Scott DeLuzio: [00:00:00] Thanks for tuning into the Drive On Podcast, where we’re focused on giving hope and strength to the entire military community, whether you’re a veteran, active duty guard reserve, or a family member, this podcast will share inspirational stories and resources that are useful to you. I’m your host, Scott DeLuzio.
And now let’s get on with the show.
Hey everybody. Welcome back to drive on. I’m your host, Scott DeLuzio. And today my guest is Cristina Ramirez. Cristina is the author of the book, Empowered by Discomfort. And through her book and her coaching, she helps people embrace discomfort and actually use it as a path for growth. And I asked her to come on the show today to help us apply this concept to the people.
In the audience who were in the military who are transitioning out to civilian life, um, either in the future or, you know, they’ve already been in that situation, uh, and other difficult situations that [00:01:00] stem from their military service. Um. And so we’re going to talk about that stuff. We’re going to talk about her, her book and, uh, her background and her story.
But first I want to welcome you to the show, Christina. I’m glad to have you here. Thank you
Cristina Ramirez: so much for having me and thank you and all of your audience for your service. Because without you guys, people like me wouldn’t, you know, wouldn’t have the life that I have. So thank you. I appreciate that. Well, we
Scott DeLuzio: appreciate.
That. And anytime anyone shows that type of appreciation, it just reminds me of just how far along this, this country has come in terms of the respect and gratitude for the military and the service that the military offers to, to the country. And so we appreciate that, um, that as well. So, so thank you. Um, before we get into the episode here and the interview, uh, for the listeners who maybe aren’t familiar with you, uh, in your background, can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Cristina Ramirez: Sure. So I was the girl in the [00:02:00] back of the gym smoking pot. And then from there, I ended up a suicidal addict in the psych ward. So that was 20 years ago. And for the past 20 years, my Life has really been about redefining who I was, you know, like, um, I didn’t die because I realized I didn’t want to die.
There was just a part of me that didn’t want to feel the way that I was feeling. Um, and so I had to work with that part to re you know, to become a full person. So I’ve done lots of things. You know, I, um, I worked on Wall Street. I worked on Silicon Valley. I was a preschool teacher. I did. But my work and all of it really focuses on overcoming challenges, um, with confidence, just like I have in in in the past.
I, um, I’m a motivational speaker. I am a coach. I am a best selling author and interviewer and industry sergeant. My mission really is serving [00:03:00] and, and giving as much as I can of this information because it changed my life and it’s not so hard, right? So it’s almost like the best kept secret that I don’t want to keep a secret.
And that’s what I’m here. And I thank you for the opportunity.
Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, absolutely. And you know, a lot of times we have, uh, military veterans on the show sharing their personal experiences, their stories and, and. You know, I, I feel like there’s a lot to be learned from all walks of life. Um, whether people served in the military or not, to me, it doesn’t really matter because there are adversities out there that, that people have to overcome.
And so stories like yours and the background that you’ve had, um, I think can help push people in the right direction, uh, to get the help that they need, or to just have this awakening kind of moment where you realize that. Life gets better. Like, yeah, you might feel like everything’s crashing down on you right now, but life does get better.
And, um, [00:04:00] stories like, like yours, which we’ll get into in a little bit, um, uh, I think really go to serve that purpose of, of just saying, Hey, look, yeah, you’re, you’re in the dumps now. Things are not going. The way you were expecting it to go, you know, it’s a little kid. No one expects to be, uh, you know, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Oh, I want to be in rehab. I want to be, you know, divorced. I want to be, you know, whatever. I like, nobody wants that, right? Nobody grows up thinking like, yeah, that’s what I’m going to be. That’s my goal. Um, A lot of people find themselves in that situation. And so, yeah, there’s hope at the end of, at the end of that, uh, that tunnel,
Cristina Ramirez: right?
100%. And it’s, um, and it’s funny because I do, um, like I grew up overseas, so I grew up around US military overseas. Like I remember I lived in Brazil, I lived in Morocco and, you know, with the Marines on the consulate that guard the consulate and things like that. And so that. Moving around a lot. And, you know, with that sense of [00:05:00] identity as a kid, um, I relate a lot to that.
And I think, you know, that untethers us a little bit and it makes us different than our peers. But at the same time, it makes us so alike with each other because it’s such a unique experience that we can share.
Scott DeLuzio: Absolutely. Well, we’re going to get more into this in just a minute, but we’re going to cut to a quick commercial break.
So stay tuned. So Christina, uh, I know. Prior to the break, we were just talking about, you know, you grew up in, uh, different parts of the world and you, you spent time around, you know, military and things like that. But, um, for the listeners, the viewers out there, um, a lot of them transitioning out of the military, uh, they, they know that transitioning out of the military can be challenging, difficult time, very uncertain.
You, you spend time, um, you know, many years of, of your life where you’re. You have this identity. You’re, you’re this service person, right? [00:06:00] Um, and then you transition out and you’re no longer this thing anymore. You, you lose that. Um, how can veterans in particular reframe their mindset about the discomfort of going through this transition and turn it into maybe a tool for personal, maybe even professional growth during this time period?
