna break that up.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. Break it up into chunks if you Yeah. You know, don’t, don’t eat the elephant in one bite, you know?

Adam Kasix: Yeah. So who am I, man? I’m, [00:03:00] I’m a soul trying to make its way in this deal. I’ve had two enlistments both in the Army. I was signed up for the Marines very, very early at 17 years old, and, and realized that I needed to go a different way. That was for me. So we changed the paperwork last minute, but I did, I joined at 17 and that’s, that’s some of the military.

And a lot of that was inspired actually by my grandfather, who was an Omaha Beach veteran

Scott DeLuzio: Okay.

Adam Kasix: I think in 41. What? Well, no, he was, don’t know if he was D-Day early, but he was there, he was part of that offensive

Scott DeLuzio: Okay.

Adam Kasix: then, you know, came home to Alabama, went up to Detroit and started our line. But, uh, so between him and just something in me, you know, I saw Glory as part of an eighth grade movie deal at school in junior high. And I’m watching Morgan Freeman and Denzel Washington and these dudes like they were doing in the Civil War, I don’t even know the history of it, but that movie. inspired me to believe like, I’m gonna follow grandpa. [00:04:00] So, you know, there was something ingrained in me there, but the, the story of why probably we should be talking today and a lot of what I’ve been shown to overcome and thrive through the darkness and come out of the other side that had to do with the second enlistment when I deployed.

But, you know, man, the, the bullet points of who we are, like when we’re out here, especially in the, we’re out here in the media circuit doing things and we have voices and messages and we got brains and all this stuff. I look at. The highlights of what people put down. And, and I realized a long time ago, I cannot compete with most people’s highlights for highlights, pound for pound.

My highlight list is, is not in good shape. But I do, I’m a big fan of martial arts. I don’t practice anything currently. I have, but I do more watching and studying the philosophies of the book, of the five rings and like different things. And I incorporate that with, with my faith. But in there I’m like, I think I need to use the counter punch method and use the, the weight of [00:05:00] my opponent against, like, I can’t do the highlights. So I started actually putting my low lights as the lead

Scott DeLuzio: Okay.

Adam Kasix: put ‘ em in my, in my email list as my sign or my email signature. And so when you talk about who I am, it’s gotten ingrained in my mind that lately, especially when I’m speaking anywhere, I will tell people I’m a former bad wetter. I am a former level one trauma nurse. I’m a former army veteran and combat vet and I got post-traumatic stress, didn’t know about that for a few years. And you know, I lost my marriage and my kids and I got them all back. So I’m a, I’m a survivor in that. And then thriver after Post-Traumatic stress to me, love the movies that show us a real hero’s journey.

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: hero isn’t an invincible person. Like Mr. Incredible, or, well, no, he was pretty flawed too. That’s a bad example. What a dad, I’m striving to be like, Mr. Incredible. Is he super flawed, but he’s still on it. But we, we do like the superhero thing or the hero’s journey. I think a lot of us, [00:06:00] especially those who who probably consider ourselves sheep dogs to some degree, we’re protectors, we are warriors. It’s like there’s a big part of us that think there’s a certain image of a hero and, and what he looks like or she looks like. And I think for the most part it’s Frodo in Lord of the Rings. Like most of the time you don’t look physically imposing. You definitely don’t feel it most of the time, even if you are, because we all got stuff inside, even the big guys. And you know, when I’m looking at that, I’ve been mostly attracted to stories of overcoming and, and deep, deep dream struggle and victory type of stories. And that’s who I am, that that’s who I help and that’s who I serve. And yeah. Take a little breath for

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah,

Adam Kasix: there.

Scott DeLuzio: yeah. Come up for air for, for just a sec here. And we will kind of unpack some of that because I think you had a good point there. When you’re looking at the, the highlights that people put on, uh, their, you know, maybe it’s a, a resume or on their website or social media, that’s, that’s probably the worst offender [00:07:00] of looking at somebody’s highlights.

’cause nobody’s posting their, their worst days on social media necessarily. They’re, they’re put, they’re putting their a game out there on social media. They, they look great. They, they sound great. Everything’s polished and cut and, you know, everything’s just done. Just so, and, and it looks just right. But that’s not reality, right?

Like that person’s flawed too. That that person, I, I guarantee they, they screwed something up at some point during that day that they were filming that reel or taking that picture of them that, with that beautiful sunset in the background or what, you know, whatever it was, you know, there was something that they,

Adam Kasix: That

Scott DeLuzio: That, that, that one angle. You, you’re taking a snapshot of that person’s life and you’re judging ’em by that and, and you’re looking at them and it’s like, man, this person’s got it all together. No, they don’t come on. You know, they, they really don’t. You know, and you know, even, even sometimes, like people will talk to me about.

This podcast is like, I can’t believe you know how much you’ve done. And you know, you’re just, you, you’ve, you’ve done all these great things. And I’m like, [00:08:00] yeah, but you don’t know all the half of it. Like, of like what it took to get there. And so when, you know, when you’re talking about the you know, kind of the low lights like, like the, not the highlights, the low lights, but the, the things that you had to overcome, I think those are even more impressive than someone just, oh yeah.

I, I wake up, I got outta bed looking amazing and I, you know, I, I, I’m, I’m just a wonderful person that’s, oh, you know, I don’t even have to try. It’s like, well, that’s not real. And you can kind of see through that. I mean, yeah, sure, everyone, everyone’s gonna have a, a good day from time to time too. And you, you absolutely, you should celebrate it.

But like, that, that stuff’s not real. So like. Let’s, let’s look at the, the real you and like, what, what did you actually go through and what’d you have to overcome? And you mentioned a few of those things, you know, b between your, your marriage and, uh, a combat veteran and, you know, a bunch of other things that you were, you were mentioning.

You know, there’s a lot of [00:09:00] things to go dive deep into and, and we could talk about, you know, any of those things if, if you want. And, uh, kind of use those as examples of like, what’s going on, what, what’s, what’s making, what’s making Adam tick here, you know?

Adam Kasix: Yeah

it is inspiring. You know, something you said there stuck with me and, and it, it kept hanging in there and it was, what’s impressive is overcoming and it is,

Scott DeLuzio: yeah,

Adam Kasix: I think, lemme take a step back. Give some context

Scott DeLuzio: sure.

Adam Kasix: So what I do on, on the Daily now is, is do a lot of coaching and training of prime producing age men. and this character that we’ve come up with you know, like a target avatar. Who’s

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: customer. So we’ve came up with is this, this name of guy. So a guy named Guy, a man named Guy.

Scott DeLuzio: Sure.

Adam Kasix: And it’s easy because one of the things that I’ve been [00:10:00] led to do in my professional work, the old band, boys to Men?

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm. Yeah,

Adam Kasix: still out there doing weddings here and there and I, I think they’re pretty good dudes from what I’ve heard for

Scott DeLuzio: sure.

Adam Kasix: I don’t keep up with them too often, but like Guys to Men has become this mission of my life. I

Scott DeLuzio: Okay.

Adam Kasix: sons and a daughter, but helping guys become men because of how hardcore of a guy I used to be. Now a guy, we all know Guy. Guy gives up Sundays with family for sports, and that’s his lifestyle

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: guy. Now I’m not doing, I’m not, we gotta create the character in our head. We can’t just take something that some of us do sometimes and pick on ourselves or think that I’m coming at you. That’s not what we’re doing here.

But Guy is a certain type of guy, and we all know this guy. He peaked in high school. He ne he hit 17 and couldn’t get past it. But that’s the general caricature of it. Right? And he, he’s probably got steel balls hanging from the hitch of his truck, like he’s showing everybody, right? It’s, he’s covered in whiskey and cigars and super [00:11:00] aggressive behavior.

Listen, I’m, I’m creating a caricature for a little bit of humor, but it also paints the picture guy was hurt somewhere and. Many of us, whether it’s a father void or some hurt from a relationship, you know, my wife and I got divorced because of my IV drug abuse that I fell into as a nurse and all the affairs that I had.

So like in the first 10 years of our life together, that was highly inconducive,

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: for marriage and, and we paid the price and it all fell apart. so I realized I was doing was that I had this, do you like movies?

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, sure.

Adam Kasix: Okay. So I’m a really big fan of these types of stories and then learning about the comic books and, and the identities of these types of superheroes.

And the villains who could have been superhero villains are just superheroes who went dark.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, I can see that.

Adam Kasix: A

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: is just a villain who went to the light.

Scott DeLuzio: Right.