Cristina Ramirez: Yeah. So that’s a great question. And I work a lot with, um, with young people. And when I work with them, I tell them this and they’re like, Whoa, um, you know, nobody can think for you. I can influence you. I can suggest things for you, but I can’t make you think one way or another without your permission. And so with a kid, I’ll tell them, it’s like, I can control what you eat, where you go to school, what you dress, but I can’t control your thoughts.
And it’s like, for us parents, it’s crazy. And that is true power. And I also can’t speak for you like the words that come out of your mouth are [00:07:00] 100% under your control. And so the way to change your mindset is to recognize just how much power you have in that. Because if you think one way, there’s no reason why you can’t think another.
It’s a choice and it’s a decision. So our thoughts and our beliefs are just habits are just things that we’ve done over and over and over again, that we think that there’s another way, no other way, or that we take it as truth, but really we get to control. Our thoughts. So fear and faith both require us to believe in something that we cannot prove and that we cannot understand.
So if you’re listening to, like, if you have this thought pattern is like, well, you know, because life is difficult and this happened to me and that happened to me and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. True. But irrelevant, because in my thoughts, I can also say is like, yeah, life happened to me and this and this happened.
But I [00:08:00] also had these other things happening. So the way to change your mindset is to change, get that control and understanding that your thought is a habit. It’s not necessarily your truth, you know, Truth is like for me, truth is, is, is changing, you know, what, what might be true today for me in my life is might be different tomorrow.
So being able to question what I’m thinking, you know, and, and if I have a disempowering thought, it’s like, wait a minute, is that true? Like, is that, is that true for me right now? Or can I change that? And if I can change that, there you go. You know, that’s the path out.
Scott DeLuzio: absolutely. And I think, um, you know, one, there is one constant.
In, in everything. And that constant is change, you know, things are constantly changing. And so if you’re in a situation where, where things are not going very well, maybe your, your first job transitioning out of the military is not the job that you were hoping for. [00:09:00] And it doesn’t seem like it’s going well, or, you know, your relationships falling apart or things are just not going the way you were hoping for it.
Um, you. You were not in that position maybe six months or a year ago, something changed. Well, something else can change to get you out of that situation, too. Right. And I think that’s maybe the, the takeaway there is, is that that change is something to look forward to.
Cristina Ramirez: Yeah. And, and that you’re in control of that, right?
You’re not in control of like the external, like if you get fired from a job, like you can’t control that, but you can control your reaction to that and your thoughts about that. So you can. Have that experience. And we’ve all had that experience, right? Like where we just didn’t show up or we were mismatched to what they were asking of us.
Um, but I can have that experience being like, Oh my gosh, I’m such a terrible human being and nobody’s ever going to hire me because blah. I have a choice to go down that path. Or [00:10:00] I can tell myself as like, you know, that really was not the right job for me. It was like, that wasn’t, you know, that was an experience, but it was one of many.
And, you know, next.
Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, that’s it. Yeah. Next. I think that’s, that’s a, that’s a good way to think of it is, is like, just be as, as if you’re the, the, you know, the, the person in the, the restaurant who’s, you know, taking someone’s order at the, you know, the, you know, whatever the line is that you might be standing.
It’s like, all right, next. Right. It’s that simple. Just move on to the next one. It’s very
Cristina Ramirez: okay. But we make it, we make it complicated because we think it’s like, it can’t be that simple. We have to like, there has to be more to it. And it doesn’t because again, we are in control of what we think. So, and I think
Scott DeLuzio: it’s, it’s too personal to when, when you, you’re, Sitting there and you’re overanalyzing your whole life.
I’m, I’m terrible at this. I’m miserable. I’m, I’m an awful person. I’m this, I’m, you’re just telling yourself all these lies. Um, [00:11:00] but take a step back. If, if you were talking to a friend who is saying all of those things, um, you’d say like, pull your head outta your ass. No, you’re not this, you know, you’re, you’re a, you’re a good person.
You have these good qualities. Yeah. Maybe something went, went wrong in this situation. Next move on to the next thing. Right. Um, and I think part of that is, is confidence too, and having confidence in yourself and that kind of leads into the next thing I wanted to talk about is, is that building that confidence is a big part of, um, moving from one stage of life to another, um, including, you know, transitioning out of the military.
Right. Um. So how do you guide people, including veterans, not necessarily only veterans, but, uh, to basically embrace that discomfort and step outside of their comfort zone to, uh, find what’s next.
Cristina Ramirez: Sure. So I have, um, a theory [00:12:00] and it’s that we all have Well, this is not a theory. This is true. Like we all have challenges.
You know, we all have things in our lives that are not where we would want them to be or at the level or we’re not showing up the level that we want. That is life. Um, and I just say that we have 20% of discomfort and it’s not like a scientific number is just a number that is not too big, but it’s also not insignificant.
It’s something that that you feel. Um, yeah. And so when, when we look at Instagram or when we look at social media and we see somebody’s outside and it doesn’t match what we feel on the inside, we think there’s something wrong with us, but there isn’t because there’s always going to be that 20% that is not at the level that it wants.
That we would like it to be so when people say it’s like, Oh, I just wish that I was like happy and I had all the money in the world and this and that. I’m like, you might wish that for about 10 minutes, but give it or maybe a year, but give it a year and you’ll be bored out of your mind [00:13:00] because as human beings, we also need to grow.
It’s a human desire that we have for growing. And anybody that sounds like no, no, no, I’m fine. I don’t need to grow. It’s because you haven’t been bored yet. Okay. Right? Like you, you will want that growth. So if we know that there’s always going to be that one part that is just not quite where we want it to be.
Instead of being afraid of it, or instead of judging it as wrong, be like, Oh, that’s the area of my life that I need to grow in. It’s like big flashing neon signs that says go here, right? Because if I didn’t have a discomfort about it, My transition, you know, or I don’t know if I was having a great relationship with my kids and I have like zero problems with them at this moment, I’m not going to go and work on that relationship because it’s fine.
But at the same time, I might have a problem with my job and it’s like really pissing me off or I don’t know something’s going, then it’s like my kids are fine right now. But this is the area of my life that I need to [00:14:00] work on. This is the discomfort and that’s the area that I need to grow. And then maybe that changes and somebody, something else comes up.
So for me, discomfort is not a bad thing. It’s just, it’s a guide to see where do I go next in this evolution that I am as a human, you know, as I go through this experience of life.
Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. I think. Like any sort of growth comes through uncomfortable or, or some sort of discomfort, uh, in, in, in the, whatever the situation you, you find yourself in, um, I mean, something as simple.
I mean, a lot of people are familiar with this. Something as simple as trying to lose weight, right? Like. It’s very comfortable to sit there and eat that full plate of food and eat the cookies and the snacks and the sweets and everything like that. It’s, it’s really comfortable. And actually sometimes it feels really good, but it’s pulling you further away from that goal.
And so if you want that goal, if you really are, are truly, [00:15:00] uh, you know, out to achieve that goal of losing weight, you have to go through some discomfort and you have to give up the, the nice, happy snacks, the sweets and everything else, um, and. Any basically anything that you’re trying to achieve. I mean, you want to get a degree in college.
Well, it’s not going to just come easily. You know, you’re going to have to put in the long hours of studying and, uh, you know, studying for exams and writing papers and doing all the hard work, um, in order to get to that position. Um, you want to, you know, train you. Get training for a new job. Well, that’s not going to be necessarily easy either.
And so you’re gonna have to put in all that, that kind of hard work. And, um, you know, but after you get to that point, like you said, like you might have a great relationship with your kids and you don’t need to focus that much attention on improving that area of your life. It’s already in a good state and it’s self sustaining at that point.
Um, [00:16:00] but sometimes you have to put in that hard work, right?
Cristina Ramirez: Yeah. And confidence doesn’t come like confidence comes from doing difficult things and from overcoming them. Right. So, um, like I, like I said, I was the girl in the back of the gym smoking pot. And when I had my boys, I wanted to be a, like an active mom and I wanted to be super engaged with them.
And I couldn’t even run around the block without gasping for air. So I was like, this is not compatible to my goals. So I signed up for a neighborhood 5k. And when I ran that 5k, you would have thought that I want an Olympic gold medal because of the way I felt. I was like, Oh my God. I ran a five K. Are you kidding?
Like, I just did that. And if I did that, what else can I do? And then I started getting into triathlons. I did three iron man’s like, but it’s that, that desire, you know, that was the, if I could bottle that feeling, that was the new high that I chased.
Scott DeLuzio: That’s totally true. Uh, because you, [00:17:00] even if you set small goals for yourself and, and achieve those, you get those little wins.
I can feel as good. I accomplished something. Right. And if you, Miss the goal. You don’t hit that goal. Okay. Well, what can I learn from that? What can I take away from that and and help me achieve that goal the next time I set out to to achieve it? Right and so even things like running a 5k running a half marathon running a marathon a triathlon you’re building yourself up You know, you’re not gonna go Straight into a marathon from the couch.
Like it, like that’s, you’re going to have to work yourself up and do some more stuff beforehand. Eventually you’ll get there if you keep working towards those goals. Um, I want to take a minute here for another quick commercial break, but when we get back, we’ll, we’ll get more into this. So stay tuned. So Christina, we were just talking about the uncomfortable things, discomfort, um, you know, having to do the hard things in order to achieve.
Certain end [00:18:00] results, uh, whatever those goals may be, but discomfort can be intimidating. Uh, it could be, um, hard to take that leap. Um, you know, I mentioned earlier, like, uh, losing weight. Um, it’s not comfortable to not be eating the snacks and the, the, those types of things. And it might be intimidating to be like, am I really, am I going to starve myself to, you know, achieve this goal?