Adam Kasix: I have this framework called the divergent deltas, [00:12:00] where this, it explains how we can start at a common point. And that’s the trauma, that’s the hurt, that’s the void. And then from there, we’d move in opposite directions or different directions. And so joker, he got hurt and he chose a persona and identity that he took on to for himself to present himself to the world. And it happened to be darkness, right? And, and, and it’s, so that’s what he chose. Batman also had a trauma, severe trauma.

Bruce Wayne did. out of that, he chose to become a symbol. I just watched it on Batman begins yesterday. ‘ cause I study this stuff from my own work, not just entertainment. And he’s telling Alfred on the train when he is leaving the League of Shadows, he says, I, I, if I’m just a man. People can come at that and and tear that down.

But if I rise above that, I become more than a man. If I become an idea, like Raza Goul tells him in the prison, he’s like, if I become a symbol, I can become indestructible. And so some of us can go to the light. But even then, when we go and do beautiful things, we have to make sure that that common point that where we started, [00:13:00] take on an identity that covered the hurt out of which now we live through, which goes all the way back to guy

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: his life in the driveway for Friday nights and slamming beers with the neighbors and whatever else the hardcore guy stereotype that I’m totally pissing off 90% of the audience with No, we’re all guys here. Okay, but we gotta watch out ’cause guy needs to become a man.

Scott DeLuzio: Right?

Adam Kasix: I, for me, one of the biggest things that helped me through the darkness was when I realized confronting my beast wasn’t confronting something that I hadn’t forgiven necessarily. It wasn’t confronting my dad, who I felt didn’t prepare me well enough for manhood. It wasn’t. It wasn’t my employers, it wasn’t anything, it wasn’t even the Taliban man. It wasn’t even the Taliban. ’cause I was there on the next plane after you, because I know you were there in 2010,

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. Right. Yep.

Adam Kasix: 11 slash 12. So just on the back end. And look, dude, I’m, I’m learning your story, man. I am learning your story.

Scott DeLuzio: I appreciate it.

Adam Kasix: [00:14:00] And you know, it’s because we all have this story. And I believe a lot of us developed a beast to take the place of, because we both said one thing, the hero, the villain, we both said this. That’s never happening again.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: I am never allowing that to happen again. Joker in this scenario, chose the dark and then some of us, yeah, I guess in real life it’s whether or not we choose the couch. And, and then the hero, Bruce Wayne, chose the light to help people instead of allow Gotham to be burned to the ground. That was his heart.

Scott DeLuzio: Alright.

Adam Kasix: So he chose that way. Either way, he’s still living through this identity that he put on due to it and the beast. When we confront that beast who we put on to cover up that hurt that we’re never gonna let happen again, that becomes the thing that runs our life. It flashes up on social and watches that we wear on our wrist because we don’t have the guts to wear our hearts on our sleeves.

Scott DeLuzio: [00:15:00] Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: It’s the, I call it in my writing, I call it the way of the facade. My porch has a styrofoam ledge that’s spray painted and spackled drywall covering and hardened, but it’s styrofoam under there.

It’s not concrete, the bricks that cover underneath there are half bricks plastered over cinder blocks to make it look like good for curb appeal.

Scott DeLuzio: Sure.

Adam Kasix: know the game. I live in an HOA community. Like what are we doing? It’s a facade though.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: The truth lies beneath the surface. And I know I just unloaded a, you know, half a firetruck on you there. But for me, the guy that I serve and the men that I coach, that I’m watching light come back into their eyes and gain real power. Not Exertive power,

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: power, calm, cool, gentle like a good king. family’s homes are at like stabilizing. What I’m seeing is that they found themselves in a place in life at a certain point in their life, at a certain age, at a certain season that they never saw coming, they never expected, and they [00:16:00] sure didn’t plan for.

Scott DeLuzio: Right.

Adam Kasix: twisted up, it’s got ’em angry and frustrated, confused, and that’s what we’re working through with these concepts.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And so, yeah, let’s unpack some of

Adam Kasix: Sure.

Scott DeLuzio: you were just talking about there.

Adam Kasix: dig into anything

Scott DeLuzio: Anything

Adam Kasix: personally or anything that I’m doing with my guys too. ’cause they’re all trying to help other guys

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah,

Adam Kasix: on manhood.

Scott DeLuzio: yeah, sure. So, just looking at guy, right? Your, your avatar and I, I like. When somebody has that avatar and they know who their target is, and they, they’ve given him a name. They, the, he’s got a family. He’s, you know, XX number of years old and, you know, he has a whole backstory and, and peaked in high school, let’s say.

Right. As you were talking about that, it reminded me of the, the old show married with Children. Al Bundy was the, uh, the guy in there who, there it is. Yep. Yep. And that, and that was the highlight of his life was when he was in high school. And so, as, as you were saying that is like, that’s the light bulb that went off my head.

That’s, that’s guy [00:17:00] to me is like that. That’s who it is. You know, he is a shoe salesman. Not nothing wrong with being a shoe salesman, but like, he has no aspirations for anything bigger or better. He has no, he has a family that he kind of could give two shits about. Like he’s, he’s kind of just floating through life, waiting for the next, you know.

Sunday to watch football and drink beer and like, that’s, that’s him. And so that’s, that to me was the picture I painted when you, you were describing Guy. And sure. It, the show could be funny, right? If, if you’re into that kind of humor and whatever it, it has, its, its place because it’s funny, but it’s funny because it’s, it’s like over the top almost.

And, and it’s like, well, you would never expect a man to act that way. A man who’s in charge of his, his family and his career and his life, and he’s got a actual good grasp on on all of that.

Adam Kasix: Yeah.

Scott DeLuzio: not how a, a, [00:18:00] a man a man is actually going to act. That’s, that’s how guy acts, right? And, and that’s, that’s the, the description, right?

And so, you know, looking at that, all the things that go wrong in. This guy’s life. Let’s, I’m, I’m, I like that. I like that you use Guy, because that’s, it’s a good word to use.

Adam Kasix: what comes outta me, my, my, one of my coaches has always given me a hard time for like, he’s got you, you gotta get better tooting your own horn or something. He goes, he thinks it’s a belief issue and I’m not opposed to it.

Scott DeLuzio: Sure, sure.

Adam Kasix: ’em, but for me it is, I, I believe these things come to me when I am where I need to be

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: healthy.

Scott DeLuzio: Well, and I, I, I think that’s, that’s true with a lot of things that, that we, we feel like it happened to me, like, it, it came to me, or it just happened and it, it occurred. You know, this thought occurred to me, well, I shouldn’t take credit for this thought. It just, it occurred to me and it, well, yeah, you should take credit for it because it was your [00:19:00] thought.

It, it wasn’t like,

Adam Kasix: that grabbed it right.

Scott DeLuzio: Exactly. And it, you know, it might’ve been floating out there, but like you said, your awareness latched on and grabbed onto it. And so anyways, yeah. Guy you know, looking at that. I feel like when a lot of guys get out of the military, we’re still guys, right? And not everybody, for sure, but there’s, there’s definitely a, a segment of this population, this veteran population that are still guys, they, they still are not really sure what to do with their life after the military.

And, and it’s easier, I don’t wanna say the military’s easy and I’m, that’s not what I’m saying. So don’t, for the listeners, don’t go writing into me and, you know, sending me hate mail and all that kinda stuff. But no. So I’m not saying that the military’s easy, but it’s easier in the sense that someone tells you where to be, what to wear when you can eat and, and you get a paycheck.

And that [00:20:00] paycheck is steady throughout your military career. And obviously as you get promoted, you get paid more and you get more, more things like that. But, it, you pretty much know what to expect. It, it, it’s, it’s all pretty much laid out right there for you and Yeah, sure. Okay. Deployments, you don’t know exactly what to expect because things go sideways and, and I get that.

But, but for the most part, your military career you know, unless you’ve deployed a dozen times or you know, something like that and, and you’re constantly in, in that kind of stressful situation, you pretty much know what to expect. But then you get out and now it’s a world of uncertainty. It’s, it is what you make of it.

And if you’ve had almost like, this is gonna probably come off the wrong way, the way I’m gonna say it, but I’m gonna say it anyways. If you had the training wheels on for so long, and then you all, all of a sudden just kick ’em off, it’s gonna feel a little rocky. Right?

Adam Kasix: Yeah.

Scott DeLuzio: So, so that’s, [00:21:00] that’s the, the image that I’ve.

It kind of conjured up in my head as, as you were talking here. So for tho those listeners who are, are thinking to themselves like, man, he’s kind of describing me. Well, let’s, let’s hear a little bit more. So, so those are the folks that you, you are trying to serve. What is it that you’re doing with those guys and turning them into men?