Or, um, I need to get a four year degree in order to get the job that I want. That. That’s four years of my life. That’s, that’s kind of an intimidating. Um, and so some people might feel stuck or just afraid to take those risks. Um, to even get started. Um, do you have any advice for people who might want to step into this, this discomfort?
zone, but maybe you’re a little bit hesitant to do, to do so.
Cristina Ramirez: Absolutely. Like nobody says like, Ooh, I want to go and feel like crap. Like, Ooh, I want to go and feel, you know, really [00:19:00] uncomfortable. Um, but it’s a practice. Confidence is a practice, right? So knowing that if I just do this, then on the other side of this, there’s going to be more like you don’t have to, you can face.
Um, discomfort with serenity. You can face discomfort with peace, right? In a a like I got sober in a a and there’s a saying that you can face calamity with serenity not there yet, but you can certainly face discomfort with peace, right? And what I tell people is like you are risk taking every day. Um, you know, you we are daring risk takers just by being alive.
Um, so if I wanted to go to the grocery store to buy dinner for my family, And I, I go, and let’s say I’m walking there, I walk there, but there is no guarantee that I’m coming back alive, right? Like I could be run over by a bus for all I know. Um, so I mitigate the risk. I walk on the sidewalk. I cross at [00:20:00] the light.
I wait for the red light. So there’s not oncoming traffic. So I do everything that I can in order to keep myself safe. But really, it’s kind of a crapshoot, you know, like, like. Things happen. Um, so I think if we but we accept that risk because we want to feed our families and we so and we accept we want it so badly and we’ve done it so many times that it doesn’t even occur to us that that is a risk.
And so When we’re tackling new things, we have to understand that right now it looks really big, but in time and with practice, we’re going to start mitigating that risk. And it’s going to be like going to the store, but we need to want to feed our families. Like, we need to want that end goal because otherwise, why the hell are you going to put yourself through that?
And that’s where the discomfort comes in. Because like, for example, maybe a lot of your listeners have jumped off an airplane in a parachute. [00:21:00] Thank you. Right. I have zero desire of ever doing that in my life.
So I would never have that discomfort. Like it would never, because it just, I don’t want that. Like it’s not appealing to me, but if I want something. And if I want a goal that I don’t have, then I’m going to feel the discomfort because I don’t have it yet. So the discomfort is telling me, Hey, you want this?
Let’s go get this. Because if I didn’t want this, I wouldn’t feel it in the first place. So life is risky and anyways, but when we want it badly, it, whatever it is, and we mitigate and we keep ourselves as safe as possible, then. We’ll soon assimilate it to walking, you know, to like crossing the street.
Scott DeLuzio: Yeah.
I mean, crossing the street, going to the grocery store. You’re right. Like none of those things are guarantees that you’re going to be a hundred percent safe doing any of those things. You know, you get hit by a car in the parking lot. You can, uh, you know, someone [00:22:00] does something crazy, what, you know, whatever, like things, things happen, but yeah, there’s the, the desire for that end result of feeding your family.
Uh, in, in that example that you just gave, uh, outweighs. The potential risks, uh, that, that are out there. Um, and you’re right. You, you do things, you mitigate it. You, you walk on the sidewalk, you, you look both ways before you cross the street or, you know, wait for the light to change and, um, you know, you’re not being completely reckless about it.
Um, but you do the things that you need to do in order to accomplish whatever that goal is. Um, and you’re right, like there might be some something out there that you and I have not done or any of the listeners have not done. Like, I haven’t jumped out of the airplane either, and I have no desire whatsoever.
I’ve said before, I was. Offered a position to go to airborne school, and I said, if I go up in a perfectly good airplane with a perfectly good parachute, I’m gonna land in a perfectly good airplane with a perfectly good parachute . I’m not jumping off the stupid plane. [00:23:00] Um, but like, that’s just not a thing that I ever cared to do.
Um, but somebody, they might want that, that that’s something that they want, they may be totally petrified and have a. awful fear of heights. Um, they want this end result. So they’re going to go and do the hard thing. They’re going to jump off that plane and take all the training that they need and everything, but they’re going to jump off the plane and they’re, they’re going to accomplish that goal.
Um, it’s going to, it’s not going to be easy. It’s not going to be comfortable. Um, you know, I’ve, I think we’ve all had examples in our lives that we could think back on of things that were not easy that we ended up doing. And afterwards, we’re like, Oh my gosh, I could do that now. And you’re right. That’s a huge boost to your confidence.
Cristina Ramirez: Yeah, I was gonna say is like when you, because when you land, you know, hopefully in land, like after you parachute,
hopefully now you’re gonna feel like a total badass, right? Because it’s like you did [00:24:00] something that you were so afraid of doing. So when somebody. Is so afraid of doing something and they stop themselves from doing it. That’s where the problem is, right? Because then their discomfort is going to get bigger and bigger and bigger because they want it and they just haven’t gotten there.
So know that the discomfort that that little nudge. is a lot easier to listen to than like this really massive wall of, you know, whatever it is. Because again, like you want it. If not, you wouldn’t be having an emotion. You wouldn’t be entangled with that emotion. Yeah,
Scott DeLuzio: exactly. Um, I want to talk a little bit about your book, Empowered by Discomfort.
So, um, so
that you have, you know, some Some background, some knowledge and in history with discomfort, but I want to read, uh, just a short little, uh, little bit from your book here. Um, and just to kind [00:25:00] of set it up for the, the audience, um, who maybe hasn’t read the book yet. Um, you’re talking about a time in your life where, um, you were, you’ve survived.
Suicide attempts. You were, uh, you know, in and out of rehab and all of these things were not good. But this part of the book you’re talking about, um, where you, you lost your husband. Um, he, he passed away. Um, and so now you’re kind of reflecting on that. And this is kind of what I wanted to point out here.
And you said, I’m so glad I didn’t die. My multiple suicide attempts. I think of yeah. What I would never have found or experienced Joe, your husband, uh, becoming a mom, starting a business, traveling and all the things. That have made me so happy over the past 20 years, I would’ve missed out on all the love I have felt and was so sure I’d never have.
I don’t believe a woman needs a man to be happy at all. I just [00:26:00] know eventually I got everything I had dreamed of the family, the house, the dogs, the whole damn thing. I just didn’t know I had to get sober to find it. That’s why, and I’m skipping ahead a little bit. Uh, that’s why when Joe died, I. with him, even though it sure felt that way again, skipping forward a little bit.
If I focused enough on what was deep inside of me, instead of the craziness at the surface, I could see. There was an inner source of strength that seemed to whisper, you thought your life was over before, but the best it was yet to come, there will be light again. And to me, that part of, of the story was, it kind of just hit me as I was reading it and I actually highlighted it because I thought this was, this was just really important to point out is that, um, yeah, you think things are over, um, you know, when you’re, you’re in this dark place, you’re, you’re in this, Transition period in your life and like in your [00:27:00] case, your husband passed away, you’re in this transition, you know, what is it like now to be, uh, you know, a mother with no, no father at home and, um, you know, uh, everything else that you were going through at that point.
Um, you know, at one point you did think your life was over, you know, at having survived a suicide attempt. You obviously thought. Life was over. Um, you thought it was over before, but then you found out that the best was yet to come, uh, that there was better things ahead of you. Um, and that there will be light again.
And so that it happened once before. Why can’t it happen again? Um, that, that to me was just so, so powerful. Would you be able to, you know, kind of share a little bit more about that situation? How that, that kind of Uh, you came to that conclusion.
Cristina Ramirez: Sure. So Joe, my, my husband, we were married for almost 20 years.
He was the love of my life. I mean, and, and, you know, it’s, it’s not just because he died that like he’s, he wasn’t a saint or anything like that. But, um, you know, [00:28:00] but, but We had this incredible relationship. I met him in AA, like, you know, we built this life on our terms. We did things very differently than everybody else.
So when he died, it was like my, you know, it was the person that I grew up with. It was the person I like, I had built this entire life. With him and I felt like and it was all coming, you know, it was all breaking up and and falling apart and even like your marriage legally is deemed like your marriage is over.
It’s canceled. You know, it’s like and and I’m just like, but it’s not over. Um, you know, but it but it’s it’s that sense of okay, um, This didn’t like what I imagined isn’t anymore, and everything that I built is no longer like I had to move. I had to do all kinds of things, but it’s it’s that experience of it’s not over right there.
[00:29:00] Still, if I zoom out and I look at everything that my life is, my life is much bigger than my marriage. If you would have told me this, like a week after he died, I would have punched you, right? It takes, it takes time for you to be able to, to realize that, but once you can grab onto that. You know, we are always evolving.
Life is always evolving. And I don’t know what my life is going to be in the next 20 years. Um, but I know that it will be, and I know that I’m going to show up for it. And as long as I show up for it, then it will start transforming into something. That’s probably something that I never thought of because I never thought I was going to be a widow, right?
So my life is going to be completely different than I ever imagined. So why can’t that be a good thing? And it. You know, and, and it doesn’t mean that I didn’t love my, my life. Like I, you know, that was my, that is my life. Like, it’s, it’s such a big part of me, but it doesn’t negate the fact that I’m [00:30:00] still here and he’s not, and I still have to live and there can be beauty there.
Scott DeLuzio: I just, well, we’re gonna cut to a, another quick commercial break here, so stay tuned. So Christina, um, we’re just talking about this transition period in your life, um, and. How, yeah, you never envisioned yourself as a widow having to deal with the death of your husband and reinventing yourself and becoming this new thing.
But, um, it kind of an image kind of came in my head as we were talking before the break of how bad things. Like good things can come from bad situations. Um, and I, the image that came into my head was, um, if you have ever had a garden or you were planting flowers or even just your lawn and you need to fertilize your [00:31:00] lawn, what do they use in fertilizer?