Adam Kasix: The, the very first thing that I do, if someone’s crossing my path in the first place, I’m, I, I take that, is that they’re asking, right? So that’s an invitation we talk, but the first thing that they to understand is that I. It’s not just them or it’s a certain type of man. I believe guy is within us all, and I believe it comes down to what do you want? What kind of life do you want to live? Because a certain type of man a certain type of life. That’s it. If [00:22:00] like a frat guy, we can picture his apar, his apartment, his house, his room that he lives in, in that house with those other guys. can picture that. That’s if you want that as an I as a picture, and you’ll as an aspiration, well then step into thought process and become like

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: and you’ll have the life he has. Very simple, right?

Scott DeLuzio: Sure.

Adam Kasix: called it define, learn and do at someone who’s got what you want in life. So you define what you want, you learn from somebody who can help you get that, and you do what they

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: sort of view, but we have this. Awareness is the very first thing that must increase, and that’s why the question, what do you want?

What kind of life do you want to live? What kind of man do you want to wake up as? Even more importantly, what kind of man do you want to go to sleep as?

Scott DeLuzio: Mm.

Adam Kasix: lot of us have sleep stuff and we use all sorts of different chemicals and escapes, and there’s no judgments here. Okay? I still use my THC pens to go to sleep to help my brain slow down. Nobody’s saying nobody’s coming [00:23:00] at anyone, if we take a minute and just think about what we’re talking about here and go, okay, it took me about three years for these things to go through my skull. After I got home in 2012, like, am, man. I’m kind of hair triggered and like I’m thinking everybody on the road is coming at me. Like I, I try to go to sleep at night and I’m just scared to death to fall asleep. ’cause I don’t know what nightmares are coming this night about my wife and kids going on a chopper and I’m getting bagged and I have no idea what’s gonna come through my, like, my emotions. I don’t know if I’m gonna be at Jimmy John’s and they put onions on my sandwich and I was having the wrong day at my job.

And it, that was the trigger that I needed to turn around and slam the door and say, what the fuck are you doing? Putting onions on my sandwich and launch that shit like, I’m Tom Brady at the poor, poor 19-year-old cashier at the thing. She’s like, got a summer job.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. Right.

Adam Kasix: And there, this was a real story. And, and after I launched that sandwich across the restaurant I had that verbal explosion, I’m in a suit, dude.

I’m a [00:24:00] sales executive pulling down weight. I’m well into the six figures at this point. And I was scared to death because I was living. The identity that took over to make sure nobody was ever gonna do that again to me or my family. And I didn’t know that I was stepping into all of my interactions with people as the warrior. I didn’t know I was presenting as the warrior.

Scott DeLuzio: Right.

Adam Kasix: I had to be shown a handful of different things. And one things that I picked up from Tony Robbins along the way was he’s got these archetypes, these four archetypes, and this is where we come to with the awareness, with guy who knows, he doesn’t want to continue down this path. If he says, I want health in my life. I want calm and easy days again. I wanna be able to go to sleep. I want to be able to not have my wife or my kids stay away from me because I produced eggshells for them to walk on. I don’t want my kids scared of me. I don’t want to be divided from them the way I was with my dad. I don’t want to have to get my parents’ relationship in order [00:25:00] 20 years after the fact if they’re hopefully still alive. I don’t want these regrets, man. And so. When we know that, we say, all right, where did it happen? Something happened somewhere where you, where a beast was formed out of that hurt to protect you, to protect the little boy inside. If we know he wants to go through there, then the first step is to help him confront his beast. Because you know this as well as I do, until you stare death in the eyes, in the face, it owns your ass. It owns you. Woo. You’re a whipping boy to fear.

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: But if we get to the point where we can look death in the face, and I’m not talking about being morbid here. I’m talking about the darkness that’s in us. That is the way to the light. We have to go through it. The Bible talks about the valley and being in the shadow of, you know, of God’s wings, but down through the valley of the shadow of death. didn’t fear any evil because he, for one, his faith, but he knew that he was gonna keep going through and come out the other side. [00:26:00] We work with guys who want to, who not want to go through that process, who are willing to, because they demand health, wellness, wholeness, love, peace, harmony, all the beautiful things.

Scott DeLuzio: Sure.

Adam Kasix: first thing we do. We got a little model called face It, that, that begins with feeling. So that’s, that’s the first couple steps.

It’s all about awareness though. decision.

Scott DeLuzio: Right. And I, I think, you know, we, we laid out earlier pretty pretty well how how we can identify who, who this guy is, right? And so hopefully some of the listeners out there, if, if, uh, you know, maybe you don’t see it in yourself, maybe, maybe one of your, your loved ones are listening to this or, or something.

And they might, they might know a guy and, uh, they, they might wanna, they might wanna push, push guy in the right direction, you know, a gentle nudge in the right direction and say, Hey, you might wanna check this out, you know? But one thing that, that occurred to me as you were talking and it was something that you said earlier is that, you know, you, you have, you [00:27:00] got a couple boys and a, and a, a daughter as well.

And I do too. The same makeup as far as our, our families go as, as far as a number of boys and girls. But one thing that I think this transformation of, of Guy, um, will do is not only for guy himself, but. For if he has sons. I mean, kid kids look up to their parents and they look at their parents as like a role model to say, this is the type of person that I’m going to be or not be.

Because may, maybe, maybe their, their parent is such a train wreck that they’re like, I definitely, no, I don’t wanna be like that. Right? But, but regardless, they’re using it as a model of some sort to kind of shape how they are. And and so for the guys who have boys, you want those boys to look at who you are and [00:28:00] become the type of person that you’d like them to be.

So that when they’re kind of modeling your behaviors and things like that, they’re, they’re doing it in a way that you can look at ’em and be like, you know, I’m proud of that kid. You know, I’m, I’m proud of my son. But on the other hand, too. I said, you, you also said that you have a daughter that’s the kinda, that’s the kind of guy that she wants to you know, as she gets older, you know, find, find a man like what you’re trying to become.

And you wanna model that type of behavior as well. Someone who is gonna treat her, treat her right, treat her well, and, you know, those types of things. Not, not in a you know, not, not being a guy, not being the Al Bundy type of guy. You know, like, you, you wanna model that type of behavior and, and I think you know, if nothing else, you wanna do it for those people in your life, right?

Adam Kasix: Man, you know, that is, it’s, [00:29:00] it’s the third most driving force in my entire life. The what You’re, what? You’re dancing all over right now.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: You know my, we have. Currently as it stands right now, before they all have their birthdays again this year, none of them have, not again yet. We have, they’re 13, 14. That’s the, that’s the what some people call like Irish

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: Is that

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: calendar year? 12

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: are 14. We were just asked about the Irish twins thing, so they’re not quite Irish twins, but they’re close. I think that’s a cool

Scott DeLuzio: That’s pretty cool.

Adam Kasix: Yeah, that is cool. I, I love anything that’s unique in, in like specific to other cultures and different, I’m super obsessed with that.

I got different languages all over my body and people are like, what is that K 4K? I’m like, no, it’s Aramaic, man. That’s super ancient. uh, I just love, I love it. I don’t even speak it. 13 and 14. My daughter’s 18 and my oldest is 21 now.

Scott DeLuzio: Okay.

Adam Kasix: And with the boys I am constantly, when I made, I was confronted by, you remember, per pursuit of [00:30:00] happiness.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: Will Smith playing Chris Gardner, the scene outside of Wall Street, the red Ferrari I think it was, and the young dude in the fly suit. And Chris looks at him and says, two questions. What do you do? And how do I do it? like that,

Scott DeLuzio: Sure.

Adam Kasix: And then that’s the, the premise of the movie

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: his serendipitous moment of breakthrough.

And he responded when opportunity was calling, because somebody really smart said, success is when preparedness and opportunity come together, is when they meet, it’s when they intersect. And we don’t know if that’s gonna be with the salesperson trying to sell us solar at the front door or like that trip to the concert with our friends that we really didn’t feel like going to.

But we went

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: and then we, wow, look what happened. We met the love of our life.

Scott DeLuzio: Sure.

Adam Kasix: happen all the time. I met a guy who I wanted to help me get out of my nursing career ’cause he had business success mentoring other men to create passive income and systems and set up business stuff. I’m like, I want you to help me.

He’s like, all right, I will. And there, there’s a whole big old story to this, but essentially he said. Now, this was at the end of four [00:31:00] years, coming toward the end of four years of IV drug abuse affairs. Not living with my wife anymore. And I’m on the, I was, I, we didn’t know it at the moment, but I was about a month away from our divorce finalizing. ’cause then it finalized later on Valentine’s Day of all, all of all days. To this day, we, we send each other divorce anniversary cards on Valentine’s Day because we got remarried. I’m not trying to be a sicko here. She, you know, she’s my two time wife. But anyway, he says, I’m glad to help you. First thing I want you to do is go ask your wife for forgiveness and, and, and beg for your family back. Wild.

Scott DeLuzio: Right.

Adam Kasix: saw that coming. Right?

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: so what he did basically was force confront me with my beast in a way that I wasn’t ready for or expecting. The long and short surprise, surprise, spoiler alert, right? Like I responded to that for the first time in my life, I owned my actions as a man.

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: out of that. My son was at that time three and my daughter was [00:32:00] six months old. My oldest two that are 21 and 18 now. They were like, I had visions of them disrespecting me when they were 30 and 40 years old because I came around with my other

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: ‘ cause I left them and their mom like I was given visions of these things.

Meeting my daughter when she’s 32 with three kids and a husband at my son’s house for Thanksgiving. It shook me to my core. And yeah, so I just remember the, the, the message on the drugs was, if you don’t get this together, if you don’t put a stop to this, I’m gonna let you die. And that was the sense that I believe God gave me way back then in the woman of, in the bed of a woman who wasn’t my wife. So I turned around for them. Now they see this example, they know the story, but the messaging to my three boys all the time these days is, listen, here’s how my grandkids are going to be raised. Here’s how your sons are gonna receive their father.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: Principles, right? Principles based on faith, not like fear and putting rules on ’em and demanding them.

Do something while I slam another one, chug it and have [00:33:00] ’em get me another one out of the beer outta the fridge. I don’t do that. I grew up like that. I don’t want that.

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: when I show ’em, this is what my grandkids are gonna have, and you know, and, and we spend a lot of time, I don’t just talk it like we’ve built up a life where we control our time and we’re with our kids and we, we invest in the sports development for them and the homeschooling type of academies that mix in. So yeah, we made it a priority. They see that. And with my daughter, I’ve been messaging to her since she was just a baby. Just the baby. Like most of us guys, no matter what would, with our little princesses, we would say things like, make sure that you know, you’re val valuable, honey, you are expensive, love you are very expensive and valuable.

And if he, you know, like, there you go. And, and I teach ’em all the time. Like, it’s not about being like me. I believe they’re all going to be greater and better than me. I had my journey though. that wild one got me to this mindset, and that’s why I appreciate my screwed up past and all the horrible, horrible decisions that I made. [00:34:00] appreciate them now, like that identity is redeemed. I know that that prodigal son in me had to live that life. So the older brother, prodigal son, who had the responsibility and the wisdom of the father could actually lead when they were ready and all the wild oats had been sown and he learned his lessons. So I message these things to my kids all the time, like super. I have a very eternal type of mindset. I’m always thinking bigger and it’s usually annoying for most people who I just wanna come over and hang out and watch TV or, you know, but we do because they are, I I, somebody said somewhere some amazing thing about kids being arrows that we shoot into a future that we will never see.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, that’s true.

Adam Kasix: these ideas are beautiful man, and they matter. And I see too many of brothers that we’ve been there over there with. I’ve seen them come home. I’ve seen them, as I say, settle in for the long haul, in for the long haul. He builds up his entire basement like a shrine to a school or a team that he’s never even gone to, never even was [00:35:00] an alumni of

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: never played for. But he dons his whole world in gear to support that effort, which Jerry Seinfeld funnily makes fun of by saying We’re not really rooting for teams and people we’re just rooting for the clothes they’re wearing.

Scott DeLuzio: Right.

Adam Kasix: when that guy goes to the other team, now you hate that guy because he changed clothes.

Scott DeLuzio: That’s right. That’s hilarious. Yeah.

Adam Kasix: hockey and baseball in Detroit. I am telling you, I am not just totally bagging on this idea.

Scott DeLuzio: Right.

Adam Kasix: I’m bagging on is the fact that the, the guy who doesn’t grow into his manhood.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: Who allows that manhood to be perverted with a facade of all the tough guy stuff.

Scott DeLuzio: You know, there was, there was a time we had a bunch of family over for, I, I forget what it was, a holiday, might have been east, I dunno, whatever it was, doesn’t matter. Bunch of family over, over the house and everyone was, you know, interacting, having a good time. And, and, you know, one, one of the, the relatives an extended you know, uh, [00:36:00] extended relative kind of came over and, and, uh, he said, uh, you know, I was slipping through the, the television.

I couldn’t find any of the, the sports channels, uh, you know, where’s ESPN? Where’s, uh, you know, all this stuff? And I said, oh, we, we don’t have cable. We, we cut that out and, uh, you know, we, we just don’t have it. He looked at me like, I had like three heads and I was like, I mean, would it kill you for an afternoon to just like, hang out with the family?

Like, I don’t know. Like that was, that was kind of the, the attitude that, that I. I, I was receiving. And, uh, he never came back to our house after that. And it was like, all right, well, I, I don’t, I don’t know, like, sorry that we, you know, didn’t meet your expectations or whatever, but honestly, no love officer.

Like, it’s like it is what it is. You know, and, you know, he’s, it’s a big whole story, but it doesn’t matter. But like, that’s the, the type of thing I think that you’re, you’re kind of describing there. And. [00:37:00] Where like, it, it, it almost seemed like it was bad enough that he had to not be in the cave that you described, you know, with the, the shrine, with, with all the, the sports me memorabilia and all that kind of stuff.

You know, he had to tolerate being around other people, but you know, it couldn’t even see the game or the highlight reels or, you know, whatever it was. But it’s like, who cares? You know, who cares about those things? What is really the important thing? You know, I don’t know. It may, maybe that game you know, which I don’t even know what that game was.

I, I, like, I couldn’t even tell you what he was trying to watch.

Adam Kasix: Right,

Scott DeLuzio: you know, but,

Adam Kasix: he couldn’t either.

Scott DeLuzio: and pro, probably not. No, no. And, you know, and whether he could or not, I honestly, I don’t, I don’t even care. But it’s like that’s, that’s the priorities and it’s just not they’re not. I, I don’t think they’re lined up where they should be in, in those kind of, kind of situations.

Right. Nothing wrong with someone who enjoys watching sports and, and has a team that they’re rooting for, [00:38:00] you know, like you said, maybe they’re just rooting for the jersey. That that’s cool. I don’t, I don’t have a problem with that. I used to be that way too. I, I used to, you know, watch baseball all the time, watch hockey and, you know, I, I love, love doing it.

Did, did it all the time, but as, as I got older and priorities shifted, I got married, I got had kids. I, I honestly, that stuff was it, it was a way to pass the time,

Adam Kasix: Yeah.

Scott DeLuzio: you know? And I got other, other things I could do to pass time now and they’re kind of more important.

Adam Kasix: You know, I think for what I’ve seen in, in our experience and what we’re looking at is when it becomes a problem, when, like you said, the misalignment

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: and values, right? We’re taking actions. On things that we’re, we don’t actually even believe in. we do stuff that we have a core value against. And one of the things that, I mean is simply this, for years and years and years, I had a regular nine to five job. I don’t anymore, do I think nine to five jobs are bad? No.[00:39:00]

Scott DeLuzio: Right,

Adam Kasix: who I

Scott DeLuzio: right.

Adam Kasix: I learned how I’m wired and how I work best. And in that I’ve learned that it’s not within a structure that that’s, that’s that rigid, now that younger me really benefited from the military’s rigidness. But as I got older and learned and I changed and evolved, I realized I’m not into being told when I’m hungry. Like it became an idea that was crazy to me to think that I had to ask permission about a certain week of the year to hang out with my wife the way that I wanted to.

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: That’s called asking for a vacation,

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. Right.

Adam Kasix: getting approval, submitting the forms.

I did this for year 25 years. Until I was able to get rid of it. But that’s because of my core values. So if I find myself in a traffic jam every day bitching and complaining about my life every day, or this person that I work with and this boss who doesn’t like me, and, and the the oppression, they don’t appreciate me and this bill, these bills aren’t gonna, you know, take care of themselves and the money’s not enough anyway. Well, I’m taking action. This was me. I’m doing actions, [00:40:00] maintaining a nine to five job, going to get another job when that one falls through, that aren’t even aligned with my core values, which were time, autonomy, freedom of my choices within whatever my capabilities are. It’s not complicated, but it’s at least becomes aligned with what I’m doing now, where I really got in trouble and why I believe I went down the road of the affairs and the betrayal like I did, and the drugs in that, in those early days of my twenties and, and a young family was because. I refused to confront that beast, whatever that beast was that I was not confronting. So when I’ve seen a brother come home from overseas and he refused to confront his beast, instead just dove into six packs or 12 packs in cases and, and Sunday and Saturday football and like, and all the things, and then I watched between him and his children grow bigger, or he walks by his teenage daughter and, and bumps her with a shoulder and knocks her to the side doesn’t apologize and act and looks at her like

Scott DeLuzio: [00:41:00] Yeah.