But. Shit, right. And it’s like, that’s the perfect example is they put crap on your lawn and good, like healthy green grass grows from that. And so it’s like, yeah, good things can come from these bad situations. And I think that to me was like just the metaphor of this whole situation. It’s like at one point you felt like crap and you felt like the world was.
Crap around you, but look at the good things that, that came from, all of that, you know, your, your family and, and everything else that, that came along with it. Um, use that for, for growth. And, and I think that’s the, the, the message that I was taking away is like, use those, those crappy situations and, and make them, uh, make them grow and into something beautiful, right?
A lot. And a lot of times people face these, Mental or [00:32:00] emotional challenges during these transition periods in their lives. You know, obviously the grief from losing a loved one or the grief from even changing careers, right? You identified as, you know, in the case of the audience, a lot of times a service member or other people might be, you know, some other career that they’re transitioning out of.
Um, there’s some grief there losing that, right? But, you know, how can embracing this discomfort and leaning into these. Difficult emotions, um, help people process the, the trauma maybe of the situation, um, and, and find some healing and, and opportunities for growth.
Cristina Ramirez: Yeah. So when, when, you know, when we say trauma, I like to be very careful because, um, sometimes.
You know, we get stuck in a trauma and we do need help to get out of there. You know? So the last thing I would like to be is somebody that spreads like [00:33:00] toxic positivity is like, Oh, you can do anything and everything’s perfect. Then blah, blah, blah. Like, that’s not what I’m saying, you know? So I feel like, like, if it’s, if it’s a serious trauma, like I had help, you know, when, when I was facing my difficult things and, and I think that that is a way through, right.
But you will have to process it to get to the other side. Ignoring it is not going to make it any better. And, um, and so, and every time that you go through something, you’re, you’re getting better. Like you’re fertilizing, right? You, you build something beautiful, but you also build resilience. You’re also like, damn, I did that.
I survived that. And if you would, you know, like the person that I am today, I’m like, bring it, right? I don’t want it. Necessary, like make it softer, but I’m not gonna be afraid. Sure. Of what, because I’m going, I know now, you know, I’ve had enough experience with myself and with my overcoming discomfort [00:34:00] that I can handle it.
And that is something that you cannot pay enough for, you know, and.
Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. And, and resilience, I think is sort of like a muscle where if you don’t, you don’t flex that every, every once in a while, it, it’s going to get weaker and weaker and you’re not going to be as resilient, not able to bounce back from these challenges or setbacks or, uh, you know, difficult situations in your life.
Um, and so. Yeah. It’s not like you’re, you’re going out looking for bad times or, or challenges to, you know, necessarily, uh, do that, but just the mindset is like when bad things inevitably do happen, because they happen to everybody. How do you handle that? Um, do you just. Sink back and get beat up and, uh, you know, have this defeatist attitude about this whole situation.
Or do you like the attitude that you had? It’s like, bring it like, [00:35:00] like, let’s, how do we take this challenge on and how do we tackle this? Um, yeah. You know, and, and I think it’s, it’s really just developing that resilience and, and how, how do you, how do you go about doing that without necessarily seeking out those, uh, those challenges?
Cristina Ramirez: Well, I think it’s noticing, right? And, and because the same way that resilience is a, is a muscle, I believe that confidence is too, right? And we don’t like, you could go through life going through obstacle after obstacle and doing thing after thing, and never stop to realize just how much. You’ve moved and just how much you’ve grown.
And I think that if you notice how, like your, the muscle that you’re building, like when you start going to the gym and you’re like me and like, you’ve got like zero muscle definition right now. Um, and you go and the first time that you see a little definition, you’re like, you know, and it just motivates you to go [00:36:00] again.
And then, you know, the more you’re building your muscle and the more your body’s changing and the more you can see it, then it motivates you to do more. It’s the same. process. It’s the same thing. So when I face, you know, like, I’m not looking to have crap happened to me, but I am looking for challenges. I am looking for growth.
And so I find those in ways that might be a little healthier for me, whether that’s going to the gym or trying something physically different or trying, learning something new and new language and new skill and all those things start building up comments like, Oh. I can do that. Even learning a language or even learning, you know, to paint.
Um, that can be discovered because like you go to class and everybody like does this beautiful artwork and yours looks like kindergarten, you know, and it kind of sucks. But if that’s what you want, you continue building. So I think it’s putting yourself in [00:37:00] situations that are new. It doesn’t have to be, you know, like massive, like just like little things and noticing just your progress.
Um, people say it’s like, well, I’ll be happy when blah, blah, blah. It’s like, there is no, when, when never gets here, because as soon as you’re close to reaching your goal, you want another one because you know, you’re going to read. And so if there, if the goalpost keeps moving and if you wait to feel resilient and confident until you get this, this thing.
It’s never going to come. Um, can I? So I’ll give you an example. Um, I, I, I help women start businesses. It’s one of the things that I do. And so I had a mom and she’s like, Oh, Christina, if you help me make four grand a month, like, Oh my God, my life is going to change. Can you help me? I’m like, yeah, of course.
You know, we do this on the daily. So Work with her and she’s like, no time. She’s making three grand a month. And then she’s like, Oh my God, I can totally make four. So do you think I can make six? Because, Oh my [00:38:00] God, Christina, if you make six, my life is just going to be a main blah, blah, blah. So great. So we start working and now she’s at five and she’s like, Oh, if I do just a little bit more, I can make a six figures in this.
Can you imagine if I make six, Oh my God, Christina, blah, blah, blah. So we start working and six figures is 8. 8 K a month. So now she’s like at seven and things get a little bit harder because it’s a bigger goal and now you have to hire people and there’s, you know, there’s, there’s, it’s a different level of complexity to have a business of eight grand a month than four grand a month.
So she struggles and she, and then it’s like, why, why is it always so hard? You know, it’s like, why don’t I ever succeed? Like, why is it so easy for everybody else, but not for me? She wanted four right here. She is at seven and she doesn’t even notice everything that she’s built up to that
Scott DeLuzio: point. That that’s a, that’s such an interesting way to look at it too, [00:39:00] because I’m just thinking about.
Like myself and the things that I’ve done in my life. And, um, I look at them as like, yeah, it’s just a thing I’ve done and you know, whatever. But someone else might look at it and be like, Holy crap, that’s, that’s pretty badass. Like you, you did all of this stuff that that’s pretty impressive. Um, and you do that with other people too.
You, you look at people, maybe it’s on social media, maybe it’s people that, you know, maybe it’s a celebrity or whatever. And you look at those people, it’s like, wow, that, that person. Knocked it out of the park. That person is, you know, they’re awesome at whatever the thing is that they did. Um, that person looking back at themselves, they’re like, Oh yeah, that’s just, that’s just the thing I did.
That’s no big deal. And they don’t, they don’t give themselves the credit or the, really the reflection to look back on the things that they’ve accomplished and things that they’ve done in their lives to say, yeah, this is, this is actually pretty impressive. I, I did that. Wow. That’s pretty [00:40:00] cool. Um, Build that confidence, right?
Because even, even someone who, let’s say this person that you’re talking about, they went from, uh, you know, not even having a business basically to, uh, you know, the 4, 000 a month, uh, to the almost seven, uh, seven or 8, 000 a month, they got to, you know, that goal, you know, let’s say they, they 10 X that and they got to like 70, 000 a month and they’re, they’re looking back at it now and they’re like.
Oh yeah, like, okay, yeah, I, I hit those other goals, but you know, so what, you know, those, those are small. Where’s my 100? There’s, there’s peanuts compared to what I’m doing now. Um. And not giving themselves a credit for getting to those levels because you can’t get to 70 a month if you haven’t at one point been at, uh, you know, a month you, you have to, you have to get there eventually.
And so they, they put in that, that hard work and that effort, um, and yeah, look back and reflect on it [00:41:00] and that’ll help build that confidence, uh, pretty quickly is, is giving yourself some credit, giving yourself a pat on the back for saying, Hey, I did this, this is pretty good, right?
Cristina Ramirez: Yeah. There’s, um, one of my coaches, he had this thing called the brag book.
And, um, when you’re feeling, you know, not so sure about things, it’s just like every day, like at the end of the day, just like write down three things that you did well. And, or, you know, or if you want to take time and reflect of your whole life, do that too. But if you start noticing, Your successes, they’re way bigger than your failures.
But if they’re, if you have like 10 things that happened today and one was really bad and nine were really good, you’re going to focus on that one that was bad and you’re going to make that like the whole thing and it’s not right. So notice that like when you see all the things that you are accomplishing, because everybody’s accomplishing things every day, including, you know, like living, surviving, not, you know, not.[00:42:00]
Losing it with your child, whatever it is. Um, notice that because that’s, that’s going to build, that’s a practice that builds confidence, definitely.
Scott DeLuzio: Yeah, absolutely. And yeah, we all accomplish things every single day and you’re right. Some, some of them are big things. Some of them are little things, but we still do.
We get out of bed in the morning and we, you know. Put our clothes on. We brush our teeth. We go to work. We those are like little tiny accomplishments that you kind of have to do just to survive and get through the day. But, um, okay. Hey, you know what? Yesterday I was having a rough time. I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I did.
And exactly. And here we are. You know, I did that. I accomplished that thing, you know, um, And, and, yeah, you got to, you got to take those small wins and, and celebrate those too.
Cristina Ramirez: Yeah. And because again, like that’s confidence to me is a practice. It’s a habit. It’s a habit of doing these things because there were days that I [00:43:00] did not get out of bed.
Right. Um, and, and I’m sure that there, there are days that I wasn’t the nicest person to my kids, or there are days that, you know, I was like, I don’t want to cook. Let’s just go to McDonald’s. And maybe that wasn’t the best choice. So when I don’t do those things, gosh, you know, that’s something that that’s yeah.