Adam Kasix: dude in a locker room. I wanna be like, bro, what the, what are you thinking, man? And now I wanna warrior up on him

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: in protection of her, but he’s not, he’s violating who he is in the core. And I, I happen to know a per, a very specific person that I’m describing. And so I’m safe to say these things. It’s a violation of what he believes on the inside.

And so now he hates himself even more. The cycle perpetuates.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: the, the escapism gets more extreme no matter what it looks like.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. I was, I was just gonna say that, that that becomes a vicious cycle that, that snowballs into something bigger and bigger and bigger. Yeah, exactly. And it’s, there’s, there’s a cure, there’s an antidote to this poison. Right? And, and that, that antidote is to I, well, like you said, first take stock of like, what matters, what’s important, and, act on that. Do something to [00:42:00] get you to that place where you’re actually doing those things that are in line with those core values that you have.

Adam Kasix: I’m sorry. You want me to give you

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, go ahead.

Adam Kasix: be useful?

Scott DeLuzio: Sure.

Adam Kasix: It’s great for the audience too, ’cause it’s called radar. So if you want to catch these things. Scott’s saying right now, quick little, I dunno, is it a mnemonic? Is that what the word,

Scott DeLuzio: I think that is, yeah, I think,

Adam Kasix: gram mnemonic? I don’t know what it’s called, but if you look at radar as as five letters and the D is squared.

Okay, I’m not too fancy here, but radar and the D is squared. What we do first is we simply reflect reflection is why the hell do I feel this way, man? Like, where is this coming from? Like, get in yourself in the mirror, driving in your in the road. Talk to yourself for real the way you do. Try not to beat the hell outta yourself like a bully, but just try to be real and reflect. What am I, this, this, this continuous frustration thing. Where is this coming from? And now

Scott DeLuzio: yeah.

Adam Kasix: you’re gonna, start catching a pattern and some sources that, that produce that pattern. Typically where I start with guys is what [00:43:00] continually frustrates you? A repetitive, frustrating pattern that occurs in your life or a result that you get that you don’t want.

And undesired repeating thing that is a theme in your life. You know it, come on, you know it right now. Name it in your mind. There’s only one or two of these that always come off to the top of our minds. This always happens. Okay? We’re gonna reflect on that. Okay, cool. Now I’m thinking about it. Now I’m aware that’s the a. Now I’m aware, I just, I gave myself a chance to think about something real for a second. I muted the commercials or I muted the game for just a minute and I’m reflecting about something. Right? And a great time to do this in the early times is when you get right, right When you get pricked with that thorn,

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: When you get triggered, if you can get the wherewithal just to calm down for a second and go, okay, where is this coming from? Dude?

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: Like you would a younger person that you were trying to lead. Where’s this come from? Now you’re aware. And the, and the D is a D squared. Like I said, we’re going to determine the effect that it’s had on our life that could be [00:44:00] extremely deep and or quite a tall mountain.

We don’t need to do that. Is the effect desired or is the effect undesired? we want it? Do we not want it positive? Thumbs up, thumbs down. That’s the determination, whether it belongs or not. we decide what we’re going to do with it. If it belongs, we need to invest in that and nurture that. If it needs to go, we need to cut the weed, get rid of it, eliminated, that comes into the next A, which is adjust, do it, take the action on the adjustment, execute, and then the R is, it’s called, it’s, we’re gonna call it repetition, but under there you need the three is, and this is very useful in why people’s results always go backwards and they don’t last. You have in order to repeat something you that, that lasts for transformation, you have to have an intention. You must have introspection, and you must iterate. When you do those things, you have a clear [00:45:00] intention, a goal, you can reflect on the idea and have some introspection about what you’re trying to accomplish there, and you can communicate that however you might need to, to yourself or someone else, you make the appropriate, the appropriate adjustment. So the next version is better than the last attempt.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: If you approached your wife for dinner and she got triggered and you didn’t know what is going on again, years and years, man, I got 28 with this chick, like I’m still, I still have almost no clue how to approach her, and she’s married me twice. I’m like, what do you want me to do, man?

Like, how do you want me to say this? But I reflect on it afterward. Okay. Okay. I, I guess I came in a little hot, the warrior was leading the sword, was still on my shoulder from battle, had a little bit of blood hanging on it. I just got home from traffic right.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. Right.

Adam Kasix: From a long day in the office, and I brought some of that energy of the warrior right into my kitchen when she’s like being ran over by the kids and cooking dinner for me. And so there’s some of that. We’re gonna reapproach that. And I didn’t even deliver the four archetypes that Tony talked about. It was the king, the warrior, the lover, and the [00:46:00] magician.

Scott DeLuzio: Okay.

Adam Kasix: And I didn’t mean to, to confuse too much of this, but these things have been transformative in my life. Once I confronted the beast to understand that my wife needs the lover approach, at least that energy. But within the, within the, the realm of the kingly stuff, I learned to actually put my warrior to sleep. I, most of the time I just keep the warrior in the hammock with the ice tea and the sunlight. if that is like, if that, you know, if that image is clear,

Scott DeLuzio: That, that visual does come, come through clear. And I, I think it’s good to keep that warrior around, right? Because there could, there could be a time that

Adam Kasix: for it.

Scott DeLuzio: you need to go tap him on the shoulder and be like, Hey, you’re up. You know, put me in coach. You know,

Adam Kasix: gotta stay ready. He’s the QRF man

Scott DeLuzio: he is exactly that.

Adam Kasix: stays in the quick reaction force mode,

Scott DeLuzio: That’s a good way that, that’s what I was trying to describe, but I didn’t, I didn’t have those words, even though I know exactly what you’re talking about.

Adam Kasix: Cool. Yeah.

Scott DeLuzio: I’ve been QRF before. [00:47:00] Like, I, I get it. Like,

Adam Kasix: I

Stuff every day with this particular thing, so it’s okay. It’s why we’re talking.

Scott DeLuzio: right, exactly. But, but that’s a, that’s what I was trying to describe is you wanna have that warrior on QRF just in case. That that thing happens, that, you know, whatever it is. And, and you ha you need a warrior mindset to be aggressive, be assertive, be a dominant force, something that nobody’s gonna fuck with.

It’s it, you’re, you are going to just drive through whatever the objective is and destroy anything in your path. In order to get to that goal. You need to have that warrior that warrior mindset. And I’m not just talking about physical violence and things like that, but there might be other things that you need to have that type of mindset.

Right?

Adam Kasix: yep. I got a funny little story if you want

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. Go for it.

Adam Kasix: The last time I truly needed him, it was January, the morning of January 25th this year.

Scott DeLuzio: Okay.

Adam Kasix: And, uh, so early in the year [00:48:00] and I’m going, I got three boys. We’re going to a gymnastics competition in Galveston, Texas. We’re in Tampa Bay,

Scott DeLuzio: Okay.

Adam Kasix: so I gotta go to the airport with three boys and another dad, a gym dad. And so he’s here, dad’s out front with his car he’s waiting just to park it around ’cause I’m driving him and our three boys to the airport. And then we’re gonna get on a plane. He’s gonna get the rental on his side and drive us from Houston to Galveston. That’s the picture. 4:15 AM Eastern time. I am walking through my dark garage.

That is also my wife’s commercial gym for her holistic nutrition and physical training business. She’s got a lot of gym equipment and we have a double A two car garage, but that’s what we have.

Scott DeLuzio: Sure.

Adam Kasix: It was dark. I went in there to close the door. Cars are already loaded up. I’m just cruising through there, just walking, just walking at a good pace. And I clipped the, the corner of a iron leg off of one of her pieces of equipment. It was a corner, it was just a U-shaped iron piece of [00:49:00] equipment. And I hit the one end of that, you of that leg. And I. athletic man. I do triathlons. I run, I got great balance, like I said, martial arts training here and there.

I got good balance and I’m athletic. I went down like a sack of potatoes and I hit the concrete on the hip, you know, oh, had to fall because the garage was halfway up. When I hit it and fell forward, I had to duck my head ’cause I would’ve hit it on the garage door. That wasn’t high enough and

Scott DeLuzio: Gotcha.

Adam Kasix: ugly.

I hit the ground, I stood back up and when I stood up on my feet, I felt lightning shoot from the ground up through my body like that. And the nursing immediately went in my mind. I’m like, oh my gosh, I think I broke something I couldn’t, there there was no weight. And so I started dragging it to the car without the boys noticing, which I at the trunk on the ground and they’re in the car, so, but they don’t see it ’cause it’s dark.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. Right.

Adam Kasix: get in the car. I pick up dad. I’m like, okay, baby. We’re in warrior mode right now. And I dad gets [00:50:00] in the car and I drive us the 40 minutes, whatever, 30 minutes to the airport, and I drag this foot through the tram, I drag it to the gate, I drag it across the Houston airport to the national car. I didn’t get, it was like seven, eight hours until I could get to an urgent care in South Texas to get a X-ray and then a boot. Anyway, I’m still on a broken foot, but the warrior, I took a picture that that picture behind me on the TV says, conquer your Beast on it. And it’s the picture I took at 6:22 AM that morning, sitting on the plane getting settled in, and I got this pain of the Bo broken bone in my mouth, like you can see it in my face.

But the Warrior was leading that morning. And what I, one of the big things is that I learned was I don’t need to lead with warrior in my home

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: unless someone attempts to invade that space.

Scott DeLuzio: Right.

Adam Kasix: that might be a family member, an extended something if they get a little crazy outta line and whatever. But most of the time it has to do with actual threats.

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: Real threats like that. And, and so that when the warrior, it’s time for him. Most of the time it’s just to push through [00:51:00] something like that

Scott DeLuzio: Yep.

Adam Kasix: at least have a good story and a good trip. And, but most of the time he’s getting in the way and he is hurting us.

Scott DeLuzio: And, and that’s, that’s the never quit mindset the warrior in you came out, your, your mission was to get your kids to Texas and, and get them to that competition. And that was the mission. And so it’s that always placing the mission first kind of mindset and Yeah, sure.

You might have, you might’ve messed yourself up. You might’ve had a broken bone. You might’ve, you might’ve been in some agonizing pain, but there’s a mission there. And you, you’re not gonna just quit on your kids. So, so the war, that’s, that’s what I was talking about. There’s other things like you’re not necessarily, you know, looking at a threat like the Taliban in, in that kind of situation, but you’re, you’re still going to use that mindset to, to push through.

Right.

Adam Kasix: Yep.

Scott DeLuzio: But that’s few and far between. Most of us don’t need to do that on a daily basis. We don’t need to have that [00:52:00] warrior. Constantly on guard, standing in the guard tower ready to, you know, pick off targets as they’re, they’re coming, uh, towards us. We don’t have, we don’t have to worry about you know, suicide bombers and we don’t have to worry about any of that kind of stuff.

I mean, when’s the last time that’s happened in the United States? You know, it’s few and far between. Yeah, sure. There’s, there are shootings, there’s things that, that happen. There’s home invasions. There’s those things that, that do happen. But for the vast majority of the population, that’s not a thing that you’re really gonna have to be concerned about.

But if you need it, that guy’s still still in you. Right. But it’s okay to let him, like you said, hang out in the hammock you know, keep bringing him his lemonade or iced tea or whatever it is that he’s drinking and, and just enjoy retirement. And, uh, you know, he, he can come back out.

Adam Kasix: In position now.

Scott DeLuzio: yeah, there it is.

Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. So that, that’s a good way to think of it. But you know, he can come back out on QRF if he needs to. So that, [00:53:00] so that’s, that’s a great way to to think about it. We don’t need that. And, and no matter what we’ve been through the, the traumatic incidents that, that we might have gone through, uh, you know, that the listeners have gone through and, and all that.

Like, this is not something that we need constantly in our lives. So what is, again, going back to what you were saying before, what is that that new persona that we’re going to take on? Who is that person that we are looking at as like, you know, that that person is what I want to be? That they, they have, you know, the job, the family, the, the, whatever it is that I want.

That’s, that’s what I wanna be. So, like you were saying before, let’s look at that person. How did that person get to that path or get, what path was it that that person took to get to where he is and. How do I repeat that and kind of follow not necessarily follow in somebody’s footsteps a hundred percent, right.

But they kind of started [00:54:00] to wear the path down and, and you, you can kind of use that as a guide. You know, maybe it’s not gonna be exact saying footsteps that they took, but it, it’s gonna be close enough to get you in that direction. Now there’s something to be said about, you know, envy and that type of thing that you don’t want to necessarily be envious of.

That person’s like, oh, well, because they have this, I want, I want that, and, you know, whatever. It’s like, no, no, that, that’s not the point here. What we’re, we’re, I think we’re trying to say is that we’re, we’re trying to look at what a, a, a picture of success. What does success look like to you?

Adam Kasix: Yep.

Scott DeLuzio: Where do you want to be?

What type of person do you want to be and how do you get there? And this is just an, an avenue to get you to be your own version of success. You know, what success looks like to, to you and what it looks like to me might be two totally different things. At the end of the day, we might both be feeling successful in whatever it is that we’re doing, and that’s great, but it doesn’t necessarily mean [00:55:00] that like if I was in your shoes, that I would feel successful, or if you were in my shoes, that you would feel successful.

You know, we, we might have different definitions of that and that that’s okay. So, you know, create your own version of that. But, but kind of use that as a general guide to get you to where you want to go. Right.

Adam Kasix: Yeah.

I, I, I wanted to look something up ’cause I didn’t wanna misquote it. This came out of me over the last week while I was writing and, and I liked it a lot and I’ve been playing with different forms of it. But essentially I wanted a, a definition of success that I was more comfortable with and that I really appreciated. And for me, I put this, that success is the diligent pursuit and progress a divine intention.

Scott DeLuzio: Okay.

Adam Kasix: So what does that mean, the highest. of ourselves, let’s say ideal, Adam, for me, that’s how I would think about it. But my name is part of my identity and, and how I look at myself. [00:56:00] And so in that, there, there’s this whole thing in the framework about how I help people find their eternal name. And, and it’s based off biblical examples of Abram becoming Abraham, Levi becoming Matthew, Saul becoming Paul in different versions, and women too. Sariah and Sarah and different like this play on a name. Having your name changed into your eternal, eternal identity. And again, that it’s neither here nor there in the moment.

But when you, when you have that picture of yourself, the highest form of yourself. What do you picture in your life? Whatever this greatest, what I say, start with the clearest vision that you do have. You don’t, I’ve had people try to tell me, write down your perfect day. Do you know what a nightmare assignment that is for an overthinker? Write down your perfect day. you. Are you trying to put me into a freaking nut ward right now? Like I’m not. I was an ER nurse man. I saw a lot of psych patients. I know where they go and this is how they get there. This is one of the ways they get there, given over a thinker, an assignment, what a torture. But [00:57:00] in that, we can sit there and go, okay, what’s the clearest picture of what an ideal day would be? Maybe I’ll have a hundred versions of ideal days.

Scott DeLuzio: Sure.

Adam Kasix: was an ideal day for me, I’m working it like it’s a regular work day. I might have to take some of that time back tomorrow. know.

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: an ideal day. Why? Because it just was the things that I like to do. My family’s here. It’s quiet. You and I are getting together. We’re doing some good things, making some impact for people. It’s like, it’s great. So it’s the diligent pursuit and progress toward that intention of our best selves and of our highest selves. And. I believe the only way to do that is get ready to confront that thing that’s kept us stuck all this time. You figure it out. And for me, a big part of that was I had to go and face how much longer am I gonna live my life? Blaming my lack of results on my dad’s failure to prepare me. That was a major beast for me.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: I had to confront it confronting it meant facing the fact that I make

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: choices. Yes, I might make choices depend. [00:58:00] I might be in different situations based on what they did or their choices, but at the end of the day, I get to make my own now. So is he gonna continue writing my story through my imagination?

Am I gonna let that happen or am I gonna take the pen back and write the story?

Scott DeLuzio: Right.

Adam Kasix: I. a big part of it. But again, that starts with intention, like you’re talking about. And then what do you want it comes down to what do you want? When that gets there, it’s like, okay, now we can begin working on it. I have these seven pillars that I call the seven pillars of revolutionary freedom. It’s the path that I know. It’s the path that was developed. It me through me by me. Many, many early morning pre sunrise walks with my dog healing 20 15, 16, 17 through 21, 22, 24. Like I don’t, I’m not doing it the way that I was within the last couple years because of how much growth and and expansion has happened for me in that way. But along that route, it’s like I had to learn about my perception and then I had to learn that my [00:59:00] perception is my direction, and like pillar two is power. Why are so many of us walking around frustrated and hair triggered angry to react to something? Because we feel powerless. We feel powerless. That’s why we’re not relaxed. Dude, if you got a Ferrari next to a Vespa, you ain’t worried. You’re not frustrated. You ain’t looking to prove a point. You just know and we’re, a lot of us are missing that, especially on the warrior side of the house. We’re, missing it. And then like number three is, is release. It’s, it’s how to become healthily detached.