Scott DeLuzio: Yeah. It’s such a, you know, just a great way to look at things is just looking back and. Reflecting on those, those small wins. Um, and the big ones too. You want to, you want to reflect on those and certainly celebrate those. You know, graduated from, you know, college or something. And like, yeah, obviously look back at that.
That’s a pretty huge accomplishment. Go, go and celebrate the crap out of that. Um, you do all these things, um, not to minimize the failures. Like you said, you might have done 10 things. One of them might have been bad. Nine of them might have been great. Um, [00:44:00] Yeah. Look back at the failures too and say, okay, well, what caused that to be a failure and how can I make that better for the next time?
And then, then give yourself a pat on the back for not beating yourself up over it and learning something from it. Right.
Cristina Ramirez: All right. Right. It’s not making the failure that one failure, the entire story. There’s nine other parts to that story. So read the whole book. Not just not don’t focus just on like that one failure chapter.
It’s important. It’s a part of the story, but it’s not the whole story. Don’t judge
Scott DeLuzio: the book by its cover.
Cristina Ramirez: Exactly.
Scott DeLuzio: We’re going to cut to another quick commercial break. So stay tuned. Christina, it’s been great having you here sharing your story and inspiring confidence, I think, in the listeners. I know for me, it’s just kind of, um, you know, been a good, uh, check on myself to, you know, cause we all have those, those days where we, we kind of beat ourselves up and we have these, [00:45:00] these down days or whatever, and, and we want to focus on, on the, the good stuff and build that confidence, build some resilience and, uh, look at discomfort.
And in a different way, um, do you have any kind of last words of advice maybe for the audience that, that might be struggling with something, uh, something that maybe might’ve even helped you push through some of those, those hard times to find that happiness. And, uh, even when you thought it might be impossible.
Cristina Ramirez: I do, and this is not my idea, and I don’t remember who came up with it or told me, but, um, all I focus on when things are tough is like, I just need to be 1% better today, you know, than I was from yesterday, just 1%. And if that means like, I brushed my teeth and yesterday I did an awesome, you know, it’s 1%.
But if I focus on that 1%, Then in four months, I will be 100% different than I was today. That’s it. [00:46:00] Right. But we say it’s like, well, if I’m not there, all right, by next Tuesday, if I don’t have that business by next Tuesday, or if I don’t have that job by next Tuesday or whatever it is by next Tuesday, then I’m a failure.
And so just like. Break it down and just be 1% better each day and recognize that and see your progress. That’s how you’re going to build confidence and that’s how you’re going to build change.
Scott DeLuzio: So absolutely. And just to put it in perspective, when this episode is airing, uh, at the end of August, you’re basically looking at by.
Christmas time, you’ll be a totally different person if you were to just focus on that 1% better, um, by, you know, basically by the end of the year, sometime, um, you’ll be a different person. So, um, yeah, 1%, just, just work on that, that small incremental changes and you’ll get there. Um, for the listeners who’ve been listening here, want to maybe reach out and touch with you to find out more about what you do, the coaching and stuff like that, [00:47:00] or even get a copy of your book.
Um, can you tell people where they can go to, to find you?
Cristina Ramirez: Sure. So, um, my book is empowered by discomfort. It’s sold everywhere that books are sold. Um, online, it has, it’s not in a bookstore, but it’s, um, on Amazon and, and all those places. And if you want to reach me, you can go to empowered by discomfort.
com. That will is kind of the portal to all the different things that I do because I do, you know, I work with kids. I work with adults and I have all kinds of different stuff. So over there is a good place to get to know me a little bit better and to see what I do. And people think I’m crazy, but I answer all the emails that I get.
So there’s a contact me form over there. If you want to ask a question or if you just want to get in touch or whatever, just send me an email. Um, I may not answer the very, you know, like right then, but I do get back to everybody. I feel like that’s very important for me. Um, and so and so [00:48:00] just reach out to me.
I would love to hear from you. Learn, you know, what you liked about this episode, what you learned or anything at all. I would love to hear
Scott DeLuzio: from you. Well, that’s great. Um, for the listeners, all those links will be in the show notes. So for, if you want to get a copy of the book or check out the website, uh, check out the show notes, you’ll find the links all in there.
Uh, Christina, again, thank you so much for taking the time to join us and sharing your story and your journey, uh, to. To growth in your life. Um, it really has been a pleasure speaking with you today.
Cristina Ramirez: Likewise. Thank you so much. And again, thank you all of you that are listening for, you know, for being in the military for doing, you know, for helping us be able to live the life that we have.
So thank you again.
Scott DeLuzio: Thanks for listening to the Drive On Podcast. If you want to support the show, please check out Scott’s book, Surviving Son on Amazon. All of the sales from that book go directly back into this podcast and work to help veterans in need. You can also [00:49:00] follow the Drive On Podcast on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, and wherever you listen to podcasts.