It’s how to forgive things without letting someone get away with the damage that they did to you. Like, you know, pillar four is responsibility and how it’s the idea behind Jocko’s extreme ownership that he talks about. So pillar four’s responsibility, done the way that I had to learn it. Like Don showed me, fight for your family and I’ll help you in business.

I’m like, what’s that got to do with anything? He’s like, this is about character here, man. Who are you?

Scott DeLuzio: Right.

Adam Kasix: And so, you know, five is cultivate and it’s about a garden protection, taking care of it, [01:00:00] fertilizer, but also keeping weeds and rodents out vermin. Pillar six is execution. ’cause I got through most of my life on talent. I had to learn how to work. I learned work ethic from my dad, but through my resentment, I basically threw up a middle finger toward that life and said, I’m just gonna go ahead and look like a beatnik to the rest of you for the rest of you know, whatever they think I’m a bum and a loser. Let me just go ahead and fulfill this for you.

Scott DeLuzio: Right.

Adam Kasix: so I went down that road, but then I had to learn about faith without works is dead and what, what truly, what faith driven work looks like. And it doesn’t look like rules and sweater vests, I’ll tell you that. Number seven is transformation. And that’s where we get into that three I framework at a deeper level.

Because transformation is the elimination of frustration. Man, you wanna lose your frustration, your worry, your this, that and the other. Transform the thing. And the thing that you transformed becomes something new. And along with that, you end up finding who you really are and all that. And that’s a big old long process. But we start with a 90 day intensive called the Invincible Identity Intensive. And that’s where it all begins. [01:01:00] And I, we take people who are my buddy and Faith calls ’em level zeros who don’t know anything and they’re just curious about faith stuff. And a lot of it, the other, we do three at a time, a lot of times in our cohorts. The last two were it, it had strictly to do with professional aspirations while a guy was being thrown in a loop by a wife who was divorcing him. a boyfriend and an Airbnb and kids in the mix while he’s trying to navigate his professional career. At 50 years old, like that was, uh, he, he didn’t know who he was because he was being driven as a passive guy under his mom and his, and his, like this control that he talked about being under.

He didn’t know that until we were a couple, few weeks into sessions, but it did when it struck him. three within the third time, tears to his eyes. And today we had our little roll call session that we do with the guys twice a month. And he was on there just like he’s, he’s doing his thing, man.

He’s on fire. And he’s like, I didn’t know I was living under my mom’s identity. I didn’t know I was living under my sister’s identity. I didn’t know that I had took a backseat [01:02:00] to my wife and she didn’t respect me as a man ’cause I wasn’t leading as one. I was just being a guy the whole time. And he was a model and most of his life came to him easily through the looks of his face and his abs. And for 17 years he’s, he neglected his wife through passivity and all of these things. The guy’s leading now and like his life is totally turning around. He is making splashes at work. And that’s all within a three month period. Like it’s popping for them once they’re ready to confront that beast.

Scott DeLuzio: Right. And that that beast is sometimes not an easy beast to confront to even want to confront because sometimes you get so comfortable in. The way things always had been. But when you look at the way things always had been and realize that’s not the way I want things to be going well, something has to change.

And I, I was actually just, uh, last night I was talking with, with some guys and I’m not saying guys in the sense that we were using as your avatar, but just, you know, a bunch of other men, let’s just say yes, lowercase guys not, you know, and so, you [01:03:00] know, they, they were talking about how, you know, if there’s, there’s people out there who they go and ask for help.

Maybe they go to therapy, right? And they are going into therapy and, and then they get frustrated with the therapist because all this therapist isn’t helping. But sometimes it’s that the therapist isn’t just gonna be a yes man. Kind of thing and, and just validate everything that you’re, you’re saying because sometimes it’s stuff you’re saying is pretty fucked up and, and maybe, maybe it doesn’t need validating.

Maybe it needs challenging and

Adam Kasix: right.

Scott DeLuzio: maybe, yeah, maybe the conclusions you’ve drawn are invalid and, and the things that you’re doing are not good things. And maybe the therapist is there to challenge those things so that you can iterate. Uh, I think that’s one of the eyes that you were talking about, right?

And, and so you can, you can take that feedback and go make a change

Adam Kasix: Yep.

Scott DeLuzio: then hopefully come back as a better version of yourself and continue to iterate. [01:04:00] This is, this is something that, that really, to me, I, I love this because uh, just using this podcast as an example, when I started this show about six years ago, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I didn’t know the equipment, the tech that was needed. I didn’t, I, I knew I had to record my voice somehow and then get it out to the world somehow. I, I didn’t know what I was doing. Right. I got some cheap microphone and I, I started recording. I watched a couple YouTube videos on what to do and, you know, I asked a, a couple friends that I had like, that had their own podcast and I asked them like, what do I need to do?

And they gave me some tips and I just ran with it. Over the years, the whole process has changed dramatically from what I used to record with the, the tech soft, the software, the, the microphones, the even the process, the onboarding process that you went through where, you know, sending you a link to my calendar and, and all this stuff.

Um, there’s a whole process that that went into that. But that [01:05:00] all was. Done through iterations of trying to make this whole thing, this whole process better. I’ve been very focused on making it better every step of the way through the time of scheduling an interview all the way through to putting the interview out on, you know, to the world and, you know, being focused.

I have my own listener avatar that you’re talking. I have my own version of Guy, uh, you know, you know who that, that person is and that’s who I’m talking to right now, is that person. Obviously I’m talking to you, but I’m, you know, as, as far as the listener and the, the, the content that we’re creating right now, that’s who I’m creating it for.

I’m creating it for that person, with that person in mind. When I started the show, I didn’t have that person in mind. And so everything has iterated and gotten better along the way. And, and that’s what I think. People miss out a lot in [01:06:00] life is that they just, this is just the way things have always been done.

It’s just the way things are. They just accept it and they don’t realize that things can change. Things can get better, and there are ways that you can do that. Sometimes you might need help to get yourself out of your own way, but you have to be receptive to that. And if you’re not receptive to it, then I, I, I, nobody’s gonna help you because if, if, if you don’t want it bad enough to make the change, I’m not gonna be able to change you.

You’re not gonna be able to change the person, you know, and no therapist is gonna be able to change it. If you don’t want it, nobody’s gonna want it. And so you, you really ha it has to start with you on, on the inside. You have to be the one who says, I want this. I want this change.

Adam Kasix: Yeah, real. And I wanna encourage the simplicity of this is not as deep as and heavy as some of the stuff that we talk about that can feel that way for, for some guys

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: men and women that are growing in these ways. But I [01:07:00] wanna show us men or women, how we’re already experts at this radar concept because that alone, if somebody picks that up. They, and they use that for themselves. Scratch it on a notepad, put it on your hand a post-it sticky like something because it can change your life because you already do this. You’re already a master of doing this. Radar is just a cool, like, it’s a fun way that that I came up with that came through my mind that that fits.

It’s not shattering. These concepts have been around for a long time, but here’s how we know that we’re experts at radar every single person, especially this is a lot of times, no pun intended on this one, a guy thing. We have our way, don’t we?

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: our way that we set up our car how we have our charging cable in there, where our phone mount is, how we like our climate control, where we put our briefcase or our duffle bag, where we put our drink, where we put our cups, we have a way that we operate, that we operate ourselves a vehicle

Scott DeLuzio: [01:08:00] Yeah.

Adam Kasix: own, that we drive.

We have a way. The older you are, the more finely tuned your way is. And your closet is like this too, man. I don’t care what it looks like. Women have their, their personality about their closets in d in their vehicles too, but we’ll just stick with the, for the guys thing for now. But like, right, we have a way that it is. And how do we get that way? Because when we’re 40, it’s way more than what we knew at 25 when things were more haphazard

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: for most of us. But the army taught me at 1819 to become meticulous fast I became extremely orderly, but that was built into me and it fit what I liked. So I adopted it and I still live that way.

My desk is still that way.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: it’s a little messy, it’s orderly. And so. You have a way, you got there by iterating all along the way. You reflected about what you liked about where that charger was that time or that that one equipment, that accessory that you had for your MP three player. And then you’re like, oh, I like the fact that this went Bluetooth because now I can have a better way and I can iterate and get rid of wires and

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. [01:09:00] Right.

Adam Kasix: all the I, I’m iterating on my workspace, my environment.

How did I get to the point where my soundboard is over there and, and I keep my Bible right under here, under my podcast desk. Like I got this because in this office, it took me about three or four years to get to the point where I had a rhythm and I can operate within my own ecosystem. This is not groundbreaking science.

We all do this every day.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: We just don’t really think about the process of it in a coherent manner like this and then to use it in other ways. That’s how I learned that I don’t like the way my mom did my toast as a kid. Sorry Ma, but you left all the edges real dry and I had to reflect on what I didn’t like about all that toast and all that dry.

Maybe she was just broke or so too broke to afford more butter. I don’t know what it was, but we lived up a little sketchy in Detroit, now I put butter and I crush it over the edge of the crust. I crush the crush down the crust down with a butter knife. ’cause I like soft crust. That’s what my kids didn’t eat.

Hard crust like you iterate. This is in everything we do. It’s like the matrix. It’s

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: everything.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: And when you learn to see it, awareness goes up and then you can really [01:10:00] start doing exactly what you’re saying. Scott,

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: decisions about what you want, how you want this life to live. Do you want your daughter to grow up and be married to a dude? A guy that has treated her, that will treat her at at the best? At the best, as best as you have.

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: That includes shoulder shrugs into her shoulder near the fridge.

Scott DeLuzio: Yep. Yeah, that I, that’s a great way to put it. Man, we, we’ve covered a lot of ground here.

Adam Kasix: loser man. No, we did,

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: mine was so passionate because I was a big time loser.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.

Adam Kasix: was, I was. I was losing big time, is what I’m saying. You know, the drugs, the affairs, the divorce and all that stuff. And we have gotten it back together. It came through those choices. It came through me getting confronted with the beast and then deciding, okay, I either, I have a choice to make about the kind of life I’m going after and we can’t, we can’t let all the deep and heavy stuff complicate it.

’cause it’s not complicated.

Scott DeLuzio: It’s really not. Yeah. [01:11:00] But we do that.

Adam Kasix: help us, right?

Scott DeLuzio: We, we do that a lot to ourselves. We overcomplicate these things and,

Adam Kasix: Yep.

Scott DeLuzio: It, it’s, it’s simple if we can get out of our own way and allow the,

Adam Kasix: explain

Scott DeLuzio: work. Yeah.

Adam Kasix: We just wanna, we wanna excuse away why we didn’t do something.

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: Some of us have that disease

Scott DeLuzio: Sure. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, it, it happens, you know, and, and so.

Adam Kasix: a doctor, you know, I, I don’t have a license in this stuff. I know my own journey and then I’ve been pouring into other people for years and I get the feedback and I see, and, and just like you, I have a certain person that I’m going after to help and, and man, hopefully some of this rings a bell for people

Scott DeLuzio: Mm-hmm.

Adam Kasix: and just inspires some of that action.

It’s not about envy, it’s not about looking at the highlights or this dude wants to be clever and use low lights. ’cause bed wetter is shocking. I know it’s part of my personality, but, I’m comfortable. You know, it’s like,

Scott DeLuzio: Yep.

Adam Kasix: do It’s, it’s yeah, it’s decision time.

Scott DeLuzio: It is, that’s, that’s a good place to, uh, or, or a good place to [01:12:00] be is where you’re at that point where you are recognizing, I’m, I’m at a crossroads. I, I I can go and continue on the same path that I was on, or I could do something to make a change for the better. It’s something that you know, we’re all work in progress.

You know, we, no, none of us are a, you know, even, even the most successful people in the world are, are still a work in progress. They’re still iterating and still making moves and changes and doing things to get better. They’re not just gonna remain stagnant and Oh, I’ve, I’ve made it to a certain point, so now I’m just gonna coast and you know, just live my, my days out.

Like, you know. Yeah. Like, like a, like a guy, you know? Uh, you’re, you’re, you’re, you’re gonna, you’re gonna continue to, you’re gonna see the success and you’re gonna say, Hey, you know what? That success kind of tastes good. I want a little more of that. And, and you’re gonna keep on [01:13:00] pushing in the right direction.

And.

Adam Kasix: a man you’re proud of.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. Yeah. And, and it’s not easy at first. Maybe, you know, depending on where you’re coming from you, you might not even see a path to get, to become, uh, you know, or that transition from guide to a a man. You may not even see that, but it’s there if you’re open to it. And you know, I think that’s a, a good place to wrap this up.

I, I think this is a, this has been a powerful conversation. I knew it from the beginning, like I said, in, in the very beginning of this, uh, conversation. Like when we first got on this call before we started recording, uh, it was like, yeah, this is gonna be, this is gonna be a good conversation. And I, I think, I think it absolutely was.

So,

Adam Kasix: i’ll tell you right here, I would be honored, and I’ll say it out loud,

Scott DeLuzio: yeah.

Adam Kasix: it if you want or get rid of it. But when my, so I do have a show

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah,

Adam Kasix: been around for some time. It’s quiet and I’m not gonna promote it now. And I need you to be graceful and allow that. But

Scott DeLuzio: of course.

Adam Kasix: that gets up and gets moving with the professionals that are helping me curate it into something that [01:14:00] has real substantial clarity and messaging, ’cause we’re, we’re at almost 70 episodes on it,

Scott DeLuzio: Okay,

Adam Kasix: but it was all me and haphazard and not haphazard.

I just didn’t have the consistency of the messaging that I have now because it took me some time to figure out and hone what I was actually, the problems I was actually helping people solve.

Scott DeLuzio: sure.

Adam Kasix: And even if it’s somewhat cloudy today, it’s not, it shouldn’t be cloudy, it should just feel like a higher view.

Right? There’s much more specifics, but we’re already, these are already heavy topics. We’re already an hour plus in.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah,

Adam Kasix: like when you look at these things, you can only do so much at one time.

Scott DeLuzio: that’s right.

Adam Kasix: But the we are, oh, I would love to have you come on our show

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah,

sure.

Adam Kasix: when it’s respectable and worth your time and you know what I mean?

Scott DeLuzio: You bet. Yeah.

Adam Kasix: juice outta the squeeze. So, and no, to get more people out there too, because I have a good crossover mix that would, that would love to hear your story and

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, you bet.

Adam Kasix: the book out and promote that in the mission.

Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, absolutely. And I, I would love to, uh, I would love to do that, but I’d also love for you to, uh, tell folks where they can go to you know, maybe find out more information about you and what you do [01:15:00] if they’re looking for a little help to you know, kind of kick that guy out of their life and, and get the man you know, in their life.

Yeah,

Adam Kasix: I’m gonna give two simple resources

Scott DeLuzio: sure.

Adam Kasix: it is best for the person and they’re not typical, but I’ll say number one is. If this resonated today with you, I would like to have a, just a short chat and get to know you and some of your story and hear where you’re at. We can discuss potential solutions, we can discuss other resources that I know of and the network that I have. If, I’m not a fit, if some, if you’re not looking for something right now, you just want ideas, but it’s, this is what we would call a discovery call.

Scott DeLuzio: Got it.

Adam Kasix: you a couple pointers if you wanna throw me something and I’ll do it. I’m not gonna expect anything and we can go that route. I call it a coffee chat and that’s at chat dot adam kasick.com/coffee.

Scott DeLuzio: Perfect.

Adam Kasix: then the other place, nice and abundance amount of information is at my YouTube channel, which I’m actively looking to grow and promote because our messaging is getting more getting [01:16:00] stronger. We’re starting to get thousand plus views after just a half an hour on some shorts. We’re getting some more of that.

So we know the messaging’s honing in to reach the right people that we’re trying to reach. And you have a good net and funnel for that here. so if you’re listening right now, my YouTube channel is at Real Adam Kasick, so, but you can just

Scott DeLuzio: Perfect.

Adam Kasix: my name, Adam Kasick. It’s right, you’re gonna find it on YouTube.

It’s there. I’m the only one. And, uh, there’s a bunch of different things in there that are fun and I’m trying to learn how to be more, I’m trying to infuse much more of my humor, which drives my personal life into my professional messaging stuff because more, it’s like it can be heavy and I’m wanting to be a little bit more funny and entertaining with that, which is weird to talk about that with this topic.

Scott DeLuzio: I get it though.

Adam Kasix: I have a knack for it in the personal realm when it happens organically and naturally. So I want that to come out there too. But that’s a good place for people to go too, to get some, to get a good start on my ecosystem.

Scott DeLuzio: Excellent. Well, the, both, both of those links will be in the show notes for the listeners to check [01:17:00] out. So make it nice and easy for ’em. Uh, they can click right through, you know, whatever podcast app you’re, you’re using. That’s, that’s where you can find those links and you can click them you know, get that discovery chat or check out the YouTube channel and, and find some of those videos to, you know, kind of help get you on your way to a better version of, of yourself. So, um, Adam, thank you so much for taking the time to come on. I’ve really really enjoyed this conversation. It’s been an absolute pleasure. Thank you again.

Adam Kasix: You’re welcome. I’m super proud to be part of your work. I.

Scott DeLuzio: You bet. Anytime you.